


Aces Wild

by TheSiegePerilous



Series: The Acesverse [1]
Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Harems, Lots of other implied relationships., Loudcest (The Loud House), Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 101,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSiegePerilous/pseuds/TheSiegePerilous
Summary: Shipping is all fun and games until it involves your fictional alter ego. A story about love, comic books, and a strange blonde girl who takes it all way too seriously.
Relationships: Becky/Lincoln Loud, Lincoln Loud/Carol Pingrey, Lincoln Loud/Harem, Lincoln Loud/Leni Loud, Lincoln Loud/Lori Loud, Lincoln Loud/Luna Loud, Lincoln Loud/Luna Loud/Sam Sharp, Lincoln Loud/Lynn Loud, Lincoln Loud/Maggie, Lincoln Loud/Sam Sharp
Series: The Acesverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951168
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

"Schooools out, for, summer!", Luna Loud sang to herself as she strolled down the halls of Royal Woods High school. It wasn't true, sadly. She'd be right back here tomorrow morning, bright and early. But there was a whole afternoon standing between her and the resumption of her studies, and nothing helped you get through the bad parts of life like being able to stop and enjoy the good parts as they came.

Speaking of the good parts…Luna thought with a grin as a very welcomed sight came into view. Sam Sharp. Band mate. Friend. Girlfriend. That last one was a recent, but extremely welcomed development.

Luna quieted her steps as she made her approach. Slowly and deliberately. The blonde beauty was currently preoccupied with something in her locker, and Luna couldn't resist the urge to surprise her.

Luna had closed the distance to her prey and was just about to announce her presence with her usual brand of style, flair and volume, when she chanced upon a glimpse of what had so thoroughly ensnared her girlfriend's attention.

Sam, as it happened, was hunched over what appeared to be a comic book. That wasn't particularly unusual in and of itself, though Luna couldn't recall a time when Sam had ever displayed an interest in such things. It was…somewhat more unusual that Sam had apparently felt the need to conceal her hobby…and more unusual still that she was breathing rather heavily for such a low energy activity. But this was high school, you saw stranger things on a regular basis. Things like the content of said comic book.

Clutched between her girlfriend's fingers was a two-page spread, depicting a costumed man and woman locked in a passionate embrace. Registering almost simultaneously, and far more prominently in her mind, was how familiar these figures looked. The man, who was colorfully clad in tones of red, blue, and black was easy to identify, in no small part due to the how frequently his domino-masked visage could be found around the Loud House. Ace Savvy, the Worlds Savviest Crime Fighter. The woman, however, was far more surprising.

A purple leotard. White face paint with stylized black clubs' markings circling her eyes. A black studded collar, and a wicked looking guitar strapped to her back. Objectively, Luna could appreciate that it was a pretty rocking ensemble, all things considered, but there was something about the overall design that gave her pause. Which triggered an unexpected sensation of familiarity.

Luna's eyes widened as memories came rushing back to her. Banana peels. Leni's scarf. Raccoon. Lincoln's comic book. Recognition at last. The Night Club. Luna Loud was staring at a stylized depiction of her own, fictional, super hero alter ego.

"Geh?", she articulated with intelligence and grace.

"Eep!" was Sam's response, as she shot upward in surprise, very nearly concussing herself on the top of her locker.

"Luna!", she squeaked, her voice several octaves higher than normal. Luna would have thought it adorable, had she had full control of her mental faculties. Sam, to her credit, made a heroic attempt at recovery, given the circumstances.

"H-Hey, L-lunes", she greeted her girlfriend "Funny seeing you here".

Even in her addled state, it didn't escape Luna's attention that Sam was attempting to discretely slide the comic behind her back.

"Buh", Luna articulated.

"Comic book? What comic book?"

"Neh", Luna gestured at the literature in question.

"Behind my back?"

"Guh" Luna affirmed.

"Well, I don't…OH HEY, what do you know. There WAS a comic book. Behind…my back. Funny that."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as Sam sheepishly, and reluctantly pulled the comic from its hiding spot.

"I guess we should talk about this."

Sometime later, Luna found herself sitting across a lunch table from her girlfriend, her powers of speech restored by a refreshing can of cola.

"So…" she ventured uncertainly, "Didn't know you were into that stuff".

"Comics, I mean. Not that there's anything wrong with that", she quickly followed up, seeing the blonde girl's cheeks redden ever so slightly with embarrassment.

"I'm not. Not normally" Sam replied, still nervous, but with far more passivity than she'd displayed previously.

"It's a web comic, from the internet. I found out about it through my little brother."

Luna took a sip of her cola and gestured for the girl to continue.

"I'm not normally into this super hero stuff, but something about this one really spoke to me. It's cheesy, but it's a lot of fun, I got hooked pretty quickly." She smiled beatifically, clearly warming to the subject. Luna found herself appreciating the sight.

"The Night Club is the coolest!" She squealed, "She kicks all kinds of butt, and she's super hot"

Luna smiled broadly, she liked where this was going.

"And she and Ace are amazing together! I ship them so hard!"

Luna's smile became significantly more strained.

"Recently, the author started taking commissions from fans. I commissioned…maybe…five...or ten pages, and the author liked my ideas so much that he ended up doing a whole issue based on them! So I commissioned a printed issue."

With that, Sam shoved the comic into Luna's hands, looking at her expectantly.

Mildly perturbed, Luna began flipping through the pages. Now that she had a closer view, she was able to make out details that had previously escaped her notice. Even she could tell that the art was a little on the crude side, but there was something eye catching about the way everything was drawn. It was very colorful and dynamic. It had a lot of heart, and was clearly made by someone who really enjoyed what he did. She could appreciate that, being a creative herself.

Eventually, Luna found herself on the two-page spread once more.

"That was part of my original commission!" Sam squeaked excitedly

"Isn't it awesome? Ace of Clubs is my OTP!"

Luna wasn't certain how she felt about the fact that her girlfriend was pairing up Luna's fictional alter-ego with other people. She took a closer look at the pages in question.

Luna had some passing familiarity Ace Savvy, as he frequently made his way around the Loud house in one form or another, thanks to Lincoln. She'd even chaperoned her little brother on his trips to the comic book store on occasion. But a closer inspection revealed differences that didn't quite match up with what she could recall off the top of her head. This Ace was somewhat leaner of build than she remembered. He was a bit younger looking too, fresher of face than she recalled. And did Ace Savvy normally have white hair?

Her suspicions building, Luna flipped back around to the cover of the comic. Aces Wild, it read in bold print, depicting a scene of Ace and the Night Club standing back to back, surrounded by villains. And there, in the corner, she found what she'd been looking for. A humble and innocuous logo. Clincoln McCloud Publishing.

"Geh?"


	2. Chapter 2

"And…finished!", Lincoln Loud proclaimed proudly, leaning back in his chair to admire his work.

The cover of the newest issue of _Aces Wild_ stared back at him, depicting Ace holding The Joker in a bridal carry as the two were being launched into the air via an oversized jack in the box.

Lincoln hadn't been fully sold on this new direction when Clyde had proposed it to him. _Aces Wild_ had begun as a lovingly made fan tribute to what the two of them considered to be the best aspects of Ace Savvy, drawn from the various eras of the character's development. The intention had always been for the emphasis to be on the man himself, with the Full House Gang only being added to round out the cast. He'd been genuinely surprised that the Gang had ended up being so well received among his online readership, which quickly necessitated them being upgraded from recurring second-stringers to main cast. He'd been even more surprised when the requests for commissions started coming in.

Lincoln was no stranger to the practice. He himself had made such requests of fan artists, and even the odd professional when the opportunity had presented itself, it was practically pad and parcel for being a comic book fan (Lincoln grabbed his notebook and scribbled that one down for later use. It would play well at Savvy-Con). What was unusual about these requests was that they tended be for pairs of the various characters. A relatively small number were for members of the Gang themselves (High Card and Eleven of Hearts were especially popular among this crowd, for some reason), but the prevailing trend that emerged were requests specifically for Ace teamed up with one of the girls. Some platonic, but the vast majority were for varying degrees of romantic situation, and others…well, those he had to decline outright. At least until Lisa agreed to get him through the content blocker on their network. For research.

While it wasn't exactly what he had expected to be doing, it made the fans happy, and that made him happy. Clyde had suggested that they start putting out issues which catered specifically to this demographic, and the results spoke for themselves. Granted, it took more work to weave the odd amusement park visit or midnight stroll on the beach around the more traditional super heroics he preferred to indulge in, but you gave the people what they wanted.

Suddenly, a glass of water conveniently placed nearby began to ripple. Ever so slightly at first, but more and more noticeably as the seconds went on. Lisa was off at some conference, and Lana had been forbidden from bringing home any animals larger than herself. That could only mean…

"LINCOLN!", came a chorus of voices with a distressing degree of proximity.

He reacted with the finely-honed reflexes that came with being the sole male child in a family of thirteen. Lincoln leapt from his chair, stuck the landing and immediately transitioned into a forward roll, counting the beats in his head. One and two aaaaaand stranding position, and that should place him in exactly the right position…

_***SLAM*  
** _

To take a doorknob to the face. Right, he'd moved his desk to better take advantage of the room's natural lighting.

Shaking off the impact (he'd taken worse from Lynn on a regular basis), Lincoln pulled himself to his feet and found himself staring into the faces of four of his sisters. Lori, Leni, Luna, and Lynn, their expressions ranging from perturbed, to "Human Pretzel!"

"H-Hey, guys", he greeted them with what he hoped sounded like nonchalance. "What's up?"

With a degree of synchronicity bordering on practiced, each sister pulled out a…comic book?

Squinting through his slightly blurred vision, Lincoln attempted to focus on the proffered items. _Aces Wild: Drawing the High Card_. _Aces Wild: Her Strongest Suit_. _Aces Wild: Know When to Hold Her_ …wait, these were his comics.

Lincoln paled as realization began to dawn on him. "W-where did you guys get those?"

"Carol!"

"Sam!"

"Margo AND Paula!"

"Leni!"

Four heads slowly turned to look at the second eldest Loud sister, then with an unspoken agreement, reverted back to their original positions to resume the confrontation.

Lincoln sighed, and straightened up, determined to face the music.

"Alright. I didn't think this would happen so soon…or that it would be you guys, of all people, who'd be the ones to call me out on it. But I can explain!"

Lynn cracked her knuckles, threateningly, "Start explaining, Lincoln" she growled.

Lincoln walked back to his desk and began rummaging through the various piles that had built up, the sensation of his sisters gazes on his back clearly conveying their feelings. Rage. Embarrassment. Frustration. Leni. Finding what he'd been seeking, he waved the girls over and held forth the object, as if to shield himself from them with it. A large door-stopper of a book entitled, _Ace Savvy Through the Ages_.

Four sets of eyes blinked in confusion.

"You see", Lincoln began, "Contrary to popular belief, Ace Savvy is not a single character, but rather the results of hundreds of creative visions contributing to an ever-growing literary gestalt."

Lincoln flipped the book open. "Take the Ace of the 40's", he continued, "Who was mainly focused on combating organized crime, and used a gun of all things! Compared to say, the Ace of the 70's, who's adventures largely took place in space, and…"

"Woah, woah, woah, dude", Luna interrupted, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm trying to explain why my depiction of Ace Savvy differs from the more popular, mainstream version that you're all familiar with from the Ace Savvy Cinematic Universe. That's why you're angry, right?"

"Lincoln!" Lori spat angrily, "That's not the issue with your comic!"

" _Good one Lori!",_ Luan's voice drifted down the hall.

There was a pause as five pairs of eyes collectively rolled, before they returned to the matter at hand.

"Lincoln..." Lori ventured cautiously, her rage having subsided somewhat in the face of this new development

"Do you really not see the problem with what you've been drawing?" She flipped open her comic to a page she had dog-eared and showed it to him. Ace and the High Card, relaxing at the Fortress of Solitaire. Ace's arm around her waist, pulling her close. High Card's eyes gazing into his, her lips pursed expectantly.

Lincoln grimaced, as though tasting something sour. "Ugh, I know what you mean. High Card's totally off model there. But in my defense, that's one of the earlier issues. I've gotten her proportions much more consistent since then. You wanna s-"

"No!" Lori cut him off, the anger in her voice sharply contrasting with the sudden flushing of her cheeks. She looked to her sisters expectantly.

"Dude", Luna slowly interjected, "I think what Lori's asking about is…the design you've gone with for Ace here."

"Oh". Lincolns eyes lit up with understanding, and Luna let out a soft sigh of relief. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

"Well, the standard body type for Ace is derived from the Ace of the 90's. See, the trend for male characters at the time was an overly muscular upper body on top of inexplicably tiny feet. The more modern design, often called the 'heroic build', has evened that out somewhat to make it look less ridiculous. What I've done here is try and streamline the whole design a bit, by-"

"Alright, alright", Lynn grumbled, warding off his explanation with a weary wave of her hand.

"Guys, this is dumb and I can't take any more. I'm out." And with that, she made her exit.

Luna looked to Lori, who shook her head, threw up her hands in frustration and took her own leave. Luna, letting out a sigh that would make Lucy proud, followed suit.

Lincoln looked to Leni, the only one left. "Is there something you need Leni?"

Leni scrunched up her face with determination and presented her own comic to Lincoln. The front cover depicting a fallen Eleven of Hearts, Ace standing over her protectively. His costume riddled with bullet holes, exposing his lean musculature.

"Lincoln" She said softly, leaning in closer, "I need you to tell me…"

He leaned forward in kind, "Yes Leni?"

"…if you think I'd look good in this scarf.", she replied, indicating the item of clothing in question. "It's like, totes adorbes".

Lincoln smiled, pleased at the unexpected praise of his artwork.

"Absolutely, Leni"

"Yay!"


	3. Chapter 3

" _Game's over, Snake Eyes!" Ace proclaimed with a cocky smirk, "You've just gone…BUST!" He punctuated his quip with a haymaker to the villain's face._

Leni flipped the digital page with a swipe of her finger, smiling to herself. Lincoln did that kind of thing a lot in his comics. She'd learned to recognize when she was expected to laugh, even if she couldn't always work out the wordplay. But that was fine, because she liked seeing Ace beat the bad guys. It usually made him smile, and Ace had a nice smile. Like Linky.

Ace was like Linky in a lot of ways, and Leni supposed that was probably why she liked him so much. He was nice, and smart, and he always tried to help people with their problems, even if he got hurt in the process. Also, Ace-Linky totally made that spandex work. Although, Leni liked it best when his top came off. _Leni Note: Ask Linky if that could happen more often_.

A tap on her shoulder jerked her from her thoughts, nearly causing the girl to drop her phone.

"Hello? Earth to Leni?" Oops, she'd forgotten about Fiona.

Leni composed herself and turned to her friend.

"Sorry Fiona, I guess I didn't hear you", she said sheepishly.

"Uh huh," the brunette replied, nonplussed. "And what exactly are you to up to?

The silence around them, suddenly increased in intensity. It had been a slow day at Reininger's.

"Oh…you know", Leni said with a nervous laugh, discretely sliding her phone from view. "Just keeping busy".

"Right", Fiona deadpanned. "Well, these go backs need to be put away, and I already promised Ms. Carmichael that I'd take care of a few things up front. Mind helping me out?"

"Sure thing", Leni said with a smile. She grabbed a pile of clothing and went about her task. Her small consolation being that the work was monotonous enough that it would allow her to be alone with her thoughts.

Leni had been following Lincoln's comic ever since the day she'd overheard him discussing it with Clyde. She wasn't a fan of super people as a rule, but she'd been thrilled to find out that her little brother had found something to be passionate about, and she was determined to support him. Leni had managed to find his web site with a little help from Lisa (and been assurred by the little scientist that web sites did not contain spiders * _ **shudder**_ *), and what started off as a show of solidarity quickly turned into a genuine passion for the material.

Leni often found herself confused and frustrated by the big summer blockbusters the Louds would see as a family. It was hard to remember who all the characters were, the heroes were pretty much always sad or angry, and every movie expected you to remember what happened in at least three other movies. Lincoln always tried his best to get her up to speed, but Leni usually spent those nights feeling dumb and miserable.

Focusing, for a moment, on the task at hand, Leni decided she'd made a big enough dent in her pile to justify a short break She quickly glanced around to make sure she was still alone, then pulled out her phone again, eager to see how Ace's latest adventure wrapped up.

The difference between those movies and Lincoln's comics was like, night and much earlier in the day. The stories were straight forward, the colors were vibrant and pleasing to the eye, and Ace-Linky always managed to beat the bad guys and save the day, which never failed to bring a smile to Leni's face.

Another page flip, and Leni's smile diminished considerably.

The only problem with Lincoln's comics were _all those other girls!_ Some of them weren't as bad as the others (Leni found that she kind of liked the one who looked like Carol), but they were _always_ bothering Ace-Linky, dragging him around and forcing him to deal with their problems. _Why couldn't they just leave him alone!?_

Another flip of the page. With the day saved and Snake Eyes safely restrained, Ace-Linky had pulled his partner into a victorious hug. A wonderful ending ruined only by the fact that it was the Eleven of Hearts he was sharing it with. Leni's eyes flashed, and her grip on her phone tightened considerably.

While all the girls could be annoying, Eleven of Hearts was _the worst_. She _always_ said the dumbest things. _And_ , she was always finding excuses to cozy up to Ace-Linky, even though he had super important things to do. Leni honestly couldn't figure out what he saw in her, it was so obvious that she was just taking advantage of how nice he was. Ugh.

Leni's expression transitioned into a full-on glower. _And,_ as if that wasn't bad enough, Eleven of Hearts absolutely could not pull off all those outfits she wore. Which, admittedly, were super cute. Lincoln had really done a great job designing them. It was just unforgivable that they were wasted on such a horrible person. With all her crimes against fashion, Eleven of Hearts was the real bad guy. Ace-Linky should totes arrest her.

Leni found herself imaging that same scene, but with her in Eleven of Hearts' place. Ace-Linky's strong arms wrapped tightly around her. His joyous expression meant solely for her, and nobody else. And her, Leni, totally making that scarf work, the one with the hearts on it. She'd have to ask Lincoln what he thought.

"Leni? Where'd you go?"

Whoops, time to get back to work.

"Coming Fiona!"


	4. Chapter 4

"Another day, another dollar", Lori Loud grumbled as she slipped on her work uniform.

All things considered _; Gus' Games & Grub_ was one of the better places an unskilled teen could find work in Royal Woods (the fact that _Flips_ remained in business would forever keep that particular bar nice and low), but Lori could _literally_ feel a small part of her soul die every time she was forced to don that colorful, bucket-shaped hat.

Still, sacrifices needed to be made, and college didn't pay for itself in a family as large as hers. Unless you were Lisa, of course, for whom a bevy of prestigious institutions were engaged in constant competition for her favor. Lori suspected that at least part of the reason Lisa had refrained from making any sort of decision so far was because she secretly enjoyed the attention, but Lori herself was hardly in any position to complain about such things.

Personal belongings and dignity safely stowed away, Lori steeled her resolve and left the relative safety of _Gus'_ coat room. She made her way to the register, taking stock the room along the way and letting out a soft sigh of relief upon seeing that it was relatively empty. A nice, quiet shift was exactly what she needed right now. She arrived at her station, punched in her code into the register, and settled in for the coming shift.

"Lori!" called out a familiar voice from behind her. Lori turned, allowing herself a small smile.

"Carol", she greeted in return. Her former rival, clad in her own similarly demeaning headgear, had apparently pulled kitchen duty today. Good, at least she'd have company.

Carol temporarily abandoned her post and slid up alongside Lori, a wide smile on her face.

"So…?", she intoned, holding out her hands expectantly. Oh, right. That.

"One sec, Carol", Lori murmured, suddenly drained of her cheer. A quick jaunt back to the coat room and Lori returned, Lincoln's comic in hand, albeit held as far away from her as she could manage. Carol, either not noticing, or not caring about Lori's clear distaste for the object in question, snatched the proffered item with a squeal of delight.

"So?" She repeated, "Wasn't it great?"

"It was…literally something" Lori replied diplomatically. "But definitely not something I was expecting to come from you. Is there a story there?"

"Not much of one", Carol said with a giggle. "I saw a kid come in here reading one of these, and obviously I _had_ to check it out." With that, she thrust the comic out, so that it was only inches from Lori's face.

"Remind you of anyone you know?" She said, teasingly.

Lori paled visibly, as she found herself staring her alter ego straight in the face. The cover in question depicted Ace, visibly wounded from a hard-fought battle. The High Card lending him her shoulder for support. Both sharing the tired smiles of fire-forged comrades. And, perhaps, something more.

Lori was desperately grasping for some way to deflect the question when Carol, much to her surprise, pulled the comic back, and held it up alongside her own face.

"The resemblance is uncanny, right?" She asked, mimicking The High Card's expression, with an ease that was clearly practiced.

"…" Lori replied. Literally no words.

"That's how it started, anyway", Carol continued, seemingly oblivious to Lori's unique state of incredulity and catatonia. "I mean, how often do you find yourself on a comic book cover?"

"Too often", Lori muttered, eliciting a look of surprise from her friend. Seeing this, Lori pushed forward, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Soooo it's a vanity thing then?".

Lori hadn't been expecting the pause that followed. Or the sudden look of embarrassment on Carol's face.

"Not…entirely", her fellow blonde offered at last. "I mean, sure, it's cool to see yourself kicking butt and cozying up to a cutie like Ace", the last word prompting a twitch of irritation from Lori, "But I can't help but wonder if this…you know, if this means something."

"…the comic book?" Lori asked, carefully.

"Not the comic book, Lori", Carol replied with an irritated roll of her eyes, "What the comic book represents!"

"Carol, I literally don't follow you."

"Lori, somebody wrote a comic book about me. _Me_. This can't just be a coincidence."

"I'm pretty sure it's not even that", Lori deadpanned, but Carol was apparently determined to push through.

"You don't just put somebody in your comic book and give them an amazing boyfriend for no reason, Lori."  
"Carol, I don't understand what you're…wait, boyfriend?"

"Mhmm"

Oh no.

"I think the white hair's kinda cute. Do you think that might be some kind of tell? That's the sort of thing that's too specific to have to been made up, right?"

Oh. No.

"When you think about it, it's like a…a _Cinderella_ sort of situation. Except the glass slipper is on the other foot, so to speak."

Lori's mouth hung open, in what a casual observer might conclude to be simple befuddlement. However, the localized stampede of small animals that suddenly found themselves fleeing from _Gus'_ suggested otherwise.

"Whoops, looks like playtime's over, here comes the dinner rush. Good talk, Lori", said Carol, as she gracefully retreated into the kitchen.

Lori shook her head, attempting to put aside the profoundly disturbing conversation she'd just been involved in so she could focus on the job at hand. Surely, she reasoned, a few hours of soul crushing, underpaid, service industry work would be just the distraction she needed.

* * *

Several hours later, Lori found herself standing in front of Lincoln's door. Her plan, meticulously crafted over the remaining hours of her shift, was to engage her little brother in casual conversation, and see if she could feel out exactly what this High Card situation was really about.

"LINCOLN!" She shrieked, penetrating her little brother's sanctum with a well-practiced kick to the door.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TALL, BUSTY BLONDES?" Well, no plan ever survived contact with the enemy.

Lori had expected to find her little brother playing video games, or perhaps working on his comics. She hadn't expected to find Leni in his room.

"Hi Lori", Leni greeted her, waving enthusiastically.

The fact that Leni's trademarked dress was draped over Lincoln's bed, so very far away from its owner's current position, was also something of a surprise.

"This isn't what it looks like…", Lincoln began

* * *

The two remaining siblings found themselves staring at the spot which Lori had occupied only scant moments before. The only indication of her presence being the increasingly faint sound of her uncontrollable sobbing.

"So like I was saying, Linky, could you hand me my measuring tape?"

"Leni, normally you would do this part in _your_ room".

"Linky, I'm not going to walk down the hallway in my underwear. That would be silly."


	5. Chapter 5

"So, Ace and the Night Club needed to track down the diamond smugglers, you see…"

Luna smiled and nodded as her girlfriend continued to regale her with the latest exploits from Lincoln's comic. Though a closer examination would reveal that the smile had grown somewhat strained.

"...but the tigers were actually decoys! The real trap was the circus itself!"

For the most part, Luna was happy that they'd managed to get this whole thing out in the open. It was good to have a hobby, and objectively speaking, there was nothing wrong with Sam being a bit of a comic book nerd.

"...I think it was supposed to be like an ancient Egyptian merry-go-round, or something? Anyway, the point was that the bus was actually SIX hours late! Not five! And they'd been reading the map upside down the entire time!"

If Luna was being honest, this side of Sam was actually really cute. The problem…

"...and then, ACE KISSED HER! It was soooo romantic!"

…was that she was a little obsessed with this, "ship", of hers, as she called it.

"I was so ready for him to just throw her down on the pile of ninja corpses and just go to town on her! I mean, they were robots anyway, right? But then those clowns from before showed up again. Not those other guys, the actual clowns. From the circus. Totally killed the mood…"

_Really_ obsessed.

It had been several days since Luna and her sisters had tried to talk to Lincoln about his comics, and failed tremendously. Following that debacle, and not wanting to have to address the issue all by herself, Luna had decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and opted to just avoid her little brother until a better plan presented itself. Unfortunately,…

"…so then, I started designing my own character. I call her The Card Sharp. See, she starts off as a villain because of her horrible childhood, but one day Ace and Night Club catch her in the middle of a jewel heist…"

…there was still this whole thing to deal with. Seeing that Sam was clearly going to go on like this for a while, Luna allowed herself to zone out a bit. She'd needed some time to think, and this seemed to be as good a time as any.

Luna loved all her siblings, including Lincoln. Just…not like that. Yes, there was that time when little Luna had gotten into a fist fight with Lynn over who'd get to marry Lincoln when they grew up, but they were just dumb kids at the time.

Luna smiled to herself as the memory washed over her. Things had gotten heated between her and Lynn back then. Luna couldn't remember who'd thrown the first punch, but by the time their parents had broken up the fight Lynn was sporting a bloody nose, and Luna was covered in bite marks. The real kicker was that Lincoln hadn't even been around by that point. If memory served, Lori and Leni had snuck in and dragged him away to play dress up or something. Lynn had been livid when she'd found out.

And yes, even now Lincoln was a pretty cool dude. He wasn't a bad looking guy by any stretch of the imagination. He was kind and caring, sometimes to a fault. And while this comic book thing was a recent development, that fact that he had some artistic talent was pretty rad too. Sam certainly seemed to think so.

_"...but instead of turning her in to the police, they take her back to their lair so she can be properly punished for her crimes..."_

He wasn't perfect of course. He could be lazy and thoughtless at times, and sometimes he was way too smart for his own good. But Lincoln always tried to do the right thing in the end, and that counted for a lot, as far as Luna was concerned. All things considered, Lincoln was kind of a catch, really.

But part of growing up was learning to move past things like that. After all, you couldn't be in love with your brother forever, right?

_"...and after they take off the hand-cuffs and finish cleaning up all the candle wax, Ace makes waffles for the three of them, and they spend the rest of the day at the amusement park!"_

Luna came out of her reverie as the duo rounded the corner, happy to see that home was now in sight. She wasn't sure how much longer she could pretend to listen to whatever it was that Sam was going on about.

* * *

Finally arriving at the Loud House, Luna guided Sam into the kitchen for some snacks. It was her hope that with the proper stimulus, she'd be able to guide the conversation to literally any other topic.

"Hi Luna. Hi Sam"

Unfortunately, what had been waiting for them was exactly the wrong variety of stimulus.

"Lincoln!" Sam greeted, pulling the younger boy into a hug, which was happily returned. Despite knowing what she knew about the two, Luna couldn't help but smile at the sight.

It was that little moment of affection that helped Luna find her courage. This was what she needed to protect, and if it took a little bit of short-term awkwardness to make that happen, so be it.

"Hey Sam", Luna said, jerking her head towards the nearby table. "Why don't you take a seat. I've gotta have a chat with my little bro."

The girl's face briefly crinkled with puzzlement, but she nodded and affectionately ruffled Lincoln's hair one last time before stepping away to give the two some privacy.

"What's up, Lu?" Lincoln asked, concern evident in his eyes.

"Listen Linc, I feel crappy about it, but I've kind of been avoiding you for the last couple of days."

The paled haired boy's face fell a little. "Yeah, I noticed."

"Is this about the comic? Was it really that bad?"

"Sort of…"

"Because I know I've got a long way to go, but I'm trying really hard."

Lincoln's voice had been steadily getting louder as they talked, causing Luna to nervously glance around. Now Sam was looking their way. "Lincoln…"

"No, seriously. I picked up this new book on anatomy, and I've been practicing like crazy."

"Lincoln..." Luna tried to interject, a bit firmer this time.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up with determination. "Wait just one sec and I'll show you. I've been working on this new sketch of Ace and Nightclub…"

And suddenly this was the worst possible conversation to be having with Sam in earshot. Thinking quickly, and finding herself with few options, Luna did the first thing the came to mind and pulled the younger Loud into a fierce hug. Silence fell upon the kitchen. For now, at least, she was safe.

"Look, Lincoln", Luna said, softly but firmly. "I could never hate you over something like that, alright? Your comics are good, and I can see you're working hard to make them better."

Waiting for a reply, but receiving none, Luna continued.

"I happen to know that some people really dig what you make, and that's awesome. I just need you to be a little more careful about what you're putting out there. I mean, those scenes you draw...you have to know what that looks like, right?"

More silence. Geeze, was he trying to make this hard on her?

"It's not that I can't appreciate the sentiment. It's not like…I've never thought…about…that. About those things. But it's not right, you know? It's not…proper."

Suddenly Lincoln began thrashing in her arms. Luna looked down to ask what was wrong and saw that, in her haste, she'd accidentally smushed her little brother's face right up against her chest, suffocating the poor kid. Whoops.

Luna loosened her grip, and the pale haired boy immediately came up for air. Luna noticed his face was red, but whether that was from embarrassment or oxygen deprivation, she couldn't tell.

"Sorry about that little dude"

"N-no problem, Luna" he replied, stammering a little.

"Sorry, but could you repeat that? I was having trouble hearing you…down there, heh",

"Oh…", Luna said. The right thing to do would have been to give it to Lincoln straight. It would have been better for the both of them in the long run if she'd just buckled down and repeated her speech word for word. But having to say that again, especially while looking him in the eye this time…she just couldn't do it.

"I just said…that I loved you, little bro. That's all".

So, she chose discretion. Again.

Any lingering thoughts Luna might have had about taking back what she'd just said died at the sight of the smile that erupted onto Lincoln's face. What could she say? The kid had a nice smile.

Lincoln gave Luna a hug that was every bit as fierce as the one she'd just given him, though this one was considerably more pleasant, somehow.

"I love you too, sis." He said. And for a time, the two were content to sit there, basking in their mutual affection for each other. Then, just as quickly as it had begun, it was over. Lincoln extracted himself from her arms, and Luna felt herself already missing his rapidly dissipating warmth.

"Well," he said, clearing his throat, "Good talk, Lu. But I should probably leave you two alone." He glanced meaningfully to a spot behind her as he did. Oh right, Sam.

"Right" she chuckled in agreement, "See you later bro".

The two parted ways, and even though Luna had once again failed to breach the subject with her brother, she somehow felt more optimistic about their situation. Finding herself a seat across from her girlfriend, she noticed that Sam was wearing a very particular smile. It sort of reminded Luna of how she looked when she got really heated about those comic books.

"Everything okay, babe?" She asked.

"No, no. Everything's fine" Sam said, her smile not so much deepening as it intensified. "I just thought you guys had a really sweet moment there."

"He's my little bro," Luna said, shrugging. "That's kind how we do things around here".

"I just think that it wouldn't hurt if you guys did that kind of thing more often". Sam offered.

"…Sure thing, Sam, I'll try to run that by Lincoln", said Luna, perplexed by her girlfriend's sudden interest in her sibling relations.

"A-and maybe next time, he could like…touch your hair, w-when you hug. Just a little"

Luna blinked as she attempted to process her girlfriend's words.

"Geh?"


	6. Chapter 6

"LOUD! HEAD'S UP!"

Without any conscious effort on her part, the finely-honed athletic machine that was Lynn Loud's body registered the oncoming, high-velocity threat and responded it by spinning herself in a semicircular motion, and harnessing the momentum to strike the offending projectile with a well placed kick. Also known as Lynn Loud's Patented Loud House Kick. Patent pending. Lisa had promised she'd get around to filing the paperwork eventually.

Unfortunately, as the ensuing chorus of screams would attest to, today was basketball practice.

Whoops.

"LOUD! HIT THE SHOWERS!"

Dang it.

* * *

Lynn sighed as she trudged through the front door of her family home, equal parts angry and despondent. Should she have been paying more attention during practice for a sport with a fairly high rate of injury? Perhaps. Had another player been forced to pay the price for her inattention? Debatably. Did she deserve to be sent home? Heck no! It's not like Paula's leg could get any more broken than it already was!

Lynn started heading towards the kitchen, hoping a snack would take her mind off things, when she heard voices come wafting out of the entry way.

"For the last time, Sam, he's not adopted! Why do you keep asking?"

"But how can you know for sure!?"

…Weird. That was weird. And also, totally none of her business.

Lynn made her way along the familiar path to her room, assuring herself that she wasn't falling into a pattern. She was just going to go to her room, lay down for a bit, and then head outside to shoot some hoops or something. She continued to reassure herself of this, even as she reached her destination and began what was starting to become routine. Lock the door, check the corners of the room for Lucy, check the corners of the room for Lucy again, climb into bed, and with a sigh of resignation, retrieve the object for which such secrecy was required from within her pillow case.

The item in question had originally been a fairly pristine copy of _Aces Wild: Her Strongest Suit_. The very same comic she had confronted Lincoln with only a few days prior, now considerably more wrinkled and worn from use. The creased spine, and dog-eared pages identifying portions that had been read more often than others. Lynn made herself comfortable and allowed her mind to wander as her eyes began to trace over the art and dialogue that she had become so familiar with.

By the tender age of 7, Lynn Loud had managed to figure out exactly what she wanted from life. She was going to be the greatest sport star the world had ever seen, and she was going to marry her little brother. The latter had seemed obvious at the time, you were supposed to marry the person you loved the most and that person was sweet little Lincoln. When she'd expressed these feelings to her family, however, reactions had been somewhat divided.

Mom and Dad had laughed it off as kids being kids. Lori had devolved into a confused, sputtering mess, requiring Leni to guide her back to their room so she could recover, and Luna had punched her right in the face. Lynn had never managed to figure out what had set Luna off like that.

The problem was that as she grew older, her parents became less and less willing to indulge her on this point. Eventually, they sat her down and told her compassionately, but firmly, that she could never marry her little brother.

Lynn had been heartbroken at the revelation, but she'd tried her best to comply with her parent's wishes. She'd thrown herself into her sports and she'd tried to distance herself from Lincoln as much as she could, socially speaking. It didn't stop the warmth in her heart at the sight of his smile, or keep her heartbeat from quickening whenever he said her name, but it was the best she could make of a bad situation. Or so she'd thought.

The discovery of the comic book had shaken her to her core. Lynn had never admitted it, but she'd been flattered by Lincoln's previous attempt at making a comic. The Strong Suit was everything Lynn had wanted to be; tough, confident, and capable of busting through walls like they were made of tissue paper. What wasn't to love? She'd secretly been disappointed that he'd apparently lost interest in the project after winning the contest.

While Lincoln's old comic had been a cute diversion, _Aces Wild_ was something else. Ace and Strong Suit fighting bad guys, going on adventures, solving mysteries, those were things that, fantastical elements aside, weren't that far removed from the kinds of situations that she and her brother actually got into on a pretty regular basis, and on that level she was able to find the book genuinely entertaining. However, _Aces Wild_ was also glimpse into a life that was equal parts heart wrenching and tantalizing. Ace and Strong Suit sharing quiet moments, taking comfort in each other's presence… _k-kissing_ …

On that note Lynn, for the umpteenth time within the last few days, put the book aside and buried her face in her pillow, trying to push down the sudden rush of blood to her face through sheer physical force. _This_ was the source of her problems!

Lincoln had seemed oblivious to his sisters' concerns during their previous encounter, but…he drew this! Apparently, he was still drawing this! Him and Lynn having these moments, sharing this life together. He had to know what he was drawing. This was proof that he had to feel the same way as her…wasn't?

And there was the problem. What if it wasn't? What if her sweet, wonderful little brother, really was just that dense? This was the crossroads that Lynn Loud had found herself at these last few days. She desperately wanted to cut to the heart of things and simply ask Lincoln directly what this all meant. But what if she was wrong? She wasn't sure their relationship could survive that. Frankly, she wasn't sure she could survive that.

Lynn groaned in frustration. This had to be Lucy's fault. Being around all that dumb poetry of hers was making Lynn a wuss by association. Strong Suit wouldn't mope around like this. She'd go over there, kick down the door and just _take_ her man. And he'd be all the luckier for it. Lynn smiled as she briefly allowed herself to indulge in the fantasy. Then the moment passed, and her smile fell a little. Strong Suit was cool and tough. She, on the other hand, in spite of her frequent bravado, was just a small, terrified, teenage girl. Calling Lincoln out like that, risking the burning of that bridge between them, that simply wasn't an option.

But maybe somewhere in-between the Strong Suit solution and scared little girl solution, there was a third option. The Lynn Loud option.

* * *

It was later than it should have been when Lynn found herself standing at Lincoln's door. There was a brief moment of indecision when she had seriously considered slinking away, and returning the way she'd came. However, the prospect of yet another night of fitful, restless sleep, tormenting herself with thoughts of what was, and what might be, provided motivation enough for Lynn to steel her nerves. She knocked on the door, and waited.

She couldn't say for certain how long she remained there, but at last, the knob began to turn and the door opened, revealing her little brother. Clearly tired, and at least a little perturbed at the disturbance.

"LINCOLN", she barked, far more harshly than intended, causing the boy to jump a little in surprise. She didn't blame him.

Lynn cleared her throat, and tried again. "Lincoln", she began again, this time far more calmly and steadily. "I want this", she said, gesturing at the book emphatically. "I want more of…this".

The blank look of confusion on his face was nearly more than Lynn could bear, and as the seconds ticked on it took every ounce of self-control Lynn could muster to prevent herself from turning tail and fleeing. Then, at last, a look of...something, at least. Lynn's resolve would have broken then and there were it not for the smile that spread across his face mere moments after.

Lincoln retrieved a small pile of pages from his desk, and sat down on his bed, motioning for Lynn to join him. She did so, and found herself leaning over his shoulder, trying to puzzle out what it was she was supposed to be looking at.

"This is the next Strong Suit issue" Lincoln said. The pride in his voice offset, somewhat, by the slight tinge of red in his cheeks.

"It's still nowhere close to being done yet.", he continued. "These are all just rough sketches, me just getting some ideas down, but I think I have a pretty good handle on where its going".

"That's awful", Lynn said, pointing out one panel in particular. Lincoln looked at her, surprised and a little hurt.

"That kick, I mean", she clarified, "Not the drawing. The form is all wrong. She's not going to hurt anyone like that."

"She's super strong", he replied, clearly a little peeved at the unexpected criticism.

"More like super wrong", Lynn scoffed. She wrapped her arms around her little brother and gave him an affectionate squeeze, hoping to take some of the sting out her words.

Lincoln laughed, much to her relief, and leaned back into the hug, his head against hers. And the two sat there like that for a time.

"It would probably be better in the long term if I had an expert to consult with about this kind of stuff", he said, finally breaking their comfortable silence. "Would you mind showing me how its supposed to look?"

"Sure", she murmured, not trusting herself to say anything further.

"Strong Suit's a really important part of the comic. I want to make sure I'm doing things right. With her."

Lynn's only response was to tighten her grip on her little brother, and he took that as encouragement to launch into a discussion about another page, gesturing emphatically as he pointed out specific details to her. She hadn't made as much progress on this as she'd hoped she would. But sitting here with Lincoln, seeing how passionate he was about this, how happy he'd been made by her little contribution to his project. Maybe that was enough. For now, at least.


	7. Chapter 7

Lincoln paced the length of his room in what had become a well-trod pattern. He looked to his walkie-talkie, so as to ensure it hadn't suddenly winked out of existence, sighed at the expected silence, and resumed his circuit.

This had been going on for quite some time now, but the pale-haired boy had failed to find an activity that would provide sufficient distraction. So he paced, he sighed, and waited.

Lincoln had nearly managed to convince himself to go downstairs for a snack when he suddenly heard it. A familiar hiss of static. He bounded across the room, snatched up the communication device and thumbed the talk button in a single motion.

"Talk to me, Clyde"

"We're good to go, Lincoln. Check your email."

Lincoln let out a loud whoop, and scrambled over to his desk, eagerly snapping his laptop open. There was the notification he's been waiting for, one new message.

Lincoln opened his email and quickly scanned through the new arrival. There was a lot of what appeared to be largely unnecessary padding, but he eventually found what he'd been looking for towards the bottom of the message. He read it once, then two more times just to be safe. Then, with a sigh of satisfaction, he leaned back, and allowed the sweet sensation of relief to roll over him, as he replayed the words in his head one last time.

_...And so, it is our pleasure to welcome Clincoln McCloud Publishing to our event. Information pertaining to the placement of your table will be forthcoming, as will your badges. We hope you enjoy your time at Savvy-Con._

* * *

"A comic book convention?" Lynn asked, one eyebrow raised in amusement. "Isn't that something only super dorks do?"

"That's right." Lincoln affirmed wryly, "Like reading comic books and being a fight scene consultant for those comics. Pass the peanut butter".

Lynn struggled to think of a suitable comeback as she passed her little brother one-half of his favorite snack. "Fair enough", she said at last, shrugging.

The two siblings had met in the kitchen and struck up a conversation as they each went about preparing their sandwich of choice. Spicy Meatball for Lynn, Peanut Butter and Sauerkraut for Lincoln.

"Besides" Lincoln continued, "We're not just going to the convention. We got a table for our group, and we're going to be selling merchandise and stuff"

"How'd you manage to swing that?" Lynn asked, surprised.

"Clyde's dads filled out the paperwork for us. It took a little doing, but…"

"But you're the master of convincing." Lynn said, shaking her head and smiling at her little brother's antics.

Task completed, Lynn transported her snack to the nearby table and sat herself down, waiting for Lincoln to join her.

"So…" Lincoln ventured, pulling up a chair for himself. "Vendors get a few extra badges for their staff, and we're going to need some extra hands to handle the table. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come with us."

Lynn's surprise was so great that she nearly spat out her mouthful of sandwich. However, her athlete's instincts kicked in and caused her mouth to clamp down extra hard on the precious protein, until she was able to regain control of herself.

"Y-you want me to come with you?" She asked, surprised.

"Well, yeah." He replied. "Clyde's not much for heavy lifting, so I'm gonna need some help with that."

"Oh." She said, flatly, already preparing to reject the offer.

"Plus, I know you can be trusted around the merch, and you won't have any trouble with unruly customers." Lincoln hesitated, suddenly nervous. "And also…"

"And also…" Lynn prompted, hating how adorable her little brother looked when he was nervous.

"Also…we don't get to hang out very much. I thought it'd fun if you were there. With me."

"O-oh." Lynn said again, her cheeks coloring ever so slightly, suddenly unsure of what to say. The thought of being surrounded by nerds wasn't particularly enticing in and of itself, but with Lincoln there…well, that was different. She allowed her imagination to wander ever so slightly. Lincoln and her, together, holding hands, making memories. From a certain, very specific point of view, it'd almost be like a daaaaaaa…"

"SURE" Lynn squeaked as she suddenly vacated the fantasy, her cheeks now as red as the sauce in her sandwich.

Lincoln seemed surprised at her response, but surprise quickly turned to elation as her acceptance sunk in.

"Great!" He exclaimed, an enormous grin on his face, which Lynn found herself returning.

Business concluded, the pair returned to their meal, eating in companionable silence.

"Say…" Lynn said, as a potential concern occurred to her, "You're not one of those guys who goes to these things in in costume, right?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Good." Lynn said, silently sighing in relief.

"We're _both_ going to this thing in costume".

* * *

"I'm not doing this" Lynn growled, equal parts angry and embarrassed. The pair now stood in Lincoln's room, watching as Leni slowly circled Lynn, mumbling to herself and occasionally poking the smaller girl.

"Come on Lynn." Lincoln pleaded "We're selling a product here. And that means making things fun for the customers."

I'm going to be dressed as Ace", he said, pointing to himself, "and Leni's going to be dressed as Eleven of Hearts".

" _Leni_ of Hearts" the girl in question corrected him as she continued her examination. The remaining siblings exchanged a quick look of confusion, before returning to the matter at hand.

"Then _you_ dorks can entertain them", Lynn replied, slapping Leni's hand away out of frustration and instantly regretting her hasty act, due to the hurt look that suddenly appeared on the older girl's face.

"Please Lynn?" Lincoln implored. Dang it, why did he have to look so cute when he was begging?

"Strong Suit's one of the most popular characters, and you're the perfect fit for her. Plus, Leni's going to make you an amazing costume."

"Totes!" Leni assured her, still looking a little hurt.

Lynn groaned, her resolve wavering in the face of her siblings' enthusiasm.

"Fine." She said at last, sighing despondently. "But on one condition!" She continued, interrupting the forthcoming exclamations of gratitude she was certain to be showered with.

"…You have to stay with me." She said, quietly. "Promise you won't leave me alone at nerd fest, looking like a super dope".

Lincoln paused, as if to consider her offer, then took her hand into his, causing Lynn's heart to leap into her throat.

"I promise I won't leave you alone, Lynn", he affirmed to her. In spite of everything, Lynn found herself smiling at how genuinely grateful her little brother seemed. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Yay!" Leni squealed, clapping her hands in excitement. Then she grabbed Lincoln by the shoulders and shoved him towards the door, surprising her siblings.

"Hey!" He exclaimed trying to get back into his room, but failing to circumvent the considerable amount of Leni that was suddenly blocking the entryway.

"I need to measure Lynn for her costume." Leni said firmly, before slamming the door on Lincoln's face.

"…but why in my room?" Lincoln asked the empty hallway.

* * *

Sam Sharp sat in the Loud's garage. Waiting. Pondering. She glanced first to the door, then at her watch in irritation, then resumed her vigil. Through her surveillance of the sole, male Loud, Sam had determined that this was the time of day that Lincoln was most likely to venture out of his sanctuary and down into the kitchen for a snack. That was why she'd made sure that Luna would be there to meet him.

Sam sighed, and rapped her knuckles on her thighs impatiently. She loved Luna with all her heart, but the Loud girl was starting to try her patience. It had been a few weeks since Luna and Lincoln had that emotionally charged sibling moment, which had so thrilled Sam to her very core. The blonde had assumed that the event would represent a climactic turning point in the sibling's relationship. However, ever since that day, Luna had gone to school, played her music, and hung out with Sam. The exact same things she had done _before_ confessing her undying love to her little brother. It was…frustrating, to say the least.

Sam bit her lip as she reminisced about the day in question. There had been Lincoln, standing there, capturing Luna with his strong arms and his piercing gaze. And Luna herself, soft and elegant, lips aquiver as she spoke the forbidden words to her soulmate.

Sam sighed as the memory sent shudders of delight coursing through her body. The resemblance to Ace and Nightclub was so obvious, how had she not seen it sooner? She had dearly wanted to join the moment herself in a show of support, but she'd resisted, knowing that particular moment was for Lincoln and Luna alone. Her own moment would come soon enough.

…at least, that's what Sam had thought at the time. And yet, in the days that followed, Luna had made no effort at all to stake her claim on her clearly willing sibling. And for the life of her, Sam simply could not fathom why.

Luna and Lincoln were made for each other. And for Sam herself, obviously, to a lesser degree, but she wasn't so insecure as to take offense at that. The term "star-crossed" came so readily to mind when those two were around, and Sam had never seen it more appropriately applied than to her beautiful moon and surrogate little brother. She merely needed to help them realize how inevitable it was that they would end up together. And, consequently, with Sam. Then they'd all be one big happy trio. She and Luna would get their music career off the ground (with Lincoln in tow for support naturally), the three would eventually move in together, and then… _ **WAFFLES!**_

The sudden pain in her jaw clued Sam in to the fact that she was doing that thing again. The "smile". Luna always looked a little put off when that happened, so Sam made a concerted effort to rein it in. No need to scare Luna…again. Because any second now her girlfriend was going to march through that door…sweet, wonderful little brother in tow, and then they'd…

"Got you some juice, luv"

Catch her completely off-guard. Sam let out a squeal of surprise at the sudden appearance of her girlfriend, nearly falling out of her chair.

"Everything alright, Sam?" Luna asked, concerned.

"Everything's fine!" Sam shouted, trying to regain her composure. "I'm just so happy to see you…and…" Sam trailed off as she looked around, noticing a distinct lack of any adorable turkey-tailed little heartbreakers.

"Where's Lincoln?" She asked.

"Hanging with Lynn, I think." Luna replied, perplexed.

"Why didn't you bring him with you?" Sam pressed, seething, "It's been so long since I've seen the little dude".

"He and Lynn are busy, something about an Ace Savvy convention" Luna shrugged, clearly unbothered that she'd been forcibly separated from her better third.

"Luna!" Sam growled in annoyance, "We've been over this! You can't keep letting Lynn monopolize your Lincoln time!"

"My Lincoln time?" Luna deadpanned.

"Yes!" Sam shouted. "You need to march back in there, and tell Lynn that you are the older sister, and you…" Sam once again trailed off as her brain finished processing Luna's previous statement.

Luna yelped in pain and surprise as Sam leaped onto her, pushing her girlfriend onto the ground.

"…What was it, that you said they were doing?" Sam asked. An idea was beginning to take shape, but she needed confirmation first.

"Ace Savvy Convention?"

The pain in Sam's jaw returned, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. A _convention_! Perfect!

"Um…Sam? Honey? You're doing that thing again…"

"No time!" Sam roared, "We have to go, right now!"

* * *

"A comic book convention?" Lori asked, looking at her friend incredulously.

"Yep" Carol replied. "And you're coming with me."

"Hard pass", Lori returned "Hardest pass, actually."

"Come on Lori." Carol pleaded, "I need you to come as my wing-woman."

"For a comic book convention?" Lori deadpanned. "Pretty sure you won't need my help there."

Carol rolled her eyes in frustration. "Obviously not under normal circumstances, but this is different! Look!"

With that, Carol shoved her phone into Lori's hands. Sighing, Lori dutifully glanced down at the screen. Okay...seemed to be Lincoln's web site. Still weird that Carol followed that thing, but not too unusual, except...oh dear.

"That's right" Carol said, smugly. "I'm gonna get me a prince".

"Geh?"

* * *

Lori sighed as she tromped up the stairs of the Loud House.

"Leni? Are you around? I need your help with something!"

"In here, Lori!" Ah, Lincoln's room. Again. Great.

Lori prepared herself for the worst and opened the door.

To her credit, Leni was fully clothed this time, and Lori was exceedingly grateful for that. But she was considerably less enthused to see that Lynn, Luna, and Sam were all standing around in her little brother's room, stripped down to their underwear, expressions ranging from embarrassed, to confused, to...oh dear.

"Did you need something, Lori?" Leni asked with her usual brand of innocence, interrupting Lori's train of thought.

"Um...yeah" Lori replied, "I need you to make me a costume."

An expression of unbridled joy erupted across Leni's face.

"Of course!" She squealed in delight. Then suddenly she was behind Lori, shoving her into the room and closing the door behind them.

"Now take off your clothes!"

* * *

Lincoln looked upward at the thumping noises that came from above. That kept happening, for some reason. Normally he'd be inclined to check it out, but he had the strangest sense that doing so would not only be incredibly hazardous to his health, but also extremely cliche, for some reason.

Lincoln shrugged, and put the finishing touches on his second sandwich of the day. He trusted that Leni knew what she was doing, so there was nothing left to do but to wait. And that is exactly what he did.


	8. Chapter 8

"So, Lincoln", Lynn said, eyeing the storefront before her with no small amount of distaste. "Remind me again why we're spending a perfectly good Saturday…here, of all places?"

The "here" in question referred to _The Comike Booke Shoppe_ , local nerd Mecca and principal purveyor of printed products and plastic paraphernalia. A name that managed to tell a potential customer everything they needed to know about the establishment, while simultaneously raising several new questions.

"Well…" Lincoln began.

* * *

_Several Hours Earlier_

"Alright, Lynn", said Lincoln. "If you're going to work our booth, we need to test your customer service skills. Clyde here will be playing the role of a pushy customer, and you'll try to help him as best you can. Got it?"

"Got it." The sporty Loud affirmed.

"Ready Clyde?"

"Just give me a moment to get into character", he said. Clyde took several deep breaths, then gave Lincoln a thumbs up to signal that he was ready to begin.

"Alright, take it away, Clyde."

"Excuse me…"

"KIYAAA!" Lynn roared, leaping at the bespectacled boy.

* * *

"...Yeah, my B. That take-down would have gone way quicker if I'd aimed lower."

"And this is why we're here", Lincoln concluded, his expression equal parts exasperation and genuine amusement.

"The goal here is just to get you acclimated to the type of environment you're going to see at the con. If you can't handle a small store like this, there's no way you're going to be able to handle a convention"

"Fine." Lynn grumbled, throwing up her hands in defeat. "Let's just get this over with".

The pair ventured into the store, and Lynn was immediately assaulted by a variety of smells. Inks, papers, plastics, and an assortment of cleansers and air fresheners, all of which was undercut by the unmistakable smell of body odor.

As Lynn reeled from the sensory overload, the ambient noises of the store began to push their way through her mental fog.

_"...does a modifier stack with a multiplier?"_

_"...if you're not willing to read the previous 50 years' worth of material, you don't deserve to watch the movie!"_

_"...MAGIC DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GRAVITY!"_

"Lincoln..." Lynn whined, trembling, "It hurts..."

"Come on Lynn." Lincoln said, placing his arms on the girl's shoulders and gently guiding her out of the doorway, her state of catatonia abating somewhat at her brother's touch.

Lincoln lead Lynn to the front counter, noting that color was already returning to her pallid skin.

"You're going to be alright, Lynn." He assured her.

"Don't let them get me Lincoln..." She whimpered, clinging to him. Lincoln chuckled at this rare show of vulnerability from his sister and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

The pair reached their destination just as the previous customer finished his business, allowing the kindly old man behind the counter to focus his attention on the new arrivals.

"Greetings, true believers!" He said with big friendly smile, which was briefly replaced with a worried frown as he took in the condition of the wilted athlete. "Say, is she going to be alright?"

"Hey Mr. Lee." Lincoln greeted in return. "Lynn will be fine. She's just adjusting to the...climate."

"Understandable," said the proprietor, regaining his gentile demeanor. "Is there anything in particular I can help you with?"

"Nah, we're just going to look around a bit. But since I'm here, has anything come in from my pull list?"

"As a matter of fact, I believe there are a few things. You kids have fun, I'll have them up here when you're ready."

"Thanks Mr. Lee", Lincoln said, turning to Lynn as the older man shuffled off into the back. She'd regained a lot of her color, particularly in her cheeks, but she was still looking somewhat unsteady.

"Looks like you still need a minute." He said. "Why don't you rest here for a bit? I want to check something out really quick, and then we can take a lap. Okay?"

Lynn nodded wordlessly, leaning on the nearby counter for support. Lincoln gave her one last concerned glance, then took off on his errand.

Annoyance at being left alone warred with relief that Lincoln wasn't around to see her in her diminished state. Lynn didn't know what it was, but something about this place just got to her. It was like her kryptonite or something.

She frowned. Wait, what was kryptonite?

Lynn was pulled from her thoughts as Mr. Lee returned, setting down a large pile of comics next to her. He gave her a kind smile, then went off to help another customer.

Having nothing more interesting to do, Lynn decided to take a look at Lincoln's comics. _Captain Explosion_ , _The Brown Avenger_ , _The Atomic Man-Boy-Man_ …it was amazing how each somehow managed to sound worse than the previous one.

She ended up selecting a book at random from the pile. _Gigant_ , read the cover, depicting a building sized blonde girl squaring off against another, equally large woman.

"Does Lincoln actually read this junk?" She muttered to herself, absentmindedly flipping the pages. "Hey, that girl kind of looks like Leni..."

"Feeling better?" Asked Lincoln, returning from wherever he'd gone off to.

"Well enough", Lynn replied with a shrug. She smirked, eyes sparkling with mischief, and waggled the comic at him. "Well enough to check out your dirty laundry at least."

"Hey!" Lincoln protested indignantly, "These are all quality works of literature".

"Oh really?" Lynn asked. "Because on this page, it looks like the girl's sidekick has fallen off her shoulders, and right onto her…"

"Aaaand you've clearly made a full recovery", Lincoln grumbled, snatching the comic away from Lynn and slapping it on top of the pile. A moment later, he retrieved the comic once more and slid it back into the pile, far towards the bottom. Lynn just continued to smile, clearly enjoying her brother's embarrassment.

Lincoln opened his mouth, intending to deliver what he'd hoped was a scathing retort, when he found himself being lifted off the ground, and pulled into a tight embrace. His world suddenly went dark, but also a very familiar and specific kind of soft.

"Hey Jumbo, put my brother down!" He heard his sister yell. Lincoln blanched internally, knowing that Lynn's good intentions could spiral out of control very quickly, and wriggled his way back into the light. As he'd expected, he found himself staring into the eyes of a tall, shapely red-head, peering down at him from behind a half-lidded smile.

"It's cool, Lynn" he called down to her. "But maybe you should put me down, Becky". The taller girl pouted in response and complied, lips twitching as she attempted to maintain her composure.

"Sorry Linc," she said, giggling, having lost the battle against her own amusement, "I couldn't help myself."

"You always say that", he replied, letting out an embarrassed cough.

"Lynn, you remember Becky, right?" He asked, turning toward his seething sister, "She was at Lori's party".

"Right", she muttered, relaxing her stance, but still eyeing the older girl warily. "You guys hang out?"

"All the time." She said, ruffling the boy's hair affectionately. "I'm the biggest Ace Savvy fan around"

"You're just the tallest", Lincoln replied with a smile, eliciting another giggle from the red-head.

"Becky and I meet up here to chat about comics." He explained. "Sometimes I bounce ideas off her for my own stuff."

"Lincoln's very 'Savvy'" She supplied, and the pair broke out into a round of shared laughter. Lynn finally allowed herself to relax, caution now replaced by exasperation..

"Dorks" She grumbled, crossing her arms in annoyance.

Seeing Lynn's irritation, Lincoln turned back to the older girl.

"Sorry Becky, we're kind of in the middle of something here." He said apologetically. "Mind if we catch up later?"

"Not at all", she assured him, "I was on my way out anyway, I just wanted to say hi. Oh, and congratulate you on Savvy-Con, I saw the update on your site."

"Thanks. Are you going to be there?"

"Just try and stop me" She said, pulling the boy into a one-armed hug. She straightened up and started walking away, nodding to Lynn as she passed her.

"Later, 'Ace'" She called back over her shoulder, sending the younger boy one last wink.

Lincoln shook his head in amusement. Then focused his attention back on Lynn. The girl was clearly bothered by something, but Lincoln knew that was nothing that a little Ace Savvy couldn't solve.

Lynn was broken out of her funk by the sensation of Lincoln taking her hand into his. The sudden influx of warmth causing her cheeks to redden, and the ambient distractions of the store to fade away as they stood alone together.

"Come on, Lynn, we're just getting started."

Lynn smiled in spite of herself, "Right behind you little bro".


	9. Chapter 9

Sam flitted around a darkened room, like a hummingbird in flight. She glanced at her phone, and growled in irritation. There wasn't enough time. But then again, there was never going to _be_ enough time. Everything had to be absolutely perfect, and unfortunately, reality seemed to revel in how imperfect it often was. Still, she persisted. Straighten that table, buff that patch of floor…

_RAP RAP RAP_

Sam had a brief moment of panic before realizing that the knocking was actually coming from the back door, and eagerly ran to answer it.

"Pasta Man. Got your delivery right here, Mrs…Loud?"

Sam smiled. It was _perfect_.

"You…uh…you alright, miss?

* * *

Sometime later, Sam found herself feeling a lot more confident about her plan. Not _The_ _Plan_ , that would come later, but this particular plan was an important stepping stone nevertheless.

These premises were less than ideal, but serviceable for her purposes. The kitchen was prepped and ready to go, and she'd even managed to chase away that pack of wild dogs that had been hanging around. All that was left was her disguise. A pillow for some padding, a bald cap to conceal her distinctive blonde hair, and the piece de resistance, the most expensive and convincing mustache that she could afford with the remainder of her funds. All that was left...

_RAP RAP RAP_

A grin erupted across her face. Front door this time. That, would be the appetizer. And, if things went as well as she'd hoped...dessert. Phase one was go, all she needed was to send one quick text.

* * *

Luna Loud appraised the building before her with a critical eye. A glance at her phone informed her that this was, in fact, the address she was looking for, but the facade, darkened and dilapidated with age, suggested otherwise. The loudest Loud was seriously considering retreating a safe distance up the street when suddenly, the door burst open, startling her.

"Buongiorno!" Called out an…individual, in greeting.

Luna felt confused. Her eyes were telling her that she was being greeted by a small, and rather rotund Italian(?) man. He wore a teal vest over a white, long sleeved shirt, and wore an apron around his prominent midsection. The ensemble, taken as a whole, simply screamed "restaurateur". Her brain, however, was picking out little inconsistencies in that conclusion. Perhaps it was the way that his scalp failed to meet the rest of his head in a way that seemed natural. It's possible it might have been the way that his belly fat was oddly centralized in the region covered by his apron. It also could have been his strangely high-pitched voice, or the way his, admittedly handsome mustache, sat askew at a 30-degree angle. Whatever the reason, something about the individual before her didn't quite sit right with her.

And yet, there was something about the man's eyes that bade her to trust him. Thus, lacking anything more convincing than objective, irrefutable, easily observable facts, Luna responded.

"Um…hi" She said awkwardly, fumbling with her phone. "Is this the…Bueno…Nacho?"

"The Bella Notte", he admonished her firmly, albeit kindly.

"Right." She replied, taking a puzzled glance at her phone. "Must be auto-correct. I think I'm supposed to be meeting someone here."

"Ah, yes! Yes! Come right this way!" The man replied. He quickly slammed the door behind him, put his hands around her shoulders and began gently shoving her towards the side of the building.

"Woah, woah!" Luna protested "Where are we going?"

In response, a sudden cacophony of noises erupted from the inside of the building.

"As you can see, principessa, we are very busy right now. But don't you worry, I have a very special table set aside for you on the patio."

Luna opened her mouth to reply, when the man redoubled his efforts, causing the world to blur around her as he speedily guided her around the side of the building. The trip was mercifully short, and when her vision cleared, she found herself standing in a small area to the side of the main restaurant.

Her new surroundings were modest, but quaint. A table, and some chairs. A few candles for mood lighting, and a considerable amount of solitude, tucked, as it was, away from the hustle and bustle of the nearby streets. All things considered, it was a rather lovely location for a romantic meal, picturesque even.

At least, it would have been, had it not been for the young, pale-haired boy sitting at the table, happily stuffing his face with bread-sticks.

* * *

Sam couldn't have been happier. Everything was going exactly as planned. More or less, anyway.

"Hey, Luna!" Lincoln called out, reaching for another handful of bread.

Luna's mouth swung open like a rusty drawbridge, and she raised one finger as if preparing to put forth a question of some sort, but nothing was forthcoming. After this had gone on for a few seconds, Sam took it upon herself to pull out a chair for her girlfriend, and gently push her down into the seat. Fortunately, the sudden movement was enough to awaken Luna from her stupor.

"Lincoln?" Luna asked, blinking in puzzlement.

"Yep", he responded through another mouthful of bread. "These are great, you should try some."

"Yeah…sure" she murmured, absentmindedly grabbing some bread for herself.

Sam pushed down the brief surge of glee than was threatening to spring forth, and busied herself with straightening up the table, doing her best to stay out of the way of her favorite siblings.

"So what...uh, what are you doing here, little bro?"

"Sam told me to come down." He replied, shrugging. "She said it was super important. But so far she's been a no-show."

"Really? That's, funny, I was supposed to…wait, when did you give Sam your number?"

"See that's the thing, I'm pretty sure I didn't."

"OKAY!" Sam shouted, desperately trying to prevent the conversation from going down an unnecessary path.

"Now", she said, pulling a pencil and notepad from within her vest, "What can I get for the lovely couple?"

"We haven't seen any menus." Lincoln reminded her.

"We're not actually a…" Luna began interjecting, at the same time.

"Excellent choice" Sam exclaimed in desperation, "I'll be right back with your order!" With that, she dashed away, leaving the befuddled pair to their own devices.

* * *

Sam bustled around the kitchen, occasionally allowing herself to steal a glance out the window at her favorite couple. Things had gotten off to a bit of a rocky start, but it seemed like they were back on track. Lincoln was talking animatedly, gesturing emphatically with his hands, while Luna looked on. She didn't say much, but her quiet smile and relaxed demeanor indicated that she was enjoying herself.

" _And that's why we should get married."_ Lincoln was clearly saying.

" _Of course, I'll marry you, Lincoln"_ said Luna. _"But then we also have to get married to Sam."_

" _Get married to a smoking-hot blonde who we can use as the meat in our sexy sibling sandwich? Of course!"_ Lincoln replied, as he playfully waggling a bread-stick at his intended. _"Besides, we're going to need help eating all the waffles I'm going to make!"_

Sam shoved her face into her disguise-pillow, using the cushion to muffle her squeals of delight. However, the beeping of her kitchen timer reminded Sam that there was still work that needed to be done. She took several deep breaths to steady herself, then set about putting the final touches on her very special dish.

* * *

"Sorry for the wait, but here you go. One Lover's Special!"

"We're still not actually a…"

"Wow! That looks awesome!"

Sam allowed herself to preen a little at the younger Loud's praise. The dish in question was a rather large plate of spaghetti, drenched with rich, crimson sauce, and littered with meatballs of various shapes and sizes.

"I don't think I'm really all that…" Luna trailed off mid-protest as her stomach began to rumble. Sam didn't blame her, the aroma produced by the intermingling of the sauce and meat scents, spiced with he copious amounts of romance in the air, was utterly intoxicating. Exactly as planned.

"Come on, Lu", Lincoln said, picking up his fork and eyeing the platter eagerly. "I've never seen spaghetti that looked this good before."

" _I would absolutely marry a girl who could cook like this"_ , Sam mentally interjected on his behalf, fighting down the grin that threatened to explode out of her. She felt a slight twinge of guilt afterwards. Sam herself was no great chef, most of the meal had actually been prepared in advance by more competent hands, with her role largely being to reconstruct the pre-prepared portions. But she consoled herself with the thought that this was something the three of them could learn properly someday. _Together_. Her jaw ached, ever so slightly.

"I-I guess." Luna said reluctantly, though the gleam in her eyes betrayed her own eagerness. She picked up her own fork, and began searching the pile for an appropriate starting point.

"Allow me." Sam said. With a practiced ease, she commandeered the fork of each Loud, scooped up an innocuous portion of pasta into each utensil, and shove them into the pair's mouths in a single fluid motion. Luna looked like she was going to protest the treatment, when suddenly her eyes lit up in delight, and she began eagerly slurping down the meal, her brother only scant seconds ahead of her.

"Bon appetite." Sam said, allowing herself a smile as she slipped away from the table.

The penultimate phase of her plan was complete. Sam had searched high and low for the best sauce she could find. It appeared she had succeeded, and the medley of flavors dancing across Luna and Lincoln's pallets seemed to be sufficient to distract the Louds from the fact that what appeared to be a large pile of spaghetti was, in fact, merely one large, specially made, continuous noodle.

The plan was simple. Driven by their hunger and desire, the pair would devour the meal in front of them, consuming inch after inch of the delectable, sauce and meat-laden noodle until there was nothing left. At which point, simple physics would ensure that the disappearance of the last bit of noodle would also serve to unite the lips of the young, eager, soon-to-be lovers in an impromptu kiss. Then their instincts would take over, resulting in a passionate make-out session (which Sam would take many pictures of). And if things just so happened to progress further than that, she'd break out the air mattress she'd prepared for just such an occasion.

Sam crept back inside the restaurant to retrieve the final component for her plan, a worn, but well-maintained accordion. Luna and Lincoln were nearly there, she could _feel_ it. All they needed was one last push.

Soft romantic music began to fill the dining area as Sam's fingers danced expertly along the accordion keys, and she began to sing.

" _Oh, this is the night, it's a beautiful night_

_And we call it bella notte"_

The siblings briefly paused their meal to glance up at each other in mutual puzzlement.

" _Look at the skies, they have stars in their eyes_

_On this lovely bella notte"_

Their eyes met, and the pair sat like that for a time, locked in each other's gaze.

" _Side by side with your loved one_

_You'll find enchantment here"_

Slowly but surely, smiles began creeping onto the couple's faces, the barest hint of luminescence spreading across their freckled cheeks.

_"The night will weave its magic spell_

_When the one you love is near"_

Their hands, so very far apart initially, began creeping across the table towards one another. Hesitant at first, but gaining confidence as the inches between them rapidly disappeared.

" _Oh, this is the night and the heavens are_ _right_

_On this lovely bella notte"_

And that was when the dogs showed up.

* * *

Lincoln and Luna Loud sat in a mild daze, trying to parse out what had just happened. One minute they'd been enjoying a lovely, if strangely emotionally charged meal of spaghetti, and on the next, their table was suddenly in disarray. Forks scattered about, candles smoldering on the ground, and most noteworthy of all, the platter they'd been sharing was suddenly vacant.

A gentle breeze blew through the dining area, bringing refreshment, as well as the sound of sounds of paws beating against the ground, and the barks and grows of the local wildlife.

" _BRING BACK MY NOODLE, YOU DING-DANG DOGS!"_ , a voice screeched off in the distance.

Lincoln cleared his throat awkwardly, unaware as to why he was suddenly feeling so embarrassed.

"So…" he began. "I guess this…thing, here, is kind of shot. But I saw a pretty nice looking ice cream place on my way over here."

He hesitated, ever so slightly. "Do you wanna check it out?"

Luna smiled, trying to ignore the heat in her own cheeks.

"I'd like that, little bro."

* * *

**Omake:  
**

Sam Sharp and Luna Loud sat in the Loud family's garage. The former looking as sheepish, as the latter looked perturbed.

"Okay Luna," Sam began, "I know that last plan ran into a few snags..."

"Pack of wild dogs." Luna interjected, dryly

"…but I've spent all night brainstorming, and one of these plans is sure to be the one!"

Luna groaned in response, but motioned for the other girl to proceed.

"Alright, first plan: I poison you with an apple, and Lincoln has to kiss you to save your life."

"You POISON me?"

"Hey, hey, it doesn't have to be poison. I could, say…knock you out. And then Lincoln has to kiss you to wake you up!"

"Does a kiss from your little brother cure brain damage?"

"…Alright, moving on. Your mom gets shot by hunters…"

"No."

"We train a bird and some mice, and they work with Lincoln to rescue you…"

"Nuh uh"

"You rescue Lincoln from a sinking ship, and then a bunch of singing fish and frogs convince him to kiss you!"

"Why do these plans suddenly involve animals?"

"We go searching for the lost city of Atlantis!"

"Atlantis?"

"We don't have to actually find it."

"Pass".

"WE TURN YOU INTO A LLAMA!"

"SAM STOP!"

With that, Luna took a deep, calming breath, then exhaled. She repeated this process several times, then stood up, and started walking away.

"Where are you going Luna?" Sam called to her.

"To get you a Netflix subscription!"


	10. Chapter 10

"Another day, another dollar", Lori grumbled as she ran through one last check of her purse. Phone? Check. Keys? Check. Dignity? Whoops. Well, not like she'd need that where she was going.

Lori allowed herself a wry smile as she made her way down the stairs and towards the front door. A smile which gave way to puzzlement, and then worry, as she completed her decent and happened upon her little brother, laying on the family couch, oddly still. Sisterly instincts kicking in, Lori scurried over to check on him.

Lori was relieved to find that Lincoln was both awake and aware. However, he seemed somewhat…diminished, somehow. His skin was pallid, more so than his comic book reading, video game playing lifestyle generally resulted in. His vacant gaze flickered only the slightest in acknowledgement of her presence before returning to its previous position, staring blankly at the ceiling. And, upon closer inspection, there were noticeable bags under his eyes.

"Everything okay, twerp?" She asked, trying to keep herself from sounding too concerned.

"Just hanging", he said weakly.

Lori had intended to ask him to elaborate, but suddenly the all too familiar sound of an argument erupted from somewhere nearby.

"Come on, Luna! It's my turn to hang out with Lincoln!" Lynn shouted, clearly frustrated.

"No way, dude! He promised he'd listen to this set!" Came the heated reply.

"That was three hours ago!"

"It's a long set!"

"You tell her, Luna!", Came a third voice.

"Not a good time, Sam!", "Shut up, Sam!" Resounded a two-pronged response, nearly in unison.

Lori winced. Well, this was certainly…something. A small part of her desperately wanted to wish the boy well, and hurry on her way before things escalated any further. However, Lori Loud was, above all else, a big sister, and seeing her little brother in this condition didn't sit well with her. Normally, she go over there and start busting heads, but time was a factor, and she still had to get to work. Thankfully, a third option occurred to her.

"Come on Lincoln," She said firmly, "You're coming with me."

His puzzled expression prompted her to explain further.

"You clearly need a break from...whatever this is." She continued, waving her hands dismissively.

"Its been a while since you've been to _Gus's_ , and I've got a nice pile of tokens set aside. You can relax, play some games, and get some pizza in you, my treat."

Lincoln hesitated, clearly tempted.

"And if you stick around to the end of my shift, we'll drop by the comic book store on the way home. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like you're asking me out on a date", he said wryly, already sounding more like his old self.

"In your dreams", she scoffed, resuming her march towards the door, desperately trying to ignore the sudden warmth in her cheeks.

* * *

Lori spared Lincoln the briefest of glances before returning her eyes to the road ahead of them. They boy had started perking up almost immediately after they'd set out, for which she was grateful, but it bothered her that he'd been driven to such a state to begin with.

It was obvious what had been going on with Lynn and Luna as of late. The two had been inordinately fond of their little brother as children. All of them had been, little Lincoln had been tiny and sweet oh so huggable, but those two had taken things too far. One day they'd been arguing over Lincoln and gotten into an actual fist fight. While brawls in their family were by no means uncommon, even back when there were only half as many kids, this fight had been particularly nasty by her recollection. She and Leni had done what seemed to be the only sane thing to do at the time; smuggle Lincoln back to their room and hide with him under the covers of their bed until things blew over. Leni had been particularly upset when their parents had finally come to collect the boy, and Lori couldn't blame her. It had been nice, the three of them huddled together like that, isolated from the rest of the world. It was a memory that she still cherished to this day.

Lori had thought that her sisters would grow out of that kind of behavior eventually, hoped they would, in fact, and for a time it seemed they had. Lynn had gotten into her sports, and Luna had her music, and eventually her girlfriend. But lately, the pair seemed to be sliding further and further back into their old habits.

Lori rounded a bend somewhat harder than was strictly necessary, causing her tires to squeal, and her pale-haired passenger to wobble against his seatbelt.

She really wanted to blame those comic books. They'd all been fine; they'd all been happy before they'd found out about Lincoln's little project. But now, seeing those brief glimpses into lives they'd only dreamed about living, was it any wonder that they were falling back into their old patterns?

And yet, she knew that wasn't fair. Lincoln didn't mean to cause any trouble; he wasn't that kind of person. He was sweet, and kind, caring to a fault. And naive…oh so very naive, if their previous confrontation was any indication. But even then, there was something strangely charming about someone who was able to see the world so uninhibited by its all too real rigors. She supposed that it was sort of inevitable that some people would find themselves attracted to that aspect of him. Pity, that it had to be his sisters.

Now Lori was starting to make herself depressed. She gave her head a quick, but vigorous shake to refocus herself, choosing to ignore the bewildered glance her brother shot her way. Now wasn't the time for that, it was time for Operation Show Lincoln a Really Good Time Before Figuring Out A Way To Keep Lynn and Luna Out of His Business And Also Think of A Shorter Name For This Operation.

* * *

Lori stowed away her belongings as was tradition, then made her way to the register, where Lincoln awaited her. He was looking much livelier, so clearly the plan was working, and Lori allowed herself a discrete, celebratory fist pump. Now for phase 2.

Lincoln jerked in surprise as Lori deposited a large baggie of game tokens next to him. His eyes widened as he realized what she was gifting him, clearly appreciating the value of the treasure before him.

"There's more where that came from," Lori said with a smirk, "But that should be plenty to get you started."

"Wow, Lori...thanks".

"Uh uh" Lori interrupted, waggling her finger at him. "None of that. These things were just piling up anyway. Frankly, you're doing us a favor by using them."

"Now..." She said, grasping him by the shoulders and turning him towards the arcade, "Go have some fun. I'm gonna put a pie in the oven, I'll let you know when it's ready."

Lincoln gave her a smile that spoke volumes. Then, grabbed his tokens and started off.

"Oh, one more thing, little bro." Lori called out, trying to get his attention.

"Hold onto some of those tokens and I'll show you a few things on Super Hyper Turbo Fighter Remix II Climax Edition during my lunch break"

The joy on Lincoln's face put an extra little spring in Lori step, which propelled her into the kitchen at record speed.

* * *

Lori bustled around the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on Lincoln's pizza. Extra meat, extra cheese, extra meat, and a small pile of pepperoni on the side, just the way he liked it.

Lori slid the concoction into the oven and set the timer. Alright, pizza was cooking. Now to take a quick peak around the premises.

Lori popped her head out of the kitchen doorway and gave the room a quick scan. Fairly barren by their usual standards. There were some dope in the corner trying to put the moves on a girl who was clearly not interested, an elderly gentleman who'd been nursing the same slice of pizza since she'd clocked in, Carol and Lincoln sharing a quiet, yet intimate moment at the front counter, a couple of surly looking guys looking over a pile of blueprints…

…Wait, Carol and Lincoln? Lori's head snapped back in surprise. Yep, there they were. Her friend and her little brother. Laughing and enjoying themselves. Her friend, who was weirdly into her little brother's comic books, and her little brother who produced them…

"Heeeeeeeeey, guys!" Lori greeted them as she sped out of the kitchen.

"Hi Lori", Carol greeted her in return.

"You didn't tell me Lincoln would be joining us today." She said, ruffling the boy's hair affectionately.

"I didn't know I needed to." Lori replied; one eyebrow raised quizzically. "Do you two know each other?"

"I got Carol to fill in for you when we were taking that family photo, remember?"

"Right…" Came her response, made somewhat terser by the accompanying memory.

"He told me that only _I_ was _beautiful_ enough to play the role of Lori Loud. That I was _born_ for it!", Carol said, punctuating the statement with a dramatic pose and flourish of her hand, eliciting a chortle from Lincoln.

Lori frowned, but said nothing, trying to sort out her feelings. On the one hand, she was still a little upset that Lincoln had tried replacing her. Admittedly, it had ended up being a ploy to get her to participate, but the mere thought of being replaced like that still hurt. On the other hand, Carol was objectively a very pretty girl, and it was flattering that Lincoln had such high standards for her potential replacement...

"So, are you hanging with your big sis today?"

"Yeah! Pizza and video games, Lori's treat."

"Gah!" Lori squeaked. She'd forgotten about the pizza!

Lori executed a 180 degree turn with footwork that Lynn would have found to be extremely impressive and sprinted back into the kitchen. The beeping kitchen timer and the faint smell of burning crust greeted her. Working fast, Lori retrieved the pizza from the oven, and leaned over to inspect it. Slightly burnt around the edges, but otherwise fine, thankfully.

Lori put the pizza on a plate, sliced it into segments, and examined her work. By her estimation, a regular person wouldn't be able to tell that it had been slightly over cooked, let alone a member of her pizza loving family. With that, she picked up the plate and carried it out meet her little brother.

"…And after her shift, we're going to the comic book store!"

"Oh really? You know, I've actually been meaning to go there myself…"

"Pizza!" Lori screeched, practically teleporting between the pair, plate of delicious, meaty, cheesy goodness held before her.

"Wow!" Lincoln exclaimed; his eyes huge with delight. Lori found herself smiling at the sight.

"Dig in little bro." She said with a nod, and Lincoln did exactly that, snatching up a large slice and tearing into it like a man possessed. He was quickly preoccupied with managing the large quantity of meats and cheeses that threatened to spill from his overstuffed mouth, but his grunts and groans of pleasure indicated his thorough enjoyment of his treat. Lori allowed herself to feel a small measure of pride that Lincoln was so thoroughly enjoying something she'd made for him. It felt nice. Maybe she could cook for him more often…

"You know," Carol said conversationally, liberating one of the smaller slices for herself, "I've actually been getting into comics myself lately."

Not pizza, obviously, Lincoln was growing into a young man, and needed to start eating more nutritional food.

"Really? I wouldn't have taken you as the type."

"And just what's that supposed to mean?"

Maybe she could make him a few different things? Sandwiches, a veggie platter, maybe some salads?

"Just that girls as pretty as you aren't normally into stuff like that."

"Oh stop, you charmer."

She wondered if maybe Leni could show her how to make smoothies? They were delicious, and full of antioxidants.

"Well for your information, I happen to be really into this Ace Savvy guy…"

Maybe she could just make the whole thing into a picnic lunch. Take him somewhere nice, like the park, or the beach. Make a day of it…

"Really? I love Ace Savvy!"

Oh right, her brother and her bestie being weirdly copacetic.

"Careful, Carol," Lori cautioned her friend, "Lincoln's literally an Ace Savvy super fan. If you get him started on Ace, he's going to talk your ear off."

"Actually…" Carol said, brightening up considerably, "I just got myself the Ace Savvy Cinematic Universe Collection on blu-ray, and I have a _ton_ of questions. I'd love it if I could pick the brain of an expert like you, Lincoln."

"I'd love to!" Lincoln exclaimed, sitting up excitedly. And with that, the pair quickly became incomprehensible as Lincoln proceeded to educate the older girl on the nuances of his favorite super-hero franchise.

Finding herself suddenly forgotten, Lori grabbed a slice of pizza for herself and sullenly bit into it, trying to figure out where things had gone off course.

* * *

Much later that night, Lori sighed in exhaustion and frustration as she pulled Vanzilla into the family driveway. What was supposed to be a special day between her and her brother had turned into a weird, three-way thing with Carol inexplicably joining them every step of the way, and she'd run herself ragged trying to keep the pair from broaching any awkward subjects regarding Lincoln's comics. Fortunately, it had never become an issue, but the constant vigilance required of her had run Lori ragged, and now all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for a few weeks.

"Hey Lori?" Lincoln asked from beside her.

She turned to him, silently acknowledging her little brother. And found herself surprised when his response was to hug her tightly.

"I just wanted to say thank you. The pizza, the comic book store, the impromptu game of mini-golf…you didn't have to do any of that, but I really appreciated it."

Seeing how sincere Lincoln was, Lori felt her exhaustion melt away, and she eagerly returned the hug.

"Any time, little bro", she murmured into his ear, before reluctantly releasing him from her grip.

Suddenly looking bashful, Lincoln slid out of his seat, gave her one last grateful smile, and started making his way towards the house.

Lori allowed herself to bask in her little brother's gratitude as she absentmindedly checked her phone. Wow, lots of missed calls and texts from Bobby. Funny how she hadn't thought about him all day…


	11. Chapter 11

Leni stared at the blank page before her and hummed in frustration. She arched one eyebrow, then the other. She stuck her tongue out, and wiggled it around in front of her, trying to induce concentration. She chewed on her pencil eraser, and immediately regretted it. Bleh. Then she wiggled her ears, which wasn't particularly helpful, but still entertained her.

Leni leaned back in her chair and glared at the uncooperative page. Lincoln's convention was coming up, and her job was to make costumes for her siblings and certain tag along friends, which she was more than happy to do. Most of it wasn't even that hard, Linky had already done a fantastic job designing costumes for her and their sisters, so all that was left was the sewing, which she could do in her sleep (and had, on occasion).

Sam's costume was the problematic one. The younger blonde had wanted to dress up as an entirely original character, which meant that the costume had to be designed from the ground up. Leni didn't mind helping her out, Sam was Luna's girlfriend and a fan of Linky's comic. The problem that she hadn't really given Leni much to work with.

" _Make it cool, and awesome! And like...you know!"_ The other girl had said, punctuating her statement with a flurry of hand motions and sound effects that hadn't actually give Leni much direction. She'd helped Lincoln make costumes like this before, but she'd always had a picture to work with, or at the very least some kind of guidance from her brother. Leni didn't want to let Sam down, but she just didn't know enough about super heroes to design something all by herself.

Leni sighed, and was just about to get up for a smoothie break when she suddenly remembered one more thing the other girl had said.

" _A-and maybe…maybe you could make it look like something Lincoln would like?"_

Hmm. Leni leaned over and flipped on her desk lamp. Ding! Idea! Why hadn't she thought of it before? Of course, Linky knew all about this stuff! He'd probably have tons of ideas!

With a big satisfied smile on her face, Leni hopped out of her chair and raced off to find her little brother. She briefly stopped at the doorway and glanced back, wondering if she should turn off the lamp. Mom wouldn't like the waste of electricity…but then again, what if her idea went away? She decided not to risk it, and headed off once more.

* * *

"…And that's why I need your help, Linky", said Leni.

"So, Sam came up with her own character based on my comic, and you need my help coming up with a costume for her?" He asked, clarifying his understanding of the situation.

Leni nodded, and Lincoln found himself feeling a strange mixture of pride and embarrassment. Pride, because he knew Luna's girlfriend to be a mature and discerning individual, so it was a pretty big complement for someone as cool as her to be reading his stuff. But the thought of his sister's girlfriend being privy to his superhero fantasies was pretty embarrassing. Geeze, imagine if they talked about his comics...

"Alright, give me a minute." He said, trying to focus on the matter at hand.

"Well…" He concluded, "I want to help Sam out, but I don't exactly have anything prepared right now. The Full House Gang took a lot of work to put together."

"How'd you make them?" Leni asked.

"Well, Clyde and I already had a pretty good idea of what we wanted the characters to be like from the start. To fill in the rest of the blanks, we ended up grabbing as many comics we could, and spent a few days going through them for inspiration."

"Well, why don't we try that?"

"You want to read comics with me?" Lincoln asked, genuinely surprised.

"Why not? I don't want to disappoint Sam. Plus, it sounds fun. And also..."

Leni's face fell. "We haven't gotten to spend much time together lately."

That look on her face was like a knife in Lincoln's heart. He tried to make time for all his sisters equally, but between putting out new issues of his comic, dealing with how weirdly clingy Luna and Lynn had gotten, Lori's sudden obsession with picnics, not to mention all those "practice dates" that Becky kept asking him to help out with (Which was weird, because he was never able to figure out what she was supposed to be practicing. He made a note to remind her to just ask the doofus out already), it was easy for someone as sweet as Leni to get lost in the commotion.

Well, not today, he vowed to himself.

"Sure thing, Leni".

"Yay!" Leni squealed, shaking her fists in delight, the raw joy on her face making him feel that much guiltier. He'd really have to find time to plan a more robust activity for them to do together, something that Leni liked.

Lincoln busied himself with looking through his comic book collection, making an effort to select things that Leni might like.

"All ready Linky!" Leni called from behind him.

Well, this was probably a decent amount to start with. Lincoln collected his selections and turned to his sister. At which point, it took nearly all his willpower to avoid dropping the stack.

There, laying on his bed, was Leni. Radiant as the sun, and nearly naked as the day she was born, currently clad only in her bra and panties.

"L-leni! What are you doing?" He sputtered.

"I thought we were reading comics?" She asked, her beautiful face scrunching up in confusion. "You said that the best way to read comics was in your undies."

Lincoln coughed in embarrassment and averted his gaze, trying desperately to look at anything but his gorgeous and under-dressed sister. Or her shapely legs. Or her generous expanse of cleavage currently on display. This wasn't the first time he'd seen the older girl in such a state, but it wasn't the sort of thing one could really grow accustomed to.

"W-well, Leni, you see…the thing about that is…"

"Oh my gosh!" Leni gasped, startling the younger boy.

"Oh, I feel so silly. I'm sorry Linky" she said, apologetically.

"It's okay, Leni…" Lincoln said, mentally sighing in relief (and, if he was being totally honest, slightly in dissappointment)

"I'm supposed to be in _your_ undies, right? Could I borrow some?"

Lincoln's jaw dropped, and he stood there for a few moments, saying nothing. Brain desperately rebooting after that brief flash of mental imagery had crashed the system.

"Linky?"

The sound of her voice woke Lincoln from his stupor. Right. Probably best to quit while he was still ahead.

"I-I'm f-fine, Leni" he stammered, gingerly crossing over to his waiting sister.

Lincoln gently placed his stack of comics down, and prepared to do likewise with himself...

"WAIT!"

...that was, until Leni's shriek stopped him in his tracks, nearly causing him to topple over. Lincoln looked to her in askance, not trusting himself to speak over the hammering of his heart.

"Linky, you're still not dressed right", she scolded him.

Lincoln's face flushed red, as he realized what his sister was asking him to do. He briefly considered simply refusing, and asking her to put her clothes back on, but that would undoubtedly require explaining to the older girl specifically as to why the sight of her perfect body was getting him so flustered.

Seeing compliance as the lesser of the two evils, Lincoln turned around and swiftly undressed. Then, slowly backed towards the bed, so as to avoid glimpsing his all too candid sister, and climbed in next to her. Back strategically turned towards her, so as to spare her the sight of his young, hormone ridden body's reaction to her state of undress.

He has just finished making himself comfortable (or as reasonably comfortable as possible, given the circumstances) when a pair of milky white arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, the rather large and soft objects pressing into his back giving him all the context he needed to infer what was happening.

"Are you okay, Linky?" Leni asked, concerned. The sensation of her sweet breath on his skin causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. Among other things.

Lincoln opened his mouth to reply, when suddenly the door to his room opened.

* * *

Given the size of his family, there was a fairly long list of people who could have conceivably been on the other side of that door. Sam Sharp was nowhere on that list.

Silence fell upon the room as the trio stared at each other. Given that she'd walked in on him being spooned by his nearly naked sister, his own underclothes barely concealing his very visceral reaction to her ministrations, he had expected Sam to react with disgust. Perhaps scream at him. He wouldn't have blamed her.

Instead, the girl merely pulled out her phone, issued a few decisive taps, then put it away. Several minutes past, and Sam said nothing, seemingly content to stand there and quietly observe the pair.

"Umm..." Lincoln finally ventured.

"Shh!" Sam sharply reprimanded him, and Lincoln quickly complied, causing silence to once more descend upon the room.

* * *

Luna Loud completed her ascent of the Loud family stairs and hung a quick right, huffing slightly from the exertion. She saw Sam standing just outside Lincoln's room, and quickened her pace.

"Sorry, luv, I didn't noticed you'd text me. What's going...WOAH!"

Luna yelped in surprise as her girlfriend pulled her close, then with surprising strength, flung her into her brother's room. The world blurred around her as she sailed high into the air, and then landed with an audible thud upon something that was simultaneously soft, but not soft.

"Hi Luna", chirped Leni. Luna couldn't help but notice that the older girl was extraordinarily under-dressed.

"Mhm, Moomma", mumbled Lincoln from beneath her. So that's what she had landed on.

Luna opened her mouth to apologize to her little brother, when she noticed that he, like their sister, was similarly exposed.

"Geh?"

So great was her surprise, that she barely noticed Sam climbing into the the bed from behind her, and wrapping her arms around the siblings.

"So..." Sam ventured conversationally, "what are we doing?"


	12. Chapter 12

Luna Loud gave herself a good, hard look in the mirror. There was a very, very small voice in her head that was imploring her to consider the metaphorical meaning of the phrase. To consider that she was on the cusp of embarking on an enterprise that, if successful, would irrevocably change the relationship between her and her little brother.

"No. No. NO! LUNA! Give me that brush!"

Luna let out a small sigh, and acquiesced to the much louder voice of her girlfriend, who immediately attacked her face with a ferocity more befitting a starving wolverine.

"You're clumping", she grumbled, working on Luna's face with a terrifying degree of speed and precision. "You're supposed to be a sexy super hero, Luna. Super heroes don't clump! Clumping is not sexy!"

Luna opened her mouth to reply, but instead let out a sharp yelp as Sam jabbed her with the makeup brush.

"And these are supposed to be clubs, Luna. These are not clubs!"

Luna bit down the angry retort that was bubbling up, and allowed her girlfriend to go about her work, causing the room to lapse into silence. This went on for several minutes before Sam, seemingly sensing her irritation, let out a small sigh, and ceased her work.

"Look, Lunes. I'm sorry, alright? I just really want this to work out for you. This is your show, girl! You and Ace..."

"Lincoln"

"Details", Sam said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "After our foursome the other day..."

"Why do you keep calling it that?" Luna asked hotly, cheeks tinged pink.

"Well what would you call it?"

"We read comic books."

"Right, and there were four of us. Hence, foursome." She paused thoughtfully. "Speaking of which, your little bro was right, that is definitely the most comfortable way to read comics..."

"Can we not? Please?" Luna grumbled, not wanting to run through this discussion again.

"Fine. The point is, everything is riding on this. You just need to stick to the plan..."

"Which you still haven't explained to me."

"More details", Sam said, repeating her previous motion frame by frame, as if a lazy animator had simply recycled the animation. "But it ends with the two of you on your honeymoon."

"Sam!" Luna exclaimed, her face beet red, "I don't want to marry my brother!"

"Do you not?" Sam asked, eyes lidded with amusement.

"No!"

"Then what are you trying to get out of this?"

"I just want Lincoln to hang out with me. You know, spend time with me."

"Uh huh." Sam said, playing along. "And how long does this little jam session of yours last?"

"...Forever?"

"Right", Sam said, gently patting her blushing, confused girlfriend on the head. "So you're on your honeymoon..."

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the closet."

" _Why_?"

"Because I am a kind and considerate girlfriend, Luna Loud, and I'm willing to allow my newly married boyfriend and girlfriend to have a little alone time. You're welcome."

"But you're... _there_." Luna exclaimed, gesticulating emphatically .

"Do you not want me there?

"No, I mean..."

"Good. Because you're going to be in the closet on my honeymoon."

"Why does _anybody_ have to be in the closet?" Luna asked, feeling increasingly lost in the conversation.

"Recording the event for posterity. You'll be too busy making babies, obviously."

"Now we're having kids?"

"Twenty-four of them, each somehow more perfect than the last."

" _How_?"

"Well, I have some diagrams I can show you..."

"I _mean_ ", Luna growled, frustrated, "How do you expect me to carry twenty-four of my brother's kids!?"

"We've been over this, sweetie", Sam said with a roll of her eyes, "He's not your brother, he's your husband."

"DETAILS!" Luna roared.

"Geeze girl, calm down. I'm not expecting you to do all the work here, we're going to be running a fair, bisexual, polygamous, semi-incestuous relationship."

"I mean,when you lay it out like that..."

"We can split the work in half."

"That's still twelve babies!"

"Ya huh." Sam agreed, a glint of manic glee in her eyes. "I'm thinking you could do maybe...eight or so brunettes, and shore up the rest with white haired babies."

" _Saaaam..._ "

"No, you're right. The white haired babies are going to be the cutest. Tell you what, I'll handle all the white haired babies."

"You can't just decide that!" Luna exclaimed. She paused, and briefly ran through the last few moments of conversation in her head. "I mean..."

"Fine, you win", Sam said, "We'll split the difference."

"I win?"

"So, in summation: seduce your hubby, romantic honeymoon, twenty-four babies."

"I don't..."

"But first we need to _fix these clubs!_ "

"Ouch!"

* * *

Leni frowned at Lynn's door in something that came very close to resembling irritation.

"Lynn!" She called, rapping her knuckles against the door. "Come out!"

"No!" Came the reply from the other side.

"Come on, Lynn." Leni pleaded. "I need to see how it looks. Linky's convention starts in a few hours."

"I'm not going!"

Leni continued to stare at the door, counting off the seconds as she did so, allowing her little sister the opportunity to come to her senses on her own. Around the point where she lost count ( _"What comes between twenty two and four-hundred and seventy-eight trillion?"_ She murmured to herself), she realized that she was going to have to take matters into her own hands.

Squaring her shoulders, Leni took the door knob in one hand, took a deep breath, and with a sharp, decisive jerk, tore the door from its hinges, revealing an incredibly dumbfounded Lynn Loud.

"Leni..." She trailed off, eyes bulging with surprise. "How the heck did you do that?"

Leni allowed the door to fall to the floor with a loud thud. She looked left. Then she looked right. Seemingly satisfied, she leaned down to address her little sister.

"You know how Strong Suit picks up things that are totes heavy?"

Lynn nodded in response.

"...that. I did that."

Lynn's eyes crossed as she attempted to process this revelation. She opened her mouth, intending to point out that Leni's explanation didn't actually explain anything, but instead let out a yelp as the bigger girl suddenly bull rushed her, pushing her further back into her room.

"Now stand up straight, Lynn, and let me get a look at you." Leni murmured, looking the girl over with her expert eye. Occasionally poking or lightly slapping at the younger girl when her posture prevented Leni from making her inspection. Finally, she stood up to her full height, allowing herself to view the ensemble in its entirety.

"Lynn..." she said, brimming with happiness, "You look beautiful."

The sports-girl blushed, chafing under the blonde girl's gaze.

"N-no I don't." She said, unable to meet the older girl's gaze. "There's too much...me. A-and..."

_Not enough me to fill it,_ came the traitorous thought. Unspoken, but very much on her mind.

Leni tisked dismissively at the ladette's comment. Yes, Lynn was certainly leaner than most of the girls she and Linky had looked at during their comic reading session (Foursome, she reminded herself. Sam had said it was called a Foursome.), but she looked lovely. Her dedication to athletics had given the younger girl's body a degree of tone and definition that many girls would kill for. And Strong Suit's simple combination of a leotard and protective pads accentuated those features beautifully. But that was to be expected, the outfit was, on several levels, literally made for her.

Seeing that her sister was clearly still troubled, Leni leaned down a pulled her into a tight hug.

"Trust me, Lynn." She murmured into the smaller girl's ear. "You look totes amazing."

"Y-yeah?"

"Absolutely. The boys won't be able to keep their eyes off you. Especially Linky."

Lynn blanched, and buried herself even more deeply into the hug, desperately trying to hide the wave of red that was rapidly spreading across her very exposed body.

"You know", Leni said conversationally, "I think Strong Suit is his favorite."

"W-why do you say that?" Came her response, muffled by Leni's generous bosom.

"Ace-Linky and Strong Suit hang out a lot." Leni said, the slightest bit of irritation evident in her voice.

"They do?"

"Ya huh." Leni confirmed, her brow furrowing. "Too much, sometimes."

"O-oh..."

"It's like," Leni continued, "She's there after every fight, taking a shower with him, or washing his back, or getting him to massage her."

"Really...?"

"Doesn't she realize that he needs some alone time?"

"Leni..."

"Sometimes Linky just needs some good, shirtless, alone time. But then Strong Suit comes bursting in with her oils and scented candles."

"Leni!"

"And suddenly, it's another Strong Suit issue. And, it's like, we just had one! You know they've gotten married like, six times! Although five of those were dreams, and the _An Arbor Day For Christmas_ two-parter doesn't count, for obvious reasons"

" _Leni!"_

"And don't get me started on when Eleven of Hearts joins them..."

" _LENI!_ "

The older girl blinked in confusion as Lynn's voice finally pulled her from her fervor.

"The point, Lynn, is that Linky really likes Strong Suit. And he likes you. And you look totes amazing in that costume. So, Linky's gonna totes love you like that."

Lynn said nothing, but tightened her grip on the bigger girl, clearly conveying her thanks at Leni's kind words. Leni happily returned the younger girl's hug, basking in her younger sister's all too rare show of affection.

...then...

"B-but...couldn't I wear some pants at least?" Lynn asked, pleading.

"Lynn, super heroes don't wear pants."

"Night Club wears pants."

"Night Club wears _leggings_. Totes different."

"But..."

"NO PANTS!"


	13. Chapter 13

Lincoln checked his watch impatiently. He'd begun to do so with increasing frequency, but he couldn't help it. In only a scant few hours, Savy Con would begin, and he needed to be at the convention center with his booth set up before that happened.

He'd done everything he could the night before to make their exodus as smooth as possible: he'd loaded up all his product in Vanzilla, he'd conducted an exhaustive costume check with Leni, so as to ensure that everyone would have something to wear, and he'd prepared and carefully portioned enough food to feed an army (even though he knew it would only be a matter of time before the group collectively broke down and splurged on sub-par, overly expensive burgers and pizza). He had done all this knowing full well that the time for departure would ultimately be decided by how fast his four extremely teenage sisters (and Sam) would take to get ready, and in spite of this knowledge, he couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.

Lincoln resisted the urge to check his watch again, and instead chose to pace the breadth of the Loud's living room, hoping that the physical activity would provide some level of distraction. He came across one of Lola's emergency mirrors, and, in a brief moment of vanity, allowed himself a moment to admire his reflection.

Staring back at him was the spitting image of Ace Savy, as seen in Aces Wild. Albeit, shorter, younger, doughier, and all around...lesser, than the real McCoy. But so great was Leni's skill with a needle and thread, that for a moment, he could almost allow himself to believe that he was staring at Ace Savy. As soon as all this convention stuff was over, he was absolutely going to do something to thank her for all her hard work.

Again, the urge to check his watch passed through him, but mercifully, just as he was about to give into the temptation, salvation arrived in the sound of soft footsteps descending the nearby stairs. Lincoln raced around to the foot of the stairs to give the individual in question his most heartfelt thanks, but when he reached his destination he could only stare, his mouth slightly agog.

The Night Club, looking like she'd stepped right off the pages of one of his comic books. Lincoln tried to think of a word that could express how fantastic Luna looked, but all his brain was giving him were sound effects, and that felt like an inappropriate way to greet your sister.

Lincoln was extremely familiar with the outfit in question, having drawn it often enough, but it was one thing to draw an attractive girl, and it was quite another to see that same girl standing in front of you. The Night Club's simple combination of a leotard, leggings, and long boots had been chosen to in order to make her seem bold and bombastic, qualities that seemed appropriate for a character based off the loudest of the Louds. What he hadn't anticipated, was the way that same outfit drew attention to certain aspects of Luna's blossoming form that Lincoln had, thus far, managed to avoid paying much attention to. Particularly the tantalizing glimpse of Luna's shapely thighs that could be seen in the all too brief space that existed between the top of her boots and end of her leotard.

_Sam's a lucky girl_ , Lincoln found himself thinking.

"Buh", was what actually came out of Lincoln's mouth, as he stepped forward to greet the girl at the foot of the stairs.

"Eep!" came Luna's reply, and in a remarkable display of physicality, the rocker managed to propel herself into a standing jump and land several feet directly to the left of where she had been standing, her completely rigid legs allowing her to stick the landing neatly.

Lincoln felt...confused, at the actions of his older sister, but nevertheless, responded with some light applause. It just felt like the appropriate thing to do.

"Don't worry about her, Linc", came a melodic voice from off to the side. "She's just feeling a little self conscious about her new look."

"I don't know why she would be" Lincoln remarked, turning to the greet the new arrival, "Luna looks amaaaaghrk!"

As he took in the costume clad form of Sam Sharp, the remainder of Lincoln's thought died a horrible, bloody, death. Gunned down in the line of duty, and ultimately mourned by no one.

Lincoln recognized that, objectively, and academically speaking, Sam was an attractive girl, but he had never allowed himself to dwell upon the topic to any further extent. Sam was Luna's girlfriend, and potentially his future in-law, and it had seemed inappropriate to think of her in any other terms. So, from the day they had met, Lincoln had made a conscious effort to ignore any part of Sam that wasn't required for polite conversation, causing her to exist, in his mind, as a lovely blonde head atop a shapeless void of a body. It had worked well thus far, but suddenly seemed far less tenable.

After their *ahem* intense research session, Lincoln and Leni had decided on a fairly simple design for Sam's character. The Card Sharp was supposed to be a former thief turned hero, so Lincoln had suggested they opt for something evocative of her villainous past. To that end, they'd settled on what he'd felt was a fairly classy ensemble: a catsuit of the same shade of blue she wore in her hair with a matching domino mask, offset by white thigh high boots and finger less gloves. A white scarf completed the look, short enough to avoid getting caught on things, but long enough to flap dramatically in the wind.

As he was quickly learning, his artistic depictions of such outfits simply didn't hold up to the real deal. As Sam descended the stairs with a grace befitting the character she was portraying, her suit gently slid along the contours of her lithe body, granting depth and form to a landscape that, until now, Lincoln had paid little attention to.

Sam smirked, ever so slightly, and pulled Lincoln into a gentle hug. The slow entwining of their bodies causing a flood of memories from their impromptu "research" session to come rushing back. Sam, for whatever reason, had begged that she and Luna be allowed to help, and the end result was Lincoln sharing his incredibly cramped bed with three extremely attractive and only partially clothed young women. Details began to resurface unbidden. The way Luna's panties had clung to her prodigious derriere. How Sam had turned out to be surprisingly buxom under her normally slimming clothing, and the way that no matter how he tried to reposition himself, one of the two had always seemed to be in his way. One would think that the fact that they were just reading comics would dilute the titillation somewhat, but frankly, that had just made the situation even hotter.

"How do I look, Linky?" Sam murmurer softly into his ear, dragging him back to to the situation at hand.

"Y-you l-look, uh, g-great, S-sam", he stammered in response.

"Did you notice that I had added a little something extra?" She queried, running her fingers through his hair.

"Oh?"

"Yep", she purred, taking his hand in hers, and running it down her flank, stopping at her waist.

"My utility belt", she said. Still sultry, but with an odd bit of pride mixed in.

"Wow" Lincoln said, forgetting his embarrassment for the moment, and running his fingers along the item in question. "That's actually really cool."

"It's semi-functional", she said, winking at him.

"KIYAAA!"

Lincoln had intended to ask Sam what she'd meant by that, but there was that scream, followed by a soft crunching noise, and now where the blonde girl had once stood, was a very smug looking Lynn Loud.

"Stuck the landing" she said with pride. Then, almost as an after thought, she looked down.

"Sorry about that Sam", she said. "Didn't see you there".

"Wow." Lincoln said, taking in the view. Lynn looked amazing, as he'd expected. Moreso, actually. Strong Suit's minimalist leotard was intended to emphasize her athletic body, which Lynn had in spades. The way it clung to her slender frame drew that much more attention to her exceptionally toned arms and legs. The end result was a look which made the sports girl look equal parts fierce and powerful, yet undeniably feminine.

"Aw, shut up Linc", Lynn said, blushing bright red, and bashfully kicking her feet, eliciting a squeak of pain from beneath her.

Lincoln found himself wondering if he'd, perhaps, taken things a bit too far with the costume designs, underestimating the effects these girls would undoubtedly have on the hormone ridden populace of Savy Con, when he found himself swept up into the air and smothered with, what had by now become an all too familiar softness.

"Hi Linky!" chirped Leni, as she pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

"Leni..." he croaked, frantically jerking his head to indicate he was in distress.

"Whoops." Leni squeaked, and immediately released him, causing Lincoln to fall to the ground.

"Sorry Linky" she said, apologetically.

Lincoln had intended to reassure Leni that he was fine, but froze as he observed her from his new vantage. The first thing Lincoln noticed, was that Leni's take on Eleven of Heart's dress was quite a bit shorter than he'd originally designed it to be. The second, was that the outfit, taken as a whole, appeared to be about one-size smaller than it should have been, as evidenced by the way that her ample bust seemed ready to burst from its confinement at any moment.

"Uh, Leni?" He ventured, cautiously. "Isn't that a little small on you."

"Oh, yeah." She agreed, blushing. "I didn't have anyone to measure me, so I had to wing it. I guess that wasn't very smart."

Leni turned her head in an attempt to see behind her, inadvertently causing her chest to thrust out even more than it already had. The fact that her outfit held together under the incredible strain, stood as a testament to her incredible skill as a seamstress.

"Does it look okay?" She asked, worried.

Lincoln found himself unable to decide between the truthful answer ("Leni that looks amazing and there's literally no other clothing I ever want to see you in"), and the good brother answer ("Leni, I think we need to wrap you up in a sheet and hide you from all the boys who will, upon seeing you in this state, feel the need to do terrible, terrible things to you"). Fortunately, the decision was made for him.

"EVERYONE LITERALLY NEEDS TO GET IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!" Lori screeched, blowing through the room like a hurricane. On her way to the front door, she deftly stepped over Sam's crumpled frame, snatched up Lincoln and flung him over her shoulders without losing any of her momentum.

"You look great Leni!" He called out as Lori swiftly carried him away from the group, desperately trying not to think about how well High Card's jump suit clung to Lori's curvaceous backside.

* * *

Sam found herself in a quandary. While Vanzilla normally sat 13, far exceeding their current numbers, Lincoln's product took up a lot of that space. This left very little room to ensure proper seating arrangements, which was made all the more difficult by the fact that Lynn was sticking to him like glue. It looked like she was going to have to get crafty.

"Oh Lyyyyynn", she called out in a sing-song voice, "Why don't you come over here?"

The sportsgirl gave her a suspicious glance, but sidled on over to her.

"Whats up, Sharp?" She asked warily.

"I was just thinking..." Sam began, amicably. "Wouldn't you like to sit up front with Lori? I bet I could work something out for you?"

"What, so you and Luna could swoop in and hog Lincoln to yourselves? Hard pass." came Lynn's flat refusal.

Drat. Sam's eyes began darting around, seeking some kind of inspiration.

"Didn't have a backup plan, did you?" Lynn asked, wryly.

Desperate for a distraction, Sam snatched up a nearby stick and flung it into the distance.

"Did you seriously think you could get rid of me like that?" Lynn deadpanned. "What do you think I am? Some kind of..."

Her eyes widened in surprise as the older girl suddenly sent a tennis ball flying in the same direction.

"Hey!" She yelled, speeding off after the green missile. "That's my ball!"

Sam Sharp smiled, and allowed herself a discrete fist pump. Phase one, complete.

* * *

Lynn returned, having managed to not only outrun the flying ball, but also catch it in her teeth. Shame nobody was around to see her feat of athletic prowess. She was about to announce her return to the group, when she caught sight of the seating arrangement.

"LYNN!" Lori yelled out in exasperation. "Where have you been? You're literally making us late!"

Lynn wasn't paying attention. There, nestled comfortably in Vanzilla, as far back as they could sit, were Luna, Lincoln, and Sam. Her little brother was situated between the two older girls, the former of the two so red from embarrassment that it was actually shining through her makeup, while the latter had draped herself over Lincoln's shoulder, one arm wrapped around him, with the sheer force she was exuding on him forcing Lincoln to lean into Luna. Lincoln, for his part, looked exceedingly uncomfortable with the arrangement.

"Ugh!" Lori sighed in frustration. "It's bad enough that you ran off to play, but you've still got that stupid ball in your mouth! Give that to me!"

The oldest Loud reached down to relieve Lynn of her sporting equipment. She couldn't see that Lynn wasn't looking at her. She was too busy looking at Sam, who had noticed her return. Sam, who was smiling that weird smile of hers. Mocking her.

"GRRRRRRR!" Lynn growled, teeth instinctively clamping down on the ball just as Lori was attempting to remove it.

"What the...?" Lori asked, puzzled.

" _GRRRRRRRRR!_ " Was Lynn's only response.

* * *

Lincoln, hearing some kind of commotion outside, but being unable to see what was happening from his current position, attempted to get up to investigate, but found himself unable to free himself from Sam's grasp.

"Uh, Sam?" He asked, embarrassed at the older girl's attentions "I think I should probably go see what's holding us up."

"Aw, don't worry about it little guy" She cooed, gently tousling his hair. "You just sit right here with me and your big sister. I'm sure everything will work itself out."

"GIVE ME THAT BALL LYNN!"


	14. Chapter 14

Lynn Sr., Rita, Luan, Lilly, Lola, Lana, Fiona, Katherine Mulligan, Poppa Wheelie, and one of Aunt Ruth's cats all sat around the Loud family basement eating sandwiches.

"Anyone else feel like we've been at this for a really long time?" asked Lynn

"Yes dear." replied Rita. "Just like the last twelve times you've said that. Here, have another turkey."

Lynn shrugged and took the proffered sandwich, and soon the room was silent again, save for the soft sound of chewing.

"Hey," said Lana, "Whatever happened to Lisa?"

"She's at a science conference or something." Lola replied. "Remember? It was mentioned in like, chapter 2."

Luan's eyes crossed in thought as she processed this. "And...what, she just never came back?" queried the jokester, incredulously.

"This is Katherine Mulligan, inquiring, do you actually care?"

A chorus of disinterested grunts rolled across the room in response, save for the cat, who simply meowed.

"I'm just here hoping that something happens to Becky, and then I could take her place." Fiona confessed.

Silence fell upon the room once more.

"Well, I'm sure glad we got all that out in the open." Said Lynn, unwrapping another sandwich.

Suddenly, he paused, as another thought occurred to him.

"Hey, wasn't Lucy here with us at some point?"


	15. Chapter 15

Luna Loud found herself between a rock, and a hard place. Metaphorically speaking, that was. In actuality, she found herself caught between the interior of Vanzilla, and Lincoln, and while Vanzilla certainly met both the spirit and the letter of the phrase, Lincoln most certainly did not.

He was...not soft exactly, the human body had entirely too many fiddly bits to meet that descriptor, but the sensation of his body pressing against hers was...comforting. That seemed to be an apt descriptor. In other circumstances, she would find the experience to be extremely pleasur...COMFORTABLE. She would find herself COMFORTED by the fact that their bodies were within such physical proximity, that his being with her was a simple indisputable fact, as undeniable as the air she breathed.

The issue was this was no mere sibling cuddle, which had always been a regular occurrence among the members of the Loud family. Here, Lincoln, wearing an expression of profound embarrassment, was periodically being shoved into her by the third member of their impromptu cuddle-huddle.

" _Kiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss!"_ Hissed Sam, sitting opposite Luna, while still being Lincoln adjacent.

The blonde girl was employing what could generously be called a stage whisper, and Luna found herself genuinely surprised that her girlfriend's antics had failed to draw the attention of anyone else in the car. Wait, scratch that, Lynn was glaring at them again. Boy, that wasn't going to be fun to deal with.

It wasn't that Luna didn't appreciate her girlfriend's attempts to help her spend more time with her little bro, because she did. But the plan had initially started off as a relatively simple scheme to get in some more quality time together, and now Sam had dropped this bombshell on her about marriage, and kids, and something about waffles.

" _I will MAKE you waffles!_ " Luna had exclaimed, desperately trying to get a handle on the conversation.

_"It's not the same without the special cream, LUNA!" s_ he'd shrieked in response, further clouding the issue.

Luna let out a soft sigh, and wracked her brain, trying to figure out how the simple act of dressing up as the spiritually incestuous love interest to her little brother's wish fulfillment, self-insert character had managed to make things so complicated.

* * *

_several weeks earlier..._

Luna hummed happily to herself as she slipped into her room, and quietly closed the door behind her. Solitude was a rare thing in the Loud House, and she wanted to hold onto her good cheer for just a while longer.

"Somebody looks happy." Came a decidedly not-Luan voice from further into the room, causing Luna to jump in surprise. It was at this point that she saw the face of her girlfriend peering down at her from the top bunk, grinning like the proverbial canary eating cat.

Luna blushed, and was about to give an embarrassed, non-committal reply when she noticed the band-aids that had been liberally applied to other girl's face.

"Dude, what the heck happened to you?" She asked, concerned .

"Oh, this." Sam said, waving her hand dismissively. "I had a little accident, that's why I couldn't make it to the restaurant. But enough about me, you look like you had a good time regardless. So get your cute little butt up here and tell me all about it!"

Luna shrugged, then acquiesced, kicking off her boots before climbing up to her bed and sliding into her girlfriend's waiting embrace.

"So...?" Sam prompted impatiently, settling into the role of the big spoon to Luna's little spoon.

Luna frowned as she saw even more band-aids criss-crossing up and down the girl's arms.

"Sam, are you sure you're okay? Its a little late, but I'm sure Lisa'd be cool with giving you a once-over."

"It's fine Lunes" Sam replied with a roll of her eyes, I just had a little trouble with some dog...err, that is to say I'm dog tired. Haha"

Luna tried to turn around so she could examine the girl more thoroughly, but Sam tightened her grip, preventing Luna from being able to angle herself properly. Eventually, she gave up. Clearly, Sam didn't want to talk about whatever had happened to her.

"Well" she began, "I was a little bummed that you didn't show, especially since this was your idea, but Lincoln was there, so it wasn't a total loss."

"Ooooh." Sam cooed in response, "That sounds great."

"It actually was." Luna said, smiling fondly at the memory.

Then she frowned again. "Actually, it was kinda weird that he was there to begin with. I remember there had been something that bothered me about that..."

"Probably nothing important." Sam said quickly, interrupting her train of thought.

"Now come on!" the blonde girl pressed, "Tell me about your daaaaa...y. Your day. With your little brother."

"It was fun." said Luna. "Cant remember the last time me and the little dude had some alone time. The waiter was kinda weird..."

This provoked a bout of nervous coughing from Sam, but she motioned for Luna to continue.

"...So yeah." Luna continued, warily. "The waiter was a little weird, but the scenery was nice, and the food was good. Lincoln and I...talked. We just talked for the first time in I can't remember how long, it was...nice.

"Eeee!" Sam squealed, causing Luna to look at her in surprise.

"...I just think it's really nice that you and your brother are getting along. Continue!"

"...Right." said Luna. "So yeah, good food, good company, then the waiter started singing this really nice song..." Luna blushed, as memories of that particular part of the night came back to her.

"And then?" Sam prompted.

"Aaand then we went and got ice cream." Luna said, hurriedly.

"Ooh. Tell me about that."

"Nothing much to tell." Luna said, shrugging her shoulders. "We got a couple of sweet treats. Some jerk wasn't looking where he was going and he slammed into the counter with all the toppings, sent them all flying."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Luna said, smiling to herself. "Little bro got a face full of sprinkles. Apparently inhaled a bunch of them too, because he started choking."

"Oh no!"

"Yeah, that part wasn't great." Luna said, frowning. "This big, red-headed bimbo tried to give him mouth to mouth."

"Big how?" Sam asked.

"As in, she can reach all the shelves in her house." Luna replied, annoyed. "And from a certain angle, you might mistake her for a shelf."

"She sounds hot." Sam opined.

"She wasn't so great. Little bro could do way better."

"I dunno Lunes, I'm pretty sure Linc's got a thing for tall girls. He's got that poster way in the back of his closet, the one with that really tall blonde girl..."

"Not this one!" Luna growled. "Besides, there's such a thing as too tall."

"Alright." Sam said with an amused roll of her eyes. "So then what happened?"

"Well, some of the employees pulled me off of her..."

"Hot."

"Shut up." Luna said, smacking her girlfriend lightly on the arm. "They pulled me off Bitchfoot, and then Lincoln coughed up a big pile of sprinkles."

"Oh good, sounds like he managed to pass them naturally."

"Yeah..." Luna replied, trailing off, still bothered by the memory.

Suddenly, Luna felt Sam's breath against her neck.

"Why does that bother you so much, Luna? Sounds like she was just trying to help Lincoln." she asked, murmuring softly into Luna's ear.

"He didn't need that kind of help." Luna muttered.

"What kind of help?"

"The kind that involves her putting her lips all over my little bro's mouth!"

Sam hemmed sympathetically. "Well, I'm sorry to break this to you, Luna, but Lincoln's growing up to be a cute little dude. Girls are going to be a thing that happens to him, and it's only going to get worse as he gets older.

"But I don't _want_ that!" Luna exclaimed, glumly.

She paused for a moment, to reflect on her words.

"Am I being a bad sister?" She asked. "I mean, I don't like the idea of girls like that hanging around Lincoln, but should it really be up to me?"

"Of course it should." Sam cooed, rubbing her shoulders sympathetically. "You love your little brother, right?"

"Of course." Luna replied, desperately fighting down the urge to blush as memories from her childhood intermingled with memories of the dinner they'd just had. The romantic music mixing with the candle light in just the right way. Their hands slowly creeping toward one another...

"You just want to protect your little brother." Sam said, soothingly. "Who knows what that girl might have done to him? You couldn't take that chance."

"N-no, I couldn't..." Luna said, not feeling entirely convinced.

They sat there in silence for a while, as Luna ruminated on her feelings towards the event of that night. Then...

"You know..." Sam ventured, "It seems to me like there's a pretty simple solution to all this.

"And what's that?" Luna asked, warily.

"It sounds like you really enjoyed spending time with Lincoln. So do that."

Luna blinked, confused. "I don't follow."

"Spend more time with Lincoln. Ask him to help you with your music. Try to take an interest in the things he likes. And most importantly..." at this point, Sam tightened her grip on Luna, to the point where it was verging on painful. " _Keep him away from Lynn._ "

Sam suddenly relaxed her grip, and coughed, embarrassed. "...Because you know how rough she is with him."

"Well," Luna drawled, "While that sounds fun, I've kind of got this girlfriend? Maybe you know her?"

"I do. And I have it on good authority that she'd be delighted to spend time with you and your little brother."

"Say what?" Luna swiveled her head around and stared at the other girl in disbelief.

"Was I too subtle?" Sam asked, wryly. "You know I'm aware that I'm the girlfriend, right?"

"No, no..." Luna replied, shaking her head. "I just mean...why are you okay with this?"

"With what?"

"With this...thing. This need I have to make sure Linc's taken care of."

"Oh Luna" Sam murmured, placing one hand on her cheek and kissing her softly. "I just you to be happy. And spending time with your little brother clearly makes you happy."

"Besides," she continued, flipping Luna around and setting them once more into spooning position. "I love spending time with your little brother, and I think it would be great if the three of us got to hang out more."

"R-really?" Luna asked, tempted, but uncertain.

"Absolutely. You, and me, and Lincoln. We'll be like one, big, happy... _family_."

* * *

Luna groaned and rubbed her temples in frustration. So yeah, upon reflection, she'd clearly misread that whole thing.

That was when Luna once again felt the familiar sensation of Lincoln being pushed against her.

" _Kiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss!"_


	16. Chapter 16

Lincoln sprung from his seat the second that Vanzilla stopped moving. This was purely because of how excited he was to be finally be at Savvy Con, and had nothing to do with how cozy he'd been starting to feel, snuggled between Luna and Sam. The heady scent of Sam's perfume intermingling with the warmth and softness of the older girls had been...trying, to say the least.

As he exited the vehicle, Lincoln took a deep, satisfying breath, simultaneously clearing his head and removing the all too alluring scent of girl from his lungs. The parking lot was quite calm at the moment, but he knew it was only a matter of time before it would be teeming with life. The perennial early bird con-goers were already lining up, as usual, determined to be among the first into the convention in spite of the fact that nothing worthwhile ever happened on the first day of the con, and in response food vendors were already gearing up to relieve the weak and ill-prepared from their hard earned convention funds. Lincoln shook his head, a bemused smile on his face. Twas a tale as old as time.

"Alright", Lori announced, taking charge as usual. "Lincoln and I going to check in. You guys stay here and watch the stuff.

Lori's eyes narrowed as she made a point of looking directly at Lynn.

"And behave." She concluded, leaving no doubt as to whom she was talking to.

Lynn's eyes narrowed in turn, and the two simply stood there, staring at each other. Lori quickly tired of the impromptu staring contest, and with a roll of her eyes, broke contact with the younger girl and turned away. Lori failed to notice the swift and silent raspberry Lynn sent her way as she did so, but Lincoln did not. He made a heroic effort to stifle the laughter that threatened to erupt, so as to not draw attention to the sporty girl's antics. But Lynn noticed, and the two shared a brief smile before Lincoln turned to join Lori.

Lincoln pulled up alongside the older girl, nodding to her as she slowed slightly, allowing him to match her stride. He took a moment to admire the costumed conventioneers in line. There were some really nice outfits on display, some of them even rivaling Leni's work. Though he couldn't help but notice how much more... ***ahem*** , attention grabbing, the female con-goers costumes tended to be.

It was at this point Lincoln realized that Lori was attracting quite a bit of attention herself. Some parts of her more than others. While he realized that Lori was probably used to that sort of thing, Lincoln found that he didn't appreciate the stares being sent his sister's way, and subtly re positioned himself so as to block as much of Lori from view as possible. He imagined that a great many of those lusty looks had probably changed to angry and indignant ones, now being sent his way. But he also found that he didn't particularly care.

He turned to address the older girl, only to find that she was already looking his way, her lips quirked upward in bemusement. She didn't say anything, but Lincoln flushed with embarrassment just the same.

* * *

Lori's lips quivered as she attempted to hold in her amusement, and she made an effort to add an extra little sashay to her stride. Lincoln's current position gave him a front row seat to the event, which, to her delight, caused her little brother to redden even further. Lori had already made peace with the fact that attending this convention would likely mean that she'd be drooled over like a piece of meat. This wasn't exactly a new problem for her, Lori had been dealing with situations like this since puberty had hit her like a runaway truck, then backed up over her a few times just for good measure. Add Leni's sewing wizardry to the equation, and it was sort of inevitable that she'd attract her share of attention. Lori had learned long ago that it was usually best to just ignore her unwanted admirers, with the judicial application of her patented acidic stare, and in more extreme cases, a good swift kick generally being enough to deter the most determined of would be suitors.

And so she has found it extremely amusing that Lincoln, of all people, had not only found it within himself to be offended on her behalf, but was also trying to protect her in his own little way. Some girls might have been offended at the presumption that they needed such protection, but she knew her little brother, and she knew that this came from a good place. Lincoln Loud was forever determined to play the hero, in spite of his unimposing stature and general lack of physicality. She knew that if one of those goobers had found the courage to actually approach her, there was very little that her brother would be able to do to deter them. But, she also knew with the utmost certainty that he would try his absolute hardest in spite of that, and that knowledge stirred something with in her.

Lori found herself struggling with the urge to sweep up her younger sibling into an appreciative cuddle, but the rational part of her mind was able to recognize that Lincoln probably wouldn't appreciate being manhandled like that in public. Instead, she opted to save him from his self-imposed embarrassment.

"So, little bro" she said conversationally, "Where's Clyde? I assumed you guys would be meeting up at some point."

"Oh. He actually had to bail on the convention." Lincoln replied, visibly relieved to have something else to focus on. "Family emergency."

"Oh." said Lori, now concerned. "Everything alright?"

She wasn't particularly disappointed. Clyde had a tendency to make things...difficult, especially when she was involved. But she also knew that his behavior wasn't entirely his own fault, boys got weird at that age. She frowned as the thought of Lincoln similarly going to pieces over a girl flashed through her mind. Images of her little brother following around a nondescript girl. Trying to do her favors. Presenting her with gifts. Proposing...

"There was a car accident." Lincoln continued, drawing her from her disturbing little reverie.

"Not involving Clyde". He immediately added, clearly reading the surprise on her face.

"The crash happened like, three blocks away from their house. But, you know how his dads can be." he said, rolling his eyes in amusement. Lori chuckled in agreement.

"They were so distraught over what could have happened that they ended up scheduling some therapy time for the entire family. Clyde wasn't too thrilled about that."

"I'll bet", Lori said, shaking with repressed laughter.

A bold impulse shot through her, and without thinking, she reached out and took the younger boy's hand in her own.

"Well," she said, locking eyes with him. "I guess it's just you and me then. Hope you're not too disappointed.'

Lincoln smiled, and gave Lori's hand an affectionate squeeze. "How could I be?"

And Lori knew that he meant it.


	17. Chapter 17

" _Trust me Linky, this layout is going to make your booth look totes amazing!_ "

Lincoln smiled to himself as he looked over Leni's proposal for the umpteenth time. In addition to sewing costumes for him and his sisters, and agreeing to work the booth with him, Leni had also taken it upon herself to figure out how the booth should look. Lincoln had been somewhat apprehensive initially. The diagrams he'd been presented with were crude, covered with superfluous hearts and smiley faces, and occasionally resorted to use of the word "thingy", supplemented by an excessive number of arrows and squiggly lines to indicate placement. There were also tiny versions of what appeared to be himself and Leni, standing side by side, smiling, and presumably selling comics.

And despite all that, once he'd started implementing her suggestions it all came together somehow. The promotional art he'd drawn for the occasion. The brightly colored tablecloths they'd brought with them, emblazoned with the Clincoln McCloud publishing label. The little display dolls Leni had surprised him with, each bearing the crude, but undeniably adorable likenesses of him and his sisters. While the individual pieces were undeniably amateur, including his own contributions, the booth was more than the sum of its parts. It was homely. Lived in. Possessed of its own brand of charm, and characterized most strongly, not by the materials used in its construction, but by the efforts of those who had constructed it. Egotistical though it may be, Lincoln liked to think his comic was the same way, and it was for this reason that he felt this booth was perfectly suited for him. _For them_ , he corrected himself, determined to give credit where credit was due.

He withdrew from his musings and glanced around, taking in the surrounding area. Booths as far as the eye could see, in neat, orderly lines. Within each were his fellow vendors, scurrying around their respective lairs in anticipating of money that would soon be thrust upon them by all too willing customers, each desperate to complete one collection or another. Capitalism and addiction meeting in a glorious, harmonious blend. And at the center of it all was a large stage, to be used for announcements and events. Its surface littered with elaborate displays, props, sound equipment, and advertisements from their corporate overlords ( _Ace Cola! Deal Me Another!_ ).

Lincoln's own preparations were nearly complete. All he needed to do was unload and unpack the last of his boxes of product. Fortunately for him, and his noodly arms, his female companions had agreed to help him with that last part.

There in the distance he saw Sam, maneuvering her way through the pre-con detritus while simultaneously managing a large, heavy looking box, accomplishing both tasks with surprising ease. Their eyes met, and her lips curled up in a sultry smile. Once again Lincoln felt what was becoming an all too familiar sensation; that unique combination of heat and terror that only Sam could inspire, which only grew in intensity as the distance between them closed.

Lincoln struggled to regain control of himself, determined that this time, he would not allow the blonde girl to intimidate him so. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, intending to call out a greeting to the older girl...

"On your left, Sharp!"

***WHAM***

...when the situation suddenly resolved itself. With a sqwak of surprise Sam Sharp was sent flying, a tangled bundle of cyan limbs propelled by all too oppressive kenetic forces. In an instant, golden haired rocker gave way to chestnut tressed sports star, and it was now Lynn Loud who was striding towards his table, three extremely, heavy looking boxes held effortlessly aloft in her arms.

Lincoln, trying to ignore how Lynn's impressive display of physicality caused her arms to bulge in a way that was strangely alluring, greeted his sister with the first thing that came to mind.

"You were behind her." He observed.

"Yes." Lynn said, looking extremely pleased with herself. "Yes I was."

* * *

Luna sighed, and gently pulled her downed girlfriend to her feet, wrapping one arm around the blonde's waist in an attempt to steady her.

"Any chance you'd be willing to let that one go?" She asked, hopeful even as she saw the glower forming on the other girl's face.

"She keeps sucker punching me." Sam grumbled, as she wobbled towards equilibrium.

"Just you wait. Next, time, I'm gonna..."

Luna rolled her eyes and dutifully waited for the girl to finish. When it became apparent that no such conclusion was forthcoming. She turned to see what was wrong, and saw Sam gasping like a fish out of water. She followed her girlfriend's gaze to the apparent culprit. Lincoln's booth, now pretty impressively decked out, especially considering how little time he'd had to prepare.

"Everything alright, luv?"

"Clincoln McCloud" Sam murmured, eyes wide with shock. "C ** _liiiiiincoln_**."

"Oh, right..." Luna said, thoughtfully. "I guess we never got around to telling you. Little bro's the one who makes those comics you read."

Again Luna waited for some kind of reaction, but Sam simply stood there, staring.

"Everything alright, luv?" She asked again, this time gently nudging the other girl with her elbow.

"Better than alright, Luna." Sam said, motioning as if to wipe away an invisible tear. "In fact, I can honestly say I've never felt better."

* * *

"Alright." Lori announced to the assembled Louds and the sole Sharp.

"Looks like you're good to go, Lincoln. I promised Carol I'd meet up with her, but I've got my phone. Call me if literally anything happens. and I'll rush right over."

She waited for the younger boy to nod in acknowledgement, then continued.

"Leni and Lynn are going to be helping you with your booth. So again, call me if _anything_ happens. At all. And I will rush right back."

"Hey!"

"Talking is happening. Is talking a thing? Linky, maybe you should call Lori just in case."

"...Moving on." Lori said, dryly. "As for Sam and Luna, I guess you guys are free to—"

" _Weeeee're_ going to be helping out Lincoln too." Sam smoothly interjected, grinning from ear to ear in a manner that was...not quite unsettling, but was certainly...something.

Lori blinked in surprise. But seeing no objections from her younger sister, simply shrugged.

"Fair enough." She said. "Then I guess I'll see you guys later."

Lori spared Lincoln one last look. Feeling that it was her duty as the eldest sibling to say something encouraging, or inspiring...but nothing was coming to mind. Instead she took the younger boy aside, a short distance away from their group for privacy, and gave him a quick hug.

"Good luck, Linky." She murmured.

"Thanks Lori." He replied, squeezing her back in response.

Though her every instinct implored her to do otherwise, Lori reluctantly released her little brother. She dallied for a bit, watching the boy make his trek back to his booth.

"Alright girls." She heard him call out. "Clincoln McCloud Publishing is open for business!"

Lori allowed herself a smile, seeing the boy taking his place at the counter amid the enthusiastic whooping of Sam and Lynn. Finally she worked up the resolve to start walking away. As she did so, she saw Leni pick Lincoln up, and set him down next to her in a single, smooth motion.

"You're supposed to be standing here, Linky."

Lori shook her head in amusement, and continued on her way. Clearly, the young boy was in good hands.

* * *

Lori strode through the crowded convention hall, confidence growing with each passing minute. She had, initially, felt silly for donning the outfit of her fictional alter-ego. Leni had done a fantastic job on the costume, but the whole cosplay thing wasn't really her scene. And so, despite her show of bravado, she'd been feeling self conscious all morning. But the fact that Lincoln hadn't been able to take his eyes off her had done wonders for her self esteem, and the sidelong glances and outright stares she was getting from passers by only served to reinforce that confidence. Maybe she'd head back to the booth and join her siblings when she was done with Carol. The other girls certainly looked nice in their outfits, but she knew for a fact that none of them could "bring it" the way she could.

Lori smiled, imaging how grateful Lincoln would be when his sexy older sister showed up to save the day. So grateful, in fact, that he'd probably end up using some of his earnings to repay her. Take her someplace nice, like that new French restaurant that had opened up recently. She'd politely refuse, of course, she was just doing her job, there was no reason for him to use his hard earned money to reward her. But Lincoln would insist, and, well, if that's what it took to make her little brother feel better, who was she to refuse?

"OH MY GOSH! IT'S THE HIGH CARD!"

Lori was abruptly drawn from her imagination as a large crowd of men (and women, wow) started barreling towards her. She initially froze up, not unlike a deer caught in headlights, but quickly composed herself.

" _Chill, Lori_ " she told herself. " _They clearly can't help themselves. Just shake a few hands, pose for a few selfies, and make sure to plug Lincoln's booth._ "

She settled into what she imagined to be an alluring pose, and waited for the approach of her adoring public. She tensed as the crowd barreled down upon her, getting entirely too close for comfort, given the speed they were traveling at, and for an instant, her resolve broke, and her eyes squeezed shut.

There was a rush of wind, and then...nothing. Lori cautiously opened one eye, and then the other. Nothing. The crowd was gone. She looked around, and it wasn't until she looked behind her that she found her adoring public. Still running, having gone right past her.

"Literally, what?" She asked the empty air, dumbfounded.

* * *

Lori jogged a short distance down the aisle, still trying to puzzle out what had just happened, when she caught up with the crowd. Now, having been assimilated into a much larger crowd. Curious, Lori pushed her way through, trying to ignore the noise, and the constant camera flashes going off around her. After what seemed like hours, she managed to push her way towards the front of the group

It was only then, that she managed to grasp the full scope of the sight before her. An extremely large crowd of men and women, cheering enthusiastically, screaming praise and encouragement, and frantically taking pictures.

...And at the center of it all stood Carol Pingrey. Dressed in an identical High Card outfit.

"Literally, WHAT?" Lori shrieked in disbelief.

"Hi Lori!" called Carol, waving to her friend as she seamlessly shifted into another action pose, much to the delight of the crowd.


	18. Chapter 18

Lincoln Loud was not an especially pessimistic individual. Quite the opposite, in fact, as it was the tendency of the pale haired boy to hope for the best in most situations. Lincoln, however, was also not an especially stupid boy, and the Louds, as well meaning as they were, displayed a propensity for destruction that grew exponentially as more of them gathered in a given area. So the boy was pleasantly surprised that thus far, things were going extremely well for his group.

The Clincoln McCloud Publishing booth had opened to little fanfare. This was to be expected. Savvy Con was a huge convention, and Lincoln's comic, though far more successful than he'd ever dreamed it could be, was ultimately just another product in a sea of many. He'd warned the girls that the corporate tables were the ones that saw most of the action in the early hours of the convention, and that in all likelihood, they'd be in for a bit of a wait before they'd see their first customer.

And for a time, he'd been absolutely correct. Then they got their first customer, far sooner than Lincoln had anticipated. A stammering, blushing teen, not much older than himself, who looked like he was on the verge of fainting after Leni gave him a very enthusiastic greeting. Lincoln had been a tad disappointed to find out that the boy was not one of his readers, but that quickly evaporated when it was confirmed that it was his artwork that had drawn the boy to his stall. They'd made small talk, a few selfies were taken, and the lad was sent on his way with a small stack of comics. All in all, a pretty good experience for his first sale.

It wasn't long before other attendees began to gravitate towards their booth, and the group quickly found themselves busy. As the official vendor, Lincoln had felt obligated to carry the lion's share of the workload, but much to his surprise, he found their customers strangely unwilling to engage with him.

Lincoln had been seriously contemplating throwing something at the latest of these customers, beginning to suspect that he was being intentionally ignored. Then, Lincoln felt a hand on his shoulder, which began to gently guide him away from the table.

"Lincoln." Cooed Sam encouragingly, "You know we all love you very much..."

Her eyes briefly narrowed. "Some of us more than others..."

Lincoln opened his mouth with the intention of asking what she'd meant by that, when the older girl pushed on.

"But I think you're doing more harm than good here." She finished apologetically.

"But look at the crowd." He replied, gesturing to the growing throng of conventioneers that was rapidly building. "I cant just make you guys deal with that by yourselves."

"I think you're going to have to, sweetie." She said. "Just look over there."

Lincoln looked to where the blonde rocker had indicated. There was Luna digging through a box of comics, presumably trying to fulfill an order while her customers eagerly looked on. The girls had been working hard, and the toll was beginning to show. A thin sheen of sweat covered his sister's face, and as he allowed his eyes to drift lower, he could see that her leotard was clinging tightly to her skin, granting a fairly vivid illustration of the older girl's curves.

"Oh." He said, realization dawning. Lincoln attempted to turn his head to look at the other girls, in order to confirm his suspicions, but found himself incapable of doing so.

"Sam?" He asked. "Could you let go of my face?"

"Absolutely." She replied.

"...Will you?" He queried, several moments later.

"...Just a little longer." She murmured, sighing in contentment. Finally, Sam released him from her gentle, yet extremely firm grip.

"Just making sure you saw how hard Luna's got it." Sam said, winking at him.

Lincoln chose to ignore that suspiciously layered statement and took stock of his booth. His face fell ever so slightly as he glanced around and saw that Leni and Lynn were dealing with similar situations

"Everything okay, Linc?" Sam asked, concerned.

"Yeah." He said, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. "Just wasn't expecting to be the third wheel at my own booth."

"Remind me to show you just how fun a third wheel can be." Sam replied with a smirk.

Again, Lincoln had intended to ask for clarification on the older girl's odd turn of phrase, when he found himself, once again, being gently pushed towards the end of the counter.

"What we need to do is find a better use for your talents." Sam concluded.

"And what would that be?" Lincoln asked, confused.

They stopped, and Sam favored him with a warm smile.

"I've got a few ideas."

* * *

"Excuse me, miss?"

Lori Loud was annoyed.

"Back off, pal! I was next!"

Extremely annoyed. It had been twenty minutes since she'd met up with Carol, and they'd barely moved in that time, because randos kept running up to them to take pictures with Carol.

"Only because you keep getting back in line! Let someone else have a chance!"

"Never!"

Aaaand there they went again. It was bad enough that her fellow blonde was completely upstaging her without even trying, but compounding that was the fact that Carol had somehow acquired a costume on par with her own, which only exacerbated the situation.

Lori's phone buzzed in its holster, and she reached for it, grateful for the distraction. It was a text from Leni.

_Hi Lori! Did you find Carol? Ask her how she likes the costume!_

Leni. Of course. Lori sighed, and was partway through a deep, calming breath when her phone buzzed again.

_I based hers off the one I made for you._

_*bzzt*_

_but she was complaining that the top was too tight,_

_*bzzt*_

_and the bottom was too loose._

_*bzzt*_

_Didn't have much time to adjust it before the convention, does she look okay?_

_*bzzt*_

_;smileyLeniface;, ;winkyLeniface;, ;birthdaycake;._

Lori's hands shook as her grip on her phone tightened considerably. Nevertheless she sent back a short reply, confirming that yes, Carol looked GREAT. She heard a cry of pain from nearby, and briefly wondered if they should relocate to somewhere closer to the nurse's station.

Lori felt a soft tapping on her shoulder, and turned. Much to her surprise, she found herself staring at a short, balding, middle aged man, wearing what was clearly supposed to be some facsimile of her own outfit.

"Excuse me sweetie." Said the man. "I hate to be a bother, and I'm sure you get this a lot..."

Lori's felt her chest swell with pride. Finally, some recognition.

"...but you're friends with that High Card over there, right? Any chance you could help me get a picture with her?"

Lori's eye twitched in irritation.

"I am LITERALLY the High Card!" She screamed in frustration.

The man favored her with a pitying gaze.

"Oh, sweetie." He said, patting her shoulder sympathetically. "Aren't we all?"

* * *

Lincoln frowned at the sheet of paper before him, trying to concentrate over the din of the convention around him. Straighten the lines there...add a little more shading there...more emphasis on the bust line, and...

"Done." He announced, presenting his drawing to a waiting customer.

"Strong Suit and Eleven of Hearts wrestling in curry, while a single solitary bag of Wonderbread looks on from the shadows, right?"

"It's perfect!" Exclaimed the man. He happily handed over his payment, and then scurried off, his new acquisition clutched possessively to his chest.

Lincoln chose to refrain from commenting, and simply deposited the payment in his cash box. He'd been skeptical when Sam had suggested he take commissions, but it was working out really well. He'd been getting a steady trickle of customers, some peeling off from his sisters' crowd, miraculously struck by both artistic inspiration and a need for someone to put it to paper, and others wandering in from elsewhere, drawn by the bright colors of the booth and his artwork on display.

Some requests, like the gentleman he'd just finished with, were more challenging than others. But Lincoln found that he enjoyed the problem solving aspect of figuring out how to translate his customer's vague ideas into tangible images. It was fun, and interesting. And being able to get immediate feedback on his art was extremely gratifying.

He allowed his eyes to wander, settling on his sister's girlfriend. There she was, chatting animatedly with a customer while discretely building a sizeable pile of comics between them. Luna looking on, mildly mortified. He felt indebted to the blonde rocker. He hadn't planned on having her help with the booth, but she'd proven invaluable regardless. He had to figure out some way to thank her. He made a mental note to pick Luna's brain for ideas.

The sound of polite coughing alerted him to the fact that he had a customer waiting. Lincoln took a moment to psyche himself up, and turned in the direction of the sound.

He found himself surprised for several reasons. The first was that the individual before him bore the signature cowl and shovel of the Eight of Spades, and she wore them quite well. The quality of the costume had briefly caused Lincoln to question if he wasn't actually looking at the character herself, or at the very least, the girl who'd inspired her creation. But his eyes began to pick out additional details that quickly shattered the illusion.

She was an older girl. Possessed of a similar aura to that of his little sister, yet different, somehow. Heavier, was the word that came to mind. Her frame was also considerably more...robust, in certain aspects, which made any further comparisons between the girls rather moot. His gaze completed its ascent, and his eyes locked with hers. And it was at that point that he realized he knew this girl.

"You're the clown who ruined my birthday party." Said the girl, scowling.

"And you're the girl with terrible taste in entertainment." Lincoln responded in kind, eyes narrowing.


	19. Chapter 19

Lincoln and the faux Eight of Spades stared at each other across the counter top.

"So..." He began. "Uh..."

"Maggie." The girl supplied.

"Maggie." He said, nodding in agreement. "The birthday girl."

"And you're Lincoln." She responded. "I've heard about you."

"Neat." He replied. Then the pair lapsed into awkward silence.

"So..." He began again, "You like my comic?"

"Apparently." Maggie deadpanned. Her eyes darted around, presumably reevaluating the situation.

"...Do you actually draw this stuff?" She asked.

"Writing and drawing." He replied, nodding. "I handle the creative end, more or less. My partner handles the business part."

"Ah."

Silence again.

"...Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?" He asked.

"Extremely."

"Well, at least we're in agreement on something." Lincoln had tried to deliver his reply with good humor, hoping it would spur the girl to open up a little. But it was to no avail. The teen simply continued to look at him with that stony-eyed stare.

This put Lincoln in a bit of a quandary. The older girl was clearly not enthused about having to deal with him, and based on their failed attempt at socializing, he was inclined to feel the same. And yet...the fact that she was still here, talking to him, hinted that there was more to the situation.

Lincoln took a moment, and tried to look beyond the girl's gruff exterior. She was nervous. Almost imperceptibly so. This was a girl who was clearly well practiced at nonchalance, but the signs were there. The way she toyed with her spade, seemingly unconsciously. The way her eyes would break with his for the briefest of moments, roaming over the the comics on display, the colorful costumes of his sisters, the dolls that decorated the countertop. Someone as anti-social as Maggie clearly was didn't just show up to a convention for no reason. Least of all dressed as she was.

"That's a really nice costume." He said, playing to his hunch.

Maggie stiffened, having apparently been preoccupied with her own thoughts. She said nothing, but discretely pulled her hood down a little further, withdrawing into her cowl. It was actually rather impressive how effectively she managed to disappear within her own outfit.

...At least, from the neck upward. No amount of stealth was going to hide what lay below that region.

Taking Maggie's impromptu turtle impression as a sign, Lincoln pulled out a new sheet of paper and began to draw.

"You know," He said conversationally, "Eight's one of my favorites."

He paused, so as to allow Maggie the opportunity to respond. But it quickly became apparent that she wasn't going to take the bait.

"Her costume's a lot of fun to draw." He continued, the soft scratching of his pencil underscoring the cadence of his speech.

"The cloak lends itself to a lot of really cool action poses. The spade is really cool too. It was just supposed to be part of the pun at first, but I think it's really become part of her identity. Just something about how she takes up a tool meant to provide people with food and shelter, and wields it to protect them from harm. I dunno, I think there's something cool about that."

He allowed the conversation to lapse at that point, trying to focus on the finer details of his work. At last, when he was finally about to write off the endeavor as wasted effort, a voice came from within the cowl.

"...I feel a kinship with her."

Lincoln smiled, but said nothing. Silently prompting the girl to continue.

"Eight has a darkness within her." Maggie said, her face peeking out just the slightest bit from underneath the hood.

"She endeavors to do good. But her only means to achieve that good are via a methodology that may very well twist her into the very thing she'd fighting against."

"So its the inner turmoil that appeals to you?" Lincoln asked.

Maggie ventured a little further out, and shook her head emphatically.

"Eight is well acquainted with her darkness. She fears it, as she should. And yet..."

The older girl frowned, seemingly trying to better organize her thoughts.

"...She doesn't let it control her. She owns her darkness. Knowing full well what it could do to her, and yet she faces it head on regardless. Because she knows that a single life lost to something as petty as her own indecisiveness, would be irredeemable. Far more than any act of villainy she could willingly undertake."

She paused, having apparently caught up with her own soliloquizing.

"I just think it's...admirable." She concluded, somewhat lamely. Now keenly aware of how uncharacteristically verbose she had been, and all the more embarrassed for it.

"I agree." Said Lincoln, finishing his drawing with a flourish, then flipping it around for her inspection.

It was a fairly simple sketch. The Eight of Spades, standing against a city skyline. Her stance confident and decisive as her cloak billowed around her. Then came the moment he'd been waiting for, the light of recognition in her eyes as Maggie realized that the individual in question was not, in fact, the Eight of Spades.

"...I think you've taken some artistic liberties." She said at last, the barest hint of red tinging her cheeks.

"Trust me, I didn't." He replied, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice, despite his best efforts. "That costume is a really good fit for you."

Maggie said nothing, continuing to study the drawing, but the color that warmed her normally pale skin seemed to imply that she'd heard him.

"...I think I owe Luan a Coke." She muttered, raising the drawing, seemingly in an attempt to block his view of her.

"Have you seen Luan?" Lincoln asked, all further thoughts of teasing the emo-girl immediately vanishing from his mind.

"Yeah." Maggie affirmed. "We hang out in your basement with your parents, a few of your sisters, and some other goobers."

"In the _sandwich room_?" Lincoln asked, horrified. "Is that where they've been all this time?"

"I guess."

"But it's been months!"

"What can I say? They seem to like it down there."

"So many sandwiches..." Lincoln murmured in disbelief.

"It's not so bad down there." Maggie said, shrugging. "Luan makes it fun. She has a very...rye sense of humor."

In spite of the loud, ambient noises of the convention around them, the world suddenly seemed a lot quieter.

"...I won't tell anyone you said that." Lincoln, said, glancing around worriedly.

"...Please don't." Replied the older girl. Then the world went back to normal.

Maggie coughed in embarrassment.

"A-anyway, I should probably get going." She said, reaching for her purse.

Lincoln waved her off.

"That wasn't a sale. That was a gift for a fan."

Maggie managed to look both perplexed and grateful, but silently accepted the drawing regardless. She started walking away, but stopped herself.

"Y-you know." Maggie said, her voice trembling very faintly. "Luan says she misses you. You should...probably give her a call."

A smile spread across Lincoln's face.

"Thanks Maggie, I think I will."

"Don't mention it." She murmured, vanishing into the crowd.


	20. Chapter 20

"Here you go, sir." Lincoln wheezed, handing over one final drawing to his waiting customer.

Lincoln resisted the urge to shudder until the man had fully disappeared into the adjacent sea of bodies, then let it out in one movement so violent that his teeth were still chattering even after it had finished. Then, in a single decisive act, snapped his pencil in two.

...or tried to, at least. His trembling hands couldn't quite muster the force needed. After several more failed attempts, Lincoln felt a soft tapping on his shoulder. He turned and saw Lynn, looking somewhat worse for wear herself. She gestured wearily, and he complied, handing over the pencil. A single twitch of her hand, and the deed was done.

"No more commissions." He rasped, eliciting a tired grin from the older girl.

* * *

Luna stretched, groaning in satisfaction as the many tiny pops and cracks that resounded along her body. When Sam had volunteered their services, Luna had assumed the job would mostly involve standing around and trying to attract attention. She hadn't anticipated just how much attention would be attracted, the onslaught of stares and leers she'd been subjected to fresh in her mind. What had begun as mildly flattering had quickly grown tiresome, and she'd begun to look forward to any opportunity to duck under the counter and rummage through Lincoln's boxes of product, eager for the brief reprieve it brought her.

Luna glanced sideways to Sam, feeling a slight degree of irritation. As far as she could tell, her girlfriend had gotten it just as badly as she had, and yet there she was, humming to herself and tidying up the immediate area, seemingly fresh as a daisy. She lingered, perhaps a bit too long, and her eyes met Sam's. The blonde girl seemingly, misinterpreting Luna's attentions, shot back a sultry grin. Luna reddened slightly, and quickly broke eye contact. Stupid sexy Sam.

She heard the sound of footsteps approaching and quickly spun to meet them, eager for the distraction. Lincoln, Lynn, and Leni. All looking just as haggard as she felt. She nodded in greeting to her little brother, and he responded with a happy, albeit tired smile. She felt a familiar warmth begin to build, and decided the safest thing was simply to look at the ground. Stupid sexy Lincoln.

"Alright girls." Lincoln began. "It's been a long morning, and you've all worked really hard. I think this is a pretty good point to shut down for a while."

Luna let out a very soft sigh of relief. Unwilling to display the fatigue she so clearly felt, but glad for the break all the same.

"Lynn and I are going to walk around a bit. If any of you want to join us, y-OUCH!"

Luna smirked to herself. Picturing in her mind the glower that her little sister was undoubtedly wearing.

"Aw, that sounds fun Linky. But I think I'm gonna get my sewing kit and see if I can do something about my costume."

Luna nodded in silent agreement. There had already been a few casualties of the sheer degree of Leni that was crammed into that outfit. That was bound to be bad for business.

"And I assume Luna and Sam will want some time to themselves. So that's that then. Thanks again guys, I'll text you when I'm ready to reopen."

Luna waved in what she perceived to be her little brother's general direction, and listened for the sound of his departing footsteps. When it seemed that the coast was clear, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding, and finally glanced around.

Her siblings were gone, as expected. What she hadn't expected to see, was Sam, a look of determination on her face, and an as of yet unseen backpack slung around her shoulder.

"Sam?" Luna asked, knowing she wasn't going to like the answer. "What are you doing."

Sam face scrunched up in concentration.

"I'm going..." She said at last, "To...stalk. Lynn...and Lincoln."

Sam paused thoughtfully, presumably turning over the phrase in her head. Then, seemingly satisfied, nodded happily.

Luna sighed heavily and put one arm around her girlfriend's shoulder.

"Come on, luv. We've gotta have a talk."

* * *

Luna dragged Sam into a nearby supply room. She glanced around to confirm that nobody had seen them, then pulled the door shut, locking it. She took a deep breath to steady herself, then turned...to her beaming girlfriend.

"Luna Loud, you sly pooch." Sam said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Why didn't you say something sooner? Just let me give Lincoln a jangle, and we can—"

"Sam." Luna interjected, holding up one hand to forestall any further misunderstandings. "You need to stop this."

"Stop what, Lunes?" She asked, puzzlement evident on her face.

"This whole thing with Lincoln. The scheming, the feuding with Lynn, this whole...secret plan of yours."

"But I finally came up with a name!" Sam protested, quickly unzipping her backpack and withdrawing a large binder. _**Operation: Samwich** ,_ it read.

"That's weirdly adorable." Luna grudgingly admitted.

"Right?"

"But you need to cut this stuff out!"

"Luna..." Sam said, frowning. "I thought we were on the same page here. I was so happy that you'd finally asked for my help—"

"I just wanted you to help me spend more time with Lincoln!"

"Because you love him." The blonde said, with absolute certainty.

"As his _sister_ , Sam! I-I just...I just worry about him. I don't want to marry him! Or build a life with him! O-or have..." Luna found herself trailing off as her throat constricted from a sudden burst of raw emotion.

"Adorable white haired babies?"

"T-twenty-four, adorable, white-haired babies." Luna finished, hissing the final words, due to the sheer effort it took for vocalize them.

"You love him, Luna." Sam said, enunciating each word as slowly as possible, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't!" Luna shouted, trying to ignore the burning in her face. "Not that way!"

"Luna..."

"You need to stop this, Sam! Whatever stupid scheme you've got planned out, it's over! I'm putting my foot down!"

"I _can't_ , Luna."

"I don't want excuses, Sam! I want you to promise me right now that you'll throw that binder away and stay away from Lincoln!"

"I _literally_ can't, Luna."

"Well why the heck not!?"

"Because I _love you_ , _you idiot!_ "

* * *

Sam Sharp stared into the furious and confused eyes of her girlfriend.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Luna growled.

Sam sighed, trying to collect herself. This was important, for all of them. She couldn't afford to get emotional, there was too much riding on this.

"I thought you had finally come around." She began, trying to keep her voice level. "I thought you were finally being honest with yourself..."

Sam trailed off as realization hit her like a lightning bolt.

"...but you really can't see it, can you?"

"See _what_ , Sam?"

"The way he looks at you, Lunes. And...the way you look at him."

Silence fell upon the room, and the two girls stood there, staring at each other. Finally, Luna took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Sam..." She began.

But Sam pushed on, knowing that she couldn't afford to let the other girl rebuild her defenses.

"You're in love with him, Luna." She insisted. "I think you've _been_ in love with him for a long time. Before you even met me, and I'm honestly annoyed that I didn't see it sooner."

"...And what makes you say that?" Luna rasped.

"Because when you're in a room together...doesn't matter where, doesn't matter when, doesn't matter with _whom..._ Lincoln's the one you're looking at."

* * *

Luna flinched as Sam's words fell upon her, feeling them like a physical blow.

"You don't know what you're talking about." She replied, suddenly finding it very difficult to look her girlfriend in the eye. But Sam wasn't done.

"Luna..." Sam said, closing the distance between them and gently placing one sympathetic hand on Luna's shoulder. It took every ounce of Luna's willpower to resist the urge to flinch away from the physical contact.

"I'm not some...psycho, you know? I'm not trying to get you two to act out some weird, perverted fantasy of mine."

Sam paused, thoughtfully.

"Although I can't deny that it's kinda hot. The whole forbidden love angle."

Luna face burned with shame. She wanted to turn away, to look at anything else, but Sam gently held her in place.

"You know, I was kinda...jealous at first." She continued. "When I realized it. But who wouldn't be, right?"

Sam giggled, and in spite of everything, Luna felt her nerves calm ever so slightly. That laugh was like music.

"But when I see you two together, I get it. I can't help but get it."

"Get what?" Luna asked, unable to keep the quiver of uncertainty out of her voice.

"I mean, there's the obvious stuff. He's cute as a button, and with your family's genes, you just know he's gonna grow up something fierce once puberty kicks in."

Luna flinched as a number of possibilities for what Lincoln might look like all grown up briefly flashed through her mind. Stupid _sexy_ Lincoln!

"And he's such a sweetie. You're always telling me about how he tries his darnedest to be there for you and your sisters...even if he ends up making things worse sometimes."

She giggled again, and in spite of her shame, Luna was finding it difficult not to feel at least a little buoyed by her girlfriend's positivity.

"He's smart, and he's funny. He's already becoming a hell of an artist. He's just a really great guy. Honestly, I don't think I could ask for a better person to share my girlfriend with. But aside from that..."

Sam trailed off and chewed her lip thoughtfully, seemingly trying to find the proper words.

"Luna, I fell in love with you because you're everything your name promises. You're passionate. Bombastic. You express yourself in everything that you do, and you live your life like you've got every single dial turned up to eleven. But when you're with Lincoln, you become...more of yourself. More caring, more expressive. More passionate, more...Luna."

Sam paused, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"You become louder, in every sense of the word. And it's amazing. You're both amazing. Together. And I love you too much to keep that from you."

Sam's smile faltered, ever so slightly.

"I just...want to be part of it, you know?"

Luna blinked, only just now noticing the tears flowing down her cheeks. She closed what little distance remained between them and pulled the other girl into a tight embrace, and kissed her, capturing the beautiful blonde girl's lips with her own. They stayed that way for as long as they could, emotions and feelings intermingling much in the same way their bodies were. Until finally air became an all too pressing consideration. The kiss broke, and they stared at one another, baking in the glow of their mutual affections.

"I love you too, Sam." Luna murmured, suddenly embarrassed in spite of herself. "But even if that were true...and I'm not saying it is...you know it could never work."

"Of course it could, sweetie." Sam replied, nuzzling, Luna's neck affectionately. "We've still got The Plan..."

"...Twenty-four babies?"

"Be patient." Sam said, gently flicking Luna on the nose. "That's much later."

Luna sighed. "Seriously, Sam, whatever you've got in there..."

"Has already been set into motion." Sam concluded, cheerfully.

* * *

Luna's eyes narrowed, letting go of the blonde girl and slowly inching towards the door. "What did you do, Sam?"

"What I'm _doing_ , Luna, is for us. All _three_ of us."

"Sam, I'm not just going to let you—"

"And that's why I'm not asking for your permission, Luna." Sam growled back, withdrawing a small, cylindrical device from one of the pouches on her belt.

"Smoke bomb!" The blonde cackled, flinging the object to the ground.

Luna instinctively closed her eyes and flinched at the loud BANG that resounded. She held her breath, having seen enough movies to know what would come next, and then...nothing.

Luna cautiously opened her eyes, and looked around. The blonde was gone, with only a small pile of papers left behind to indicate she'd been there at all. Luna leaned down and picked one up. " **Smoke!** " It read, in big, bold letters.

"...Right" She murmured to herself, shaking her head in exasperation. "Semi-functional."


	21. Chapter 21

Savvy Con attendees were treated to a great many sights as a reward for their willingness to pay the dubiously priced admission fee. There was the more mundane fare in the form of merchandise, both of the mass produced corporate variety and the creative but low budget fan variety. Artwork was available for viewing, again from both the corporate and private sectors. There were panels and signings, meet and greets aimed at a variety of different interests, and the convention staple: many, many attractive women dressed in form fitting outfits.

One such girl strode purposefully down the aisles of the dealers hall, long crimson hair cresting a familiar combination of a domino mask, cape, and tights, all attached to a pair shapely legs, purposefully left bare and prominently on display. Minor alterations aside, it was an ensemble that was instantly recognizable to anyone on the premises. Though, as the many appreciative stares she received in passing would attest, few wore it as well as the statuesque redhead in question.

Becky briefly glanced at her program and, upon confirming that she was on the right track, slid the small pamphlet into the hidden pocket of her cape before resuming her stride. She'd rehearsed this entrance a great many times in the days leading up to the convention, and had determined that she needed both hands free to achieve the optimal effect.

Becky smiled to herself as she quickly ran through the routine one last time in her head. She would come upon the Clincoln McCloud table, and its undoubtedly overworked occupants, sidle on up to her favorite pale haired comic book artist, and make herself known with a dramatic, and well-practiced flourish of her cape, simultaneously announcing herself and dazzling Lincoln with her exquisitely crafted, hand-made Lady Ace outfit _(Thanks Leni!)._ She'd lean over, close enough that he could feel her breath on his skin, and in a soft, velvety voice, whisper, "Need a _hand_ , Ace?". And then Lincoln would instantly pass out, falling forward into the relative safety of her ample bosom.

Becky's eyes narrowed as the familiar sight of Lincoln's artwork appeared in the distance. " _Showtime"_ , she thought, quickening her stride, equal parts eager and nervous to finally have the opportunity to put her plan into action. Unfortunately, it was not an adorable white haired boy that would fill her waiting chest, but crushing disappointment, as she arrived to find that booth was completely vacant. Save for a placard left on the counter. "We'll Bee Right Back!" It read, accompanied by what appeared to be a small deformed image of Leni wearing a bee suit.

Becky let out a long, frustrated sigh, and sat herself down on the counter, desperately trying to quell her frothing loins through sheer willpower alone. It was fine, she reassured herself. Clearly Lincoln was just off on a break. She'd just wait for him to get back. After all, how long could he possibly be gone?

* * *

Lori Loud was, at this particular moment, considerably less annoyed than she had been at any other time since the con had started. Given the literal bodies that had been left in the wake of her and her bestie, she was choosing to consider this particular state of mind to be a net win.

"Well, that was fun." Carol chirped, motioning for Lori to follow her.

After a quick, and covert roll of her eyes, Lori complied, falling into step alongside her fellow blonde.

"That nice paramedic said those boys just needed to get some rest." Carol giggled to herself. "Honestly, it's like they've never seen a couple of pretty girls before."

Lori shot her friend a suspicious, sidelong glance, unsure as to how genuine the statement was. Anyone with eyes could have seen that the preceding bloodbath had been over Carol, and Carol alone. Some might call this sour grapes, but when it became clear that the melee was going to be an extended affair, Lori had taken the opportunity to grab herself an overpriced hot pretzel and an Ace Cola ( _Deal Me Another!_ ). No one had missed her. No one had even stopped her from crossing the circle of police tape that had been erected in an attempt to contain the conflict.

"Literally." Lori replied diplomatically, choosing to ere on the side of caution.

"Good news though." Carol continued, a grin growing on her face. "All those photo ops gave me a chance to collect information. He's here."

"He who?" Lori asked, disinterestedly, idly wondering if putting up Vanzilla as collateral would allow her to afford another pretzel.

" _He._ Him. The guy."

Lori's snarky rebuttal died on her tongue as she suddenly remembered why Carol had dragged her to this thing to begin with. Lincoln. Comic. _Impending_ _Disaster_.

"O-oh..." She replied, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

" _Wow Carol, you look amazing! So much better than Lori!"_

_"Yeah! She's like Lori. But better in every conceivable way!"_

_"Oh my gosh! Linky! Why don't we just let Carol be our new Lori? She's so much prettier and smarter, and her shoes never make weird noises like Lori's do!"_

_"That's a rockin idea! Hey little bro, you could even make it official by marrying her!"_

_"And I'm Sam!"_

"GAH!" Lori screeched as she forcibly pulled herself out of her mental funk. Nothing good could from from this. Only bad things. Terrible things.

"Everything okay, Lori?" Carol asked. Concerned, but clearly weirded out by her friend's behavior.

"FINE!" Lori replied.

"Then why are you screaming?"

"I'M NOT SCREAMING!"

"...Okay." Carol replied, seemingly unconvinced, but willing to let the matter drop. "Anyway, we're looking for the Clincoln Mccloud booth. Apparently our man's rocking white hair (totally called it) and a really snazzy Ace Savvy costume. And he's taking commissions!"

Lori winced at the ensuing squeal of delight that erupted from her friend. She had to nip this thing in the bud. And fast.

"S-so where are we heading, Carol?" Lori asked through gritted teeth.

"Seems like we're looking for aisle eleven..."

"OH!" Lori exclaimed, trying to sound surprised. "I know where that is!"

With that, she grabbed Carol by the hand and rushed off, dragging the blonde behind her.

" _Keep away from Lincoln. Plan later. Protect family. Protect **Lori**!_" Lori thought to herself, ignoring her friend's increasingly loud protestations as she dragged her in the exact opposite direction they should have gone.

* * *

Lynn let out a low, predatory growl in the direction of the latest batch of leers being sent her way. Despite the distance, and the ambient din of the convention around them, her message was somehow received, and those looks of appreciation quickly turned to looks of terror, with her former admirers quickly finding other sights to occupy them.

It was one of Lynn's secret shames that she had never felt particularly feminine. Growing up with sisters like Lori and Leni didn't help, given the attention they commanded by simply existing. She had told herself that it didn't matter, that she liked being who she was, and for the most part that was true. But there was always that small, uncertain part of her that wondered what it would be like if boys looked at her the same way they looked at her sisters.

Savvy Con had thoroughly destroyed any illusions she might have had as to that fantasy. She'd received more attention in the last few hours than she had in her entire life, and it had only left her embarrassed, irritated, and thoroughly creeped out. The first thing she was going to do when she got home, was ask Lisa for some kind of cloaking device, and never turn it off.

Lynn felt her rage abet somewhat as a familiar hand wrapped around her own, and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Everything okay, Lynn?" Lincoln asked, concern evident on his face.

"I-its fine." Lynn responded squeezing Lincoln's hand in return.

To her surprise, she felt a change in the air. The lecherous pressure that had suffused the air suddenly abated considerably. Puzzled, Lynn experimentally withdrew her hand from Lincoln's, and winced as the oppressive atmosphere immediately returned.

Panicking, Lynn once again grabbed Lincoln's hand, and let out a soft sigh of contentment as the perverse miasma receded once more. Lynn wasn't the most scientifically minded girl, but there was clearly some cause and effect at work here. Lincoln, for his part took her behavior in stride, which she appreciated.

Lynn gathered her courage and slid closer to Lincoln, as discretely as she could. Inches quickly became fractions, and soon Lynn was so close to Lincoln that it seemed that there were only atoms separating them, and nothing more. Again, Lincoln failed to show any kind of adverse reaction, and Lynn found herself smiling. Being here. Together. With her little brother. All the tension and frustration from the preceding hours seemed to just melt away. It was nice.

"J-just don't forget your promise." Lynn warned him, trying to ignore the burning in her face.

Lincoln laughed, causing his shoulder to brush against Lynn's bare arm. Lynn winced as a new wave of heat rushed through her body.

"Don't worry, Lynn", said Lincoln, turning to look at her with those warm, sincere eyes of his. "I promised I'd stick with you, and I meant it."

And Lynn believed him.

"Improvised smoke bomb!" Came a cry from behind her, and before Lynn could react in any way, her world went dark.

* * *

It took Lynn a few precious seconds to realize that she was still conscious. The sounds of the convention could still be heard around her, albeit muffled. She reached up with her hands and tried to touch her face, only to be met with mild resistance. Cardboard, it felt like.

Finding a proper handhold, Lynn yanked the offending object off her head, mildly mussing her hair in the process. A moderately sized cardboard box had been the culprit, apparently.

Lynn noticed several small scraps of paper drifting down to the ground. A quick glance around revealed that quite a few similar papers had already been scattered around her feet. She grabbed one as it lazily floated below her eye line, and held it up for examination. " **Smoke!"** It read, in big, bold letters.

"What the heck?" Lynn murmured in disbelief. She turned to Lincoln, hoping to get his take on things, but he was nowhere to be found. The pale haired boy had vanished.


	22. Chapter 22

It was strange, Lincoln Loud mused to himself, how routine even the most unusual of circumstances could become. One minute, he'd found himself having something that was beginning to _strongly_ resemble a heart to heart with Lynn, and the next he found himself slung over someone's shoulders and carried off against his will. The bouncing, shapely female rear before him serving as the only indication of who his current mode of transportation might be.

"Sam?" He ventured, reasonably confident in his assessment of the cyan clad asset currently occupying his field of vision.

"Hey, Lincoln." Came the expected reply.

"How's it going?"

"Pretty good. How about you?"

Lincoln paused to consider his options. On the one hand, these friendly abductions, carried out by the various women in his life were becoming distressingly commonplace. On the other hand, working his booth had been exhausting, and it _was_ kind of nice to get off his feet for a bit. If nothing else, the view certainly didn't disappoint.

"...Can't complain." He responded at last, trying to keep his voice level.

"Awesome."

Lincoln hoped for the blonde to volunteer more, but nothing seemed forthcoming.

"Anything you want to talk about?" He prompted the older girl.

"Nah. It's like, this whole...thing. You know?"

"Not really."

"It's like..." Sam trailed off, hemming to fill the conversational void. Lincoln found the sound to be oddly lyrical.

"Remember issue #196?" She said at last.

Lincoln blinked in confusion. " _Attack of the Deceptively Fast Gingerbread People_?"

"Err, sorry. I meant #169."

"Oh, _The Mile Nightclub_. Where Ace fakes his own kidnapping so Nightclub is forced to confront a deep personal truth about herself?"

"That's the one."

Lincoln frowned in concentration, trying to make the connection. Suddenly, understanding dawned upon him.

"Wait...is this a reenactment? Are we roleplaying?"

Another pause. "Yes, Lincoln. That is exactly what we are doing. Roleplaying. You, me, and Luna."

"Wow!" Lincoln exclaimed, a rush of euphoria briefly displacing the blood that was pooling in his head.

"That's so cool! But why that issue? I mean, I liked it, but it was based on a fan commission. That didn't go over very well with readers."

"T-trust me." She replied, giving him a reassuring smile. "It's one of your best."

"Well, thank you, I'm flattered." A thought occurred to him. "Except, I didn't think Luna was into that kind of stuff."

"Part of being a good girlfriend is introducing your partner to new experiences." Sam responded, cheerfully. "And with your help, I think we can make Luna a big fan of...roleplaying."

"Well in that case, you have my full support."

"Fantastic."

"So...now that we've got that sorted out, are you going to let me down?"

"Sorry sweetie, no can do. You're being kidnapped, remember?"

"Right, right. Carry on."

* * *

Becky checked her phone for the umpteenth time and sighed again. She didn't even know why she bothered. It wasn't like she could just bail at this point, she'd invested too much time and energy into this thing What was she gonna do, waltz off and buy an overpriced pretzel? Let all that hard work go to waste? No, no she wasn't. And not just because she couldn't afford the hit to her credit rating.

She was resolute. No matter how long it took, no matter how sore she got from sitting on this profoundly uncomfortable countertop, she would not yield. Tonight, she was going home with her adorable, albeit frustratingly obtuse, little man. And he was going to _thank_ her for the privilege. Even if it took all night. _Especially_ if it took all night.

Becky suddenly leapt to her feet, eyes narrowing as she scanned the crowd before her. There was...a presence here. Unknown to her, but somehow familiar. That was when she noticed the tiny, almost imperceptible ripples in the crowd.

A figure emerged. Specter, might have been a more appropriate terms, gliding almost imperceptibly from the throng of convention goers. Clad in a dark cowl, hood pulled low to obscure their features, the figure drifted slowly but steadily towards her. Becky felt a familiar sense of dread as the distance continued to decrease between them. Not from terror, but rather from something far more primal. For though the being in question had clearly strove for something ethereal with their choice of wardrobe, it was impossible to fully conceal the shape beneath the cloth. Try as they might, steady as their stride may have been there was no hiding the way the material would occasionally catch, however briefly, elucidating as to the shape of the form contained within. _Female_. Incredibly, obviously, undeniably female.

After what felt like an eternity, the figure finally arrived, stopping but scant feet away from where Becky was resting. It took a little finagling, but at this distance Becky was able to peer through the hood, and glimpse what lay inside. Raven black hair framing an equally dark, piercing gaze. Features which could be considered quite pretty, were it not for the permanent scowl that adorned the face. And undeniably female, Becky noted to herself with some small amount of satisfaction, even as she groaned internally. Because there was only one reason a woman would ever come to Lincoln's booth. There was only, _ever_ , one-

"I'm looking for Lincoln." The girl murmured, her voice barely perceptible amid the din of the convention.

...Dang it.

"He's not here." Becky said, drawing herself up to her full height, which gave her considerable vantage over the other girl. "He...left. But I'd be happy to pass on a message for you." Eventually. What difference would one, or five years make in the grand scheme of things?

The other girl stared up at her, clearly unimpressed. Becky saw the other girl's eyes begin to wander, taking in the state of the booth. Then they stopped. Becky spared the briefest of glances behind her, trying to ascertain the target. Then she saw it. Bee Leni. Traitorous, treacherous Bee Leni. Double dang it.

"That's alright." Replied the other girl, making her way over to the table. Her tone hadn't changed in the slightest, but Becky could _feel_ smugness, where there once was none.

She gestured to the placard. "Looks like he'll be back soon. I think I'll wait. Right here."

"Fine." Becky growled, eyes narrowing.

"Indeed." The other girl replied, responding in kind.

The pair stared at each other from across the empty table. It seemed Becky's wait had gotten that much weightier.

* * *

Sam peered down at the convention beneath her, the attendees scurrying around like metaphorical ants, unaware that they were being watched.

She and Lincoln were making preparations upon the con's center stage. She'd chosen this particular position for several reasons. First, being the aforementioned vantage. It was imperative that that she could see, and be seen from any part of the convention. Luna was on the war path now, if her constantly buzzing phone was any indication. The second she found out where they were, she'd swoop in to rescue Lincoln. Which was the point, obviously, but not until the proper time.

Sam winced as a sharp whine assaulted her senses, and instinctively ducked behind a large cardboard standee, shooting a meaningful glance at her assistant/hostage.

"Sorry, Sam." Lincoln apologized, flushed with embarrassment. He gingerly fiddled with the amp before him, wary of repeating his mistake.

Sam took a calming breath to re-center herself. It wasn't his fault, these things happened.

"Its alright Linc." She said, peaking around the corner of her hiding spot. No angry girlfriends charging the stage, that was a good sign.

"How it going?" She called behind her.

"This is a little different from the stuff you and Luna use...but I think we're about ready to go."

"Beautiful." She said, grinning as she scurried back towards the younger boy. It was almost time, no need to get sloppy now. Moments later, Lincoln gave her an emphatic nod. It was time.

"Alright." She said, rubbing her hands together with anticipation. "One last check before showtime." She looked to Lincoln, who was currently rifling through her back pack.

"Wireless, hands-free mic?"

"Check." He responded, handing her the item in question.

"Back up batteries?"

"Check."

"Nefarious implements of nefariousness?"

"Check? I guess? Can you attribute moral failings to a bunch of inanimate objects?"

"Details" She replied, waiving her hands dismissively. "Smoke bombs?"

"We ran out of paper. Should I get more?"

"Don't worry about it. At this point, I guess there's nowhere to fall back to anyway. What about the rope?"

"Check."

Sam took one last calming breath. Showtime.

She walked towards the center of the stage, motioning for Lincoln to follow her. Along the way, she retrieved a chair she'd stashed sometime earlier.

"Sorry I couldn't get you something with more padding." She apologized, setting it up. In a perfect world it would have been large and imposing. More throne than chair, with spikes protruding from the sides, and possibly some kind of cup holder. But she'd had to settle for a basic folding chair, stolen from another booth.

"It's fine." Lincoln assured her, "I've sat in worse."

Lincoln hopped into the chair and, much to her surprise, quickly went about tying himself up. When he was finished, Sam inspected his handiwork, marveling at the intricate knots he'd somehow woven. Finding no obvious weaknesses in the setup with her eyes, she began tugging at his restraints. To her amazement, they were rock solid.

"How did you..." She began, genuinely bewildered.

"I mean, it's basically just like untying yourself. But in reverse. Right?"

Sam blinked. "Alright. But why would you have to-"

"Luan." He said, simply.

"Ah." She responded, nodding in understanding. "'Nuff said."

Sam tousled the younger boy's hair affectionately. "Need me to get you anything before we start?"

"Nah, I'm good. Go get em, Sam!"

"Thanks, Linc." She started to walk away but, acting on impulse, leaned down instead, and gave the boy a quick kiss on the cheek.

"That's for being such a great helper" She purred, giggling as Lincoln immediately went from calm, collected assistant, to a blushing stammering mess. Alright, enough games.

"CITIZENS OF ROYAL WOODS" She announced, her voice booming throughout the convention hall, courtesy of the speakers she and Lincoln had set up.

"I, AM THE CARD SHARP! AND I COME BEFORE YOU TODAY TO ANNOUNCE A TRULY MOMENTOUS OCCASION! THE CAPTURE, OF ACE SAVVY!"

With a flourish, Sam gestured to her companion, who simply sat there, grinning bashfully. To her surprise, and extreme gratification, she could actually hear gasps of surprise and alarm coming from the gathering crowd. She almost certainly had Luna's attention by this point, time to reel her in.

"I KNOW THAT ACE'S MOST TRUSTED COMPANION, THE NIGHTCLUB, LURKS AMONG YOU. SHE PROBABLY THINKS HERSELF CAPABLE OF RESCUING HER BELOVED PARTNER FROM MY MACHINATIONS."

"WELL," Sam paused for dramatic effect. "IF SHE HOPES TO DO SO, SHE'D BETTER DO IT QUICKLY."

Sam gestured to a nearby television screen, causing a five minute, and forty-five second countdown to appear. She glanced in confusion at Lincoln, who could only shrug in response. At least he tried. Thwarted by his own handiwork, the ropes impeded his ability to shrug, resulting in something more akin to a violent twitch. But the message was clear enough.

"AS YOU CAN SEE, YOU HAVE...A LITTLE UNDER SIX MINUTES...APPARENTLY...TO RESCUE ACE!"

With that, she crossed to the center of the and sat herself down in Lincoln's lap, wrapping herself around him for stability. She took a moment to enjoy the way his heartbeat quickened, before continuing.

"SHOULD YOU FAIL TO DO SO WITHIN THE ALLOTTED TIME, I..." She took a deep breath "WILL KISS! ACE! SAVVY!"

Silence fell upon the crowd, the seconds ticking by. Then, just as the silence seemed unbearable, the crowd erupted into noise, presumably due to the nefariousness of her scheme. Heartened by the reaction, Sam geared herself up for the big finish.

"CLOCK'S TICKING, NIGHTCLUB!" She announced. Then, the moment she'd been waiting for. Sam threw back her head, and unleashed the villainous cackle she'd been practicing for weeks.

"UWA HA HA HA HA!"

With that, Sam let out a sigh of relief. Phase one was complete. Now to play the waiting game.

"Y-you know, Sam" Lincoln stammered, "That laugh was great, but I bet you could make it at least 10% more evil if you went with something more like a 'Mwa ha ha'.

"Thank you, sweetie." She replied, genuinely touched by his thoughtfulness. It was at this point that she realized she was still wrapped around the younger boy.

Her laughter still echoing through the convention center, Sam allowed herself a brief respite, and leaned into her accomplice, enjoying the sensation of their bodies entwined together. Luna had better hurry up and get over herself. Sam really wanted Luna to be the first to partake of the third member of their band, but it was getting harder and harder to restrain herself.

"Sam!" Lincoln squeaked in embarrassment, struggling against the prison of his own making. Sam took a moment to enjoy the irony before she resumed nuzzling her face against his neck. Such a cutie.

* * *

"THANK YOU, SWEETIE"

As Sam's words rang out into the crowd, three sets of eyes, in three different parts of the convention narrowed in anger.

"Game on." Lynn growled, eagerly cracking her knuckles.


	23. Chapter 23

**"CITIZENS OF ROYAL WOODS"**

Lori Loud had gone through a gamut of emotions over the last few hours. Confusion. Frustration. Envy. Even more envy. And a perplexing degree of affection towards her little brother, which she would have preferred to avoid dwelling upon for the moment.

"Hey Lori, it looks like something's happening on stage!"

Lori grunted in acknowledgement and drifted after Carol, slipping off her mask as she did so and allowing herself to bask in the, admittedly minor relief, that came from the air brushing against her unobstructed face. For the moment, she was content to follow the other blonde's lead. Lori had lead her friend on an intentionally confusing romp around the convention hall, and was now fairly confident that there was zero chance of accidentally running into Lincoln from their current location. It seemed that she would finally have an opportunity, however brief, to be alone with her thoughts.

Chief among them being...why had she done this to begin with?

Keeping Carol away from Lincoln had been an, admittedly spurious decision. Easily justifiable at the time. Carol; smart, popular, beautiful, succeeds at freaking everything she tries, _Carol Pingrey_ of all people, had built up this grand, Cinderella fantasy in her head based on little more than conjecture and happenstance.

It had been equal parts amusing and a little worrisome to find that her friend had such an idealistic streak. It had been Lori's worry that finding out that the thing Carol had interpreted as a grand, romantic gesture, was really just a series of contrived circumstances, unwittingly perpetrated by her oblivious little brother, was certain to crush the poor girl.

"Ooh." Carol cooed in excitement. "I think there's a show going on!"

But...would it, really? Naturally, the girl was going to be shocked and embarrassed at her mistake, at least initially. But it's not like she was finding out that her mystery man was just any old guy, it was Lincoln. Despite the age gap, the two apparently got along great. Infuriatingly so, having somehow formed their own friendship without her noticing.

Lori had seen it herself when Carol had so effortlessly fit into the special night she'd planned for her and Lincoln. That whole night, Lori had been unable to shake the incredibly uncomfortable thought that if Lori had removed herself from the equation, things may have gone exactly the same, if not better. Compounding that with Carol's unwitting appropriation of the High Card, a character literally based off Lori, and...well, it's _possible_ that she may have overreacted. Just a tad.

"Huh." Carol muttered to herself, craning her head for a better view. "You know, there's something really familiar about that guy on stage."

Maybe it was time to finally put this matter to rest. Let the chips fall where they may. Despite what this recent, incredibly contrived series of hijinx might indicate, she knew in her heart that Lincoln was her little brother. And nobody could ever take that away from her.

"Hey Lori? Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that kid up there look a lot like...Lincoln?"

_Lincoln?_ Lori's gaze snapped upward and she turned in the direction Carol was indicating. Lincoln. On stage. Bound. Looking profoundly uncomfortable as Sam wrapped herself around him, all while a crowd of onlookers cheered enthusiastically.

**"...WILL KISS! ACE! SAVVY!"**

Lori's jaw clenched as righteous, sisterly fury began to course through her very being. The situation before her was more baffling than anything else she'd seen today, which said quite a lot. But the how and the why of the matter were immaterial. Nobody kidnapped her little brother and violated his purity before a cheering crowd. Not if Lori Loud had anything to say about it.

"Sorry, Carol." Lori growled "I've gotta go deal out some justice."

"Lori! Wai—"

But Carol's words went unheeded as Lori dashed off, quickly losing herself among the gathering throng of onlookers.

* * *

**"UWA HA HA HA HA!"**

Luna dashed towards the stage, years of accumulated concert experiences allowing her to navigate through the surrounding crowd as easily as a fish swam through water. This was it, Sam had finally played her hand. Truth be told, it wasn't a terrible plan, insane super villainy notwithstanding. Sam making out with Lincoln, in plain view of a packed convention crowd was going to be a hard thing to cover up. Mom and Dad would demand answers to many, many uncomfortable questions, which Luna wouldn't have answers for. Lori and Lynn would straight up murder her. To say nothing of poor Lincoln.

She pictured him, crying out in terror, struggling against his bonds as Sam mashed her lips against his. His cries becoming muffled, slowly turning to moans of pleasure as her lithe, dexterous tongue teased against his own. One hand cupping his soft, trembling chin, holding it in place, the other slowly drifting down to his...

The world snapped back into place around Luna as she narrowly avoided crashing into a small, rotund fellow dressed eerily similarly to Lori. Had to focus. Had to save Lincoln from his terribly sexy fate.

Fortunately, it seemed Sam had grossly underestimated Luna's skills. She was nearly at the stage, and there was plenty of time left on the clock...

* * *

"I think I see Luna." Lincoln observed, squinting as he tried to peer around Sam's shapely frame.

"Right on time." She chirped in response.

With a small sigh of disappointment, Sam slid off her young accomplice and climbed back to her feet. As enjoyable as that was, it was time for phase 2.

"CITIZENS OF ROYAL WOODS!" She called out, slowly approaching the front of the stage. "IT WOULD SEEM THAT MY CHALLENGE HAS BEEN ACCEPTED."

"BUT WHAT FUN WOULD IT BE IF OUR LITTLE GAME ENDED SO QUICKLY? THUS, I CALL UPON YOU, ROYAL WOODS!

Sam paused briefly, both for dramatic effect, and to catch her breath. "TO ANYONE WHO AGREES TO JOIN ME, AND PREVENT ANY WOULD-BE INTERLOPERS FROM APPROACHING THE STAGE BEFORE THE COUNTDOWN IS COMPLETE, I OFFER YOU THE PRINCELY SUM OF..."

Sam, quickly glanced at one of her belt pouches, and took stock of her inventory. "TWO DOLLARS!" Then she smiled, viciously. "EACH!"

* * *

**"TWO DOLLARS!"**

_Sam, I love you, but you've got to be crazy if you think that's going to-_

**"...EACH!"**

_-Work?_ Luna skidded to a stop as the crowd before her suddenly coalesced into a solid mass of flesh, bone, and plastic. The Savvy-Con conventioneers who had answered the call forming an impenetrable barrier around the stage. Facing outward and standing shoulder to shoulder, not unlike the Roman phalanxes of old. A fantastic array of super heroes and robots. Soldiers from various eras, both real and imagined. Pirates and ninjas, and a surprising number of people who just appeared to be wearing swimwear.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" She shouted in frustration, glaring at the veritable army that had suddenly assembled before her.

"Foolish girl!" One of the foremost defenders shouted back at her, clad from head to toe in what appeared to be foam rubber, shaped to resemble a suit of medieval plate mail.

"You know nothing of our people's plight! We are many, but our means are few! Our women and children, crying out for sustanance that we simply cannot provide!"

"But now..." He dramatically thrust his sword in Luna's direction, the effect somewhat diminished from the way the tip wobbled to and fro. "We have hope. With the money we will earn from stopping you, we will be able to nourish ourselves once more! Not just on overpriced pretzels! But perhaps, if our new lord is generous...Pizza."

"PIZZA!" The crowd roared in approval.

"PIZZA!"

"PIZZA!"

"PIZZA!"

* * *

Lynn grunted in annoyance as she shoulder-checked another dope who'd been dumb enough to get in her way, sending him flying into a nearby booth. It wasn't that she was heartless, but Sam had crossed a line, and protecting Lincoln's virtue took precedence over social niceties. Besides, after all the embarrassment and frustration she'd been subjected to over the last few hours, the opportunity to deal out some blunt force trauma felt extremely gratifying. She could only imagine what it was going to feel like when she got her hands on Sam.

Seeing the stage finally in sight, Lynn allowed a savage grin to spread across her face, as she prepared for her final charge.

**"...EACH!"**

Which was immediately halted, as the sea of costumed masses coalesced into a single defensive wall, directly blocking her path.

_Well_ , Lynn thought to herself. _I've tried things the Lynn Loud way. Time to try the Strong Suit way._

Lynn took a deep breath to center herself, then exploded forward, directly towards the waiting defenders, roaring her patented battle screech.

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYA~!"

* * *

Luna growled in frustration, pacing up and down the battle line before her, trying to find some sort of weakness in their formation. Unfortunately for her, this random collection of convention-goers had managed to assemble a pretty solid formation. It was going to take something akin to a wrecking-ball to knock down this figurative wall of people.

"KIYAAA!"

Luna's head jerked upward as a fury-filled scream split the air. She looked around for the source of the sound, and found herself met with the sight of...Lori?

Yes, Lori Loud. Who, in an impressive display of gymnastic prowess, had somehow manage to place herself atop the sea of defenders, and was dashing across the top layer of the crowd. Nimbly bouncing of heads, shoulders, and in the case of one incredibly confused individual, knees and toes, Lori propelled herself towards their waiting brother at incredibly speed.

_Holy cow!_ Thought Luna in amazement. _Go Lori!_

...Unfortunately, the praise came somewhat too soon. About halfway through her journey, Lori missed a vital foothold, and fell. The crowd parted around her descending body, and with one last scream of terror and frustration from her fallen sister, reformed around her, swallowing her whole. Luna looked on, desperate for some sign that Lori had managed to recover, but the sea of bodies rippled once...twice...and then lay still.

_"ayayayayayaya~!"_

_"_ Well..." Luna began. "I kinda thought that was going somewhere."

_"_ _ayayayayayaya~!"_

"I know, right?" Agreed a nearby attendee.

_"_ _ayayayayayaya~!"_

"It was super impressive." Agreed another. "Right up until it wasn't."

Luna opened her mouth to respond, intending to defend her sister's honor...

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAA!"

...When a small blur of red and white smashed into the defensive perimeter, with force akin to some sort of incredibly destructive construction equipment. When the dust cleared, an enormous hole was left in the formation. Seeing that nobody was in any hurry to close the gap, Luna shrugged, and continued on towards the stage.

* * *

Sam stared at the approaching form of her girlfriend with no small amount of amusement.

"You know.." She called out conversationally as she walked over to her backpack, "I was expecting that to hold you at least a little longer."

_"Ah! My leg!"_

"Well..." Luna drawled "I had a little help."

_"Bullets do nothing to her!"_

_"That's because your gun's a prop, you idiot!"_

_"Where did she get the baseball bat!?"_

Luna winced and let out a silent prayer for Sam's former minions. Lynn clearly had a _lot_ of frustration to work out.

"Hi Luna!"

The Loudest Loud let out a small smile at the enthusiastic greeting from her little brother. A smile which shrank somewhat at the sight of him struggling against his restraints.

"Remember issue #169, sweetie." Sam gently chided him.

"Oh, right. I mean...'Nightclub! You've come to save me!'"

Luna rubbed her aching temples in exasperation. Time to put a stop to this.

"Game's over Sam! Now let Lincoln—Woah!"

Luna managed to bring her hand up just in time to catch a small plastic cylinder that had been thrown at her face. It wasn't very heavy, but it had taken her by surprise.

"Hit the button!" Sam instructed her, eyes alight with excitement.

Luna glared at the object warily, but complied. In response, the cheap plastic telescoped out into a tube-like shape, about two feet long. At the same time, a light flickered on inside, filling the tube with a soft, purple glow.

Luna turned her confused gaze from the object in her hand, to her entirely too-excited girlfriend.

"Sam, what the heck is—"

"Laser swords!" The other girl cheerfully interrupted, activating her own, cyan blade. "Two for $1 at the discount store. Also, they do this!"

She tapped her sword against the ground, which caused a distorted, static-filled, stock sci-fi laser noise to ring out.

"...Why?" Luna asked, annoyed that she seemed to be the only one of the trio questioning this turn of events.

"Because no super villain confrontation is complete without a climactic duel!" Lincoln called out.

"Exactly right." Sam said, beaming at her surprisingly non-distressed captive. "Now, Nightclub, let us—"

"No!" Luna snapped, finally fed up with this rampant display of insanity.

"Why are you okay with this?!" Luna growled, stabbing one accusing finger at her little brother.

"Okay with what?" Lincoln asked, blinking in confusion.

"This! All this! The schemes, the...chicanery!"

"Chicanery?" Sam interjected, a bemused smile on her face.

"You don't get to talk!" Snarled Luna, before turning her attention back to her little brother.

"How about the fact that she's somehow convinced you to become an accessory to you _own kidnapping_! Why are you okay with this!?"

"Oh." Said Lincoln. He paused, seemingly considering his response, then spoke.

"I guess because I'm kind of used to it. You and the other girls are always roping me into weird and inexplicable circumstances. And, to be fair, I do the same to you. It's our thing, I guess. And yeah, sometimes its kind of annoying, having to, say...put on a one-man impersonation of 10 entirely distinct girls. Or keeping you guys from literally tearing the house apart. Even though its in your own best interests to not do that, seeing as you all...you know, live there. And don't even get me started on the sister fight protocol..."

Lincoln let out a small chuckle before continuing, signaling that there wasn't any malice in his words.

"I put up with you guys because I love my sisters, and you put up with me because you love me back. We're family, that's how it works. And since Sam's your girlfriend, that basically makes her my big sister too, right? So I put up with this stuff, because I love Sam."

Luna's heart fluttered at the sincerity in her little brother's words. So touched was she, that it nearly proved her undoing. A flash of cyan was the only warning she received as Sam's blade dove towards her breast. Fortunately, Luna's instincts, honed through years of family brawls, allowed her to bring her own weapon up just in the nick of time. Plastic met plastic in an explosion of colorful lights and low quality sound effects as the two girls struggled for dominance.

"Change of plans, Lunes." Sam said, an odd hitch in her voice. "Now I'm keeping him for myself!"

* * *

Lincoln watched the confrontation between the two girls with great interest. For a couple of amateurs, they were actually putting on a pretty respectable showing.

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain!" Sam cackled, swinging her blade low, clearly aiming for a disabling shot.

"You've been in that costume for less than a day!" Luna screamed. "We haven't even gotten lunch yet!"

She artfully stepped over Sam's blade while bringing her own down in a counter strike

"I'm a fast learner!" Came Sam's retort, as she darted out of the way of the blow.

The blonde landed on the balls of her feet, then launched herself forward, causing the girls to lock blades once more.

"He can be _my_ little brother! That'll solve all of our problems!"

Lincoln was...perplexed, to say the least, but still found the show to be incredibly entertaining. He was just about to call out some encouragement to the two girls when he heard the rustling of cloth behind him. Lincoln craned his neck, trying to glimpse the source of the noise while still being constrained by his bonds, when a flash of black filled his vision.

Lincoln's first instinct was to cry out in surprise, but a small hand shot out and covered his mouth with lightning speed, muffling the cry.

The figure before him was dressed in a familiar looking cloak. The hood was pulled low, so as to obscure the occupants features, but a familiar spade-shaped clasp around the bearer's neck was a pretty clear indicator of who they were supposed to be.

_Maggie?_ Lincoln asked himself, as his gaze flicked beneath the figure's neckline for the briefest of moments. _Definitely_ not Maggie.


	24. Chapter 24

"Mghrpf." Lincoln articulated through the mysterious girl's fingers.

"Shh!" She admonished him.

_"Stop being greedy Luna!"_

_*zap* *zap* *kapow*_

_"I'll still let you date him! I just need to properly vet you first! That's what good sisters do!"_

_"Graaaaaaaagh!"_

Lincoln flinched at the surprisingly Lynn-like roar that had erupted from Luna's mouth. He suspected that neither girl would be paying them much attention any time soon.

"I know you have questions." Rasped the mysterious girl ( _"Miss-Terious"_ , Lincoln noted to himself. Seemed like a good name to use for a future character.) "But we don't have much time. Take this, and free yourself."

With that, the girl reached around him with her free hand, and pressed something small into his own hands. Unable to turn his head, he resorted to feeling it out. From what he could tell, it appeared to be a small, spade shape object. _Yeowch!_

Correction: It appeared to be a small, **extremely** **sharp** , spade shaped object. Now likely covered in an indeterminate amount of his own blood.

"Cut yourself free, then get to safety." She instructed. "Nod if you understand."

Difficult as it was, bound and now gagged as he was, Lincoln managed enough head movement to satisfy his scary, apparently knife-wielding savior.

"Good." She said, removing her hand. She turned to leave, then stopped, seemingly hesitant.

"O-one more thing." She murmured. Lincoln opened his mouth to **quietly** inquire as to what that thing was, when the girl wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

This...was not the kind of kiss he was used to. It wasn't the chaste peck on the cheek he was used to getting from his mom and younger sisters. It wasn't the deeper, longer variant he'd been getting from Leni as of late, or the confusingly affectionate variety he'd begun to share all too briefly with Ronnie Ann, before she'd moved away. This was a boyfriend/girlfriend kiss. The kind he'd seen Lori giving to Bobby. The kind that Sam had insisted he watch her give Luna, as he hid in a nearby closet.

Lincoln tried to process the experience. The feel of the other girl's lips against his own was...familiar. Refreshing. With a tinge of sweetness. It was akin to the feeling of coming home to your own, personal sanctuary after a long, grueling day. Warm, inviting, and invigorating. And there was something else there...

Just as Lincoln felt he was on the cusp of some kind of a breakthrough, the kiss was broken, Lincoln's body immediately began filling his desolate lungs with some desperately needed air. Right, breathing. That thing he needed to live. Kissing, he decided, was as fun as it was dangerous.

Once his air supply was replenished, and his vision stopped swimming, Lincoln looked around, hoping to talk to the mysterious girl a little more. But she was gone. Nothing but lingering warmth against his lips, and his still bleeding palm to indicate she was ever there to begin with.

Lincoln let out a soft sigh of disappointment. He'd just had his first kiss, and it was with a veritable ghost. Shaking his head, to clear his mind, Lincoln attempted to focus on making his escape, hoping it would distract him from thoughts of his mysterious benefactor.

...Only one problem, as he soon found out. While cutting his way to freedom seemed like a solid plan on paper, Lincoln's well tied bonds prevented him from maneuvering his hands in a manner that would allow him to **make** those cuts. And with the, admittedly small amount of blood he'd just shed across his hands, it was unlikely he'd be able to untie the ropes as he'd originally planned.

"...Dang it."

* * *

Leni navigated the surprisingly empty aisles of the convention hall with a spring in her step. Things were going well for her. It had taken some tricky needlework, and her outfit nearly fallen apart more than once, but she'd manage to adjust the fit of her costume just enough so that she could breath without getting dizzy. She'd had to sacrifice about an inch of skirt length to pull it off though, which made her sad, because Linky really seemed to like that skirt. He couldn't take his eyes off it. She hoped he wouldn't be too upset.

Leni rounded the final bend and was delighted to see Becky hanging out at their table. Only Becky was dressed like Linky! It was like two of her favorite people in one!

Leni dashed up to her friend and gave her the biggest Leni hug she could muster, the kind that normally made Linky pass out and spill ketchup everywhere (Even when they weren't eating ketchup!). Much to her surprise, Becky remained as still and as resolute as a statue.

"Hi, Becky!" Leni chirped, giving her friend an extra hard squeeze.

"Hey, Leni." Said the other girl, short and to the point. Well, it was Becky, so tall and to the point.

Finally noticing the intense glare on her friend's face, Leni slowly traced Becky's gaze, realizing that there was a third girl here. It was Luan's friend! Margo? Maggo? Magoo?

"Hi, Margie!" Leni said at last, waving enthusiastically at the other girl.

"Maggie." She grunted in response, gaze still locked with Becky's.

"Gesundheit."

The gloomy girl let out something resembling a gurgle, but didn't allow herself to be distracted. Leni wondered what they could possibly be doing.

"I'm wondering what you could possibly be doing." Announced Leni.

"Nothing!" Came the unison response from both parties, neither moving in the slightest.

"...Okay." Leni responded, shrugging her acceptance. She navigated around the two girls, careful not to get in their way, and sat herself down next to her tiny bee-self. Hopefully Linky and the others would be back soon.

* * *

Lincoln had found himself in a bit of a predicament, one beyond that in which he had already found himself when fate had dashed not one, but two escape plans in a single stroke. Namely, that the stage beneath his feet was beginning to tremble with alarming frequency.

It could have been due to any number of factors. Luna and Sam's ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny was a likely culprit. Lynn's rampage certainly wasn't helping matters. While Lincoln was unable to see the fruits of his sister's labors with his own eyes, his was intimately familiar with what Lynnsanity in motion sounded like, and given the alarming frequency with which the screams of the fallen would coincide with the tremors worsening, he would bet good money on Lynn having found the edges and surfaces of the nearby stage to be a wonderfully convenient tool for dispatching her foes. Combined with the increasingly likely scenario that the stage had not been brought up to code before the start of the convention, and, well...

The stage was suddenly wracked by a tremor far more violent than any that had come before it. There was no time for what if's now, Lincoln had to get himself and the girls out. Now.

"Sam!" He called out. "Luna!"

It bothered him that he wasn't more surprised at the fact that neither girl was capable of hearing him, so engrossed were they in their duel. That was when Lincoln realized that unlike the tremors that had come before it, the previous tremor had never stopped. And it was continuing to grow in intensity.

"Girls!" He called out in desperation, struggling against his bonds with every ounce of strength his 11-year old frame could muster. Unfortunately, this didn't amount to much beyond rope burn being added to the growing list of minor injuries he'd suffered. Lincoln ceased his struggles as one last tremor violently erupted, knocking his chair over.

It occurred to Lincoln, somewhere between the point where he'd begun falling and the point where his head slammed against the increasingly unsteady ground, that his bonds had somehow burst apart during his decent. Any hopes he might have had of using this turn of fortune to his advantage were quickly dashed upon impact, as the air was forced from his lungs. And so, Lincoln lay there. Vision swimming, head throbbing, and desperately trying to breathe, even as he felt the shaking around him intensify in what was almost certain to be its final crescendo.

...And then a funny thing happened. Amidst the swirling, distorted world around him, one particular set of blurs gained a semblance of definition. A strangely familiar combination of white, blue, and blonde. The last thing Lincoln felt before his world went dark, was a comforting sensation of warmth, suffusing his body as the ground gave way beneath him.

* * *

Lincoln's eyes shot open as sharp pains coursed through his body.

"Aaarg!" he exclaimed, before quickly falling limp, the resultant motion causing him to dash his head against the ground. Again.

"Whoops." Came an embarrassed chuckle from somewhere above him. "Sorry about that, little guy."

Lincoln made the herculean effort that was required to force his eyes open, an instantly regretted it, letting out a soft moan as light pierced his sensitive retinas. He suddenly felt a strange kinship with Lucy.

"Easy, Linc" There was that voice again. "You had a pretty bad fall there. Two, actually. I've gotta check to make sure nothing's broken."

Lincoln gingerly opened his eyes once more. Wincing in pain as light began to fill his aching head once more, but now being better prepared to whether the storm. Lincoln grit his teeth as he desperately fought the urge to squeeze his eyes shut again, vaguely remembering some platitude of Lynn's about how things had to get worse before they could get better, or something to that effect.

Eventually his efforts were rewarded, and light soon gave way to colors and shapes, as the world around him gained meaning once more. The last, and most gratifying sight, being the beautiful blonde girl crouching over him.

"Hey, Carol." He grunted, trying to give her a weak smile.

"Hey yourself, Lincoln." She replied, giving him a warm smile as she laid one comforting hand against his forehead.

"...Or should that be, 'Clincoln?'"

* * *

Luna Loud was trying to lay as still as possible, so as to avoid needlessly antagonizing her aching body.

The ride home was a fairly subdued affair. With the. collapse of the stage, as well as any semblance of public order, Savvy Con had been forced to close down prematurely. This had made actually leaving the convention a fairly grueling ordeal, as the group had been forced to make their way through the veritable army of lawyers and paramedics who had been summoned in the wake of the incident.

Fortunately, nobody had been seriously hurt. The stage, as it turned out, had been mostly made of cheap, lightweight materials merely painted to seem more substantial than they actually were. She and Sam had gotten the worse of it, having been at ground zero when the collapse happened, but it was the fall that had done most of the work. Still, somebody was almost certainly getting sued and/or fired for that boondoggle.

And thus, the Louds plus one found themselves trudging home. Tired, wounded, and eager to wash their hands of the day's events. Aside from Leni, naturally, who'd managed to stay out of the whole affair entirely.

After the days events, Lori and Lynn had been adamant that Lincoln wasn't to go anywhere near Sam for the foreseeable future. Luna was pretty sure they'd calm down eventually, but for the moment that left her and Sam with the back rows of Vanzilla all to themselves, and Lincoln up front, currently being fussed over by their sisters. Luna didn't envy the poor kid.

Sam let out a loud moan from her current position, draped across Luna's lap. This caused her to incur a short, but intense round of glares from the sporty and eldest sisters up front. This, fortunately, went unnoticed by the blonde, but Luna winced all the same.

"Em sorry, Lunes." Sam mumbled at last.

"...For what?" Luna muttered in a low voice, not wanting to incur any more of her sisters' ire. Those were the first words they'd exchanged in hours.

"Fer trying to steal Inkon." Came her slightly garbled response. "That wasn't cool."

Luna expected to be angrier that her girlfriend's apology was for something that, in light of everything else she's done, seemed pretty negligible, all things considered. And yet, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that this had actually been bothering her. A lot.

"...Why'd you do it?" She finally asked, curious in spite of herself.

"Couldn't help it. He said he loved me."

"He said he loved you like a **sister**. You daft bird."

"Sounds like love to me." Sam replied, grinning weakly.

That was the point where Luna's resolve broke, and the pair began to giggle softly, still mindful of the vehicle's other occupants.

Luna reluctantly began to stroke the other girl's hair. She was cute **and** funny. It just wasn't fair.

"Made you real mad, didn't it? Luna?"

Luna stayed silent, trying to pretend she hadn't heard the question.

"Why'd it make you so mad, Luna?" Bollocks.

"I dunno." She hedged, hoping the matter would drop. But it was clear from the look in her girlfriend's eyes, that she wasn't going to let this go.

"He...he said he loved you." She grumbled at last, surprised by how much it hurt to say those words.

"Like a sister." Sam reminded her. An infuriating grin on her face.

Luna squared her jaw, intending to end things there, but a quick elbow to her midsection quickly put that plan to rest.

"Talk, Lunes." Sam said, now looking Luna straight in the eye. "Feel your feelings."

Luna wanted to argue. To bring up her emotional walls once more, to deny what the blonde was clearly implying...but she was so tired. So very tired.

"..It made me angry." She admitted, the words tasting like ashes in her mouth. "The idea of Lincoln loving someone else."

"Even me?"

"Even you."

"Why?" There was that damnable question again. She knew the answer. She knew that Luna knew that she knew, but she wanted to hear the words from Luna's own mouth.

"...Because I'm in love with my little brother. And the thought of him loving another woman, any woman, just...kills me."

Luna wasn't sure what kind of reaction she was expecting those words to elicit, but being pulled into a tender kiss with the beautiful blonde draped across her lap, was pretty low on the list.

They parted, far too soon for Luna's taste, but that was the way it always went, wasn't it?

"Geh?" Luna articulated, eliciting another giggle from Sam.

"I needed to hear you say it, you doofus." Sam said, smiling in satisfaction as she made herself comfortable once more on Luna's lap.

"...Why aren't you angry about this?" Luna asked, once she regained control of herself.

Time passed. So much that Luna had begun to wonder if Sam had heard her. Then she spoke.

"Do you know what I see, when I picture the future, Luna Loud?" Sam asked, rhetorically. Regardless, Luna shook her head, curious where this was going.

"I see us." Sam continued. "I see me, and my beautiful wife. We're amazingly successful. Sold out shows every night, songs always at the top of the charts. We even have our own cereal."

"Sounds nice." Luna said, smiling at the mental image.

"It's just glitz and glamor." The blonde replied, waving her hand dismissively. "All flash, no substance."

"Because after our latest show, we head straight home, after party be damned. You know what's waiting for us there?"

Luna leaned forward, now thoroughly engrossed in her girlfriend's vision."

"We get home, send the driver off, and brace ourselves as we open the front door. Because a freaking avalanche of children are just waiting to swarm over us. Blondes, brunettes...and adorable little white haired kids."

Luna remained silent. Throat constricting as the image vividly played through her mind.

"Daddy comes out to meet us, and then ushers everyone inside. Its dinner time, but not till everyone washes their hands, us included. He doesn't have to, of course. We're mega stars, we could buy all the help we need. But the kids like Dad's cooking best. And frankly, so do we."

The pair lapsed into silence as Luna allowed herself to process the imagery that Sam had put forth.

"It sounds...amazing." She said, hoarsely. "But you know it can't happen, right?"

Sam took Luna's hand in her own, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I don't care about what **can** happen." She said. "My concern is, what do you **want** to happen, Lunes?"

Luna had expected to feel more...conflicted about her feelings. But to her amazement, she next words out of her mouth were the easiest she had ever spoken.

"I want that." She whispered fiercely, as tears began to build in her eyes. "I want all of that."

Sam beamed, clearly pleased at the response. She reached under her seat and withdrew her backpack, having somehow retrieved it from the chaos. From there, she produced three more items. A familiar looking binder, a stamp and ink pad. Before Luna could ask what she was doing, Sam stamped the binder with an incredibly satisfied sigh.

Task complete, she flipped the binder around to show to Luna. **Operation: Samwich** , it read, just as before. Now with a new addition. **Complete** , stamped in bright red ink.

"Then we're already halfway there." Sam said, her eyes shining with happiness.

* * *

Lori Loud let out a soft moan as she pulled into the Loud family driveway. The nightmare was finally over. Seemingly with one mind, the Vanzilla occupants began to file out of the vehicle.

"You four." She barked, pointing to her siblings. "Go inside and get ready for bed. Now!"

Mercifully, they obeyed with zero resistance. Satisfied, she turned to Sam.

"You, on the other hand, can go home. **Now**."She growled, eyes narrowing.

Much to her surprise, the younger girl complied without complaint. Albeit, looking entirely too pleased with herself. At any other time, Lori would have demanded an explanation, but she just couldn't bring herself to care. There would be time to put Sam in her place later. Right now, all she wanted to do was crawl into bed, and try to forget this day had ever happened.

She had just begun trudging towards the front door when her phone began to buzz in its holster, eliciting an uncharacteristically un-Lori groan from her. She seriously considered ignoring it. Her soft, non collapsing bed was calling out to her.

...But she wouldn't be Lori Loud if she let a phone go unanswered. So, with a sigh of resignation, Lori reached for her phone and checked her notifications.

It was a text. From Carol of all people. Lori winced, as she prepared to accept what could only be a well deserved tongue lashing. She had, after all, abandoned the poor girl once she'd gotten wrapped up in Sam's thing.

Lori's guess couldn't have been farther from the truth. Rather than hateful and well deserved lambasting, Carol had instead sent her a short, simple message.

_"Hi Lori! Wasn't that convention the best? We should totally go next year! Btw, any chance I could get Lincoln's number from you? I'd meant to ask him earlier, but forgot, what with all the craziness."_

At that point the message cut off, leaving Lori perplexed, but a second message popped up only seconds later.

_"Sry, accidentally sent. But anyway, could I get Linc's number? I need to talk to him about our **date**."_

Lori read the combined message over and over again, trying to process the words in front of her.

"Geh?" She articulated at last.


	25. Chapter 25

Lucy Loud stood in front of her brother's door, fidgeting nervously. Gathering her resolve, she reached out, intending to announce her presence by rapping her tiny fist against the wooden surface...but couldn't quite bring herself to do so. She sighed as her arm went limp, her fleeting moment of courage having passed, and shuffled backwards, retreating a safe distance down the hallway. This was a cycle that had repeated itself countless times over the last hour or so.

Trying to distract herself from her latest failure, Lucy began to absentmindedly flip through the pages of the object that had been so fervently clutched in her other hand throughout her latest bout with her own self-doubts. A gift, of sorts, from her good friend Haiku. Her fellow goth had approached Lucy as the latest meeting of the Mortician's Club had come to a close, and pressed it into the quietest Loud's hands with a knowing smile on her face.

_Aces Wild:_ _Love in Spades_ , it read. A comic book, the cover depicting what was very clearly a stylized version of herself and her older brother, standing amidst a snowy rooftop, huddled quite companionably under the Eight of Spades' trademarked cloak. Spade's head resting comfortably against Aces' shoulders as he held her close. In the corner sat a humble and innocuous logo. Clincoln McCloud Publishing

Lucy, stammering and uncharacteristically red in the face at the sight of the image, had turned to her friend, intending to demand an explanation for the impromptu gift. However an empty club room was all that awaited her. And so Lucy had trudged home. Confused, embarrassed, and certain she could hear her friend's quiet, mocking laughter on the wind.

The obvious course at that point had seemed to be to simply ask Lincoln for an explanation, so she did. Or, tried, anyway. Upon approaching Lincoln's door, it had dawned upon her that her goal here was to ask her brother why he drew a decidedly romantic image that depicted the two of them as a couple. This realization had cause Lucy to let out a silent shriek of distress and beat a hasty retreat, lest Lincoln inadvertently force the issue by coming out of his room.

This lead to her current situation, wherein Lucy would attempt to confront her brother, chicken out in a spectacular fashion, and retreat to lick her metaphorical wounds. Each time, she'd flip through a little more of the comic, and each time she'd find herself more and more flustered by what she found.

It was...a comic book. It wasn't especially well written, to her discerning eye, though far more competently executed than she'd have expected from Lincoln. The situations were trite and cliche, the literary equivalent of comfort food, not unlike the romance novels that she often indulged in herself (though, thankfully, not like _those_ romance novels, the kind she kept safely tucked away under her bed.) And yet, there was something about the imagery that really hit home for Lucy. Her and Lincoln. _Together_. Not as siblings, but as a man and a woman. It stirred...feelings within her, feelings which desperately needed to be addressed. To be clarified, quantified. And...reciprocated?

"LINCOLN!", came a chorus of distressingly familiar voices, rapidly growing in proximity. The explosion of sound forcibly ripped Lucy from her pondering, and running on pure instinct, she disappeared into the shadows, unwilling to be caught holding the object that had confounded her so, but equally unwilling to get rid of it.

It wasn't long before her older sisters stampeded past her hiding spot, seemingly unaware of her presence. Good. While Lucy often expressed frustration at her family's frequent inability to perceive her, on this particular occasion she was more than happy to escape their notice.

She winced as Lincoln's door opened with a loud crash, followed by her sisters quickly filing inside. This left Lucy at a crossroads. On the one hand, with the majority of her family now occupied by this latest chicanery, she was now free to slink back to her room. And yet, the fact that her sisters had all been carrying objects suspiciously similar in size and shape to the one currently clutched against her chest, intrigued her. It was very likely that there was an opportunity here, if she was willing to capitalize on it.

Lucy crept towards the now opened portal to her brother's room, trying to stay out of sight of its current inhabitants.

"Lincoln, do you really not see the problem with what you've been drawing?"

Lucy found herself frowning at the phrasing of that statement. She wasn't quite ready to classify the situation as problematic, just yet, but she was curious as to her brother's thought process.

Things proceeded in a fashion that was rather typical for their family. Her sisters had found themselves in situations very similar to her own. And while they'd had the initiative to confront their brother about his confounding comicbookery, none of them were wiling to directly address the issue. And so they merely danced around the topic, in an admittedly amusing fashion.

Not long after, her siblings began to file out of the room, unsatisfied, but unwilling to push the issue. None of them spared her a glance as they passed her by. Business as usual.

"Hey Luce."

She froze at the sound of the familiar voice. She turned, slowly, almost mechanically, and found herself looking into the beaming face of her big brother. Dang it.

Lucy opened her mouth to supply her own greeting, but nothing was forthcoming. And so she stood there, mouth agape.

"What's up?" Lincoln asked, seemingly not noticing her strange behavior.

_"Tell him he smells nice!"_ Her brain helpfully provided.

_"Why would I just say that out of the blue?"_

_"Hmm, you're right. Ask him if you can smell him first!"_

"N-nothing, big brother." She stammered, forcibly dispelling the strange, internal conversation. She wanted to flee, but there was something about having Lincoln here, standing before her, that made Lucy reluctant to leave.

"Alright." He paused, clearly now noticing her strange behavior. "You know you can always ask me for help, right?"

"Of course." She replied, pleased by his concern. Suddenly, inspiration struck.

"Actually..." Lucy ventured, "I was wondering if...I could get a hug?"

Lincoln blinked in surprise, and for a moment, Lucy worried that she had erred. Those thoughts were quickly dashed however, as she was quickly drawn into the warmth of her big brother's embrace. Lucy found herself returning the hug enthusiastically, and for a moment all seemed right with the world. She tried to express her thanks, but the words simply would not come out. It felt like acknowledging the act would hasten its demise. And here, in this place, at this time, Lucy found herself more content than ever before. And so the two remained like that for a time.

_"Maybe cliche's aren't so bad."_ Lucy thought, as she nuzzled her face against her big brother's chest.

* * *

A disturbance from below pulled Lucy from her thoughts. She set her work aside for the moment, and peeked through a nearby vent, though she suspected she knew the cause. As expected, she was greeted with the sight of Lynn, frantically darting from one corner of their shared room to another. Lucy allowed herself a small smirk at her roommate's expense, and shook her head in amusement. Years of embarrassing incidents had caused Lynn to develop a fairly thorough anti-Lucy protocol, for those occasions when she needed to be alone. It was an admirable effort, to be sure, but she never accounted for verticality.

Lucy continued to watch as Lynn made her rounds. Then, apparently satisfied, Lynn climbed onto her bed, let out a sigh of resignation, withdrew a comic book from her pillowcase. Lucy nodded to herself, her suspicions having proven correct, then collected her possessions and relocated her work area to further down the air duct, so as to allow her older sister some privacy.

Deeming that she had gone far enough, Lucy got comfortable and flipped open her notebook once more. What greeted her were pages upon pages of observations she had recorded over the last few days regarding the residents of the Loud House, and other, specific adjacent individuals. She continued to scan her findings until she got to the section she had set aside for Lynn, and set about logging this latest episode.

The scientific method wasn't Lucy's usual method of problem solving, but her usual methods had failed to bear fruit. The poems she had written on the subject had only further confused the issue, her tarot deck was being unusually tight lipped about the future, and attempts to receive guidance from the local spirits had resulted in little more than amused smiles, and broad reassurances that everything would work out ("Oh, and could you pass on a message to my dear sweet Brandon? Oh...you're packing up then. Alright sweetie, maybe next time..."). So, she'd decided to take a leaf from Lisa's figurative playbook.

Lucy's data, painstakingly gathered through diligent observation and the occasional cloak and dagger shenanigan, had lead her to a single, undeniable conclusion. That Lincoln, wonderful as he was...was kind of an idiot.

Lynn and Leni were very obviously in love with their brother, though only the former was consciously aware of it, and Lori would soon be joining them if her recent, increasingly erratic behavior was any indication. Luna was in a similar situation to Lynn, but was in abject denial of her feelings...and then there was Sam.

Lucy frowned slightly as she flipped to the older girl's section. When she had undertaken this project, hadn't expected that she would need to expand the scope of her investigation beyond the initial comic book recipients. The "Full House Gang", she had dubbed them, adopting their alter-ego's moniker in a moment of whimsy. Lucy was aware that Lincoln had caught the attention of several of his peers. There was the Santiago girl, of course. There was also that tall Filipina girl who had recently joined his circle of friends, Lucy had observed her making eyes at her brother several times when she presumably thought nobody was looking. Lucy was also aware of another girl in his class who frequently pelted her brother with dodge balls, which admittedly was not a traditional romantic gesture. However, Ronnie Ann had made her bid for Lincoln's heart by shoving sandwiches down his pants, so Lucy wasn't willing to discount the possibility that a propensity towards assaulting her brother did not bespeak deeper feelings on the part of the assailant. That said, Lucy had felt fairly secure in dismissing those girls a potential threats. After all, Lincoln wasn't drawing comic books about _their_ romantic misadventures.

And yet, after a period in which Luna had been left to struggle with her feelings all by herself, there emerged Sam as an entirely unexpected source of conflict. Lucy had found herself watching the older girl with interest. Despite being Luna's girlfriend, and clearly devoted to their relationship, there had been a strange shift in the blonde girl's behavior. Where as before, the musically inclined girls had been content to keep to themselves, which was at least partially motivated by Luna's desire to avoid having to confront her feelings for Lincoln, now they included Lincoln at nearly every opportunity, always at Sam's behest. It _seemed_ innocent enough, but there was something about the older girl's demeanor, a certain sort of...palpable anticipation that reared its head when she managed to assemble the trio. She _knew_ , or at least suspected, that Luna held very unsisterly feelings towards their brother. And rather than being repulsed by that revelation, she openly embraced that possibility.

It was...a strange development, to say the least. But there appeared to be no malice in the blonde's endeavors, so for the moment Lucy was content to merely continue her observations as she endeavored to figure out a solution to this very strange predicament. Lucy only wished that she could shake the feeling that Sam was watching her in turn.

* * *

Lucy waited outside her brother's room, fidgeting nervously. She knew for a fact that Lincoln was downstairs, enjoying one of his disgusting sandwiches, and that he would likely be occupied for some time, but the possibility that the could return before her business was concluded terrified her.

Thankfully, her fears were unfounded. Lincoln's door opened, and a small procession of frustrated and thoroughly embarrassed girls filed out. All except Sam, who in contrast, seemed elated. She alone gave Lucy a friendly nod as she passed, before grabbing a still shell-shocked Luna by the arm and dragging her down the stairs. Lucy made a mental note to follow the pair when she had a chance.

Once again alone in the hallway, Lucy slipped into Lincoln's room. She found herself alone with Leni, who was currently in the process of cleaning up her sewing supplies. She cleared her throat loudly, hoping to attract the blonde's attention. Leni didn't pause for an instant, clearly too absorbed by her work to have noticed.

"Leni." Lucy called out, deciding to try a more direct approach. Leni straightened up and performed a 180 degree turn, frowning in confusion as she took in the apparently empty room.

"Down here." Lucy clarified, seeing the obvious problem. The taller girl lowered her head the barest fraction of an inch, and her face regained it's traditionally happy smile.

"Wow Lucy!" She exclaimed. "You're totes good at hiding!"

"...Yes." Lucy agreed, deciding not to press the issue.

Lucy cleared her throat once more, suddenly nervous again. This phase of her plan was a fairly simple one, but she was quickly approaching the point of no return, and that terrified her.

"I saw that you were making costumes for the other girls." She began, trying to quell the quiver in her voice through sheer force of will. "And I was wondering if maybe you could..."

Lucy jumped in surprise as the door slammed behind her, only just noticing that Leni had vanished.

"Take off your clothes, Lucy."

* * *

Lucy took a deep breath to steady herself. Things hadn't gone _quite_ according to plan. One sister had been swallowed rather dramatically by a hungry crowed, another was currently beating said crowd into submission with her bare hands, a third sister was engaged in an, admittedly impressive sword fight with her girlfriend only a few feet away, and Lucy herself was currently attempting to rescue her brother from said girlfriend's own elaborate gambit.

"Mghrpf."

Oh right, and she was suffocating him.

"Shh!" She admonished him, not wanting to inadvertently draw the attention of the nearby duelists.

"Stop being greedy Luna!"

_*zap* *zap* *kapow*_

"I'll still let you date him! I just need to properly vet you first! That's what good sisters do!"

"Graaaaaaaagh!"

...which clearly was not an immediate concern. With that, Lucy removed her hand from it's place on her brother's face, resisting the urge to caress it as their skin broke contact.

"I know you have questions..." She began, bracing herself for the inevitable moment where her brother's eyes would light up with recognition and all her plans would be for nought. However, no such moment came, and he merely sat there, waiting for her to finish. Clearly those hours spent practicing this speech in front of the mirror and the voice she would be using for it had not gone to waste.

"...But we don't have much time" She continued, seeing that he wasn't going to interrupt her. "Take this, and free yourself."

She took out a small spade she had prepared for just such an occasion, edge sharpened so it could be used as a cutting tool, and reached around her brother so she could press it into his hands.

"Cut yourself free, then get to safety." She instructed. "Nod if you understand."

Now, as she watched her bewildered brother acknowledge his understanding of the situation, Lucy found herself at a crossroads. At this point, her part was over. Having appeared and facilitated the rescue of her brother in a manner resembling the superhero stories he loved so much, she would mysteriously vanish. Later, she would privately reveal to him that she was the mysterious heroine to had rescued him, and he would express his eternal gratitude by asking her to be his girlfriend.

The problem, was that the act of giving Lincoln the keys to his freedom had placed their faces precariously close to one another. And now that she had achieved this position, Lucy found that she was reluctant to give it up. There was _still_ time, even now. She could vanish in that really cool way she'd been practicing, with a dramatic pose and a flourish of her cloak. And yet...

"O-one more thing." She murmured, mentally screaming at herself as her instincts took over and her body made the decision for her. She wrapped her arms around her hapless brother's neck, and finally surrendering to her urges, pressed her lips against his.

Despite having literally zero frame of reference for such things, Lucy felt it was pretty good as far as first kisses went. It different from what her romance novels had promised. Their bodies did not heave, nor did Lincoln tear off her clothes as passion overtook him (though that could have been due to his bindings."

It was...comforting. Loving. The softness of her brother's lips against hers sparked sensations she had longed for, bespoke promises, too sacred to speak. It wasn't the kiss she dreamed of, but it was very much the kiss she had wanted. Perfect in every sense of the word that mattered. Just like her brother.

Lucy only broke the kiss when her tiny lungs began screaming for air. Even after the contact was broken, she attempted to persevere a little longer, refusing to let Lincoln see her gasping for air. Superheroes did not allow themselves to be inconvenienced by something as minor as near suffocation. Thankfully, it seemed she didn't need to worry, as Lincoln was very clearly dazed from the experience. Feeling rather proud of herself, Lucy took her leave, scrambling off the side of the stage and getting herself a fair distance away before looking back.

She frowned, puzzled. There was Lincoln, still bound to his chair. Why hadn't he gotten away? She'd given him the spade, it should have been a simple matter of cutting himself free...with his arms that were currently bound as securely as the rest of him.

"Dang it." She groaned, smacking herself in the face, too embarrassed at her faux pas to notice the stage collapsing into a giant pile of avarice and substandard construction materials.

* * *

Lucy sighed softly, sparing one last look at Lincoln's sleeping face though the vent conspicuously placed above his room, before she retreated back into the air duct.

Things had not gone as smoothly as planned, but progress had been made. She'd managed to rescue Lincoln, after a fashion, minimizing the damage unintentionally caused by Sam's _far_ more reckless plan. She'd done so in a manner that would _definitely_ stick with him, which could only benefit her going forward. And, there had been that kiss...

Lucy blushed as the memories surged through her. Tonight she would rest, but tomorrow her work began anew. She'd developed a taste for the Loud boy, and she was determined to get more of it.

So preoccupied was Lucy, that she didn't notice the obstruction in the familiar path to her room until she found her face planted into it's extremely soft exterior.

Lucy let out a genuine gasp of surprise as the sensation dragged her from her thoughts, and backed away to assess the situation. To her surprise, she found herself looking into the eyes of another girl. Hair nearly as dark as her own framing an extremely dour looking face.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Lucy asked, unfamiliar and thoroughly unhappy with the experience of finding an intruder in her secret haven. Despite her best efforts, her eyes, thankfully hidden by her bangs, flickered below the girl's neckline for the briefest of moments.

"And for that mater, _how_ did you get here?"


	26. Chapter 26

Lincoln Loud stirred, the fog of sleep fleeing as consciousness returned. It was at this point that two things became very apparent . The first, was that he was surrounded by the frowning faces of his older sisters. The second, was that he was incapable of moving. The latter point was concerning, but waking up paralyzed wasn't an uncommon occurrence in the Loud House, so he chose to address the more immediate concern.

"Morning girls." He greeted them, trying to keep his voice level as he craned his neck around, taking in his surroundings. "Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, and...Luan?"

"Hey Linc." The girl in question responded, giving him a short wave of greeting.

He blinked in surprise, unsure how to process the sudden appearance of his long absent sister.

"It's good to see you again." He said at last, favoring her with a small smile.

"Aw shucks, Linc. I didn't know you cared." Luan replied, her jovial tone offset somewhat by the slight reddening in her cheeks.

"She just got home from the hospital." Lynn interjected, clearly unamused by the interplay between the pair. "Mayonnaise overdose. Mom said the doctors had to surgically remove bags of the stuff from her."

Luan flushed considerably redder, glaring daggers at the younger girl. She seemed to be ready to retort, but unwilling to do so in the face of an increasingly smug Lynn. Finally, she took a deep calming breath, and reached within her skirt pocket. The tension seeming to leave her body as she withdrew a small, wrapped sandwich from it's confines. Which was immediately smacked into the the far corner of the room by a very irritated Luna.

"Dude, seriously?"

"What?" Luan asked, rubbing her sore hand. "Did you expect me to quit _cold turkey_? _"_

The ensuing groan from the assembled siblings was so forceful that it caused the windows to rattle. And yet, had he been pressed on the subject, Lincoln would have confessed that it felt like a strangely welcomed return to form.

"So what are we doing?" He asked, after the moment had passed. "Are we going to catch up with Luan? Maybe find out what recent events have been like from her perspective?"

Luan looked overjoyed at the prospect.

"What? No!" Lori shouted, brutally stamping out the younger girl's happiness with her flat refusal. "Luan ate a bunch of sandwiches and got sick. There's literally nothing to tell."

The other girls nodded in agreement, looking puzzled that he had even suggested it.

"Oh my gosh, guys! Luan's back!"

All except Leni, that is.

Luan, for her part, looked peeved at the severity of the rejection, but didn't contest the logic behind it.

"...Oh." Lincoln replied. "Alright. Then what are...we..." He trailed off as he began looking around.

"Everything okay, Linc?" Lynn asked.

"Yeah. It's fine." He assured her. "It's just...I don't see Sam anywhere. Lately she always seems to be around for stuff like this."

As if prompted by his response, a loud knocking resounded from his bedroom door.

"Come on guys!" A familiar voice wailed from the other side. "Let me in!"

In unison, Lincoln's remaining sisters all looked at Luna expectantly, who immediately broke out into a cold sweat.

"S-sorry luv!" The purple clad-rocker called back. "Sisters only!"

Lincoln chose not to draw attention to the raven tressed face that was currently peaking out from his ceiling vent. He managed to catch the intruder's eyes with his own and gave her an emphatic shake of his head, silently pleading that she would take the hint. Thankfully, it appeared his message had been received, as the face quickly disappeared back into the darkness. Lincoln, relieved, let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He was going to have to have a talk with Maggie about her new...proclivities.

"...Right." Lori said, clearing her throat to draw her siblings' attention. "Now that we've got that settled..."

Lori paused, glaring around the room as if daring some new interruption to present itself. As before, Lincoln chose not to draw attention to the fact that Lucy had both somehow snuck into the room, and was currently setting up a rather large folding chair in the far corner of the room. He figured that if she wanted her presence to be known, she would have said something.

"I'm going to need you to tell us what happened at the convention." Lori concluded, giving him a pointed look.

"Um, weren't you guys there for that?"

"Oh! Oh!" Leni exclaimed, waiving her hand in the air. "Luan wasn't there!"

Another frown from the resident clown.

"Very good, Leni." Lori said dryly, giving her younger sister a congratulatory pat on the head. The sheer delight radiating from Leni forestalled any further commentary from the peanut gallery.

"What I _meant_..." Lori continued, "...is I need you to tell us about the part we weren't there for."

Lincoln screwed up his face in concentration, running through the events in his head.

"After the stage collapsed." Lori prompted. A less observant person might have missed the brief look of worry that flashed between Lynn and Luna. Luan, for her part, merely looked curious.

"Oh. Alright then." Lincoln replied, thinking back to a few days earlier...

* * *

Well, the stage collapsed.

_"Yes Lincoln. We know that part."_

_"I think she's wondering how you got away from the stage, little bro."_

Oh. Right. Lincoln thought back to the events leading up to the collapse. There was Lynn, singlehandedly wiping the floor with a literal army of people twice her size...

_"Heck yeah, I was!"_

He himself had tipped over and hit his head. Limbs still bound by his own rope work, and consciousness swimming. And only a short distance away, Luna and Sam were...

_"Talking! We were having a totally normal conversation about totally normal things!"_

...Sure. They were talking. They were absolutely not having an incredibly impressive sword fight only a few feet away from his prone body.

_"Aw, really? Because that sounds totes more exciting."_

**Anyway** , there he was tipped over, ground shaking around him in the midst of brutal violence and...spirited debate, when the stage collapsed.

_"Lincoln..."_

...And **that** was when he was rescued.

_"How convenient."_

_"Would you rather he'd had a **falling out**?"_

Ugh. So somebody apparently grabbed him in the nick of time, and then he blacked out.

_"WHAT!"_

_"Dude, calm down!"_

_"Don't you tell me to calm down-"_

But only for a little bit! When he woke up, he found himself being tended to by Carol Pingrey of all people.

"Hey Carol", he said.

"Hey yourself, Linc." She replied, giving him a warm smile.

_"Aww. That's totes adorbes."_

_"That did **not** actually happen."_

But it did happen. Carol Pingrey, one of the prettiest and most popular girls in town was nursing him back to health.

_"Come on, Linc. Next you're going to tell us you **fell** for her. Get it?"_

_"You okay Luan? You're twitching more than you usually do..."_

Then Carol laid one comforting hand against his forehead.

"Or" She went on, her lips quirking up in a sort of half smirk, "...should that be, 'Clincoln'"?

_"Why did she say that all...dramatically? Like it was a big, important reveal of some kind."_

_"I dunno. Did Carol not know about Linc's comics? Were we supposed to be aware of this?"_

_"Lori. You're doing that thing again. That thing where you, like, breathe really heavy. I'm gonna do that thing you told me would help."_

_"Ow!"_

_"Yay! I helped!"_

Guys! Seriously, do you want me to tell the story or not? Now where was I? "Hey Carol." And then...oh, right. Clincoln.

"Um, I guess?" I replied, sort of confused.

Then we just sat there in silence for a bit. I probably should have said something, but I wasn't sure how you respond to something like that. Finally, Carol threw me a lifeline.

"I...um." She faltered ever so slightly. "I was kind of expecting that to be a little more...weighty? I guess?"

"Should it have been?" I asked. "That's the name Clyde and I use for lots of stuff."

Seeing as it's kind of awkward to have a conversation where only one person was lying on the floor, I decided to try and sit up. Thankfully I managed on my own, albeit with some slight discomfort. It was at this point, that I noticed Carol was in costume herself. As the High Card.

_"Pfft. What a loser. Ow! Leni, what was that for?"_

_"I was **helping**."_

I was shocked at the implications here. This was Carol. Pingrey. Cosplaying as one of my characters.

_" **Why do you keep saying her name like that!** "_

_"Easy Lori, deep breaths..."_

"See something you like?" She asked playfully.

"N-no!" I stammered, embarrassed that I'd been caught staring. "I mean, yes! I mean..."

_"See, now that sounds like Lincoln."_

_"Totes Linky."_

"I was just surprised at your choice of costume." I said, trying to push past this newest bit of awkwardness. "I don't want to presume, but...do you read my comic?"

"Yeah." She said with a small chuckle. "I'm a pretty big fan. I'd actually come here hoping to...met you."

"But we have met." I pointed out. Now she was the one who looked confused.

"We spent almost an entire day together. Remember? We ate pizza, we went to the comic book shop. You tried to convince me that ACU Ace could beat Pre-Crisis Ace in a dance-off."

"He could!" She shouted. Then immediately reddened at her own outburst.

"And you're allowed to believe that." I conceded, taking this as a good sign. "Then you destroyed me in mini-golf!"

"Y-you weren't that bad." She said quickly, clearly trying to spare my feelings.

"I got more balls in the parking lot than I did on the green." I said, with no small amount of self-deprecation. "Lori said that should have been literally impossible with a putter."

Then things got quiet again, and I was worried I'd said something wrong.

"You're right, Linc." She giggled, mercifully breaking the silence at last.

"Of course I am." I agreed, not quite sure what I had been right about, but happy all the same.

"I guess I've been making this kind of...weird, haven't I?"

I had been going to tell her she was being silly, but before I got the chance, she reached out and grabbed my hand with her own.

"My name's Carol." She said.

She smiled at me. I mean, Carol always smiled, she's a really nice girl. But there was something different about this one. It seemed...lighter? I guess? Unburdened. Whatever this was about, it was clearly important to her. So I decided to play along.

"Well, I'm still Lincoln." I quipped, giving her hand a shake. "But it's still nice to meet you, Carol."

* * *

"And then what happened?!"

The assembled Louds all jerked in surprise at this latest outburst. Lincoln glanced around, trying to determine the sound of the voice, but it was still just them in the room. Even Lucy had disappeared at some point in the proceedings.

"Sam?" He called out, uncertain.

"I'm still here!" She called back. "I've been listening the entire time. The walls here are pretty thin. I bet I could put my hand right through this thing."

"Put gloves on first." Lynn suggested, "That wood splinters like crazy."

"Finish the story, Lincoln!" Lori ordered, significantly more irate than before. "What happened next?"

"We just talked." Lincoln said, shrugging. "After Carol got over whatever that weird hangup of her's was, she became a lot easier to talk to. Turns out we have a lot in common.

"Was there...anything else?" Luna asked, cautiously.

"Oh. Well actually, Carol really wants to see that new Ace Savvy movie that's coming out. But she's too embarrassed to go by herself, so I offered to go with her."

It was probably my imagination, but it felt like the temperature in the room suddenly dropped several degrees.

"You... _offered_ to take her to a movie?" Lori asked.

Lincoln was about to respond in the affirmative, but there was something about Lori's tone that seemed...off. Maybe it had something to do with the weird looks he was getting from the rest of his sisters, but every instinct was screaming at him to proceed with caution.

"I..." He began, carefully considering his words. "Agreed to go see the same movie that Carol was going to see. At the same theater as her."

"And..." He continued, "If circumstances permitted, I agreed to sit with her."

The girls exchanged strange looks between themselves, as if silently communicating with one another. At several points, they would even turn to look at the door, before resuming their unspoken conference.

"Alright then, ladies." Lori said at last, climbing to her feet. "I think we've got everything we need here."

His other sisters followed suit. Apparently their impromptu meeting was over. Lincoln was relieved, though uncertain as to why. Still, there was one more problem that needed to be addressed.

"Um..." He ventured nervously, fearful of provoking the wrath that he had seemingly avoided by a fairly narrow margin. "Before you guys go, could one of you please untie me?"

Another round of looks passed between his sisters and the door. This time, of puzzlement.

"Uh, dude? None of us tied you up."

"Then why can't I move?"

"Probably because you literally have the worst sleeping posture." Lori scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, we're going to need Lisa to make you a brace or something.


	27. Chapter 27

" _What do you mean it didn't break?!_ "

Luna Loud stood in front of the door to her room, considering her options as she listened to the muffled, but familiar voices coming from within.

" _Are you deaf? I told you, it didn't break!_ "

"That's a bad call and you know it!"

Pattern recognition was an important skill to develop, especially in the Loud House. Old Luna would have just blindly wandered into her room, blissfully unaware of the insanity that was very likely to envelope her upon doing so. New Luna was now savvy enough to recognize the signs.

_"You're a bad call!"_

_"I know you are, but what am I?!"_

_"A bad call!"_

The smart thing to do would have been to slowly back away, then head down to the kitchen for a snack. Maybe watch some TV, let this whole thing blow over.

And yet...

Luna sighed as she reached out with one trembling hand and gently wrapped her fingers around the door knob. It would be smart to leave, but there was a part of her that really wanted to know how this would play out. And so, Luna steeled her nerves and opened the door.

As Luna walked through the door, her eyes instinctively began to flicker around the room, looking for anything unexpected and/or dangerous. Holes in the walls or ceilings, unexpected pitfalls, perhaps some new wild beast of Lana's, or one of Lisa's experiments gone rogue. To her surprise, her room was exactly as she had left it, save for the small card table that now sat in its center.

The table was covered with thick hard-bound books, piles of paper, a multitude of tiny figurines, reams and reams of graph paper. Also, dice. Many, many dice, covering a spectrum of colors and shapes that seemed positively alien.

Adjacent to the mess was her girlfriend and her little brother, glaring daggers at one another. The latter standing on a nearby chair, presumably so as to better facilitate his glaring at the former. It was strangely adorable.

"I'm telling you, it broke!" Sam yelled, pounding her fist on the table. The impact dislodging a few dice, which tumbled away, seemingly jubilant to be free of the conflict.

"And I'm telling you, it didn't!" Lincoln shouted back. "Military androids are outfitted with a luna-titanium alloy plating! It's designed to withstand heavy ordinance! You. Did. Not. Break. It!"

"I was using my +5 dagger of armor breaking!"

"The +5 is a to hit modifier! You flubbed the penetration roll! Deal with it!"

As amusing as this was, Luna couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed by the sight before her. Sam and Lincoln had gotten up to way crazier things in the past, this seemed strangely tame by comparison.

"I bet I could penetrate your stupid face!" Sam growled, grabbing the smaller boy by the front of his shirt, and pulling him so close that their faces were nearly touching.

"Bring it, Blondie!" He spat back.

Luna was wracked with indecision. As mundane and idiotic as this was, she'd be remiss if she allowed her loved ones to get into a fist fight over something so stupid. And yet...

Fortunately, the decision was made for her. The pair, trembling with what Luna had presumed to be barely repressed anger, suddenly burst out laughing, exchanging a brief hug before sliding back into their chairs, bodies heaving from mirth.

Luna was content to sit back and observe the pair. Red faced from laughter, tears running down their cheeks as they gasped for breath. It was nice to see them having fun. These were the moments that made all the insanity in their lives worth the trouble.

She had wanted to watch them for at least a little longer, but an unexpected sneeze suddenly expelled itself from her body, drawing attention to her. And with that, the moment was passed.

"Hey Luna." Lincoln greeted her, his bucktooth smile quivering as the last vestiges of that laughing fit worked themselves through his body.

"Well..." He began, climbing to his feet, "I'll be getting out of your hair." He stopped and sent a worried glance towards the heavily laden table.

"I'll take care of it, little dude." Sam said, giving him a small wave. He nodded in acknowledgement, and began to make his way towards the door.

Luna had wanted to ask him to stay. She wanted to recreate that perfect snapshot of togetherness that she had inadvertently stumbled across. Perhaps join in herself. But the words simply wouldn't come. And so, she contented herself with pulling her little brother into a quick side hug as he passed by. One which he eagerly returned, much to her delight.

She turned back to her lounging girlfriend, one eyebrow raised quizzically in silent askance.

"Is it weird that I got a little turned on by that?" Sam asked, eyes flicking to the now vacant doorway.

"Yes!" Luna growled. Unwilling to admit that she was feeling more than a little stirred up herself.

* * *

"So what was that all about?" Luna asked, her eyebrow beginning to feel sore.

"Swords and Cyborgs." Sam replied, as she set about straightening up the table. Stacking up the books, organizing the loose sheets of paper, and collecting the figures and dice that had been strewn about.

Luna simply pointed at her raised eyebrow, currently trembling from the strain.

"It's a roleplaying game." Sam rolled her eyes, albeit smiling as she did so. "One of those fantasy/sci-fi mash-up kind of deals."

"Like that movie we watched?"

"Sort of." Sam deftly retrieved a few dice that had wandered into the far corner of the room. "But some of the guns are made of smaller guns, and the swords are also chainsaws."

"Sounds kinda dumb." Luna observed, sliding into Lincoln's now vacant chair and picking up one of his figurines at random. It appeared to be some kind of robot being operated by a man in a smaller suit of robot armor. How strange.

"It's _fun_." Sam admonished her, plucking the figure out of Luna's grasp and putting it into a small box. She then began to follow suit with the remaining figures.

"Linc's been running me through a solo campaign ever since his gaming group imploded. He was bored, I was bored, and you were distressingly absent. One thing led to another, and now once a week I sail the sea of stars! Searching for adventure! And booty!"

She waggled her eyebrows at Luna. "And sometimes treasure."

Luna paused to consider this.

"I'm not upset that you're hanging out with my little bro..." She began.

"Good!"

"But I _am_ concerned what my family will think."

_Especially Lori_ , she added silently.

Her task complete, Sam slid into her chair and scooched closer to Luna.

"Then clearly, the solution is for you to _join_ us." She said, adding emphasis with a gentle poke to Luna's cheek.

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Because Lincoln's always doing things that _we_ like, and we never reciprocate." Sam immediately shot back. "And while you were able to live in blissful ignorance before, now the guilt will slowly devour you from within."

That...was a pretty good point. And accurate. And curiously well prepared.

"How long have you been sitting on that one?" Luna asked, now suspicious.

"Long enough." Sam batted her eyes at Luna coquettishly.

"Besides." She continued. "Why would you turn down the opportunity to spend time with your girlfriend and the man you love?"

" _Dude!"_ Luna hissed, glancing fearfully at the still opened door.

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Luna I thought you were over this."

"I...admitted that those feelings exist." Luna replied cautiously. The door remained opened, taunting her. "But that doesn't mean I can...you know, _do_ anything about them!"

"You keep that up and you're going to lose him to Carol." Sam said, bluntly.

"I-I don't..."

"She'd probably be all over this." The blonde continued, heedless as to Luna's growing discomfort. "And man, did you see the way she filled out that costume? She gets Linc into a dark room and he's not going to stand a chance."

"Sam..."

"Seriously. How did she even manage to _fit_ those things..."

" _Sam_!" Luna barked, surprising even herself with venom in her tone. Sam, for her part, looked more bemused than anything.

"It's not that simple." Luna sighed, rubbing her temples in frustration.

"It's exactly that simple." Sam replied, turning towards the door.

"Leni?" She called out.

Much to Luna's surprise, Leni immediately stepped into the room.

"Hi girls!" The older girl greeted them with an exaggerated wave of her hand.

Luna blinked. "Leni, how long have you been out there?"

Leni's face took on a thoughtful expression. "I don't think I was. I think I'm just wherever I'm supposed to be?"

Luna glanced at her girlfriend, and felt strangely relieved that Sam seemed to be just as perplexed as she was. However, her girlfriend remained undeterred.

"Leni, you love Lincoln, right?" Wow, right out of the gate and already swinging.

"Totes!" Leni replied, nodding her head emphatically. "He's like, the best little brother ever!"

"Would you ever date him?"

Leni's smile faltered ever so slightly. "Sam, don't be silly. You can't date your brother."

Her point made, Luna shot Sam a victorious smile. Her only response was to wave Luna off.

"But Leni, I thought you loved Lincoln."

"I do!" The older girl squawked indignantly. "He's really smart, and super nice to me"

"Got a cute little butt too."

"Ya huh." Leni agreed, nodding emphatically. Now Sam was the one shooting smugness Luna's way.

"But you can't date your brother, Sam." Leni said, clearly unhappy. "It's like, totes wrong."

Sam stroked her chin, seemingly pondering a new plan of attack.

"Who told you that, Leni?" She said at last.

"Lori. We talked about it when we kidnapped Linky that one time."

Wait, what? Luna opened her mouth, intending to press for more details, but Sam promptly clamped her hand over it. _Not now!_ She mouthed, silently.

"So who _are_ you supposed to date, Leni?"

"Lori says you're only supposed to date someone you really, really love." Leni parroted, like a well trained animal of some variety. This was, presumably, something she had been told frequently.

"And you love Linky, right?" Sam prompted.

"Totes. B-but...I... and Linky" Leni stammered as she tried to process the logical paradox. Suddenly she froze, her beautiful features scrunched up in concentration. Perfectly still, save for the slight rising and falling of her bountiful chest.

Again, Luna glanced at Sam and saw that the other girl was just as perplexed as she was. Apparently this wasn't part of the plan.

"Leni?" She ventured at last, leaning forward and waving her hand in front of the older girl's face. No response.

"You broke my sister." She growled, glaring at her girlfriend.

Sam held up her hands, clearly intending to offer some kind of defense for her actions. She stopped, however, surprise now evident upon her face.

Luna turned back to Leni, curious to see what new development had occurred, and saw...nothing.

"What the..." Were the only words she managed to get out before a loud crash resounded from the hallway.

" _Leni no!"_ And that sounded like Lori.

Another series of crashes, much greater in intensity this time rang out, causing Luna to flinch in surprise. Somewhere a door slammed, and then...nothing.

Luna sighed heavily, crept towards the door, and gently closed it. She'd deal with...whatever that was later.

She turned back and saw that Sam had relocated to her bunk bed. The blonde smiled, clearly pleased with herself, and patted the empty space next to her, invitingly. Dang it.

"We're going to have a talk about this later." Luna promised, climbing up alongside the other girl.

She pulled the smiling blonde close as the pair shuffled around the fairly limited amount of space, trying to find themselves a position more conducive for snuggling.

"...So, am I gonna have to wear a wizard hat, or something?" She asked, once they'd gotten themselves situated.

"Don't be silly." Sam replied, nuzzling her face into Luna's neck. "It's called a Star Seer's Coif."


	28. Chapter 28

Lori stared at Leni from across their table. They'd relocated to a nearby diner, the kind of place you'd pull over for solely because you needed a vehicle to transmit syrup into your body, and little else. Thankfully, they weren't here to enjoy themselves. The quality, or lack thereof, worked to her advantage in this regard. She needed a place where they could talk without being disturbed. Unfortunately, Leni didn't seem to be feeling especially talkative.

"Leni..." Lori sighed as the other girl ducked behind her menu, a very transparent stalling tactic.

"Leni!" Lori said a bit more emphatically. This caused the fashionista to poke the tippy top of her head into view. That was progress, of a sort.

"Leni, I need to know why you did what you did."

Leni mumbled something from her makeshift hiding place. The one word Lori could make out was the "Linky."

Lori groaned as she leaned back in her chair. She hadn't seen what had happened herself, but she'd heard the commotion. By the time she'd arrived on the scene, Leni and Lynn had been engaged in a tug of war over their little brother. Leni had hugging the boy for dear life, his face planted firmly into her ample bosom, while Lynn was trying to extract the younger boy by yanking on his legs, as if pulling Caliburn from the stone.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Leni protested, finally attaining an audible level of speech.

"Leni, you were literally smothering the poor kid." Lori deadpanned. "And when we finally got you to let him go, his face was covered in lipstick." Leni blushed, and slid back behind her menu.

"Leni, I thought we were past this. You've been so-"

"I love Linky!" Her younger sister suddenly exclaimed, poking her head out defiantly.

"Of course you do Leni" Lori replied, trying to keep her voice level. "We all love Lincoln." She tried to ignore the strange, fluttery sensation that arose from within her at that last statement, pushing past the treacherous thoughts that threatened to manifest.

"But you can't just...assault him like that!"

"He liked it!" The younger girl protested emphatically. "He was making all those happy noises mom and dad make when they think we're asleep!"

Bleh, there was a mental image she didn't need. Alright, new tactic.

"Leni, do you remember when that really pushy boy was trying to get you to go out with him?

She nodded. "Yeah. He wasn't very nice."

"He wasn't." Lori agreed. "But you were going to go out with him anyway, because you felt bad for him. Do you remember what I said to you?"

"You said that you should only date someone that you really, really love a whole lot." Leni replied, quietly.

"Exactly-" Lori began.

"But I remember other things too!" Leni slammed her menu shut and slammed it on the table.

Lori blinked, not entirely sure how to react to this turn of events.

"I remember when we were little." Leni began "We were all playing together. You, me, Lynn, and Luna. And Linky. And it was totes fun, all of us together like that." She sighed, wistfully.

"A-and then Lynn told us that she and Linky were going to get married. Luna got mad, and they started fighting. I got scared, because they were hitting each other really hard. But you, Lori.."

She lowered her voice.

"You got really sad."

Lori cleared her throat, trying not to dwell on the memories that were beginning to emerge.

"Leni..." She tried to interject.

"You got supes sad, Lori!" Her sister pushed on, heedlessly. "Then you grabbed Linky and ran away with him!"

"I-I was trying to protect him!" Lori protested. "Lynn and Luna were out of control! We had to buy a new couch because they broke our old one in half!"

"You were." Leni said, nodding in agreement. "And we took him back to our room, and hid under the blankets until mom and dad got home."

Lori found herself smiling at the memory. It was a pretty good one. The three of them huddled together like that. Lincoln, completely uncomprehending what was happening around him, but happy to be spending time with his big sisters.

"And then I asked you how come Lynn got to marry Linky. And you said-"

"...Because she really...really...loved him." Lori finished, grimacing at the memory.

"Totes." Leni nodded in agreement. "And then you said that she had to wait her turn, because we were the oldest, so we got to marry him first!"

"Leni..."

"But then mom and dad came home and got really, really mad! And after the firemen left, they sat us all down and told Lynn that she couldn't marry Linky! No matter how much she loved him!"

"That made Lynn really sad." She continued. "And Luna was sad, and I was super duper sad! But you, Lori."

And suddenly, Leni was looking her straight in the eye. "You were the saddest of all of us."

Now Lori was the one finding it difficult to make eye contact.

"You cried, Lori!" Leni exclaimed, perhaps a bit more loudly than Lori was comfortable with, even with the diner being as deserted as it was. "I gave you so many hugs, and none of them worked! I even tried giving you that special kiss that mom uses to cheer up dad-"

"Leni!" Lori screeched, face burning with embarrassment. Leni, for her part, seemed equally embarrassed at Lori's reaction, and the pair fell into an awkward silence.

Lori sighed. This was not how she'd been expecting things to go.

"Leni, that was in the past. We were so much younger back then. We didn't know any better!"

"I know better now." Leni replied, nodding. "But that doesn't change how I feel. I love Linky, and I'm tired of pretending that I don't!

She paused to take a breath. "And...and I think you are too!"

"I-I don't know what you're..."

"-How come you never talk to Bobby anymore, Lori?" Leni interjected. There was a strange look in her eyes. It was almost...predatory.

"Bobby and I are on...a break right now." Lori mumbled, suddenly finding the floor to be utterly fascinating. So many kinds of brown. "We just need some time to reevaluate this whole, long distance thing..."

"You stopped calling him after you went on that date with Linky!" Leni shouted, pointing her finger at Lori accusingly.

"That wasn't a date!" Lori feebly protested. "Carol was there too!"

"And you were so angry about that!" Leni crowed, puffing up her chest with pride. Lori swore she heard the sound of fabric tearing. "About Carol joining you! Carol! Who now totes has a date with Linky all to herself!"

Lori frowned at the mention of...that. She _hated_ thinking about...that.

"Leni, what are you trying to get a-EEK!" Lori squeaked in surprised as Leni leaped across the table and clasped Lori's hands between her own. Her eyes, burning with determination.

"I want you to help me beat Carol!"

* * *

"Luna! We've been over this! You can pick the laser glaive, the vibro guisarme, or the laser-bladed vibro glaive guisarme!"

"And I keep telling you to speak english! What's even the difference!"

"One has a laser! One has a blade! And one has a laserblade!"

Lincoln quietly groaned and hung his head behind his game master's shield.

Lincoln remembered playing his weekly game with Sam, making himself scarce so that she and Luna could have some alone time, and then...nothing. He'd awoken in his bed hours later and feeling strangely refreshed, but with no memory of how he'd gotten there. Short term amnesia wasn't an uncommon occurance in the Loud House, but he normally had something to go off to hint as to the cause. Lisa's subdermal tracking chips, a video recording from his past self, a series of cryptic yet pun ridden clues left by Luan. There had even been that one occasion where he'd awoken to find himself in possession of a mysterious cursed emerald. But this time...nothing.

He'd quickly set that aside, however, as shortly after awakening, he'd been met by Luna and Sam. And in a truely momentus occasion, Luna had asked to play in his game!

Initially he'd been thrilled when Luna had asked if she could play _Swords and Cyborgs_ with him and Sam. Lincoln loved his sisters, but it was so rare for any of them to take an interest in something he liked to do. Plus, with Sam already on board, that put them one step closer to getting a real game going. As much as he enjoyed their solo games, there just weren't that many adventuring opportunities that were appropriate for a single player character, which severely limited the kinds of adventures they could play. But Luna joining them would change everything!

So excited was Lincoln, that he had immediately broken out his campaign notes and started making adjustments, eager to get the girls blasting through space as quickly as possible.

"How about a gun? Can I just use a gun?"

"You can't! You're not smart enough!"

" _Excuse_ me?"

...And that's where things had started going wrong.

"I meant your stats, babe! Your wisdom and intelligence are in the toilet"

"I still don't know what that means!"

Lincoln sunk a little lower as the argument escalated for the umpteenth time that session. Luna, bless her heart, was trying. Really trying. But SC wasn't an especially accommodating game for inexperienced gamers, and Luna was never all that big a fan of science fiction to begin with. That combination was going to result in a fairly high barrier of entry.

"Alright girls." He said at last, climbing to his feet. "This isn't doing anyone any good. How about we take a break?"

"What? No!" Sam protested

"Come on, little bro! I'm really trying here, honest!" Luna chimed in.

"It's cool, Lunes, really." He reassured her, forcing a smile onto his face. "I'm not throwing in the towel. But I just think it'd do us all a lot of good if we took a little time to cool off. I've got a few things I need to work out anyway. How about we meet back here in twenty?"

The girls exchanged worried glances. A less discerning individual would have left it at that, but Lincoln was experienced enough to notice the tiny contortions in their facial features, a sure sign that there was an entire conversation silently taking place between the pair. Finally, activity ceased.

"A-alright Linc." Luna said at last, looking crestfallen. Lincoln flinched at the palpable frustration in her voice.

He leaned down and pulled his big sister into a hug. She froze up, and Lincoln was briefly afraid he had overstepped his boundaries, but she quickly returned the gesture with gusto.

"Seriously, Luna, it's okay." He reassured her. "I've got this. Everything's going to be okay."

He quickly took his leave, only allowing the long held sigh of frustration to escape his lungs after he was a safe distance down the hallway. He could fix this. He was going to fix this.

Lincoln started making his way back to his bedroom, mulling over the situation. The problem, as he saw it, was the setting. Luna wasn't lacking for intelligence or creativity she was just having a hard time wrapping her mind around a genre that she had little experience with. He was confident that if he could somehow repackage all these scary sounding mechanics into something more palatable for the aspiring rocker, perhaps using a game system for a genre that was a little easier to wrap her head around, she'd be able to acclimate to the actual game play fairly easily. So the question was, what game would best fit Luna Loud?

Lincoln started taking stock of his inventory, suddenly deeply regretting that crowd funded game he'd seen about rock bands battling it out for dominance of a post apocalyptic wasteland had failed to meet its goal. Battle of the Bands would have been perfect for Luna. But, no point in dwelling over what could have been.

Let's see, _Dragons in Places_? Fantasy was probably a little more accessible than sci-fi, but he still felt like he could do better. _Secrets and Subterfuge_? Hmm, a spy game might be a bit more Luna's speed. She already did a great British accent.

Then...it hit him. Holey schamoley! How hadn't he thought of this sooner?

Lincoln threw aside the stack of books he'd been browsing, and flung himself at his bookshelf, heedlessly tossing obstructive tomes over his shoulder as he worked himself deeper and deeper.

He hadn't even thought about this one since he'd bought it, but it had to be here, it just had to!

Just as Lincoln was on the verge of giving up, he found it. Greedily grasping his prize, he made his was back out of the surprisingly labyrinthine shelf. Blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light, he took in the tome that he had so desperately sought.

A familiar card themed, spandex clad hero adorned the front of the book. His trademarked, cocky smile staring back at Lincoln.

_Heroes and Zeroes_ , read the gold embossed font that adorned the top of the cover. _The Official Ace Savvy Roleplaying System_.

Lincoln grinned triumphantly. Jackpot!


	29. Chapter 29

Lynn slammed her bedroom door with a growl of frustration and promptly threw herself upon her bed, still seething.

Things had started off well enough. Lincoln had mysteriously reappeared from wherever it was he had disappeared to, and Lynn had intended to take the opportunity to casually secure some private time with her little brother (" _Hey Stinkoln, I've got a hankering for some pizza and a few of those dumb video games you like so much. My treat. What? N-no, I just want to spend some time with my favorite little brother. So what if you're my only brother? Look, do you want the dumb pizza or what? Why I oughtta..._ ")

Around the point Lynn had given up rehearsing her totally casual speech, deciding to just wing it, a cry of alarm coming from Lincoln's room had awakened Lynn's sisterly instincts with a vengeance, and she suddenly found herself in the process of kicking down his door. She'd _expected_ to find Lincoln being victimized by a certain, seemingly omnipresent blonde girl. Instead, she'd found Lincoln being victimized by an entirely different blonde girl.

Leni had been giving the Lincoln the hug to end all hugs, a look of manic glee upon her face, seemingly unaware that she was smothering the poor boy. Lynn had grabbed what remained of Lincoln, intending to pull him free and whisk him away to safety (possibly the very bed in which she currently laid). However, Leni merely tightened her grip upon the younger boy in response, snarling at Lynn like some kind of wild animal, and the situation quickly devolved into a tug of war over their little brother. Thankfully Lori had rushed in shortly after, extracted the now unconscious Lincoln from his fleshy prison, and whisked Leni away, yelling for Lynn to let Lincoln rest as she dragged a kicking and screaming Leni out the door. Say what you will about Lori, the girl could deescalate a situation like nobody's business.

"Stupid boob monster." Lynn grumbled, once again picturing Lincoln pressed again Leni's supple and abundant flesh.

"That's not very nice."

"No." Lynn replied in grudging agreement. "Leni doesn't deserve that. I just don't know what got into her."

"Probably the same thing that's gotten into you."

"H-hey!" Lynn protested, blushing in embarrassment. "You can't just..."

She trailed off, only now realizing that she was conversing with what was _supposed_ to be an empty room. Sighing, she prepared herself for the inevitable, and turned her head in the direction of the voice.

"Hello, Lynn." Greeted Lucy, only inches away from her face.

"Gaaah!" Lynn squeaked, flailing her arms in surprise, and immediately falling off her bed. Dangit! She knew that was coming and it still got her!

"I didn't check the corners?" She grumbled from her position on the floor.

"Among other things." Replied the younger girl, her lips quirking upward ever so slightly.

Lucy reached down and helped her sister to her feet. Lynn once again sat herself down upon her bed, trying not to flinch as Lucy sat herself down next to her. After all, it was entirely possible that she'd been referring to something else...

"I was referring to the fact that you're in love with Lincoln." Lucy said, seemingly reading her mind.

...Double dangit.

"And so is Leni." Lucy continued, counting off on her fingers. "And Lori. And Luna. I'm not really certain about Luan, she isn't around very often."

Lynn groaned in frustration and went limp, flopping onto her back with all the grace of a dead fish. It wasn't a surprise, exactly, things had become...complicated as of late, whenever Lincoln was involved. But having confirmation that she was competing against her older, more...feminine sisters, was pretty demoralizing.

"And you?" She asked wearily, feeling like she already knew the answer.

A casual observer would not have seen any change in the young goth's demenor, by all appearances she seemingly remained as stoic as ever. Lynn, however, knew a thing or two about her little sister, and even from her current vantage she was able to pick up on the faint tinge of red that darkened the younger girl's pallid skin.

"Cough." Lucy replied, confirming her suspicions.

"Fantastic." Lynn grunted, rolling her eyes. "Should I worry about the twins too? How about Lisa?"

"Don't be silly, Lynn." Lucy scoffed. "I mean, it's possible. Someday, perhaps. But they're much too young to properly process those kinds of emotions right now."

Lynn struggled to sit up, fixing her younger sister with a disbelieving stare.

"You're _nine._ " She deadpanned.

Again, there was no overt change to the girl's outward demeanor, but Lynn could tell that the goth was hurt by her outburst.

"I-I'm sorry, Luce." She apologized, genuinely feeling for her little sister.

Lucy bowed her head and wrapped her arms around her chest, suddenly seeming her actual age, in a rare show of emotion. Relatively speaking, anyway.

"I can't help how I feel." Came her quiet reply.

For the second time that day, Lynn's sisterly instincts roared to life. She reached over and pulled the smaller girl close.

"I'm sorry, Luce." She apologized again, hugging the younger girl tightly. "I wasn't making fun of you or anything. I'm just...frustrated here."

No audible reply came from the small bundle of black in her arms, but her body seemed to lose the tension it had been holding. That was a good sign.

"So..." Lynn pushed on, trying to lighten the mood. "Is there anyone _else_ I need to worry about?"

"...There is no one else who resides in this house." Came the muffled reply from within her arms.

"What a strangely specific answer." Lynn observed.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging coming from overhead. Lynn didn't pay it much mind, it was probably...just...Lucy...? Lynn blinked in surprise, and glanced downward to make sure that her little sister was still present.

" _Luuuuuucyyyyy!"_ a plaintive voice drifted out of a nearby air vent. The younger girl jerked upwards, teeth clenched in uncharacteristic frustration.

"I told you!" She snarled at the vent. "You get stuck again and it's your problem! Figure it out yourself!"

A mournful wail resounded from the vent, then fell silent.

"Lucy...?" Lynn asked, not entirely certain what she'd just witnessed.

"Don't worry about it." Lucy grumbled, reinserting herself into Lynn's embrace.

"...Right." Lynn paused, trying to figure out how to capitalize on the progress she'd made. "So, is this supposed to be, like, you telling me to back off? Keep my hands off your man? That sort of thing?"

She'd been half joking, but it surprised her when Lucy suddenly shook herself free and darted back to her side of the room. She sighed, closing her eyes and laying back once more. So much for apologies...

"Actually...", then a loud _thump,_ causing Lynn's eyes to shoot back open. To her surprise, a large pile of composition journals now sat only inches away from her.

"...I had a proposition for you."

* * *

Lynn had never been so embarrassed in her life. And yet, she couldn't stop herself from turning the final page, eyes frantically running over every inch of text put before her. Wow, it was even better than she'd hoped.

Lynn let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and gingerly placed the journal into a small pile that had formed beside her.

"Look, Luce." She began, scratching the back of her neck nervously. "Its really good stuff, but...I'm not sure what you showing me your porn is supposed to accomplish.

"It's not porn, Lynn!" The younger girl screeched indignantly.

"Right." Lynn said, rolling her eyes as she grabbed one of the discarded journals. "This one's about you and Lincoln consummating your 'forbidden love' in the middle of a graveyard."

"This..." She grabbed another. "Is about you being seduced and defiled by a vampire Lincoln."

"And these..." She gestured at the remaining pile. "Are all different takes on you, as a vampire, binding Lincoln to your will and violating him. Repeatedly."

"I know what I like." The younger girl sniffed haughtily.

"My _point_..." Lynn continued, "Is that this stuff is actually pretty hot. And I _may_ have a few ideas I'd like to discuss with you. But I'm not seeing how this applies to our current situation."

She grabbed another handful of journals and began absentmindedly thumbing through them.

"Geeze Luce" She grumbled, "You're a good writer, but all your titles sound like something out of your vampire show. Night this, fangs that, B-... _Bound by Secrets_?"

Curious in spite of herself, Lynn cracked open the tome and immediately turned the same color as her jersey.

"Wait, why am I in this one?!"

"I wanted to try something a little different." Lucy said, scooching closer. "Besides, its not just you, I show up later on."

" _Why_?" Lynn asked, staring at her little sister in disbelief.

"Sigh." Lucy replied, shaking her head as she put one comforting hand on Lynn's shoulder. "Luna's already got Sam helping her."

"Luna really lucked out with that girl." Lynn opined as she turned the page.

"Indeed." Lucy nodded. "That puts us at a tremendous disadvantage. And I suspect Lori and Leni will be collaborating before long."

Lynn dropped the book in shock and began whimpering like a frightened puppy.

"Shhh" Lucy whispered, trying to comfort the older girl.

"But how am I supposed to compete with all, _that?"_ Lynn exclaimed, inscribing vaguely feminine shapes into the air with her hands. Some considerably more rounded than others.

"Team up with me." Lucy stated, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Y-you and me?" Lynn eyed the discarded journal warily.

"That was just artistic license." Lucy replied, waiving her hand dismissively. "We can work out something more amenable...for the three of us."

_"Woo!"_

Before Lynn could respond, a cry of exuberance resounded from the hallway. That sounded like Luna. And if Luna was up to something, that most likely meant...

"Wait, Lynn!" Lucy called, but to no avail as the athlete rushed out of the room.

* * *

"Alright, Luna..." Lincoln said, squinting at something behind his GM screen. "The good news is your jet pack more or less managed to get you where you wanted to be. The bad news is that it's malfunctioning. Not only are you unable to shut it off, it's probably going to explode in a few turns."

"You should probably bail out, Babe." Sam suggested.

Luna looked to Lincoln in askance, and after a moment of consideration, he nodded.

"I'll allow it. But you're going to be falling from a good ways up in the air. Make an athletics check to see how the landing goes."

"That's the big die, right?" Luna asked. With Lincoln and Sam both nodding in the affirmative, Luna grabbed the die in question and made her roll.

"Oooh, nice!" Lincoln exclaimed, seeing the result. "The out of control jet pack careens off into parts unknown, but Nightclub manages to to stick the landing with only minor damage. Though your shins are probably going to be sore in the morning."

Luna let out a sigh of relief, drawing laughter from her brother and girlfriend.

Sam took a moment to consider the battlefield before her, currently represented by a large sheet of graph paper, adorned small figurines representing their characters.

"The bad guys' attention should be on Luna at this point, so I'm gonna try to sneak around and flank them!" Sam announced, reaching for her own pile of dice.

"No need for that." Lincoln waved her off. "Nightclub's little stunt is making her the center of attention, you easily manage to avoid detection.

"Awesome!" Sam moved her figure towards the back of the group.

"Ok. All these guys can see is Nightclub making a spectacle of herself, so they're all running towards her." Lincoln moved their figures accordingly. "Top of the round. You're in their firing range now Luna, so if things continue as they are, you'll be coming down with a severe case of lead poisoning at the end of the turn."

"But..." Luna squinted at the board, "...That means they're in MY firing range too. Right?"

Lincoln blinked, unable to hide his surprise, but then nodded eagerly.

"Yup." He consulted his notes. " _And_ , since they're all in your line of fire, you've got a full round action to spend on Nightclub's special ability."

" _Guitar solo_." He said with a smirk.

A grin erupted across Luna's face. "Heck yeah, bro! I'm gonna lay down some sick jams!"

He chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Alright. Seeing the villains rush heedlessly towards her, Nightclub has plenty of time to unshoulder her guitar and ready herself. Once they're within firing range, Nightclub starts shredding like crazy, bombarding the area with a fusillade of sonic blasts!"

"Woo!" Luna cheered, throwing up the horns. Lincoln dropped a small pile of dice in front of her and she immediately started tossing them around.

"Alright. You got three shots per person, and there's no intervening cover so...that manages to take out the entire group. All except one, who throws down his weapon and flees. And he's so intent on getting the heck out of there, he doesn't even notice that he's running right into..."

" _Me_." Sam cackled. "And my knuckle dusters." She deftly snatched up her dice and rolled.

"That's right." Lincoln agreed. "And with the sneak attack bonus, that's more than enough to put him down. Well done ladies, you've neutralized all the criminals!"

He frowned. "Although..." and rolled some dice behind his screen, wincing at the result. "You're going to be getting a hefty bill for damages. You should probably take better care of your jet pack, Luna..."

"Ahem."

Lincoln jumped in surprise at the sudden noise, having been so engrossed in the game that he'd apparently failed to notice Lynn entering the room. Or the extremely nervous Lucy standing behind her, but that wasn't nearly as surprising, Lucy went wherever she wanted.

"Um, hey guys." He greeted them. Lucy gave him a sheepish wave, while Lynn merely nodded in acknowledgement.

Lynn's eyes flickered around the room. First to Luna, then to the table, laden with gaming goodness, then to Sam. Finally, Lynn expression grew resolute, having apparently come to some sort of internal decision.

"We wanna play your nerd game." Lynn stated.

"W-we do?" Lucy asked softly, nearly inaudible.

"We do." Lynn affirmed, her voice booking no room for disagreement.

"Us too!" Leni shouted, barging into the room with an extremely disheveled looking Lori in tow.

"...I don't actually know what's going on." She admitted, looking around at the bewildered faces of Sam and her siblings. "But when we're all in the same room, it usually means something fun is going to happen."


	30. Chapter 30

Lincoln's eyes snapped open as he jerked awake, reflexively reaching out to silence his alarm clock. He stopped partway through the motion, only then realizing that there was nothing to silence. A moment of confusion, switfly dispelled as realization clawed its way through his sleep numbed brain, then relief.

Lincoln lay back down, a relieved smile on his face. It was Friday. And not just any Friday, a teacher in service day! The first of three glorious days of no school!

It was mildly annoying that his body hadn't gotten the memo, but that was nothing that a few more hours of sleep couldn't fix. Then he could have a nice hot breakfast, and get started on all the things he'd been forced to put off. Might as well get the tough stuff out of the way first: there few some scripts that needed to be polished, and some art that needed to be touched up, but then! Then he could get to the fun stuff! He had a campaign to put together!

A grin broke out across Lincoln's face as he remembered how insistent his sisters had been that they be allowed to play with him, Sam, and Luna. His first instinct had been to refuse, not because he didn't want to run a game for his sisters, but simply because six people was a _lot_ of players to manage. More than he'd ever had in a single game before. He simply wasn't confident in his ability to run a game of that size. But...seeing the looks of longing on their faces, how could he refuse? Lori in particular had looked like she was on the verge of tears. And so he'd agreed, simply resolving to perform to the best of his ability. It was a request from his sisters, how could he do any less?

Naturally, such a game was going to require a lot of prep work. Coming up with a story shouldn't be too hard, he had a lot of material for his comic that he could draw from, but that was only a small portion of the workload. The girls, novices as they were, would need him to roll up characters for them, though thankfully the hard part of coming up with character concepts had already been dealt with. At this point it was simply a matter of stating them out. But that was only half the battle. There were encounters to plan, maps to draw, miniatures to assemble and paint...

_WHAM!_

...and then he apparently needed to install a new lock on his door...

"Lincoln Loud, you're coming with me!" Shouted a distressingly loud, extremely Sam-like voice.

Lincoln remained still, hoping he could fool the intruder into thinking he was asleep. Several heartbeats passed, and no further sound came. Suspecting otherwise, but still hoping for the best, Lincoln cautiously opened his eyes, just a crack. Though his vision was blurred, both from proximity and from sleep, he was still able to make out the distinctly Sam-like face positioned only inches from his own.

"Wakey, wakey, Linky." She breathed softly, winking at him coquettishly

...Dangit.

"Hello, Sam." He mumbled, trying to play cool in spite of the fact that there was an older, and extremely attractive girl in his bed. The fact that she was fully clothed this time helped somewhat. "What are you doing here so early? And also, at all?"

"I need you to come with me." She repeated, the intensity of her gaze boring into him.

"...Does Luna know about this?" He asked, after a moment of consideration.

"Well..."

* * *

A few minutes earlier...

_WHAM_! Went Luna's bedroom door as a familiar blonde-haired girl burst through it.

"LunaI'mtakingLincolnbecauseitssuperimportantandifyouhaveanyobjectionsyouneedtosaythembeforeIfinishthissentenceokay?"

Sam paused for a moment, then smiled, hearing only the sound of her girlfriend's snoring. Good old Luna, sleeping like a rock. Now for phase two...

She began to creep back out into the hallway when, to her surprise, the form of a different Loud sister presented itself, untangling herself from her bundle of blankets.

"Do I have any say in this?" Asked an extremely sleepy Luan.

"...No." Said Sam after a moment of consideration, pulling the door shut behind her.

One last, disappointed "Aw..." drifted out after her as Sam made her exit.

* * *

"So everything's okay!" Sam proclaimed

"...Sam, you didn't say anything. You just looked away for a second, then announced that everything was okay."

"Keep up, Linc!" She admonished him. "We're burning daylight!"

Lincoln sighed in resignation. "I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

"Nope!"

"Fine. Just wait outside while I change, I guess."

"Aw. I'm pretty comfy right here..."

"L-leave, Sam!"

"Spoilsport."

* * *

Lincoln trudged behind Sam as they made their way downstairs and out the door, trying to shake off the lingering effects of his interrupted rest.

He locked the front door behind him, gave a short wave to the bushes currently being occupied by Maggie ( _Probably none of my business,_ he thought to himself), and the pair set off down the street. A short visit to a nearby bus stop, and they were soon on their way, thanks to the wonders of public transportation.

It was this point that his thoughts finally regained the sharpness he'd been missing. The world around him snapping into focus as he suddenly gained the mental acuity to process the situation he now found himself in.

"So where are we going?" Lincoln asked, idly observing the scenery as it passed by. Tree. Car. Tree. Car. Tree. Car in tree, that was a new one.

"Yeah, about that..." Sam began, hesitantly. "First off, you should probably avoid answering your phone..."

Almost as if on cue, Lincoln's pocket began singing.

_Lincoln Loud! Lincoln Loud! The best dang brother anywhere around...!_

Sam favored the younger boy with a smirk and an upraised eyebrow. "Seriously, dude?"

"What?" He protested as the jingle ran its course. "It's a good song!"

"It's pretty catchy." Sam conceded. "I just mean that it's kinda lame to have a ringtone like—"

_Play it loud! Play it loud! I've got no time for turning it down...!_

Now it was Lincoln's turn to smirk as the older girl pointedly ignored the raucous arising from her own pocket.

"You gonna finish that thought?" He asked snidely.

"No, I think I've made my point." She discretely reached down and silenced the traitorous device.

Lincoln snorted in amusement at the older girl's antics, gesturing for her to continue.

"Well..." She began. "There I was, lying in bed, thinking deep thoughts, as I do..."

"As you do." Lincoln interjected sardonically.

She nodded before continuing, "...When it occurred to me that my favorite little dude has a date coming up—"

"It's not a date!"

"—And he clearly has no idea how he would handle himself while out and about with a smoking hot blonde. Or Carol Pingrey, for that matter."

"Have you _seen_ Carol Pingrey?" Lincoln asked, dryly.

"I've seen parts of her." Sam waved dismissively.

"Sam!"

"So I decided to offer my services as one such babe." She concluded, giving him a short bow dripping with faux humility. "That way, you'll be more than prepared when you're forced to downgrade."

"Sigh."

"Oooh, that was a good Lucy. Now do Luna!"

* * *

"Got a tip for you, Linc." Sam drawled as the duo stepped into _Gus'_. "I'm an easy going gal, but you're not going to score any points with Pingrey by taking her out to the place she works at."

"Again, not a date." Lincoln replied counting off on his fingers. "Second, I'm getting the distinct impression I'm paying for this."

Lincoln looked to the older girl for confirmation, who immediately shoved her hands in her pockets and began whistling a jaunty tune.

"...Right." He continued. "And third, I get to use Lori's discount when she or Carol are on shift. Speaking of which..."

"Hiya Linc!"

Lincoln quickened his stride with a grin, hardly noticing that Sam's whistling had come to an abrupt stop. The pair made their way to the front counter, whereupon they were met by the smiling face of Carol Pingrey. Still looking dazzling, Lincoln noted, despite wearing that dopey hat.

"Hey Carol." He greeted the senior blonde

"Pingrey." Grunted Sam from behind him. Carol's face wrinkled in confusion.

"Strangely hostile girl?" She asked, confused.

Suddenly her eyes lit up with recognition. "Wait! Weren't you at the convention?"

Carol looked to Lincoln, worriedly.

"It's cool." He reassured her. "I'm not being kidnapped today."

"Day's not over yet." Sam sang softly.

"...Right. Okay then." Carol giggled nervously.

"What can I get you two?" She asked, reaching for a nearby notepad.

"Meat." Sam replied, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You guys got sausage links?"

"Um, well-"

"Because there's _nothing_ I like more than a nice, hot _link_ in my pie." Sam went on, a grin slowly spreading across her face. "Boy, you give me a pie with a nice big link on, and I'll _just_ —Hey!"

"Sorry, Carol gotta go!" Link shouted, dragging Sam behind him.

"O-oh. Kay." Carol absentmindedly waved goodbye to the departing pair, still trying to process what had just happened.

* * *

"I sense displeasure in you." Sam observed dryly as Lincoln dragged her to a quiet corner of the restaurant. She was already loading another quip in the chamber when Lincoln suddenly let go of her arm and spun around.

"What the _heck_ , Sam?"

Well, that was new. Angry Lincoln. Legitimately, shaking with barely restrained rage Lincoln. She had not planned for this.

"Come on, dude." She began, trying to placate the younger boy. "It was just a—"

"A _what,_ Sam?" He spat.

A joke. That's what she'd wanted to say, at least. It hadn't been, not really. She hadn't planned on running into the Pingrey girl. It had blindsided her, made her feel...uncomfortable, and so she'd reacted. But she had a feeling that admitting as much wasn't going to go over well with the pale haired boy. So, she just scratched her head nervously, hemming a bit to herself to stall for time.

"I was just messing around, Linc." She said at last. It sounded weak, even to her.

A few, awkward moments passed, neither of them saying a word. Then, letting out a small sigh, Lincoln trudged over to a nearby booth and sat down, heavily. Sam followed suit, somewhat more hesitantly.

"Why are you guys being like this?" He asked in a small voice. He sounded tired.

"Like what, Linc?"

"Why are you guys being weird about Carol?" This question was a bit more forceful than the previous one.

"We're all just worried about you, little dude."

"But _why_?" He wasn't looking at her. Not a good sign.

"W-well—"

"Ever since the convention, everybody gets so angry whenever Carol comes up." He threw out his hands in exasperation. "Even Leni! And Leni loves everything!"

"Not spiders." Sam interjected, weakly.

"Not spiders." He conceded, nodding listlessly."I just don't understand what it is about Carol that has you all on edge like this. Sure, she had her dumb rivalry with Lori, but other than that she's never been anything but nice."

He started to continue, but stopped himself, seemingly unsure of what he wanted to say.

"Is...is it that weird that a girl like Carol would want to hang out with a guy like me?"

The pair lapsed back into silence, Sam unsure how to respond to that question without touching upon some very delicate issues.

"I like hanging out with Carol." He said at last. "She's nice. And she's fun to talk to. And we have a lot in common. And I just..."

He sunk back into his seat, emotionally exhausted. "I just wish you guys could all get along."

Now Sam needed a moment to collect herself. This needed to be handled delicately.

"Your sisters just worry about you, man." She said, running one hand through her long hair in irritation.

"Carol's... _f-fine_." It took every inch of willpower she had to keep the venom out of that word. "It has nothing to do with her. Your sisters would act like this no matter who the girl was. It's _you_ , Linc. They love you a heck of a lot." _Especially Luna_ , she thought to herself.

"And what about you?"

"Excuse me?" She asked, arching one eyebrow.

"What about you? Why do you care so much?"

Sam found she didn't like the tone of that question.

"Lincoln Abraham Loud!" She exclaimed.

"That's not my middle—"

"How _dare_ you ask me that question!" She slammed her fists on the table.

" _You're_ the one who said that I was basically your sister! Well, that's a two way street, bucko! The way I see it, you're the little brother I never had!"

He blinked in surprise. "I'm pretty sure Luna mentioned you had a brother."

"Precisely!" She carried on, undaunted. "You're the little brother I _didn't have_!"

She reached out and gently cupped the younger boy's face with one hand. "...but I sure wish I did. And now that I do, I'm gonna make the most of it."

She gave his face a gentle shake.

"We're all going to meddle in your life Linc. That's just how it goes. It's...possible, that I may have taken things a bit too far today."

Lincoln opened his mouth as if he had something to add, but Sam pressed on.

"The fact of the matter is, I meant what I said. You are absolutely, positively my favorite little dude. Anyone who wants a piece of your action, be they Carol, or that weird little friend of yours, or even, I dunno... _Luna_ , for example, has gotta go through me first. Because that's just what a good big sister does."

She looked Lincoln in the eye, and for the briefest of moments, she felt... _something_. A twinge? A spark? The sensation of one hand clapping? Sam wanted to take some time to try and process exactly what this sensation was...

"Pffft, HA HA HA HA HA!"

But then Lincoln started laughing, and it wasn't long before Sam was joining in herself. The kid had a really nice laugh, it was positively infectious.

Eventually the joviality passed, and the pair sank down in their respective seats. Emotionally exhausted, but happy that the tension had finally cleared.

"I don't think you need to worry about me stealing Luna from you any time soon."

"Hey dude, the heart wants what the heart wants."

"D-don't be weird, Sam."

Sam desperately wanted to push the issue, but she forced herself to let it drop. It wasn't time yet. And in spite of everything, she felt like she'd still manage to make some progress, of a sorts.

"So uh, you wanna get out of here?" She asked, glancing at the counter, wherein a still befuddled Carol remained, seemingly lost in thought.

"Probably for the best." He replied, following her gaze. "She looks...troubled. Like when I tried to explain the difference between Ace Prime and Ace 0000001."

Sam rolled her eyes in amusement. So cute, but so dorky.

"And without that discount, I'm not going to be able to afford the pizza."

"Why don't you let me handle that."

Sam and Lincoln both jumped in surprise as an unfamiliar voice entered the conversation. She turned and saw that their booth had been approached by a tall man in a dark suit. He had a...feeling, about him. Simultaneously both pristine, but somehow...slimy.

"And you are?" She asked, archly.

"Someone who couldn't help but notice that delightfully heartfelt moment you two just had." He cooed, pressing his palms together. "And, someone who has a proposition for you."

* * *

It was late when Lincoln arrived home that night, bursting through the front door, breathless with excitement.

"LINCOLN!"

The boy blinked in surprise as he took in the, strangely rare as of late, sight of his entire family, all engaged in various activities within the same room. Including his seldomly seen mom and dad.

"No time!" He shouted, forestalling the inevitably barrage of questions that would undoubtedly be sent his way. He quickly crossed to the tv, snatched the remote out of Lola's hands on the way there ("Hey!") and began flipping channels.

"Lincoln!" His father began, breaking the silence. "Where have you been? We've all been worried sick about you! And I really need to talk to you about that creepy girl in the bushes..."

"Found it!" Lincoln crowed in triumph, madly gesturing for his family to look at the television.

* * *

_The scene is set in front of a big suburban house, the whole area littered with pure white snow. A familiar looking blonde girl, laden by a heavy pack, makes her way up the walkway. Meanwhile a young white haired boy spies her through a nearby window. Just as she reached the door it swung open, revealing the smiling boy._

_"I must have the wrong house." Sam said, a look of faux bewilderment upon her face._

_"Brother." Lincoln deadpanned, gesturing at himself. His adorable bucktooth grin making it impossible for him to hide his delight._

_They managed to maintain their standoff for a few heartbeats longer before breaking from their roles, as if by some unspoken agreement. Sam pulled Lincoln into a hug, so enthusiastically that she pulled him up and off the ground, while Lincoln responded in kind, throwing his arms around the older girl's neck._

_"I missed you so much." He murmured into her ear as the embrace deepened. A look of utter contentment settling upon both their faces._

_The scene cut to the interior of the house, Lincoln dragging the older girl into the kitchen._

_"Mom and dad waited up all night for you, you know." Lincoln said, head jerking forward and back frantically, simultaneously trying to keep his eyes both on where he was going, and the blonde girl following in his wake._

_"Well, it's a long way from West Africa." Sam replied, giggling at his efforts._

_She stopped, daring to pull away from the boy ever so slightly, seemingly lured by the scent of a nearby coffee maker. A container nearby clearly identifying the product as "Folgecest"._

_"Real coffee." She breathed softly, sighing in contentment before being dragged away once more by her excitable little brother._

_The pair settled in, Lincoln hopping up on a nearby countertop while Sam poured herself a cup of the bubbling brew. They remained in companionable silence, the pair seemingly content to enjoy each other's company._

_"I brought you something, from far away." She said at last, reaching for her pack and withdrawing a small, gift wrapped box, presenting it to her smiling brother._

_Lincoln took a moment to consider the gift in his hands, before deftly removing the bow from the top and decisively planting it onto his sister's chest._

_"W-what are you doing?" She asked, her voice wavering ever so slightly, her eyes firmly locked on Lincoln's still outstretched arm._

_"You're my present this year, sis." He said softly, the sincerity in his voice finally drawing her eyes to him, their gazes meeting. Warm smiles gently etched themselves upon the pairs' faces, no further words needing to be exchanged. And then it was over, the scene cut away to one final shot of the bubbling pot of coffee before fading out, accompanied by a jaunty commercial jingle._

_"The best, part of waking up, is Folgecest in your family!"_

* * *

Sam Sharp smiled to herself as she lay in her bed, fiddling with her phone. She really needed to get to bed. It had been a long day, and she was exhausted. On the other hand...

_Play it loud! Play it loud! I've got no time for turning it down...!_

Sam winced as the familiar tune played, the screen now switching to a lovely photo of her smiling girlfriend. Despite this, she had her suspicions that the real deal would be singing a very different tune. But putting this off was most likely just going to make things worse. Better to take her lumps now.

"H-hey Lunes!" She said, holding the phone up to her ear. She immediately regretted this decision and yanked it away, wincing at the torrent of angry squeaks that could still be heard pouring out of the speaker.

"Luna..." She began, trying to get a word in, but only causing the squeaking to intensify. She took a deep breath, and decided to wait for an opening. _  
_

"Look babe..." She tried again, once the flow had subsided a bit.

"Yes, Lincoln and I were scouted to be in a commercial. Yes, the blatant incest subtext was kinda weird, even for me—"

She winced again as this prompted a fresh barrage of angry squeaking, but chose to press on regardless.

"And yes, said little brother may have accidentally gotten to second base with me in a commercial that will constantly be airing on broadcast television for the foreseeable—"

Now the phone began hopping up and down in her palm, so great was the shouting on the other end. Well, in for a penny...

"Look Luna, maybe if you just told him how you felt, he'd do the same to you, alright?"

With lightning reflexes, Sam smashed the button to disengage the call, quickly brought up her phone settings, and set it to automatically send incoming calls to voicemail. She was undoubtedly going to be paying for that sooner than later, but for now, she just wanted to enjoy herself a little.

Satisfied that she wasn't going to be interrupted again, Sam switched back to the video she'd been watching and hit the play button again. One more time couldn't hurt.

Sam settled in amid her pillows as the familiar scenes once again began to play before her.

_"You're my present this year, sis."_

She giggled to herself as she hit the pause button. Once again taking in the image of her and Lincoln sharing an intimate moment. And, after a brief moment of hesitation, she hit the replay button again. One more time couldn't hurt.


	31. Chapter 31

_Onee-san..._

In a rarely visited room of the Loud House, Sam Sharp and Luna Loud sat in front of what appeared to be a viewing screen straight out of an old science fiction movie. The former wearing an enormous grin on her face, the latter blushing heavily with embarrassment and watching the spectacle through fingers cross-crossed in front of her face. Nearby stood an extremely exasperated looking Lisa Loud.

"That's enough of that." The young scientist announced, shutting off the screen with a small remote in her hand, the resulting groans of disappointment from Sam nearly drowning out the much quieter groan of disappointment from Luna.

"So that is what would happen if the two of you attempted to..." She rolled her eyes. "...seduce Lincoln while wearing swimwear. Never has there been a script that was more hackneyed or aberrant in nature. Are we done here?"

Sam adopted a contemplative pose, almost Leni-like in nature. "Question! If this is supposed to be a theoretical look at what could happen, why are my boobs so much smaller?" She hoisted her very respectable c-cup breasts for emphasis.

Lisa glared at the blonde. "...Sunspots." She said, flatly, in a tone that did not invite further questioning.

"And I will remind you both _again_ , that my prototype 'What If Machine' is _not_ intended to be used for viewing pornography." She added acerbicly. "Now will you both leave so I can get back to work?"

"Come on Sam" Luna said as she climbed to her feet. "Little bro's gonna be home soon anyway, and then its game time."

"Oh, oh!" Sam shouted waving her arm in the air. "I have one more thing I wanna see."

"And _what_ might _that_ be?" Lisa asked through gritted teeth.

"I wanna see what would happen if I was like, fifty feet tall!" Sam announced, holding her arms up as far as she could manage.

Silence fell upon the room, save for the grinding of Lisa's teeth.

"Luna..." she growled. "Remove her from my sight this instant. Or I will deploy the Pain Bots."

"We've leaving, Sam. Now!"

"Aw."

* * *

Lincoln sat at what had become his usual spot at _Gus'_ , a stool pulled up against the front counter. The restaurant slash arcade had become something of a haven for him when he needed a quiet space to work, and the jingles, explosions and sirens of the nearby arcade machines were downright mouse-like compared to the ambient noise of home. He wasn't planning on staying long, he just needed to put the finishing touches on the first part of his campaign, and then he'd be ready to run his sisters (and Sam) through the most super-heroingest game of their lives!

"H-hey Linc." Came a familiar voice.

"Hey yourself, Carol." He returned the greeting, not looking up from his work. He often did this when he came down to work on his comic, and Carol had long since accepted that it was not out of rudeness, but out of a desire to maintain his artistic focus. It wouldn't be much longer.

"So I saw that commercial..."

Lincoln sighed. "Everyone keeps asking about that. We're not dating."

"A-are you sure? Because—"

"The stage direction said I had to plant the bow on her chest!" Lincoln growled, finally looking up from his work. "It's not my fault that Sam has a lot...of..." He trailed off as he took in the sight before him.

It was certainly Carol, and all the things he'd come to associate with her. Tall. Blonde. Shapely. Dazzling. But there was something about her hair. While Carol normally had a goodly amount of hair, it now appeared to be...redistributed, somewhat. Where it normally trailed down her back, it was now gathered around her head, giving her a nice bunch of brilliant, blonde locks gathered around her face. It actually kind of made her look like...

"Lori." He wheezed.

"Oh, yeah." Yep, definitely Carol's voice. She reached up adjusted her mane, seemingly self-conscious. "I just wanted to try out something new. Do you like it."

"I-it looks alright." He replied, trying to keep his voice level, and desperately trying to avoid thinking about why seeing such an amazing facsimile of his oldest sister was causing his heart to hammer in his chest the way it was.

Carol stared at him for a few moments longer, seemingly gauging his reaction. Then, without warning she yanked off her...hair?

Lincoln blinked in surprise as Carol's usual long blonde locks splayed out and arranged themselves in their usual position, running down her back and slightly to the right. A Lori wig. How...strange. But at least he was calming down now...which carried its own disturbing implications.

"Hmm." Carol said at last, seemingly not finding what she was looking for. She bent down and stowed the wig somewhere underneath the counter.

"Keep it together." Lincoln murmured to himself. "You're supposed to be past this..."

"What was that, Linc?" Carol asked, popping up in front of him.

"N-nothing!" Lincoln resumed his work as nonchalantly as possible.

"Wow. This is a lot of stuff." Carol observed, peering at the stacks of notes he'd surrounded himself with.

"Yeah." He nodded absentmindedly. "It's not an especially complicated story, I didn't want to overwhelm the girls in their first campaign. But you know my sisters. And Sam. They have a tendency to..."

"Follow their own lead?" Carol supplied diplomatically.

"To put it nicely." He agreed, nodding again. "But it'd be more apt to say they very likely to go completely off the rails. Like, immediately."

"That's what all this is for." Lincoln proudly slapped the rather daunting pile of paperwork he'd produced. "I've meticulously worked out every conceivable decision the girls could possible make for any given situation, _and_ come up with appropriate countermeasures. There's nothing those girls could possibly do to surprise me."

"Well that doesn't in any way sound like an invitation for fate to screw with you." Carol quipped.

"Don't jinx me." Lincoln shared a grin with the older girl before packing up his stuff. "Alright, I'm off."

"Call me later and let me know how it went?"

"You know it. Later Carol!"

* * *

Carol Pingrey watched the younger boy depart, frowning slightly. She had watched that commercial, and she hadn't especially liked what she'd seen. Lincoln was great, of course, utterly adoerable in his role as the younger brother. But there were things about his interaction with the Sharp girl, both scripted and unscripted, that made her feel, uneasy.

She stared at the Lori wig she'd put together on a whim, and replayed Lincoln's reaction to her wearing it in her mind. It wasn't enough, she needed more data.

"Next time I'll try the Luan wig." She murmured to herself.

* * *

"Question." Lynn announced, squirming in her seat.

"Go ahead Lynn." Lincoln said, running through his check list one last time.

"I get that all this...stuff, is important somehow." Lynn waved her arm at the heavily laden table that lay before her and her siblings (and Sam). Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Sam, and herself sat arrayed on one end of the Loud family's dining room table, while Lincoln sat across from them all by himself. Sitting in front of each girl was a pencil, several sheets of scratch paper, something Lincoln had called a "character sheet", and a small pile of dice, each set color coded to correspond to a different girl, which even Lynn had to admit was a a nice touch. Lincoln himself sat behind a large plastic fold out screen, surrounded by the same terrifying pile of gaming materials as the previous time she'd seen him play, though now it had grown considerably larger in volume.

"But why do we have to wear these costumes?" She self consciously tugged at her leotard, which was just as revealing as the last time she'd worn it.

"We're playing a super hero game." He replied. "I thought it'd be fun if we all dressed the part."

And they had. Lynn and her sisters had once again donned their Full House Gang outfits, now joined by Lucy and Luan, similarly attired as their own alter-egos. Lincoln, of course, had assumed the role of Ace. Not that she minded. Lynn wasn't sure if her condition was worsening, or if all the exposure to this nerd stuff was starting to have an effect on her, but Lincoln looked _good_ in that outfit.

"I-I get that" She grumbled, jerking her mind back from the perilous path it had been about to go down. "But could I at least wear some pants?"

"I told you Lynn, superheroes don't wear pants!" Leni chirped from her spot further down their table. Lynn sighed, and held up her hands in a sign of surrender. There were some things that the normally easy going Loud just refused to budge on, and for whatever reason this was one of them.

"Anyone else?" Lincoln asked, looking around at his players. "Luan? Nothing to say?"

"Nah." The family jokester shrugged. "I've got nothing."

"You sure?" He asked dryly.

"Absolutely." Luan gave an exaggerated nod. "But if I come up with something, you'll just have to... _deal_ with it." A chorus of groans resounded from around the table.

"Right." Lincoln said rolling his eyes. "Now that we've got that out of the way, we can get started."

He looked around at the assembled girls. "But first, I just want to thank you guys for giving this a chance. I know it looks kind of daunting, but it's nowhere near as complicated as you think it is. Trust me, you guys are going to have a blast."

Now it was Lynn's turn to roll her eyes, though she did so while smiling. Typical cornball sentiment from her little bro. It's be annoying if it wasn't so darn infectious. Maybe this wouldn't be such a slog after all.

"Alright." Lincoln began. "As you can see from your character sheets, you are the Full House Gang. High Card, Strong Suit, Nightclub, Eight of Spades, Joker, Elev-"

" _Leni_ " interjected the girl in question.

"Right." Lincoln chuckled at her insistence on that part. " _Leni_ of Hearts, and your newest member, the Card Sharp."

Sam let out a short, enthusiastic "Whoop!", eliciting a chuckle from the white haired boy.

"You group has been summoned to the Fortress of Solitaire." He continued, producing a small handful of figurines from a nearby box. Upon closer inspection, Lynn was surprised to find that each bore a surprising degree of likeness to her and her sisters (and Sam).

"Your contact..." He flourished dramatically. "The one and only _Ace Savvy_." As before, Lincoln produced another figurine, this time bnearing his own likeness.

"It's a tiny Linky!" Leni squeaked, waving her arms in excitement, prompting a round of giggles from the table.

"Now..." Lincoln continued once the moment of mirth had passed, "The reason your here is..."

"I'm making a seduction roll on Ace!" Sam announced, flinging one of her dice towards the pale haired boy.

"Sam, you can't," Lincoln was cut off as a number of identical dice were rolled his way. Purple, blue, black, yellow, and red (cough).

"Gah!" Lincoln squawked, ducking as a final, teal die was launched his way, so forcefully that it became lodged within the wall behind him.

"Did I win?" Leni asked innocently.

Lincoln eyed the older girl's die, which was looking more and more like a new permanent fixture of the house.

"I think we need to take five." He said.

* * *

Thankfully, foreseeing...well not this exactly, but situations like this, Lincoln had made sure to buy a few extra sets of dice, just in case, and a few minutes later they were ready to go again.

"I literally don't know what that even was." Lori piped up.

"Nothing." Lincoln said flatly, giving Sam a sidelong glance. "And for future reference, nobody makes any more skill checks without my say so."

"What about my roll?" Sam asked, batting her eyelashes at him.

"...So as I was saying." Lincoln went on, flatly ignoring the Sharp girl. "Ace has called your group to deal with a...situation that has arisen." He took a deep breath, as he readied his carefully prepared speech.

* * *

"Alright girls." Lincoln said, shuffling through his notes. "Thanks to Spade's sleuthing, High Card's impeccable driving skills, and that thing Joker did with the rubber chicken...

"I bet they called _fowl_ on that one!"

Lincoln shook his head in bemusement. "You've managed to track the illegal chemical shipments to a nondescript warehouse at the edge of the city."

"You know, I never thought I'd say this, but this is actually kind of fun." Lori opined. The subsequent murmurs of agreement from the rest of the girls caused Lincoln's heart to swell with pride. It was _working_.

"A-alright." He said, trying to disguise the emotion in his voice with a short cough. "How do you guys want to handle this?"

"We should park the van a little ways away from the site." Luan suggested. "No point in spoiling the surprise this early." Lincoln looked to Lori, who nodded her agreement.

"While they're doing that, I'll hop out and take a look around." Said Lucy.

"Give me a hide in shadows check." Lincoln replied "Shouldn't be too hard with your stats."

Lucy did as instructed. "That's a 16 without modifiers."

"That'll do it." Lincoln said, waving his hand dismissively. "Spade's able to scout out the perimeter with little difficulty. She's fairly confident that she counts 10 guards patrolling the outside of the warehouse. Not much in the way of armor, pretty much just ski masks, leather jackets, things of that nature, but they are packing automatic weapons."

"What about the interior?" Lucy asked.

"All the entrances and exits you can see are much more heavily guarded. You can try to sneak in, but it's going to require a substantially more difficult skill check to avoid detection."

Lucy looked to the other girls.

"Come on back to the group, Luce." Lynn suggested. "Looks like we're dealing with a bunch of thugs, how hard could this be?"

* * *

"Why didn't you use the _door_ , Lynn?" Luna snarled, letting lose the die she'd been rolling in one hand. "We're sitting ducks out here!"

"I wanted to make a dramatic entrance!" Lynn retorted. "Besides, how was I supposed to know this wall would be so friggin tough?"

"They reinforced the structure for pretty much this exact kind of thing." Lincoln interjected. "Even so, Strong Suit's super strength should have made it child's play to bust through that wall. You're just rolling garbage."

"H-hey! It's not my fault my dice are cursed!" Lincoln suppressed a chuckle as Lynn glared at the cause of her latest failure. Seven consecutive 1's had to be some kind of record.

"Okay Luna, your sonic blast miraculously manages to deflect the RPG without detonating it. But your guitar's out of juice, and its going to take you a full round to switch out the power pack."

"Anyone able to cover me?" Luna asked squinting at the battle board, trying to work out where her teammates characters were supposed to be in relation to hers.

"Oh! Oh!" Leni squeaked excitedly. "I can! Linky, I'm going to use my fib...fiberb...fibrubo..."

"Fibrokinesis." Lincoln smoothly interjected.

"Yeah." Leni nodded. "That. I'm gonna use that thingy to turn my scarf into a stylish shield for Luna. And..."

Leni consulted her character sheet. "...I'm going to use...two of my...points? Yeah, two of my points to make it totes protecty."

"Alright. Leni flings her scarf in front of Nightclub, after which it contorts itself into a protective barricade."

"Are Lucy and I in position yet?" Sam asked.

"Spade and Card are each moving at half speed, so they'll need another turn before they can flank that position." Lincoln replied. "But the thug with the launcher is going to need another turn to reload anyway, so you're probably fine."

"W-where was I going again?" Lori asked, flustered.

"Move your figure over there, Lori." Luan pointed to a space not too far away from High Card's current position, and the eldest Loud sibling did so.

"That takes care of all your turns." Lincoln consulted his notes. "The thugs chasing Lori are up next. Seeing her duck into that alcove, they decide to follow her. Unfortunately for them, they fail to see the exploding whoopee cushions Luan set up." He shook his head in amusement. "I cant believe that worked."

"There must be a gas leak somewhere." Luan snarked, waggling her eyebrows.

"Lets see. Heavy ordinance guy is still reloading...oh, right." He turned to Lynn. "Good news Lynn, your surprisingly wimpy blows ("Hey!") finally managed to weaken that wall enough that it collapses under its own weight."

"Yes!" Lynn crowed, pumping one fist in the air.

"Too bad you're now left completely exposed to the six rifle toting guys who were hiding behind it." Lincoln didn't even bother hiding his smirk as he pulled a rather large handful of dice from a nearby container.

"Oh come on!" Lynn protested

"Relax. Strong Suit's got enhanced durability, and all your costumes include a ballistic weave by default." Lincoln tried to reassure her. Suddenly he paused, as if remembering something, and checked his notes.

"Whoops." He said, chuckling to himself. "Silly me. Those are automatic rifles. That's not _nearly_ enough dice."

Lynn whimpered softly as she gazed forlornly as her tiny, soon to be Swiss-cheese facsimile.

* * *

"Good job girls!" Lincoln announced some time later, looking around at the haggard faces of his sisters (and Sam.) "I know that was a tough fight, but you all pulled together and made it through!"

"Some of us more than others." Sam quipped, shooting a sidelong glance Lynn's way.

"What are you trying to say?" Lynn growled, pounding her fist on the table.

"Nothing." Sam replied. "Just that _some_ of us can still drink water without leaking." Sam smirked as she was rewarded with a round of giggles from the other girls.

"It's because you got shot a lot!" Leni shouted, poking Lynn in the side.

"Thank you Leni." Lynn spat through gritted teeth.

"Hey Lynn, don't worry about it." Lincoln leaned over and gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Things like that happen. It's just part of the game."

He'd expected Lynn to turn her irritation on him. Instead, to his surprise, the sporty Loud took a deep breath, then let it out very slowly.

"It's cool, little brother. I'm fine." Lynn intoned softly. Lincoln wanted to be happy at this turn of events, but the uncharacteristic calm Lynn was displaying was slightly unnerving.

"R-right." He said, coughing softly as he turned to address the rest of the group.

"So the warehouse is pretty banged up after that fight, but you can clearly see that right about here..." He grabbed a sharpie and drew a large circle on the portion of the battle board which represented the warehouse interior. "...is a large vat, built directly into the ground."

"What's inside?" Lucy asked on behalf of the group.

"The vat is filled to the brim with some kind of glowing green chemical." Lincoln replied, glancing at his notes.

"Anything else we can tell from looking at it, little bro?" Luna queried.

Lincoln once again checked his notes. "It looks really toxic."

"So helpful." Lori deadpanned, rolling her eyes.

"I've got this, girls." Sam said, cracking her knuckles confidently. "Card Sharp knows a bit about chemistry. I'll take a closer look while you guys look around for clues."

Seeing the remainder of the group was in agreement, Lincoln began rearranging the figures on the board to correspond with where the girls indicated they would be moving. All except...

"How about you, Lynn?" Lincoln asked

"One question, dear brother." The eerie amount of calm in Lynn's voice was offset by the glint in her eyes. "Sam's trying to examine that vat of really toxic chemicals, right?"

"...Yeah." Lincoln nodded in acknowledgement, not liking where this is going.

"Would you say she's...occupied? Not particularly aware of her surroundings at this point? She _did_ say the was taking a _close_ look!"

"Hey!" Sam protested

Lincoln winced, suspecting he knew what Lynn was getting at. "Yeah. Sorry Sam, but I'd say you're pretty engrossed in your work."

The older girl let out an exasperated sigh, and crossed her arms in irritation.

"In _that_ case..." Lynn said sweetly, "Strong Suit is going to casually make her way over to the _extremely distracted_ Card Sharp, standing in front of the vat of _really toxic_ _chemicals_..." She paused, to let out a rather adorable cackle, given the circumstances. "And shove her into it!"

"Why you little—" Thankfully, Luna clamped her hands over her girlfriends mouth before she could say anything she might later regret.

" _Sayonara_ , Sharp!" Lynn taunted as she reached over, and flicked Sam's figurine with her index finger, knocking it on it's side.

Lincoln simply stared at the board, trying to process what had taken place.

"Hey Linc?" Luna asked, drawing his attention. He turned and saw her struggling to keep hold of her incensed girlfriend. "Maybe you should tell us what that actually does. Quickly!"

"I..." He paused to take a breath, "...am not actually sure."

Lincoln reached under the table and pulled out the rulebook, flipping through the pages as he murmured to himself. "Those were class B chemicals...and a fairly high concentration at that, coming into contact with organic matter...hmm..."

Finally he found the page he was looking for. "Sam." He said, after scanning the page for a moment, "I'm going to need you to make a few rolls. I'll tell you when to stop."

* * *

"Okay." Lincoln announced after several minutes of rolling dice and cross referencing various charts. "So the good news is that nothing _immediately fatal_ is going to happen to Card Sharp."

"What's the bad news?" Lori asked

"That's what we're going to determine right now." Lincoln replied. "Sam, I'm going to need you to make another roll."

The blonde girl acquiesced, shooting another glare at the, entirely too happy at this point, Lynn.

"Alright." Lincoln said, checking the result. "Looks like we're dealing with a body mutation."

"Meaning?" Luan prompted.

"Could mean she grows a third arm. Could mean her lungs become sentient." Lincoln replied, shrugging. "Give me another roll Sam."

Again the blonde girl complied.

"So now we check the table nested in the addendum of sub-chart Gamma, and..." Lincoln's eyes widened in surprise.

"What happened Linky?" Leni asked concerned.

"R-roll again, Sam." Lincoln said, clearing his throat.

She did so. "Again." Lincoln instructed, wincing. This repeated five more times, each time Lincoln growing increasingly pale.

"A-alright." Lincoln said at last. "I think we're done here."

"Don't keep us in suspense, Linc." said Lynn, curious in spite of herself.

"Right." Lincoln checked his notes one last time, sighing in resignation.

"So Strong Suit creeps up behind Card Sharp and kicks her into the vat of extremely toxic looking chemicals." He intoned "Card Sharp is caught completely unaware, and falls into the vat face first. You hear a popping and a sort of...sizzling sound, and then...nothing."

Seeing the looks on the girls faces, he held up one hand to forestall any protests. "...at first."

Looks of concern now turned to looks of confusion. "Suddenly..." He continued, "The ground begins to shake. Before any of you can properly react, something erupts from the vat, exploding upward. The sheer force causes what's left of the warehouse to collapse around you."

"When the dust clears, you now find yourselves staring up at the very alive form of the Card Sharp. Only now standing at about..." He checked his notes again. "Fifty feet tall."

Silence fell upon the group as they collectively processed this turn of events.

"Well." Sam crowed, shooting a victorious smirk at Lynn. "How do you like them apples, pipsqueak?"

Lincoln sighed as a new round of bickering broke out between the pair. He looked to the large stack contingency scenarios he'd prepared, and, with a sigh of resignation, slapped them off the table.

"So much for being prepared." He groaned.

* * *

**OMAKE**

"Alright." Lincoln said, consulting his notes, "Ace Savvy appears before you. He says—"

"I make a seduction roll on Ace!" Sam shouted, grabbing her die and flinging it towards the younger boy. It gradually rolled to a stop. 17.

"...Okay." Lincoln said, grabbing his rule book and flipping through it. "Card Sharp is blonde, right?"

"Yes?" Sam responded, somewhat confused.

"How big are her breasts?"

"Um, w-well, C's, I guess?" Sam replied, blushing slightly.

Lincoln pulled out some scratch paper and started scribbling. "Favored hair color, body type falls within acceptable deviations...carry the three...aaaand yeah, alright."

"Really?" Sam blinked in surprise.

"Yep." Lincoln nodded. "With the applicable modifiers, you successfully seduced Ace Savvy. Congrats."

"Oh." Sam couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at how anticlimactic that felt. "Was it hot?"

Lincoln rolled a handful of dice behind his screen. "Yes."

"Awesome. I guess."

"Make sure you roll a save against pregnancy at the beginning of each of the next three in-game days."


	32. Chapter 32

Lincoln sighed, holding his phone out at arms length and noting just how clearly one could hear the peals of laughter streaming from it. This had been going on for several minutes now, and while he had originally found it amusing in a self-deprecating sort of way, Lincoln's patience was beginning to wear a little thin.

"You going to let me finish the story?" He asked dryly, "Because this doesn't feel like a productive use of my minutes."

"Shush you." Carol responded from the other end, still fighting through her own giggling. "Besides, I bet there are guys who pay good money to listen to the laughter of pretty girls."

Lincoln couldn't fault her on that. Even so..."I have ten sisters and I make a fool of myself on a daily basis. You don't exactly have this market cornered, Pingrey."

"We may need to circle back around and unpack that statement." Lincoln felt another sigh coming on as the giggles began to pick back up again.

"Hanging up now." He stated flatly, reaching for the disconnect button.

"No! No!" Carol protested. "I'll be good! I need to know how this ends!"

"Fine." He grumbled. "Now where was I?"

"The story line you'd spent a whole week working on was trashed when your sisters (and Sam) ran things off the rails. Ironically, the exact sort of thing you were trying to prevent. Also..." She snorted in a decidedly unladylike way, "Sam's character had suddenly become a _big_ problem."

Lincoln groaned. "Maybe you should leave the puns to Luan."

* * *

_Several days earlier_

"Looks like we've got a _big_ problem." Luan opined.

Lincoln dragged his head from where it had previously laid despondently on the table, and fixed his older sister with a baleful glare.

"Really?" He deadpanned.

"I make no apologies." Luan replied, shrugging.

"Ever." Lori added, drawing a round of amused laughter from the other girls.

While this was going on, Lincoln considered the small pile of campaign materials on the floor, carelessly scattered in his frustration.

"Maybe we should call it a day, girls." He said as the laughter died down.

"What? No!" Sam protested. "It's getting really good!"

"I-I wouldn't mind see how this plays out, little bro." Luna said, briefly shooting a sidelong glance at her girlfriend.

"Come on, Linky." Leni pleaded. "It's been so much fun to play make believe with everyone."

Leni paused to consider her words. "And Sam." She concluded, drawing a confused look, followed by a shrug from the girl in question.

Lincoln look around the table, surprised. "You guys are enjoying this?"

"I mean, it's not like I had anything better to do." Lori said indifferently, the small smile on her face betraying her feelings.

"Insert pun!" Luan concurred.

"What?" She asked in response to the surprised looks thrown her way. "You weren't going to laugh anyway."

Lincoln, for his part, felt touched that the girls seemed to be genuinely enjoying the game, warts and all. Aside from Lynn, who remained quiet, drumming her fingers nervously on the tabletop.

"Alright." He said at last, smiling at the looks of relief that broke out across the table. "So you guys are standing amid the rubble of the ruined warehouse. Towering over you stands the mutated Card Sharp—"

"I also respond to 'Samzilla' now." The blonde interjected, inciting another round of laughter.

"Oh! Oh! Linky!" Leni pipped up, waving her hand. "What happened to her clothes."

"U-um, well..." Lincoln stammered, as Sam suddenly looked to him with interest, a wide smile on her face. "The table says it's a ' **body** mutation', so...I guess they wouldn't be affected."

There was a brief moment of silence as the group processed this.

"Well..." Sam began unzipping the front of her catsuit, "I suppose I'd better get into character."

"Denied." Lori deadpanned.

"Seconded." agreed Lucy

A red-faced Luna simply smacked Sam upside the back of her head, causing the blonde to cease disrobing. Though not before she had revealed a considerable amount of cleavage.

"Don't pretend you aren't picturing it." Sam grumbled, wincing as she rubbed her tender head. Luna, perhaps for the first time in her life, opted for stoic silence.

"Miraculously, enough of your costume still remains to preserve your modesty." Lincoln declared, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"I wonder if I could pull that off..." Leni murmured, as she began to doodle on her character sheet.

"Moving on!" Lincoln hastily declared, "I need actions from you guys!"

"Woah there, cutie." Sam protested, drawing looks from the other girls, "I need to know what my stats are now."

After a moment of consideration, Lincoln nodded. "Think there's a template in here" He murmured, gesturing for Sam to hand him her character sheet.

Finding what he was looking for, he began to scribble in the new, relevant information. Task completed, Lincoln handed the sheet back to Sam, who began to read over it with interest."

"Awesome." She said, smiling wickedly at Lynn. "Now I think we're gonna need to roll for initiative."

* * *

"Probably should have seen that coming." Carol opined.

"I always try to believe the best of people."

"And how'd that work out for you?"

Her question was only met with silence.

"That's what I thought." She paused. "So when did Sam zip up her suit?"

Lincoln coughed, embarrassed. "So anyway..."

* * *

"Y-you're not going to let her fight me, are you?" Lynn asked, turning her pleading gaze upon her brother. "Dear brother. Sweet, wonderful brother?"

Lincoln simply stared back, unamused.

"First off." He said, "I don't think Sam's figure is going to cut it anymore..."

He trailed off as a nearby ceiling vent creaked open, and a small object fell through. Lynn instinctively snatched it from the air, finding that she was now holding what appeared to be one of Lola's princess dress-up dolls. Bandee, or something like that. Blonde, naturally, and quite large in scale relative to the miniatures they were using.

"Thank you, Maggie." Lincoln deadpanned, glaring at the vent.

"Seriously dude, we've got to talk about that girl." Luna said, glancing around warily.

"Ooh! Let me help!" Leni shouted, grabbing the doll. She removed the doll's puffy pink dress, tore several small strips from the garment, and expertly tied them together. When she was done, the doll was left wearing a small, surprisingly fashionable bikini.

"You know Lola's literally going to murder you now, right little brother?" Lori asked

"Sigh." Lincoln replied

"A good attempt." Lucy offered, "But you need to put more emphasis on the 'S'."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Initiative, you two." He gestured vaguely at the pair of feuding females, trying to move things along. They complied, and Lynn immediately groaned as Sam's cyan die landed. Natural 20, considerably higher than her own roll.

"Fantastic." The blonde cackled.

"First order of business..." She grabbed her makeshift facsimile, making little stomping noises as she walked it over to Lynn's, significantly more miniature, miniature. "Says here I can make a stomp attack on smaller objects as part of my movement action, so I'm gonna get me some payback."

"Ah." Said Luan. "The agony of _de feet_."

Naught but the sound of crickets could be heard in response. "You see?" She complained. "This is exactly what I was talking about. _Philistines_." Her gaze softened somewhat as Leni gave her a consolatory pat on the back.

Much to everyone's surprise, Luan's most of all, Lincoln threw back his head and let out a good, long laugh.

"What?" He asked, seeing the group's collective reactions. "It's okay to laugh when they're funny."

"...Right." Sam ventured, frowning at the now happily blushing Luan. "...So I'm gonna roll my attack then."

"Actually, Lynn gets a chance to move out of the way." Lincoln interjected, shooting a smile at his sister. Lynn nodded at him, gratefully, then snatched up her die and rolled, looking to Lincoln expectantly.

"That'll do it." He nodded. "And you can move three squares."

"What the heck, Linc!" Sam complained, frowning at her escaping prey.

"Check your new stats." He replied, shrugging. "You went up multiple size categories, that's murder on your dexterity score. Add in the fact that you're not directly attacking her, the standard penalty for attacking a small target, and how mobile Strong Suit's powers make her, and you've got your work cut out for you."

"So what you're saying..." Sam smirked at Lynn. "Is that I've got to catch her first."

Lynn's eyes narrowed. "Game on, Sharp."

* * *

"Hanging a left, Linc!" Lynn shouted.

"Done." He nodded, indicating that she should move her figure accordingly.

"Me too!" Sam snarled, reaching for her own.

"Not yet Sam." Lincoln chided her, much to her obvious frustration. "You said you were sprinting last round, give me an athletics check."

Sam grumbled as she reached for her die and rolled.

"That's a fumble." He confirmed, eliciting a groan from the older girl. "As you try to change your trajectory you end up stepping on an abandoned car. You flatten it, of course..." He smirked at the small fist pump Sam performed, "...but whats left of the car causes you to slip and fall. Think of it like slipping on a roller skate."

Lynn cackled as Lincoln reached for Sam's figure.

"I'll do it, Linky." Leni offered. She reached for the doll and tipped it over, making crashing and tiny screaming voices as she did so.

"Make another defensive driving check, Lori." Lincoln instructed the eldest Loud sibling. "A lot of terrified drivers are trying to get as far away from Sam as possible, and you're going in the exact opposite direction."

"Why exactly are we chasing them?" Lucy asked as the occupants of the imaginary vehicle watched Lori nervously make her skill check. The five of them let out soft sighs of relief as Lincoln gave them a thumbs up, indicating Lori had succeeded.

"Well, that's where all the interesting stuff is happening, right?" Luan posited.

Lucy shrugged. "Fair enough."

"By the way Sam." Lincoln rolled some dice behind his GM screen. "Your little tumble caused you to smash...a coffee shop, several outdoor phone accessory kiosks, and that big new music store that opened up." He smirked. "The one hosting the traveling Mick Swagger museum."

"Dude!" Luna howled, glaring at the blonde.

The sheer amount of outrage in her voice caused Sam to do a double take. Then she turned back to Lincoln.

"I've still got half an action left, right?" Lincoln nodded in confirmation.

"Fine." She growled. "Is there anything big and heavy I can grab without getting up?"

"I assume you mean relative to Lynn." Lincoln paused to consider this. "Yeah, you smushed most of the cars nearby, but I'd say there's still a few around. Probably not functional, but with enough mass left qualify as 'big and heavy'."

Sam's eyes flashed. "I'm gonna chuck one at her. Probably won't hit her, but maybe I can slow her down."

"Gonna be a pretty big penalty for prone, dazed, small target, and for what's essentially a blind throw, but go for it."

"Naturally that's nowhere near enough to actually hit her..." Lincoln smiled at the silent cheer Lynn let out. "But lets figure out just how wide your throw was."

Lincoln did some quick figuring. "Alright, your throw goes much higher than you intended. So high, that..." He stopped, paling slightly. "Oh no."

Ignoring the confused glances of the girls, Lincoln retreated behind his screen, the sound of many dice being rolled being the only indication of what he was doing. Eventually, he emerged, apparently having reached the result, and not looking too happy about it.

"Y-you release your projectile and it flies high. Much higher than you'd planned." He said, grimacing. "By complete happenstance, a small aircraft flies by right when you make your throw. Your thrown car, against all odds, hits it dead on, causing the aircraft to careen out of control and crash nearby."

This elicited a round of gasps from the players. "I-I'll go check it out." Sam declared, moving her figure where Lincoln wordlessly indicated the crash occurred.

"As you reach the site, you're relieved to confirm that it wasn't a commercial flight you interrupted, or anything like that." Lincoln intoned, a sour look on his face. "You do however recognize the familiar red, blue and black color scheme, of the Ace Jet."

"You see..." He explained, seeing the confused looks of his players. "...when reports came in of the—" He glanced at Sam. "Giant monster attacking the city..." He felt mildly gratified to see a rare look of chagrin cross Sam's face. "...Evacuation protocols went into effect, and relief teams were dispatched. Ace took it upon himself to do some first hand reconnaissance, and then—"

"Wait!" Sam interrupted him, a strange gleam in her eye. It made Lincoln feel...nervous. "I'm going to lean down and crack open the cockpit as gently as possible." She shot him a knowing smile. "What do I see, Lincoln?"

"U-um, well..." Lincoln coughed. "You manage to open it, and inside you find a dazed, but very much alive...Ace Savvy."

An enormous grin erupted across Sam's face. "Well..." She cooed, "I'd be remiss if I left a crime fighter of Ace's caliber like that."

"So..." She said, her grin intensifying, "I reach down and..." Sam reached across the table, picked up Lincoln's Ace Savvy miniature from where it lay off to the side, and slid it inside her cleavage. As if to further compound Lincoln's embarrassment, she took a moment to fidget to with her extremely viable breasts, until the miniature was completely buried in her womanly valley, save for it's tiny, white haired head. Task completed, she looked at Lincoln, and gave him a lascivious wink.

"Oh em gosh, you guys!" Leni squeaked, pointing one trembling finger at the tiny figurine. "Linky's in trouble!"

* * *

"And _then_ what happened?" Carol asked, fighting to contain her laughter.

"Usual Loud family stuff." He said, shrugging in spite of the fact that the older girl was unable to see it. "Lynn threw a chair at Sam and everyone started punching each other indiscriminately. Mom came in partway through to break it up, and we decided it we'd probably played enough for one day."

"Aw. I mean, its a shame you didn't get to do your own story, Linc, but it sounds like you've got a pretty interesting game going on."

"I don't think it's going to last. The girls are going to have their hands full dealing with Sam, and I'm not sure how long this prolonged pvp thing can keep going before somebody's feelings get hurt." Suddenly, an idea occurred to him.

"Hey Carol...are you doing anything next weekend?"

"Well, I was supposed to work, but...I could conceivably find someone to take my shift. Why?"

"I think I have an idea for how I can take my campaign back. How would you like to help?"


	33. Chapter 33

"Thank you for coming, Lincoln." Lisa Loud greeted the older boy as she directed him to her specially prepared therapy couch.

"No problem, Lisa." He eyed the couch warily. "So if I do this, we're square, right?"

"For now." She said, nodding in agreement.

"So what's this about?" He asked, gingerly taking his seat. To his surprise, it was extremely comfortable, and he eagerly took a reclined position, sighing contentedly as he sank into the soft cushioning.

"I'm taking a psychological evaluation. Specifically, I'm collecting data pertaining to your attraction to Carol Pingrey."

He sighed, this time in annoyance. "Lees, I keep telling you guys—"

"I'm only speaking in purely objective terms." She interjected, holding up one hand to forestall further protest. "Carol is possessed of qualities that you would find to be objectively attractive in any mate, and I'm interested in quantifying what those might be."

He hesitated. "Just to be clear, you're talking about—"

"Yes Lincoln." She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I'm referring to those beyond her obvious, physical attributes."

"Oh, okay." Lincoln lay back, and pondered the question.

"Well, first off, purely objectively speaking, mind you..."

"Of course."

"Carol's a natural leader. She's responsible, organized, really knows how to take charge of a situation. She always seems to have the right answer, and I guess that kind of confidence is kind of attractive.

"Naturally." Lisa began scribbling on her notepad. Since she didn't indicate he should stop, Lincoln continued onward.

"She's also just really sweet, you know? Always looks on the bright side, really sunny disposition. I really like how she always tries to see the good in everything."

Lisa paused in her note taking to shoot him a surprised look, but when no further explanation was forthcoming, she resumed her previous position. "...Continue."

"Alright, what else?" Lincoln took a moment to mull things over. "Oh yeah, she's really funny."

"Truly?" Lisa responded, dryly.

Lincoln nodded in agreement. "Yeah, a sense of humor is really attractive, and Carol's got that in spades. Not that dry, observational stuff either, just really honest, genuine humor."

"She's also great with puns." He continued after a moment of reflection. "I dunno, they get a bad rap, but I think they're funny."

"You're serious?" Lisa asked, fixing him with a baleful expression.

"As serious as you can be about humor."

"Indeed." She rolled her eyes. "I certainly stepped right into that one. Continue."

"Oh, she's also athletic."

"She would be." Lisa muttered

"Golf of course, she's on the same team as Lori, but she's got sort of a natural aptitude for sports in general, and I just think that's really cool."

He paused to consider this. "Huh. I might have a thing for strong women. Metaphorically speaking, but also literally."

"Lincoln, do you truly not see—"

"And she's a pretty gifted writer too. I've started bouncing ideas off her for my comic, and she always gives me really valuable insight. She's got a really good sense for story structure, and her prose isn't bad either."

Lisa took a moment to compose herself, clearly bothered by something.

"Okay, Lincoln." She said, at last. "I have one final question for you. If there was one thing you could change about Carol, what would it be. For the sake of argument, I'll even allow some sort of perverse physical change. Taller, curvier, blonde-er—".

"I guess I wish she was a little more musically inclined." He responded, almost immediately. "Kinda like Sam. There's something really cool about a girl who can shred a guitar."

Lisa flung her notepad across the room. The sound of breaking glass could be heard, followed almost immediately by the sound of something sizzling, but she didn't seem particularly concerned about it, so Lincoln chose to follow suit.

"Alright, I think we're done here."

"Already?"

"Yes, elder brother. Please kindly get out. For both our sakes."

Lincoln shrugged. "Well, I guess it is getting late. Night sis."

Lincoln climbed to his feet, crossed over to his little sister and pulled her into a brief hug. He didn't notice the way the diminutive scientist's face reddened ever so slightly as she returned the gesture of affection.

"Y-yes. Well..." She coughed. "Indeed. Good night big brother."

Lisa sighed as she watched her older brother depart, shaking her head in frustration. Lincoln was a bright boy. Nowhere near her own intellect, but reasonably intelligent by normal standards. And yet, sometimes the pale haired boy could be so very stupid. It was clear to anyone with eyes that his relationship with the Pingrey girl was merely a coping mechanism designed to deal with—

"Liiiiiisa..."

Lisa's frown deepened considerably as a familiar, blue-tinged mop of blonde hair poked into her opened door.

"For the last time, _Samantha_ , I will not waste my valuable intellect turning you into 'Samzilla'. Moral and ethical quandaries aside, not to mention the square-cube law, I think I've made it abundantly clear that I just don't like you very much."

"But Lisa..." She pleaded.

Lisa wasn't having any of it. She reached for a nearby remote and thumbed a small button, smirking as machinery whirred to life and a previously unseen compartment in the wall began opening up.

_"Pain Bots Deployed. Dispensing Pain."_

"Eeep!"

* * *

Teeth brushed and good nights wished to his family, Lincoln returned to his room to begin his bedtime preparations, sparing one wary glance at his ceiling vent. He stood there for a time, watching for signs of activity, but none presented themselves. Since the illusion of privacy was likely the best he was going to get, he stripped off his clothes, changed into his pajamas, and climbed into bed.

"Night, Maggie." He murmured, feeling it was the polite thing to do, then he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Minutes passed as Lincoln's breathing gradually slowed, finally achieving the slow and steady cadence of one who was firmly in REM sleep. It was at this point that a dark figure slithered out from under his bed. She glanced fondly at the white haired boy, only barely resisting the urge to climb into bed alongside him, and quietly exited the room, closing the door behind her. She breathed a soft sigh of relief, and with one last, brief glance of longing at the sealed portal, turned to take her leave.

"Hiya, Mags." Luan said cooly. She was standing only a few feet away, nonchalantly sipping from a steaming mug. The sweet scent on the hallway breeze suggested cocoa was her beverage of choice.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now." Maggie grumbled, not particularly happy at having been caught.

"I'd like to be." Luan rolled her eyes. "But Luna's with Sam, and they're being really _Loud_. Get it?" She waggled her eyebrows for emphasis.

Maggie's pale cheeks redden ever so slightly. "Y-you mean..."

She was interrupted as familiar wailing resounded down the hallway.

_"I-I just, I just wanted to fight monsters, a-and smash stuff! Why is she being so mean!?"_

Maggie's embarrassment immediately evaporated as she fixed a withering glare upon Luan. As usual, the jokester seemed completely unphased.

"So why are you out and about?" Luan continued, as if nothing had happened. "The 'Not-So-Slendergirl' act finally getting old?" She stepped forward and gave one of Maggie's ample breasts a poke for emphasis.

Maggie slapped her hand away in annoyance. "I need to check in with my parents. They're lame, but they worry if I'm gone for too long."

"Aw." Luan chuckled. "I guess you have a... _soft spot_ , for them." She reached out once more, but this time Maggie was ready for her, artfully sliding around the comedienne so she could continue on her way, unmolested.

"You could just tell him how you feel, you know." Luan called after her as she started making her way down the steps.

Maggie flinched ever so slightly, pausing mid-stride.

"I just enjoy being around him. For now, that's enough." She replied, keeping her voice level. "Besides, couldn't I say the same of you?"

Luan shrugged indifferently. "Time's not right yet."

Maggie waited for Luan to elaborate, but she simply stood there, wearing that same smirk as she sipped her drink. Finally, with a grunt of annoyance, Maggie too her leave, sparing the Loud House once last look of longing as she silently disappeared into the night.

* * *

Lincoln took one last look through his notes. He'd already done this numerous times, but he'd found it was best to ere on the side of caution when his sisters were involved. Doubly so if Sam was included. His campaign was poised on the edge of a knife. One misstep, and it would be all over. The group doomed to endless sessions of zany, cartoonish hijinks, and Sam and his sisters fighting over some hapless dope. And nobody wanted that.

Lincoln looked to the empty spot on his shelf where his home-made Ace Savvy miniature had once sat. Sam had decided to keep him after the previous session. Lincoln had demanded Ace's return, but...

_"Sure thing, Linc." Sam said, a sultry smile through half-lidded eyes. She leaned over and thrust her chest out, exposing her tiny captive and the fleshy prison in which he still remained. "All you've gotta do is reach in and pull him out."_

He'd looked to Luna for assistance, only to find the rocker frozen in place, the small trickle of blood dribbling out of her nose the only indication that she was flesh and blood. Not willing to lay hands upon his sister's girlfriend...tempting though it may be, Lincoln had been forced to abandon his tiny comrade.

But today, that changed. Today...he clenched his fist for dramatic effect...today he'd take his ace from that hole.

Lincoln sighed and grabbed his phone, entering a memo to take Luan up on her pun-workshop offer. The comedienne's word game wasn't perfect, but it was a heck of a lot more consistant than his was. Maybe he could learn a few things. He glanced at the clock as he did so; nearly show time, and shot off a quick text message.

_Lincoln: It's almost time. You coming?_

_Carol: Yep. Parked a couple of blocks away, like you suggested. Should be there in a few._

_Lincoln: Cool,. Backdoor should be open, I left some snacks for you. Just hang out there until I call you in, shouldn't take too long._

_Carol: :)_

Satisfied, Lincoln moved to put his phone away, then stopped. Seemed like he wouldn't be needing Plan B, better let her know it was off.

_Lincoln: Hey Becky, Carol's good to go, so no need for you to be on standby anymore. Thanks a bunch, I owe you one._

A moment later he received a...reply? Cucumber emoji, donut emoji, three raindrops. Weird, she must be hungry.

* * *

Lincoln entered the dining room, arms loaded with his gaming materials, and nearly dropped them in surprise. There were his sisters (and Sam), seated with character sheets and dice at the ready, and even in costume to boot. It was unusual for them to be so cooperative...

"Just wait till Linc gets here, Sharp!" Lynn boasted, slamming her fist on the table for emphasis. "Today you're going down!"

"Keep talking, Loud!" The blonde girl jeered. "Today this Sharp, is gonna make you flat!"

Luan coughed quietly into her fist, causing Sam's arrogant smirk to turn into a frown. Grumbling, she reached into her utility belt, fished out a five-dollar bill, and slid it over to the jokester.

"A-thank you." Luan said, snatching up the bill with a satisfied smile.

...Eh, Lincoln would take it. This kind of stuff had become common place among the group.

"Hey girls." He grunted, setting his load down and taking his seat, smiling at the chorus of greetings he received.

"Hey Linc." Sam purred, unzipping the top of her cat suit and revealing that she still retained possession of her prisoner. Lincoln's smile diminished somewhat.

"...Sam, please tell me that hasn't been there all week." Lori deadpanned.

Sam's only response was to turn her head to the side, and start whistling a jaunty tune. Surprisingly, Luna joined her, though her face was considerably redder, and her whistling considerably shakier.

"Yikes." Luan opined, one eyebrow raised in surprise.

"Literally." Lori affirmed.

"Hmm..." Leni murmured, looking uncharacteristically contemplative.

"Weshouldprobablygetstartednow!" Lincoln interjected, hands blurring as he began to set up the table as expediently as possible.


	34. Chapter 34

"Okay..." Lincoln began, after a semblance of order had been restored. Sam was still waving her exposed cleavage around, presumably trying to elicit a reaction from him. He refused to the blonde the satisfaction of knowing it was working.

"When we left off, Card Sharp had broken off her pursuit of Strong Suit, and..." He cleared his throat "Apprehended Ace Savvy." Sidelong looks from the group, directed towards the girl in question, some more amused than others. "With Card Sharp sufficiently distracted, Strong Suit was able to meet up with the rest of you, and together you collectively retreat back to the Fortress of Solitaire to regroup.

"I assume you're still rampaging, Sam?" He asked dryly

"I am." She affirmed, cheerfully. "Me and my new boy toy are gonna see the sights!"

There was a sharp cracking noise. Lincoln reached for his supplies, fished out a pair of fresh pencils and handed them to Lori and Lynn.

"Right." He continued. "Now since Sam's character is away from your group, she really shouldn't be hearing this part. I'm just not entirely sure how to..."

"Got you covered, bro." Luna pipped up, producing a set of heavy duty, noise cancelling headphones, seemingly out of thin air. With practiced ease, Luna loaded up a playlist on her phone with one hand and slammed the headphones over her girlfriend's ears with the other. Sam opened her mouth, seemingly intending to protest this treatment, but her expression immediately shifted to one of delight, and she began silently headbanging to the music only she could hear.

"Nice job, Luna." Lori congratulated the girl, mildly impressed.

"Sometimes I need a little 'me' time." Luna replied, shrugging.

"...Right." Lincoln resumed his recitation. "Once back at the fortress, you spend the next few hours resting up as you plan out your next move. Fortunately, Card Sharp is seemingly more concerned with enjoying herself than actually destroying the city." Sidelong glances at the girl in question, who was now fiercely shredding on her air guitar.

"So...what are our options?" Lori asked.

"Are you asking me what you should do?" Lincoln replied, only the barest hint of smugness in his voice.

"She means, what's available to our characters." Lucy pipped up, a ghost of a smile (by her standards) on her face. "The Full House Gang works closely with Ace. It stands to reason that our characters would know about his resources. Tech, contacts, contingency plans, and so forth. Lori's asking what our characters would know that would potentially help us."

The table went silent, save incidental noises made by the deafened blonde off to the side.

"...Y-Yes. That is what I meant." Lori agreed, straight faced. She then discretely fist bumped her little sister under the table.

Lincoln looked mildly impressed. "Look at you, already metagaming."

"I've been studying." Lucy replied, shrugging.

Lincoln shook his head in amusement, choosing to ignore the blank looks on his other sisters' faces.

"As it happens..." He continued, "You do have a plan. Sort of."

"Gotta love that confidence." Luna drawled.

Now it was Lincoln's turn to shrug. "Short notice."

"Anyway." He went on, "Shortly after you return to the fortress, you're contacted by presiding members of the Global Taskforce Squad, 'GTS' for short, they're the organization tasked with responding to the current crisis. Turns out that Card Counter has been collaborating with a number of prominent think tanks as of late, primarily for the purpose of designing and building a matter recombinator."

"A what?" Lynn asked.

"It, like, recombinates matter, Lynn." Leni offered, drawing looks from her siblings.

"I mean...she's not wrong." Luan chuckled.

"She's not." Lincoln agreed. "It's a machine that takes apart matter at the subatomic level, allowing for those individual components to be altered, then reassembled."

"Poppycock!" Lisa called from the doorway, looking nonplussed. However, once it was apparent that nobody was paying attention to her, she stormed off, grumbling about science-fiction frivolity.

"So how does that help us?" Lynn pressed.

"It's still in development, but the eggheads on staff believe they've been able to modify the only existing prototype into an ad-hoc shrink ray." Lincoln replied. "They've now got a few cat-sized gerbils and gerbil sized-cats, which leads them to believe it'll probably work well enough."

"I love all those things!" Leni squealed in delight.

"I don't love the 'probably'." Luna opined, frowning.

"Well, do any of you have a better idea?" Lincoln asked.

Silence fell upon the group.

"I thought I'd punch Sam while she was distracted." Lynn offered, cracking her knuckles.

"You're going to need a pretty big stepladder to make that happen." Lori deadpanned.

"Didn't say it'd be in game."

* * *

"Alright, it takes a few hours for GTS to deliver the prototype to the fortress. But that gives you enough time to rest up and restock your supplies, so make sure you update your character sheets accordingly. Once the team arrives, your all given a crash course in how to use it. Then, you load it up in the van, and head back to the city."

Lincoln flinched as a sharp, rhythmic rapping interrupted his exposition. Right, he'd forgotten about Sam, who had commandeered one of Luna's pencils, and was currently drumming on the table. Admittedly, the beat was pretty sick, but it was about time to bring her back in anyway.

"Luna, why don't you take the headphones off now." He suggested.

The rocker followed suit, plucking the headphones off the blonde in a single fluid motion. The second the music vanished, Sam's delighted expression was momentarily replaced with one of profound sorrow, one lip quivering as her world went silent. Then, she seemed to remember where she was, ambient noises of the world around her presumably filtering back in, and she regained her typically upbeat expression.

"Hey girls." She chirped, beaming at the Loud sisters. "Luna." She gave her girlfriend a roguish wink. "Liiiincoln." She purred, smiling Samishly at him. She ignored the grumbling from the remainder of the table. A thrown, teal colored die, now lodged within her blonde mane, was somewhat more difficult to ignore, but she soldiered on.

"Welcome back, Sam." Lincoln responded, trying to fight down his own bemusement. "Now, since your character has been on her own for the last few in-game hours, I'd asked you to annotate each action Card Sharp's been taking."

"Right here, Linc." She produced a small pile of flash cards, and slid them over to the boy.

"Let's see..." He murmured, looking at the first card. "So apparently y-you've been..." He trailed off, his eyes bugging out in surprise, face initially paling, then blushing bright red. Sputtering, he quickly flipped to the next one. Then the next one. And so forth, becoming increasingly flustered as he made his way through the pile. About half way through, he gave up, throwing down the card he was holding, and glaring at the grinning teen.

"I'm not reading this, Sam." He growled indignantly.

"Want me to come over there and help you?" She asked, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Nope." He punctuated his flat refusal by grabbing the pile of cards and flinging them over his shoulder, not even bothering to look where they landed.

"Party-pooper."

"What happened to Ace-Linky, Linky?" Leni queried, looking concerned.

Lincoln coughed in embarrassment. "He's suffering from...severe blood loss."

"Yeah he is." Sam interjected, grinning broadly. She held up one hand, and Luna immediately high-fived her.

Lincoln shot the pair an embarrassed glare, before turning back to Leni. "Yes. Blood loss. And you need to save him. Right now."

"Oh no!" Leni turned to the eldest Loud. "Go-go boot, Lori! Hurry!"

"You heard her, little bro." Lori affirmed, smiling warmly as she gave her younger sister a reassuring pat on the head. "Full speed ahead."

* * *

"You arrive at the city in relatively short order. The mass evacuation is long over, and the freeways are mostly clear. Save for the odd abandoned vehicle, which High Card easily avoids."

"As you reach the city limits, your greeted with significantly less destruction than you anticipated. The city is largely intact, structurally speaking, though there are enormous footprints littering the area, flattened cars and..." Lincoln double checked the card he was holding "...the words 'Sharp Rules', crudely scrawled across main street in various colors of paint."

"I've heard of painting the town red..." Luan began.

"I floor the accelerator." Lori dryly interjected.

"You certainly try." Lincoln corrected her. "But both your action _and_ Joker's joke are interrupted by the ground shaking."

"Small miracles." Lynn murmured.

Luan turned to her. "Don't you mean..."

"Lincoln. Accelerator. Please?" Lori pleaded.

"The van lurches forward as High Card finally finds the accelerator." Lincoln intoned ("Hey!") "Fortunately, you don't need to go very far to find the source of the disturbance, because only a short distance away, you find Card Sharp..." Sam slid another flash card to Lincoln, which he picked up suspiciously. "...break dancing?"

"I wanted to rampage in style." She said, shrugging off the questioning looks sent her way. "Now..." She leaned over eagerly. "Do I see those pipsqueaks, Linc?"

"Nope." He replied, popping the 'P' with great relish. "You're too busy dancing."

Sam seemingly realized, too late, that she'd dug her own grave. "Curse my own stylishness!" She wailed, hanging her head with profound sorrow. Luna, with some trepidation, reluctantly gave her girlfriend a comforting pat on the back.

"...Well, that was easy." Lynn proclaimed. "Let's unload the gizmo, and—"

"Not so fast, Lynn." Lincoln interrupted, a smile on his face, and not a particularly nice one. He pulled out his phone. "Just gotta send this text really quick."

Lynn looked at him in confusion. "What's that supposed to—"

"Welcome to your doom, Full House Gang!" Boomed a voice from the far end of the room.

"Gasp!" Lucy exclaimed, unintentionally narrating the reactions of her remaining teammates.

"Guys!" Leni called out. "It's Lori!"

* * *

Carol Pingrey strolled across the room. She reached the table, gave the group a small wave, then slid into the chair next to Lincoln.

"How'd I do, Linc?" She asked.

"Fantastic." He reassured her. He turned back to the group, intending to explain what was going on, but was surprised by the naked hostility that was being directed towards his end of the table.

"What's _she_ doing here?" Lynn growled, frowning at the older girl.

"Is this a joke? Because if it is, I'm not laughing." Luan grumbled.

"And how can Lori be in two places at once!" Leni complained. She turned to her glowering sister. Then back to Carol. This process repeated itself a few times before Leni seemed to catch on.

"Ooooh." She gasped, seemingly coming to a conclusion. Then, she manually rearranged her features into a frown.

"...Leni sort of has a point." Luna ventured, as Leni's situation seemingly resolved itself. "Why are you dressed like High Card, dude?"

"Lincoln told me to come in costume. And this is all I had." Carol replied, blushing slightly.

"I think it looks great." Lincoln and Sam opined simultaneously. They glanced at one another in surprise, then shrugged. Hardly the weirdest thing that had happened, even at this table.

"Which brings us back to the real issue. Why are you _here_ , Carol?" Lori asked. She looked significantly less happy than Lincoln would have expected.

"I invited her." Lincoln confirmed. "Carol's going to be my special helper."

"How?" Lucy asked, suspicious.

"Well, that's got a bit of a layered answer." Lincoln replied, straightening his notes. "Let's work through this point by point."

"First things first, you come across the gargantuan Card Sharp, currently break dancing in the middle of the city. No need to demonstrate, Sam!" He directed that last bit at the blonde, who was already in the process of climbing to her feet. Thus thwarted, she pouted, and returned to her seat.

"Seeing her thoroughly distracted, you all hop out of the van and begin to enact your plan. But you're interrupted by a mysterious figure, who suddenly appears on a nearby rooftop." He turned to Carol.

"Mwa, ha, ha?" She supplied, uncertain.

"Nicely done." He congratulated her, causing Carol to beam with pride.

"Showoff." Luna grumbled.

"Everybody make a knowledge check." Lincoln instructed, waiting patiently as sounds of dice rolling took place around the table.

"Think I've got it." Lucy said, perusing her character sheet.

"That'll work." He confirmed. "You remember from your time going through Ace's database, mentions of a new up and coming villain, who's been making waves in the criminal underworld. Putting two and two together, you're able to realize that this mysterious person is that very villain, now standing before you. The Trump Card!"

Carol waved at the group.

"Boo!" Luan shouted.

Carol glanced at Linc, unsure what to make of the fairly lukewarm reception. Then squawked in surprise, barely ducking in time as a teal colored die sailed through the space where her head had been only moments earlier.

"Leni! Stop throwing dice!" Lincoln sharply reprimanded the girl. ("Sorry Linky!")

"Whatever." Luna shrugged. "I'm gonna unsling my guitar and squeeze off a few shots at her."

"Not so fast, Luna." Lincoln smirked. "As you exited the vehicle to start implementing your plan to deal with Sam, you all hear a loud metallic whining noise. Before any of you can vocalize your questions, there's a loud snapping sort of noise. You see a large metallic object launch from the rooftop that Trump Card is standing upon. The object slams into Card Sharp just as she pulls herself into an upright position, striking her directly in the neck, then unfolding and wrapping around her, turning into a makeshift collar. As the procedure reaches completion, Card Sharp suddenly pauses mid-step. She straightens up, then holds perfectly still, eyes glazed over and unfocused."

"Now do I do the thing?" Carol asked.

"Fire away." Lincoln nodded.

Carol cleared her throat. "Card Sharp!" She announced. "Destroy the Full House Gang!"

* * *

Silence fell upon the table.

"What?" Sam asked, thoroughly confused.

"The device currently clamped around your neck is a mind control device. Its put you under Trump Card's complete control." Lincoln explained.

"Then why doesn't it go on her head?" Luan asked.

"In fact, Sam..." Lincoln went on, ignoring the dangerously logical question, "Why don't you come over here and sit next to Carol for the time being."

Sam frowned, clearly displeased, but acquiesced, gathering her things and relocating to a seat next to Carol. She glared at the older blonde, looking her up and down.

"Just so we're clear." She growled. "I have to do what you say?"

"A-apparently." Carol replied, slightly flustered.

"But you're doing what Lincoln tells you to do?"

"I-I suppose." Carol flushed, growing increasingly embarrassed at this line of questioning.

"So, essentially, I'm vicariously being bossed around by Lincoln, right?"

Lincoln and Carol turned to each other, then shrugged after a moment of consideration. "I guess, yeah," Lincoln affirmed.

"...Alright." Sam said, nodding in agreement. "I can get behind that."

* * *

Lincoln turned back to the rest of his sisters, who were thoroughly perplexed by the exchange.

"Alright girls, you get one action round before Card Sharp is fully under Trump Card's control. Then all bets are off."

"And then stomping time." Sam supplied, eagerly grabbing a handful of dice.

"Battle stations, guys." Lori grumbled. "Was hoping we wouldn't have to do this the hard way."

"...Maybe we don't." Lynn said, her eyes lighting up with mischief.

"Linc." She turned to her little brother. "My character sheet says I've got lightning reflexes, that means I take actions faster than other people, right?"

"To a certain degree, yes." He responded, hesitantly. "Strong Suit doesn't actually have super speed, but her superhuman physique gives her a heightened reaction time. Distance and whatnot is still a consideration."

"Not a problem." Lynn smirked confidently. "We're all crowded around the van, right?"

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna run around the back and throw open the doors. That's where we're storing the fully assembled and ready to go...matter...comby...thing."

"Matter Recombinator." Leni supplied.

"Right." Lynn rolled her eyes. "That."

"You're not going to be able to get a shot off before the turn is up." Lincoln warned her. "And it's not even facing the right way, you're gonna have to turn the whole van around."

"Not a problem." Lynn grinned. "You'd mentioned that the lab techs fixed this thing up so that any of us would be able to use it."

"Right." Lincoln nodded.

"And its already set up to shrink things?"

"Yeeees?" Lincoln nodded again, warily.

Lynn grinned. "Is there a reverse switch?"

The table went silent, all players now looking at Lincoln with interest.

"Uh..." Lincoln coughed.

"You said something before about giant gerbils and tiny cats." Lynn reminded him, growing increasingly smug as his discomfort visibly increased. "That means the eggheads would have installed something that would change the polarity, or whatever, right? _And_ , we've all been instructed on how to use this thing!"

Lincoln sputtered, trying to figure a way to wriggle out of his own stupid flavor text.

Finally, he sighed with resignation. "Yes." He grumbled, clearly displeased. "I suppose you're right."

"Woo!" Lynn whooped victoriously, pumping one celebratory fist in the air. "In that case, I dash around behind the van, yank open the doors, flip the reverso switch..." She liked her lips, relishing her impending narrative victory. "And zap myself."

Lincoln glared back at his older sister, teeth clenched with frustration. "There's a loud whine, and a dazzling flash of light. When the light clears. you all see Strong Suit...now standing roughly equal in size to Card Sharp."

Lynn turned to Sam, a fierce, warrior's grin spread across her face.

"Round two, Sharp!"


	35. Chapter 35

"Bring it on, Loud!" Sam snarled, rising to her feet.

Lynn's lip curled into a sneer as she climbed onto her chair. Her powerful leg muscles coiling, not unlike those of a jungle cat's, as she prepared to pounce at her prey.

"Wait!" Screeched Leni, causing both girls to stumble as her shrill cry cut through the tension in the room like a hot knife through butter.

The fashionista flounced over to Lynn, the younger girl's current vantage point conveniently putting the pair more or less at eye level. Lynn turned to the older girl, presumably to ask why she'd interrupted this confrontation that had been a long time coming, when Leni reached out, grabbed hold of Lynn's leotard, and—

_RIP!_

Literally tore her a new one. More specifically, a hole in the top of her garment, more or less matching the boob window that Sam had taken developed a taste for as of late.

"Leni!" Lynn shrieked. Her demeanor had completely changed. Whereas Lynn had previously been proud and confident, she was now crouched low, arms wrapped around herself, desperately trying to cover her exposed skin.

"But Linky said you were like Sam now." Leni responded, head tilted to one side in confusion. Her bewilderment was only compounded by the way Sam suddenly doubled over with laughter, pounding the table in front of her to punctuate her mirth.

Lincoln, for his part was desperately trying to look anywhere other than at his distressed sister, and doubly so to avoid thinking about the eyeful he'd caught. Lynn had always denied it, but it was something of an open secret that the sportiest Loud was dissatisfied with her lack of womanly curves, given how gifted their oldest sisters were in that regard. Mom always reassured her that Lynn was simply a late bloomer, and that she'd grow into them eventually. Apparently mom was starting to be proven right, he was pretty sure he'd have remembered those being there...

"Uh, Lincoln?" Carol asked, drawing the boy from his ruminations regarding his sister's pleasing form. _Why hello Lori's...err, Carol's...gah!_

"Lincoln?" She repeated, causing the boy's eyes to snap upward. "Maybe you should stop them before somebody gets hurt." She visibly flinched as the temperature in the room seemed to chill considerably, and five pairs of glowering eyes turned in her direction.

"Nobody asked you, Pingrey!" Luan growled

"Yeah!" Luna spat in agreement as she tended to Sam, who was currently convulsing on the floor. "Butt out, Carol!"

"Boobs!" Sam wheezed, as another round of giggles threatened to overtake her.

"You're blonde!" Shouted Leni, seemingly not entirely certain how this sort of thing worked.

Carol shrank in her seat a little, seemingly confused by the sentiment being thrown her way. Seeing this was enough to trigger Lincoln's protective instincts, snapping him out of haze.

"Knock it off, you guys!" He barked, surprising everyone at the table, himself included. A little of his indignation ebbed as he realized that all eyes were now on him.

"Carol's right." He continued. "If you guys are going to fight, do it in game. Everyone get back in your seats and grab some dice."

A hush fell upon the room, no words said, just the continued stares of his sisters and their friends. Lincoln began to worry that he might have overstepped his bounds with that little outburst. Finally, movement. Sam drunkenly climbed to her feet, and sat back down in her chair, hands neatly folded in front of her. Lincoln would have called it surprisingly well mannered of her, had it not been for the lusty wink she shot him. Such a tease, that one...

His other sisters began to follow suit, though he was worried to note that none of them were looking at Carol.

"Hey, Leni?" He called out, noticing that Lynn was struggling with the adjustments that had been made to her outfit. "Think you could help Lynn out?"

"Sure thing, Linky." She chirped. Leni grabbed Lynn's leotard by the lore bits she'd torn off, and began to work her special brand of Leni magic. A few moments later, she'd managed to tie the frayed bits of cloth into a quaint little bow, which could hold the garb together without Lynn's assistance. It did...uh, draw attention specifically to the affected area, a fact that Lynn herself seemed very much aware of, given the embarrassment she was clearly fighting down. Boy, they weren't all that big, especially given the company they were in, but there was definitely more of Lynn than he'd remembered there being...

"O-okay then." He announced, once order had been restored. "Game on."

* * *

"Alright. So we've got supersized Strong Suit and Card Sharp standing across from one another—"

"I charge straight at her!" Declared Lynn, snatching up her dice and learning forward in eager anticipation of the coming melee.

Lincoln gave Lynn an exasperated look. "—With the remainder of the Full House Gang caught between the two of you. Is what I was going to say, before you cut me off." He looked towards the rest of the group. "So the rest of you only have scant seconds to react to the giantess thundering straight at you. Everyone give me an agility check to see if you can dive out of the way."

"Sorry guys." Lynn said sheepishly in response to the dirty looks thrown her way.

Lincoln looked around, checking the results of the rolls. "Looks like you guys, are more or less fine. Luan and Lucy, you both makes it by the skin of your teeth, knock off 3 hit points a piece for the less than graceful tumbles you're required to take to avoid getting flattened. And... _oof_." He winced "Luna, that's not going to cut it. But tell you what, I'll give it to you if you burn some jet pack fuel and take...lets say 10 damage for the emergency landing."

Luna tersely nodded before making the required adjustments to her character, grumbling underneath her breath.

"Sam." Lincoln turned to address the blonde. "You've get one action before the new round starts, then it comes down to initiative. Better make it count."

Sam tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I said I was being very selective about what I destroyed. Any buildings still intact immediately around me? Say...something tall enough I could use as a weapon."

"Why yes, Sam." Lincoln replied, his lips twitching as an amusing idea came to mind. "The 'Fashions, Fashions, and More Fashions' boutique happens to be within grabbing distance."

"Oooh." Leni pipped up, suddenly interested. "Sam! See what the sales are like!"

"The building was designed to resemble a light house, and you could conceivably use it like a club." Lincoln continued.

"Done." Sam slapped her hand on the table. "I rip that bad boy right out of the ground and get into a batter's stance."

"What?" Leni's eyes widened in shock. "Sam, no! The fashions!"

"Top of the round. Initiative, ladies." The second the words left his lips, a pair of 20-sided dice shot towards the center of the table. One cyan, one red. Both girls leaned forward , waiting with baited breath as the polyhedrons rolled to a stop.

"Sam." Lincoln announced.

"Batter up!" Sam cackled, retrieving her spent die and filling her hand once more before launching her latest attack.

"Wow. Critical hit." Lincoln declared. "Card Sharp pegs Strong Suit right in the face with her improvised weapon, knocking her a ways back down the street." He paused for a moment to consider the situation. "But the sheer force of your blow obliterated the boutique. It basically disintegrates in your hands. What inventory survived the g-forces at work, now scattered to the wind. You can make out a number of scarves, and a delightful selection of hats, all drifting listlessly to the rubble strewn ground."

Leni made a noise not unlike a drowning fish, and fell out of her chair. Lincoln crouched down behind his screen, hoping nobody would see his sniggering. He felt a little bad doing that to Leni, but it was too funny not to. He'd make it up to her later."

"How do you like _them_ apples?!" Sam crowed in triumph.

"Lucky shot!" Lynn spat, seething with anger.

"Lincoln!" She addressed her little brother. "As soon as I recover from that, I'm gonna grab some of those cars you said were around, and huck em like improvised shuriken!"

"Err—"

"Well then I'm gonna charge you down and stomp you right into the pavement!"

"Um—"

"You can try! But then I'll just use a reverse take-down to turn the tables on you! Then I'll grab you by that stupid hair of yours and—"

"Guys! Calm down!" Lincoln shouted, throwing his hands out to forestall any further declarations. "That's like, four combat rounds worth of actions, and we haven't even resolved this whole other thing we've got going on." He gestured to Carol and the rest of the girls, who were looking very nonplussed at the rampant scene stealing the pair had committed. Sam and Lynn, to their credit, seemed chagrined now that their conduct had been pointed out to them.

"I didn't think we were going to end up with a full blown kaiju fight." He groaned in exasperation, completely ignorant to the perplexed glances and shrugs that briefly circulated around the rest of the table's inhabitants. "Lynn's little stunt made this thing way more complicated that it already was."

"Perhaps I can be of assistance." Intoned a familiar voice.

Lincoln started to glance upward, towards the air vent overlooking the table, when to his surprise, Maggie instead slid out from under the table. She did not crawl out from under the table, the effect was more akin to when one slides an envelope under the door. The girl simply slid along the ground, as if gently pushed by unseen hands, gradually straightening up as she did so, despite no visible exertion being demonstrated on her part. Lincoln glanced to Lucy in askance, who's only response was a bewildered shrug.

"...Hello, Maggie." He cautiously greeted her.

"Hello, Lincoln." She replied, smiling wanly at him and nodding courteously to the rest of the table.

He waited for her to elaborate, but she simply stood there. Looming, like an especially curvaceous coat rack.

"You had some kind of suggestion?" He prompted.

"I did." She nodded. "I will assist you."

Lincoln frowned, perplexed. "How so."

"You clearly prepared for the battle between the Full House Gang and the Trump Card, as they are the conflict most central to the narrative you appear to be pursuing. As such, I will offer my services as an assistant game master, and referee the Strong Suit and Card Sharp fight."

Lincoln blinked in surprise. That was a lot of words to come out of Maggie all at once. But more than that, it was a surprisingly rational solution she was proposing. There was only one, niggling problem.

"Do you actually know how to play this game?" He asked, warily.

"You have been studying the rules intensely in preparation for today." She replied.

"That doesn't actually answer my—"

"Lynn, Sam. Come along." She ordered, her voice brooked no room for argument. The girls in question shrugged and picked up their stuff, relocating to the far end of the table.

Lincoln and his remaining players glanced between one another.

"I guess this is how we're doing things." He concluded. "I mean, how bad could it be?"

"Lincoln!" Maggie called "Ace Savvy is now suffering from severe blood loss. Also, he may be suffocating."


	36. Chapter 36

"Why are there so many sentry guns?" Luna seethed, slamming her fist against the table.

"You can contemplate that while you try to dodge the hail of gunfire coming your way." Lincoln intoned, his lips twitching erratically as he tried to refrain from smirking. There was an art to pushing a player's buttons, and a smart game master avoided directly drawing a player's ire for as long as possible. Speaking of...

"By the way, Carol." He turned to address the blonde as Luna sullenly reached for a fistful of dice. "You can activate Delta Protocol whenever you're ready."

"Oh." Carol fumbled with the notes she'd been given. "So that's the one where..um..."

"Page six, subsection G." Lincoln helpfully supplied. "Its after the section on deathtraps."

"Dude!" Luna hissed as she made her roll. She glanced at the result and flinched.

"What? Also, mark off 20 points of damage, Luna."

"We're getting our butts whooped!" Luna grumbled as the made made the adjustments to her character sheet.

"Well, you should have known better than to charge around a blind corner."

"She _had_ to." Lucy retorted. "Or she would have been fried by the flame thrower hidden in the water fountain."

"And Luna only tripped that one because she was running from the scary doggies." Leni added.

"Bees, Leni." Luan corrected her. "The dogs were on the first floor."

"No, _that_ was the fifth floor." Lori said with a sigh. "This one is dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths."

"You guys are assaulting a super villain who had plenty of time to prep." Lincoln protested. "There being defenses to overcome should be assumed!"

"Yes, Lincoln." Lucy replied in a slow and cautious manner. "But Carol only keeps turning these things on because you're telling her to."

"Meaning, what, exactly?"

"That maybe you should stop holding Carol's hand so much!" Lori interjected with a growl.

At her outburst, Lincoln and Carol turned bright red, nearly in unison. Slowly, perhaps in some naive attempt to avoid drawing attention to the act, the pair each withdrew one arm that had been concealed under the table, and with as much nonchalance as possible, casually draped it over the tabletop. Lincoln's sisters simply watched the process in stunned silence.

"I...uh..." Luan began, glancing at her older sister. "I don't think Lori meant that...literally, Linc."

"No, I _didn't_!" Lori agreed, twitching in irritation. Carol's face brightened at that, and she began to withdraw her arm from the tabletop once again. She didn't get very far before four murderous glares stopped her in her tracks, causing the girl to visibly flinch. _Don't you dare!_ They seemed to say.

"Lincy, I think Lori's saying that maybe you should let Carol play the game for herself." Leni pipped up, both she and the white haired boy oblivious to the antics of the other players.

"What? D-don't be silly!" Lincoln sputtered, shooting a worried glance at Carol. "This is Carol's show, one-hundred percent! I'm, I'm just..." He trailed off as he felt a gentle touch upon his shoulder. Turning, he saw Carol smiling at him patiently.

"It's okay Linc." She said, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "I've really appreciated the help. But I think I can handle things from here on out."

"You sure?" He asked, his voice laced with uncertainty.

"Absolutely." She tousled the younger boy's hair playfully. Lincoln cast his gaze downward, both pleased and embarrassed at the attention.

"Cough." Said Lucy, reminding the pair that they weren't alone. Lincoln quickly withdrew from Carol, noting that the atmosphere at the table had become significantly more dour. Leni looked particularly unhappy, one hand tightly clutched around a 20-sided die, occasionally twitching, as though it longed to send the polyhedron flying. Clearly they were impatient to resume the game.

"Alright." He turned to Carol. "So, Protocol Delta?"

"Actually..." Carol said with a grin. "I think I'll skip right to Protocol Epsilon."

The Loud girls exchanged worried glances.

"What's that mean?" Luna asked, guardedly.

Lincoln glanced at the relevant portion of Carol's notes, and snorted in amusement.

"Suddenly, a portion of wall silently slides open, revealing a hidden compartment. From within, you can hear the angry buzzing of robotic bees intermingled with the harsh, guttural growls of robotic dogs..."

* * *

"Congratulations, guys!" Lincoln cheerfully announced. "You've made it to the rooftop! Lucy, you'll need to take three points of burning damage each round until you successfully manage to put out the fire."

"Bees shouldn't explode." The young girl grumbled, dutifully marking off the damage on her character sheet.

"Lincoln!" Maggie's head popped up from beneath the table right between him and Carol, causing Lincoln and his players to start in surprise. Lucy, in particular, let out a rare and genuine gasp, rather than her usual verbalization of the action. Apparently realizing what she had done, Lucy abruptly clamped her hands over her mouth, and slid down a little in her chair.

"Lincoln!" Maggie repeated, seemingly unconcerned with the affect her sudden appearance had on the other players. "The nearby battle has caused debris to rain upon the rooftop. You should check to see how it affects the remainder of the Full House Gang."

Lincoln let out a short sigh of exasperation before forcing a smile on his face. "Thank you, Maggie, I'll get right on that." The older girl nodded curtly, then vanished under the table once more.

Lincoln shook his head, reached for the appropriate dice and made his roll. "Looks like the debris isn't concentrated enough to do any real damage, to you guys. But you are showered with dirt and small bits of gravel." He paused, considering. "Actually, I guess that would probably help put out your fire...Lucy?" He turned to address his little sister, but found that she had vanished. Questioning glances to his other sisters was met only with bewildered shrugs.

Lincoln turned towards the far end of the table, where the remainder of their group had relocated. The girls had apparently procured another one of Lola's dolls, this one brunette (great, he was already on a payment plan for the first one...), and Lynn and Sam were enthusiastically engaged in making them fight. It looked less like a proper, by the rules fight, and more like when he and Clyde would play with their action figures. Nevertheless, Maggie stared intently at the mock battle, diligently scribbling into a small notebook. Just as Lincoln was about to call out to the group, with the intention of asking if any of them had seen Lucy, all three girls suddenly shrieked in surprise, with Maggie's being especially loud.

Lincoln turned back to his own group, suddenly not especially surprised to find Lucy back in her seat, a small smile gracing her pallid face.

"Just reestablishing the pecking order." She replied to his unasked question.

* * *

"Alright." Lincoln announced, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Time for the final showdown. The Full House Gang—"

"Kiyaa!" Lynn's cry cut his speech short, the volume causing Lincoln to wince.

"Hey! Hands off my boyfriend!"

"Lincoln! Ace has suffered an additional 15 points of crushing damage!"

"...well, most of you, anyway." He amended with a roll of his eyes. "Versus your arch enemy, the Trump Card!"

"Greetings, Full House Gang!" Carol began, gesturing grandly to the group. "I welcome you to—"

"I rush her." Lori said, flatly.

"Me too." Luan added.

"Lining up my shot, little bro, first opening I get I'm gonna shoot to thrill." Luna growled.

"Hiding in shadows." Said Lucy.

"Um..." Leni squinted at her dice. "Which one hurts Carol?"

"G-guys!" Lincoln sputtered in indignation. "You're supposed to let her finish!"

"She's just standing there in the middle of the rooftop, right?" Lori asked.

"Well...yeah." Lincoln grudgingly affirmed. "But this is the big moment! There's supposed to be witty repartee! Dramatic twists! The reveal of Trump Card's heart wrenching backstory—"

"Yeah, we're not doing that." Luan grunted, reaching for her dice. "We're too _stung_ to _bee_ friends at this point." She paused for a moment, before sighing in resignation. "Pretend I had one for dogs."

"We're going through a _ruff_ patch?" Luna supplied.

Luan shrugged "Good enough." She gave her sister a high five before turning back to Carol.

"Man, I spent days working on this scene." Lincoln grumbled as he began to set up the battlefield.

"Don't worry about it Linc." Carol patted him on the back reassuringly. "I thought it was great."

"Called shot to the face." Lori spat, one eye twitching with barely contained rage as she made her attack roll.

"Eep!" Carol squeaked, nervously fumbling for her own dice.

"No need for that, Carol." Lincoln said, patting the older girl on her arm. "She misses."

"What are you talking about?" Lori growled, pointing first to the resting polyhedral, then angrily jabbing her finger in Carol's direction. "There's no possible way she could roll high enough to dodge that!"

"You miss." Lincoln repeated. Lori opened her mouth to protest, but he smoothly cut her off. "High Card charges at Trump Card , and delivers a perfectly executed haymaker directly to her face."

"However!" He held up one finger to forestall further protest. "At the last second possible second, Trump Card shifts out of the way, the blow missing her by inches."

"What!?" Lori exclaimed, angrily slamming her hands down on the table.

"Oh!" Carol said simultaneously, eyes widening with understanding.

"My turn!" Luan shouted, making her own roll.

"Also a miss." Lincoln replied, not even bothering to look at the result. "Joker takes a swing at Trump Card with her mallet, and history repeats itself. Just before the moment of impact, Trump Card gracefully slides out of the way." He paused, considering. "Also, you're off balance now, Luan."

"How could I miss her! I don't even like her!"

Carol's face ran through a gamut of emotions. Confused, hurt, confused again, then a sort of hopefulness laced with trepidation.

"G-good one, Luan." Carol replied, laughing nervously. Her face fell as the younger girl only response was to narrow her eyes.

"Lincoln." Lucy spoke up. "I specifically said I was going to spend my downtime at the Fortress going through Ace's files. If Trump Card's this dangerous, it stands to reason that Ace would have information on her."

Lincoln's eyes briefly flickered heavenward."I mean, you would have gotten this information if you'd just played out the scene like you were supposed to. But fine."

He cleared his throat. "Trump Card was born with photographic reflexes. Basically, she can see a physical action, store it in her memory, and then perfectly replicate it at will."

"So she can copy our moves?" Lori asked, one eyebrow raised in disbelief.

"Yes." Lincoln nodded. "But, she's spent the majority of her life learning to leverage this ability to the utmost. In the process of taking every opportunity to observe top level martial artists, soldiers, athletes and even superheroes when possible, giving her a near endless repertoire of skills to call upon for any given situation, Trump Card has become extremely adept at reading body language. This, along with her ability to memorize and reproduce those actions, allows her to both predict and respond to her opponent's movements nearly instantaneously."

His explanation finished, Lincoln waited for his sisters' eyes to light up with understanding. Nearly a minute later, he was still waiting. Finally, Leni raised her hand.

"Yes, Leni." He said, gesturing towards the blonde, not daring to hope for much.

"So, like...Carol can figure out what we're doing, and then move out of the way really fast?"

Lincoln's other sisters looked to the blonde in surprise, then to Lincoln, for confirmation.

"...Yes, Leni." He affirmed, nodding slowly. "That's a very succinct way of putting it. In gameplay terms, Trump Card automatically dodges any attack that she can see within a certain distance."

"That sounds _extremely_ powerful." Lucy deadpanned "Overtly so."

"She's a villain, and its five on one." Lincoln shrugged. "That's how these things work."

"I bet she can't dodge a sonic blast from this far away." Luna said, cackling as she snatched up her dice.

"Probably not." Lincoln said, smirking. "But as you've just reminded me, you said you were going to fire as soon as possible. And Lori and Luan just so happen to be in your line of fire."

Luna winced as her sisters turned their furious glares upon her. "Whoops."


	37. Chapter 37

"You got that out your system, _Sonic Youth_?" Luan deadpanned.

Luna simply stared back at her sister, knowing she wouldn't have to wait long. True to form, very little time had passed before Luan's lips quirked upward ever so slightly. The younger girl's eyes widened ever so slightly before she composed herself once more. Staring resumed, both parties still as stone.

" _Ged—"_ Luan clamped her mouth shut, clenching her fists as she concentrated on maintaining her stoic silence.

" _Geddi—_ " she grit her teeth, slamming her fists upon the table. She had committed to this. She had been wronged! She refused to compromise her righteous indignation by-

" _ **Geddit?** " —_showing weakness in the...face...of...

Luan's jaw silently swung open as she processed what had just taken place. With as much dignity as she could muster, she untensed her body, and let out a soft, exasperated sigh.

"Yes." Luna remarked at last, looking extremely pleased with herself.

* * *

"...Right." Lincoln concluded at least, once the hubbub had died down. "So Luna just blasted Lori and Luan. Also, Carol? Your special ability entitles you to a free counter attack against each person who fails to hit you in melee combat. Luan was already unbalanced from her failed attack, and Luna's blast would have compounded that by knocking her prone, so why don't we just skip right to rolling for damage..."

" _Actually_!" Carol interjected, her voice pitched slightly higher than usual. "I think I'm going to forgo the counter attack, and exit the melee entirely. Back away a bit, you know?"

Lincoln blinked in surprise. "But it costs you nothing to wail on them." He gestured towards his bereaved sisters. "Why would you willingly give up the advantage?"

"Because..." Carol began, trailing off momentarily before seemingly finding her focus once more. "...it wouldn't be fair?"

"Fair?" Lincoln repeated, confused.

"Sporting!" Carol corrected herself. "It wouldn't be sporting for a villain of my caliber to crush the heroes so effortlessly. Better to let them stew in their own helplessness as the last vestiges of hope are snatched from their grasp at the last possible second."

She looked around the table. "Um, right?"

Lincoln took a moment to consider this. "Fair enough." He said, shrugging. "That's par for the genre."

Lincoln gestured towards his sisters. "You guys get another round. Make it count."

"I'm backing up towards Luna." Lori said, eyeing Carol suspiciously.

"Me too." Luan quickly added. "Maybe we could just have Luna wear her down from a distance..."

"Hey _Lincoln_!" Carol interjected, much louder than normal. "I forget, which hand am I wearing my _Sonic Repulsion Gauntlet_ on? The one that absorbs and redirects sonic blasts while _dramatically amplifying their effects_."

"Aaaand apparently that's out of the question." Luan concluded, softly sighing in annoyance.

Lincoln turned to Carol, frowning. "Carol!" He admonished her. "You're not supposed to just give away information like that! That gauntlet was your ace in the hole!"

"Speaking of Ace-Holes..." Luan muttered under her breath

"Whoops." Carol holding out her hands in a gesture of helplessness. "Sorry Linc, totally slipped my mind."

Lincoln sighed and turned back towards his sisters. "Alright, you've got lucky there. What are your actions?"

The girls glanced among each other, each clearly waiting for someone to propose a new course of action.

"We're gonna need a new plan." Lucy said, when no alternatives were offered. "Pass me your character sheets, I need to see what we're working with."

"Good luck." Lincoln scoffed. "You're going to have to strategize in real time, and I don't think—"

"I'll allow it!" Carol announced. Lincoln threw up his hands in frustration and jerked his head back towards the blonde.

" _Why?_ " He asked.

"Because...villainy?" She replied. Lincoln's eyes crossed as he tried to process this.

"And..." She added. "Because I needed a time out anyway. I have some really, really important questions I need to ask you...about..." Carol floundered ever so slightly. "...comics!"

"Comics?" Lincoln asked, one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Ace Savvy comics!" Carol added, nodding eagerly.

Lincoln glanced to his sisters, waiting with baited breath, then back to Carol, clearly hungry for knowledge that only he could impart to her. Calling a timeout in the middle of a battle would be an extremely unprofessional thing to do. But on the other hand, a very pretty girl wanted to talk to him about comic books...

"Fine." He grumbled. "Five minute time out." He waved towards the kitchen. "You guys can go have your team meeting over there."

* * *

Lori, Luna and Luan stood huddled around Lucy, all fidgeting anxiously as their little sister poured over their shared resources. Of the group, Lucy had been the one who'd most readily taken to the game's myriad systems, so it had seemed logical to put her in charge of planning their counter attack. Leni had taken it upon herself to make smoothies for everybody.

" _Vrrrrv_ " Leni sang, imitating the sound of the blender as it transmogrified solid matter into delicious beverages.

Lori grit her teeth in irritation, the sounds of the blender and the Leni intermingling with the ticking of her internal clock, coalescing into a big bundle of annoyance.

"Well?" She growled impatiently

"Hold your horses." Lucy muttered, not bothering to look up. "I wasn't seriously expecting to come up with something on the fly. We're woefully under-prepared for this battle, and I suspect that was intentional."

"Meaning?" Luan prompted.

"Meaning, that I suspect Lincoln wasn't particularly happy with the direction this campaign has taken." She shrugged. "I can't blame him, Sam and Lynn have clearly things pretty far off the rails."

"You think he's setting us up to fail?" Luna asked, frowning.

"Not as such." Lucy corrected her. "I believe this is merely an attempt by Lincoln to assert some control over his story once again. Removing Sam from the occasion while pitting us against a villain specifically designed to counter our abilities is a calculated effort to rein things in, to get us to play by his rules. I would imagine that..." The little girl trailed off, her body frozen in place. Suddenly, she jerked back to life with a burst of movement, and started frantically shuffling through the pile of character sheets.

"Lucy?" Lori asked. Concerned, but also curious at this uncharacteristic level of energy being displayed by her little sister.

Finally Lucy stopped, having apparently found when she was looking for. She read the page before her. Then again, just for good measure. And then, she smiled.

"Get Lincoln." She ordered. "I might have something."

* * *

"No." Lincoln growled, his voice brooking no room for argument.

"But why not, big brother?" Lucy asked innocently.

"Because it's ridiculous? Nonsensical? Physically impossible!"

"There's a fight going on between our two giant sized teammates only a few blocks away, and I was set on fire by a _bee_." Lucy deadpanned. "To say nothing of the fact that some of the parties involved in this altercation have actual super powers. I think sense stopped being a factor some time ago."

Lincoln groaned, rubbing his temples in frustration. He, Lori, and Lucy had the kitchen to themselves. Lucy had opted to send the other girls away, wanting to keep the details of her plan to as few people as possible until they could clear things with him. This appeared to be a sign of respect, which Lincoln appreciated, but at the same time, he could recognize that this was clearly a calculated maneuver. Fewer people in the know minimized the risk of inadvertently giving something away, and as Game Master, Lincoln was obligated to refrain from sharing out of character knowledge with other players, Carol included. Lincoln was both impressed, and mildly disturbed by how quickly his little sister had taken to the cut-throat world of meta gaming.

"It's just..." He began, choosing his words carefully. "That can't possibly have been how that rule was intended to be used."

"In the absence of official errata, all rules are meant to be played as written." Lucy recited, a wry smirk on her face. Lincoln grimaced. Apparently, someone had taken the time to read the rule book.

"We've already checked, and there's no errata on the subject." Lori added, a wan smile on her face. "So by the rules of the game, we're well within our rights to to try this."

"But we won't without your permission, big brother." Lucy interjected, her face the perfect picture of innocence. Clever girl, putting the ball in his court.

Lincoln rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"You realize that even if I allow this, the odds are stacked against you. The skill checks Lori will need to pass are going to be crazy difficult."

"Yes, though not quite to the extent that you'd think." Lucy replied, handing him a sheet of notebook paper. Lincoln quickly scanned it, his eyes widening in surprise. Lucy had done her homework, squeezing every circumstantial modifier she could out of the situation. It still wasn't that much better than a straight roll, but it took the scenario from completely impossible to merely improbably.

"And _I_ would be the one making the rolls, correct?" He asked, one eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Of course." Lucy smiled beatifically at him. "We trust you to be completely impartial in this matter."

Lincoln sighed in resignation. He had the power to stop this, as they'd already pointed out, but that wouldn't be very fair. And, in spite of himself, he was legitimately curious to see how this might play out.

"Fine." He grumbled, rolling his eyes at his sisters shared a discrete high five. "But for your sakes, I really hope you have a backup plan ready for when this blows up in your faces."

* * *

"So whats the news?" Luna asked as Lori, Lucy, and Lincoln took their seats once more.

"We've gotten Lincoln's approval to try my plan." Lucy said, laying out her character sheet in preparation for the game to resume.

"And do we get to know what this plan is?" Luan asked, prompting the younger girl for explanation.

"It's on a need to know basis." Lucy replied, coolly. She jerked her head meaningfully towards Carol, who, seeing this sudden attention on herself, smiled nervously and waved to them. "Just follow my lead."

"Whatever you say, Luce." Luna shrugged, seeing the matter was out of her hands.

"And with that, I think we're ready to start again. Top of the round, girls." Lincoln announced. He turned towards Lucy. "Last chance to back out of this."

Lucy simply turned to Lori. "Do it."

"R-right." Lori coughed nervously. "I'm going to use the entirety of my turn to head back towards the stairs. Once I'm there, I exit the battlefield entirely, and start descending the building."

This raised a few eyebrows on both sides of the table. "Fair enough." Lincoln replied. "Let me know when you start doing your thing."

The table lapsed into silence, presumably from those not in the know waiting for some kind of explanation as to what was going on.

"So...what are we doing?" Luna asked Lucy, when no explanation seemed to be forthcoming. The younger girl jerked her head towards Carol once again.

"Keep her busy." She said.

* * *

"Taking another swing at her with my guitar, Linc." Luna growled, not bothering to pick up her dice.

"Trump Card dodges the attack with little visible effort." Lincoln replied, confirming her suspicions. "Her expert footwork making it seem like she's gliding across the floor. Carol, you get to reposition within one square."

"I'll go here." She moved her piece, removing herself from the pincer attack being set up between Night Club and Joker. "And I'll take my counter attack against Lina."

"Nice!" Lincoln congratulated her, confirming the attack roll. "And that's going to knock Luna prone. You'll need to spend your next turn trying to get back on your feet, Luna."

"Nuts." The rocker grumbled. "I was hoping we might be able to pin her down if we boxed her in. You're on Luan."

"Wonderful." The comedienne rolled her eyes. " Lucy, we're getting killed over here! What's the hold up?"

The younger girl didn't reply. Instead, she tore off a scrap of notebook paper, scribbled down something on it, then slid it towards Lincoln. He picked it up and covertly checked the contents.

_What's our status?_

Oh, right. It was that time again. Lincoln discretely reached tor his dice and rolled them behind his screen, wincing at the result. This was statistically impossible. He sighed, and scribbled his own message.

_She's hanging in there._

Technically, he should have been conveying this information directly to Lori. But she was going to share it with Lucy anyway, and the younger girl had a better grasp of the rules involved.

Lincoln blinked in surprise as another message landed in front of him.

_How much longer?_

Lincoln ran the numbers in his head. They were...close. Way too close. At this rate, they might actually pull this off. But he didn't want to get their hopes up.

_Soon. Possibly. I'll let you know._

Lucy frowned as she read his message, but seemed to accept it, albeit grudgingly.

"We need more time." She told Luan.

"For crying out loud." Luan grumbled to herself. "How about our B-plan?"

"Leni could potentially get it off as early as next turn." He reported. "Depends on her next skill check."

"I'm working as fast as I can, Luan!" Leni's fingers worked furiously, the knitting needles held within clacking together in a rapid staccato as she shaped the yarn before her. They'd explained to the older girl that the plan didn't call for her to physically knit anything, but she'd insisted. Frankly, it was impressive how much progress she'd made in such a short amount of time, and Lincoln appreciated how invested she'd become in the affair.

"Fine!" Luan grabbed her miniature and slammed it down, very deliberately in a space adjacent to both Night Club and Trump Card. "Taking another swing at blondie."

Carol frowned at the board, puzzled by the maneuver. Then her eyes widened in surprised, and she smiled. "Oh. I see. You're forcing me to back up so Luna has time to get up. Nice one, Luan!"

"Yeah, well..." The brunette chuckled mirthlessly. "Hate the player."

Carol's smile froze just a bit. "I don't think that's how that expression..."

"Top of the round, Linc!" Luan shouted, cutting her off.

* * *

Lucy took a deep breath. All the pieces were in place, figuratively speaking. There was still an element of luck in play, but she'd done everything she could to hedge their bets. All that was left, was to see how things would play out.

"Lincoln." She began, "I think we should start with Leni's skill check."

Lincoln raised one eyebrow, but didn't visibly react otherwise. "Fair enough." He turned to the blonde. "Go ahead Leni."

"But I'm not finished yet." Leni protested, shaking the pile of yarn in her hands for emphasis.

"It's fine, Leni." He gently reassured her. "Just take the big die and roll it. You need a fifteen or higher."

"Okay." The older girl set down her work, picked up her die with one trembling hand, and flung it. The table collectively held their breath as the polyhedron bounced across the table. One, twice, thrice, each time losing a little more momentum. The small object bounced once more before coming to a rest inside the nest of knitting material. Thankfully, without being prompted, Leni leaned forward and gently began to sift through her yarn, her face becoming more and more worried with each second. Finally, her expression changed, her perfectly formed mouth forming a small 'o', and Lucy dared to hope. Then...Leni's face fell. And with it, Lucy's hopes.

"Sorry guys." She apologized, mournfully, wincing at the groans that resounded from her nearby sisters.

"It's okay, Leni." Lori comforted her, gently patting the other girl's arm. We'll figure out something else.

Lucy sighed, a real one, and slunk down into her chair.

"Leni, move your yarn, we've got to get your die back."

It was...frustrating. She knew it was all just a game, but she'd wanted to win this. It an opportunity both to prove herself to her big brother, and to get some payback on the big blonde interloper who had crept into their lives and ingratiated herself to said brother entirely too quickly. It had been bad enough when Sam did it!

"Stop, we're making it worse! Look, you grab one end, and I'll grab the other!"

For a moment, she'd thought they'd had this. But they managed to stumble before the race had even begun.

"There, now we can... _what the heck, Leni_?"

All she'd wanted, was just one...

"... _SIXTEEN_ , LENI!"

Wait, what? Lucy was abruptly snapped out of her inner monologue by Lori's outburst. Seeing that all eyes were on her older sisters, Lucy struggled to sit back up to see what was going on. And true to form, sitting all by itself, now freed of it's yarny prison, stood Leni's die. The number "16", clearly on display for all to see.

"Sorry, Lori." Leni said, clearly abashed. "I always get that one mixed up with forty-two."

Lucy grinned fiercely, her heart hammering in her tiny chest, and her mind working a million miles a minute. There was still a chance.

"Oh, look guys!" Leni squealed in delight. "My scarf is done!"

* * *

"Um. Not that I'm not happy for you guys, but I'm not seeing how this helps you." Carol confessed.

"Because we can do this!" Leni replied, and flung the garment in her hands at the older blonde. Lucy was mildly impressed at how effortlessly the girl dodged the projectile...

"Gah!"

...but less so when that caused it to hit Lincoln instead, the force of the throw tipping the boy's chair over, and him with it.

"Sorry Linky!" Leni called out.

Lucy's fists instinctively clenched as Carol helped Lincoln to his feet, more so when she began fussing over him, helping him straighten out his costume like a concerned...friend. Time to end this.

"That's more or less the idea." Lucy replied, coolly, trying to affect a calm facade that in no way reflected her inner turmoil. "Leni's been putting together a special scarf, just for Carol."

"It's blue!" Leni helpfully supplied.

"And really comfy." Lincoln observed, having retrieved the fallen garment. He held it out to Carol, who began poking at it experimentally.

"Yes..." Lucy growled, trying to keep her calm. "And thanks to her fibrokinesis, which allows her to manipulate clothing fibers with her mind, as well as alter their physical properties, it also possesses extremely high tensile strength."

This caught the duo's attention, causing them both to look up from their examination of the prop scarf with interest.

"Just like I told you, Leni." Lucy prompted, motioning at the older girl.

"Right." Leni nodded. "I throw the scarf at Carol, and then I make it wrap around her legs..."

"...Sealing her movements." Lincoln finished, his eyes narrowing.

"Precisely." Lucy affirmed. "If Trump Card can't move, she can't dodge."

"You're only mostly right." Lincoln corrected her. "But that was a clever move."

"But how do you intend to capitalize on that?" He gestured towards the board. "Leni can't do anything else this round, Luna's still down, and Luan doesn't have the firepower to take Carol out before she frees herself."

Lucy allowed herself a small smirk. "I think you forgot that I've been hiding in the shadows all this time."

Silence fell upon the table as the players processed this sudden turn of events.

Lincoln's eyes widened in surprise, apparently realizing the implications of this. "So..."

"That's right." Lucy cut him off. Her eyes flashing unseen, hidden as they were deep within her raven-tresses. "Sneak attack."

* * *

Lucy produced her miniature from within the folds of her cloak, and place it on the board, directly behind Carol's, catching her in a pincer between Luan and herself.

"My 'Strike From the Shadows' feat allows me to accrue a stacking bonus to my next attack for every round I remain hidden." She explained. "Carol's immobile, flanked by Luan and I, and I've caught her off guard. All those circumstantial bonuses should make it nearly impossible to me to miss under normal circumstances."

"Under normal circumstances."

"Since I should have an excess of what I need to hit her, I'm going to take a penalty to my attack roll and go for a called shot."

"And where are you aiming, Lucy?" Lincoln asked, panic setting in as he realized where this was going.

A very uncharacteristic grin made its way onto Lucy's face. It was mildly unsettling. "A shot to the heart." She replied.

"And _you're_ to blame!" Luna added, pointing at Carol.

"Lucy..." Lincoln pleaded, trying to stall for time. "That doesn't sound like especially heroic behavior..."

"I'll live with it." Lucy deadpanned, snatching up her die and rolling it in a single fluid motion. Lincoln's breath hitched in his throat and the small black object came to a stop, and he let out a small sigh of relief. It wasn't ideal, but he could work with that.

"Carol, I need an opposed roll." He nodded towards the older girl, who quickly complied.

"It was a pretty good, if somewhat unsettling try, Lucy..."

"Thank you." She coolly interjected.

"But it wasn't enough." He rolled his eyes, making a mental note to have a serious talk with the young goth at a later time. "Even though Carol's stuck in place, her reflexes are still sufficient to allow her to disrupt your aim. Eight of Spades rushes in and stabs at Trump Card with her spade, but at the last second Trump Card manages to jerk her body out of the way. The blow that was intended for her heart, instead landing in her shoulder."

He quickly rolled some dice behind his screen, wincing at the result. "It...uh, actually goes in pretty deep." He turned to his partner in crime. "T-twenty points of damage, by the way, Carol." The older girl was suddenly looking a little green.

"I don't think you're getting that back in the near future, Luce." He continued, turning back to his younger sister.

"You're saying I'm unable to disengage, because I've lodged my weapon within my foe?" The younger girl asked.

"Yeeees?" Lincoln affirmed, after a moment of consideration. "Actually, I think this backfired on you spectacularly. Carol's going to counterattack and smack you silly." He considered the board state. "In fact, I think she has a pretty good chance of outright knocking you off the roof."

"So you're saying that I'm in danger?" Lucy prompted him.

"That is exactly what I'm saying." Lincoln's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I wouldn't be if we could pull off The Plan."

"I'll give you that." He countered. "But the odds of that happening are statistically impossible."

The two sat there, staring at one another in silence. Lincoln was vaguely aware that his sisters and Carol were off on the sidelines, watching the altercation, and that somewhere even further away, Sam and Lynn were likely still having out their own epic battle. But he couldn't focus on any of that, because there was something strangely compelling about this particular stand-off.

"So, for clarification..." Lucy spoke at last. "I am in an incredibly perilous situation, and my only possible salvation lies in the occurrence of an incredibly unlikely event."

"Yes!" Lincoln had to keep himself from shouting at the small girl. "You are in imminent danger! Your life is in peril! You have very likely doomed your character with this incredibly, poorly thought out move!"

Lucy said nothing. Instead , she reached under the table, and withdrew a large, hard backed book. Lincoln recognized it as his rule book. Silently, Lucy slid the tome his way. Lincoln noticed that, unlike the last time he'd seen the book, a small black bookmark was sticking out from the pages, tiny plastic bat wings sticking out from the tip. Lincoln reached for the book and turned to the relevant page.

"A Million to One Odds." He read aloud. "Once per adventure, when circumstances are so dire that all seems lost, a player character may call upon narrative conventions to defy the laws of plausibility and...automatically succeed on a single skill check...the more contrived the solution would be...the better..." He trailed off, agog at the fact that his little sister had managed to chance upon such an obscure rule.

"I believe some deus ex machina is in order." Lucy said, seemingly inordinately pleased with herself.

Lincoln groaned, not even bothering to hide it for once, putting his head down on the surface of the table. He was vaguely aware of the confused, but delighted whoops of triumph coming from his sisters. Lucy had played him. And...he'd be lying if he claimed he wasn't proud of that.

"You...okay, Linc?" He turned to see Carol, her concerned face only inches from his own. It was a welcomed sight.

"I'm fine, Carol." He chuckled, and pulled himself off the table, straightening himself up. The celebration had stopped somewhat abruptly, his sisters now gazing intently at him.. Presumably, the girls were impatient to get on with things. Best not to keep them.

"I'm fine." He repeated, glancing at the older girl. "But...I do want to apologize in advance for what's about to happen."

"Come on, Linc." Carol tittered nervously. "How bad could it be?"

How bad indeed? He exhaled deeply, mentally preparing himself.

"Trump Card reels back, preparing to counterattack her assailant. It seems as though Eight of Spades is destined to meet a very painful and messy end, splattered across the pavement."

He paused for dramatic effect. "Then...you all freeze as you hear a very unexpected sound. A sound that makes..." he shot a glare at Lucy and Lori "... _absolutely zero sense,_ to be heard on a rooftop 10-stories off the ground. The squealing of tires, and the roar of a high powered engine."

"Before any of you can process this strange turn of events, your startled by the sudden appearance of your team's van, careening up and off the vertical surface of the building. It hangs, suspended in air, in _clear defiance of physics_..." Another meaningful glare towards the perpetrators. "...before slamming down upon the rooftop, a short distance away from the melee. You can see that High Card is sitting in her customary spot in the driver's seat."

For a moment, nobody said anything. Then, Luan broke the silence.

"What the _heck_ , Lori?"

* * *

Lori tittered nervously as all eyes were suddenly upon her.

"Lucy?" She pleaded, looking towards her little sister.

Lucy puffed herself up, seemingly pleased to provide the explanation. "Well, when I was looking through our character sheets, I noticed that High Card has an ability called Master Driver, which allows a vehicle she's driving to borrow her stat values for various skill checks."

"It's _supposed_ to represent her expert driving ability." Lincoln droned, clearly still not especially happy at the way things had panned out.

"And it does." Lucy agreed. "She's clearly an amazing driver."

Lori chose to take that as a compliment, even knowing full well that it was in reference to her alter ego.

"Think I'm with you so far." Luna began. "But I don't see how that gets our car on the roof."

"The rule isn't very well worded." Lucy continued. "It says she can use her stat values. The intended idea is presumably to allow the driver to, say use her dexterity score to allow her vehicle to perform more nimble maneuvers."

"However!" Lucy was clearly relishing the opportunity to explain herself. "Per the relevant sections and subsections of the rule book, skill values fall under the category of 'player statistics.' Since vehicles have stat values, just like humanoid characters and the like do, they also have the same skills available to do, albeit locked at a value of zero, as they have no way of raising those stats. A straight value swap, however, means that a vehicle would suddenly have an actual rank in skills like...say, sneaking, acrobatics..." She lowered her voice. "Or the _climb_ skill. Which High Card happens to have a respectable skill rank in."

"It's so she can climb up things and pose dramatically." Lincoln grumbled. "You all have it to some extent."

"So you finagled Lincoln into letting Lori make her car...climb a building?" Luan said, slowly, sounding out each word.

"That is exactly what we did, yes." Lori nodded, smirking.

"High-five, girl!" Luan whooped, slapping skin with her very satisfied older sister.

"It shouldn't have actually worked." Lincoln clarified. "Even discounting the fact that it _doesn't have hands_ , it's still a heavy piece of machinery. The climb rolls were made at a severe penalty. But she managed to make several remarkable rolls in a row..."

"And that final clutch roll manage to seal the deal." Lucy interjected.

"That's...actually amazing." Luna said, still bewildered. "Sam's gonna be sad she missed it."

Lori glanced to the far end of the table, where the girls had apparently cast off all pretense of play fighting. Lynn now had Sam in a headlock, and was noogieing her relentlessly.

"So...as amazingly well played as that was...what exactly was the point of all this?" Carol asked.

" _This_." Lucy replied. "Get her Lori."

"I slam my foot down on the gas pedal." Lori said, resisting the urge to cackle with glee.

"The van careens forward, barreling straight towards Trump Card." Lincoln intoned, shaking his head, sadly.

"Don't suppose I can dodge this one, right?" Carol asked.

"Not unless you can make a saving throw against _car_."

* * *

"Well girls." Lincoln began, smiling in spite the insanity that had just taken place. "While I don't agree with the way you handled things, you still managed to pull it off. The villain lays broken and defeated...mostly broken..." He gave Carol a pat on the arm, earning himself a smile from the older girl. "And with her taken care of, it should be a simple task to shut down the mind control machine and return your oversized teammates to normal, thereby saving Ace. I think we can declare this adventure a success."

Carol giggled, and wrapped her hand around Lincoln's, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "That was fun." She said, giving him a smile. "I'm really glad you invited me to play with you guys." Then she turned to Lori. "You guys did great, it was really impressive how you turned that fight around." Carol held out her hand to Lori, offering a conciliatory handshake in spite of the hostility with which she had been treated. It was entirely expected of her. Carol Pingrey, class act. Gracious, whether in defeat or victory. A relentlessly forgiving person, no matter the situation. That aspect of her was a cornerstone of their friendship, a rather integral one given how often the two found themselves embroiled in bitter rivalry over the most trivial things. All Lori had to do was take her hand, return the sentiment, and things would go right back to normal. She wouldn't even have to apologize.

...Except...Lori wasn't sorry. She didn't see her friend's kind expression, or the proffering of friendship. What she saw, was another girl holding hands with her little brother. A girl who'd been talking with him. Laughing with him. Sharing quiet moments with him the entire time she'd been here. A girl that Lincoln had _invited_ over, of his own free will. A girl...who was replacing her. _Again_.

"I back up the van." Lori said softly. Suddenly, all eyes were upon her, again.

"W-what?" Carol asked.

"I back up the van." Lori repeated, her voice low. "And then I run her over again."

"Lori..." Lincoln began.

"I _run_ her over, _again_ , Lincoln." Lori repeated, more forcefully this time, not taking her eyes off Carol.

"A-alright." Lincoln said at last, frowning. "You did it. Congratulations. Now she's hurt even more badly."

Silence fell upon the table. Lori, relishing in her petty victory. She could sense some small part of her brain screaming at her to stop acting like a child. To apologize to her good friend, and her family. But...

"Do it again." Luna rasped. Lori turned to the younger girl, seeing a hollow smile spreading across her face.

"Luna!" Carol exclaimed, her confusion now replaced by hurt.

"I believe, that rules call for you to roll for each and every one of her bones. To see which ones break." Lucy intoned softly, her expression even more blank than usual.

"Them's the _breaks_!" Luan chuckled darkly.

" _Vroom, vroom_." Leni whispered, so quietly as to almost be to herself.

Carol slowly withdrew her now shaking arm, and clutched it against her chest. "I-it was fun, Linc." She said, softly. "But I think I'm going to go now."

"Carol..." He started, reaching for the older girl, but this time, she shook him off. Carol didn't say anything more, she stood up, turned around, and left the room as quickly as possible. As she turned to leave, her perfect skin managed to catch the light just right, and for an instant Lori was able to make out a thin, glistening trail of wetness running down the girl's cheek. And then it was over. A door slammed from somewhere in the distance, and quiet settled back into the room.

Lori breathed a soft sigh of relief. She wasn't...particularly proud of how she had handled that. But now Carol was gone, and now they could get back to...

Lori's thoughts trailed off as her eyes met Lincoln's. Sweet, good-natured Lincoln. Who now looked anything but. He didn't look happy. He didn't even look disappointed. He looked _furious_.

"Hey, guys!"

Lori tore her eyes away from Lincoln's to see Lynn and Sam approaching the group. The pair had somehow gotten each other in a mutual headlock, their refusal to let go of one another forcing them to move in a jerking, wobbly fashion, the overall affect bringing Frankenstein to mind. Sam frowned as she ran her gaze across the group, taking in the situation.

"What the heck did we miss?"


	38. Chapter 38

Sam Sharp quietly slipped through the front door of the Loud House, gently closing the door behind her, taking extra care to avoid catching her satchel in the doorway. She glanced around, hoping, as always, to find the home in a more positive state than when she'd left the previous day. Unfortunately, such was not the case. She sighed to herself, not for the first time worrying that the new was quickly becoming the norm, but tried not to dwell upon it, steeling her resolve before setting off for her destination.

It had been about a week since since she and the Loud siblings had played that game together. A week since the girls, herself included had said and done some pretty mean things to Carol. A week since they'd driven her from the house, crying. And a week since Lincoln had found himself more furious than he'd ever been at the people he loved more than anything in the world.

Thinking back to that day always caused a deep ball of shame to form in the pit of Sam's stomach. Yes, she hadn't physically participated in that final act that had finally pushed Carol over the edge, but only because she'd been busy venting her frustrations on Lynn, the other girl who'd had the audacity to try and steal Lincoln's affections away from her. Err, her _girlfriend_ , she quickly corrected herself, the pale haired boy was meant for Luna, after all. In spite of that convenient excuse, Sam had treated Carol just as bad as the others had during the buildup. And, had she not been so occupied, she could not honestly say that she wouldn't have gleefully taken part in finally driving the older girl from their home.

At the time it had seemed so..sensible. Justified. The Loud House had become a sanctuary for Sam, her girlfriend, their future boyfriend/husband, and the other girls, who Sam was gradually beginning to think of as her own family. And then came Carol! Beautiful, perfect Carol. All curves, and legs, and glorious golden hair that put her own to shame. Carol, who had the audacity to...be really nice to all of them. And who...was especially nice to Lincoln. Who she clearly had a thing for, despite the fact that she was way, way, _way_ out of his league. Which, frankly, would have been adorable if the object of the older girl's affections hadn't been the same boy that she and Luna were supposed to build a life with. Carol was a threat to all the women in Lincoln's life, apparently even extending to those who only loved the boy in the familial sense, and worst part of it all had been that the boy very clearly reciprocated those feelings to some extent. Which...still being honest, she couldn't blame him for. Carol was a catch in every sense of the word, and she and her sisters in spirit had only done what had felt natural at the time: they united against the threat. By...saying and doing really mean things to her until she cried.

She probably would have felt better about the whole thing if Lincoln had yelled. Screamed. Maybe even hit them a little. Actually, that might have made Sam feel a little _too_ good, but the point still stood, the boy would have been well within his rights to lay into the girls in some fashion. But...he hadn't. He hadn't said anything at all. He'd run after the Pingrey girl, presumably hoping to catch her before she'd made it to her car. And when he finally came back, he just...kept going. No righteous indignation, no lambasting speeches, not even a good spanking. His eyes said it all. He was furious, yes, but more than anything he was disappointed. In all of them.

Since then, the Loud House had become considerably less loud. From what she'd personally seen, and confirmed through the other Loud siblings, Lincoln mostly kept to himself. No more working out with Lynn, no more making music with Luna, no more helping Luan with her jokes, or Lucy with her poems. The boy mostly just stayed in his room, a recluse within his own home. He'd reportedly even taken steps to avoid having to drive to school with his sisters, arranging alternative rides with his friends or his mom's carpool group, and on one occasion when no other option presented itself, walking to school. It was, perhaps a little melodramatic, but that didn't make the sentiment hurt any less.

Sam stopped as she reached Lincoln's door, unshouldering her satchel. No more time for self doubt, it was showtime.

"H-hey, Lincoln!" She called out, her voice cracking with nervousness. "It's me. Sam."

She waited a few moments for some kind of acknowledgement, but received none. Which to be fair, was exactly what she was expecting.

"It's been a while since we talked about your comics." She continued, in spite of the pervasive silence. "I had an idea for a new character I wanted to run by you."

Sam withdrew a sketchpad from her bag, flipping through it as she searched for the relevant drawings. Well, "drawings" was giving her a little too much credit. Sam wasn't an artist, and it showed, the designs contained within were little more than scribbles. A mishmash of colors that could vaguely resemble Card Sharp if one knew what to look for, an elaborate series of tunnels she been planning on luring Lynn into once she'd found a crew to do the digging, a trio of scribbles, blue, purple, and orange, all holding hands, and... there it was.

"See, she's a homeless girl just trying to get by. But then one day she meets a wizard in a subway tunnel, and he gives her super powers. So whenever she says her secret magic word, she transforms, gets super sexy and strong, and she can also shoot lightning! Because...I thought that seemed cool. Anyway, I call her Sha-Sam!"

Sam waited a bit longer, hoping Lincoln would manage to find something about her super amazing idea to criticize, finally opening up a dialogue between them, but...nothing. The younger boy either wasn't home, or more distressingly, wasn't willing to talk.

Sighing, Sam packed up her stuff and began trudging back the way she'd come, towards Luna's room. Plan B then, Try to break Luna out of her decidedly non-musical funk, and put their heads together to come up with a Plan C.

She stopped abruptly as Luna's door opened, seemingly of its own volition. However, those fears were quickly set aside as the occupants of the room made their exit. Lynn, Lucy, aaaand Luna. All three displaying the same degree of ennui that become commonplace as of late.

Luna's eyes widened as she came face to face with Sam, and the blonde gave her girlfriend a short wave.

"Hey, Lunes." She greeted her. Glancing at the other Louds.

"Sorry, luv." Luna responded, clearly intuiting Sam's unspoken question. "Sib..err, sister meeting." She corrected herself with no small amount of melancholy. "Short notice. If you want, you can wait ih the room until we finish."

"Actually..." Lucy spoke up, "I think Sam should come too." Sam couldn't see the younger girl's eyes, shrouded as they were by the girl's raven locks, but she could still feel the tiny Goth's gaze upon her.

"You sure, Luce?" Lynn asked, seemingly not particularly enthused by the idea. Sam wondered if Lana would be willing to undertake a digging project on short notice...

"Yes." Lucy affirmed, nodding for emphasis. "There are things that need to be discussed. And like it or not, Sam's part of this too."

Sam felt her throat go dry at those words. Something told her this wasn't going to be just any old meeting.

* * *

The mood in Lori's room was only mildly lighter than that of the rest of the house, largely carried by the novelty of simple congregation. Six sisters who had barely seen each other over the course of the previous week, and one Sam.

"Order!" Lori called out, banging her high heeled shoe against her podium, as was customary. Not that there was was much need for it. Family unity among the sisters had been at an all time low as of late, and with it much of their spirit. Lincoln's metaphorical departure from their group had certainly contributed to that change, but equally responsible had been each sister looking back on their own actions, and finding themselves disgusted with what they'd found. The purpose of this meeting was to figure out how they were going to fix that.

Lori cleared her throat and continued. "I'd like to welcome you all to this emergency meeting of the Loud siblings-"

" _Ahem."_

_"..._ and Sam." Lori added, rolling her eyes.

There was some polite, scattered applause. Which was an impressive feat, given how few of them (relatively speaking) were present.

"Looks like we're missing a few munchkins." Luan observed, dryly.

"I just miss Linky." Leni added, somberly. Every shoulder in the room drooped a little more.

"It's an emergency meeting." Lori gestured to her white board for emphasis, indicating the relevant portion of the meeting title. "The little ones aren't involved in this.

"As for Lincoln.." She gave her podium another sharp rap. "That's why we're here."

"He's kinda mad at us, sis." Luna unnecessarily opined.

"Something of an understatement." Lucy corrected her. "His fury burned with the intensity of the noon day sun."

"I've tried to apologize to him a bunch of times. But every time I do, he just..." Lynn's voice faltered. "He just walks away. It doesn't even phase him."

"Because he's not the one you should be apologizing to. Or any of us, for that matter." It took Sam a few seconds to realize that her mouth was the one that was saying those things, but by the time she had become aware of that fact, she was already committed. She flinched, as all eyes were suddenly upon her, but pushed through anyway.

"We didn't hurt Lincoln." She continued. "If we had, this probably would have been a much easier situation to resolve. The problem is that we were really mean to Carol." She abruptly wrenched her jaw shut. Even as bad as she felt, just saying that name caused those ugly feelings to begin boiling up within her once more. Thankfully, the other girls seemed to be considering her words.

"Why did we even do that?" Lucy asked.

"Because she was all over Lincoln." Luna replied.

"Yeah!" Lynn nodded in agreement. "She was being all nice to him, and holding his hand and stuff!"

"And blonde." Leni added. "What?" She asked as the group's attention. "Linky likes blondes. It wasn't fair for Carol...to be...blonde." She finished lamely, shrinking back into her seat. No small feat for the rather tall girl.

"So..." Lucy prompted. "The the impetus here is that Carol has clearly taken a liking to our brother." Though likely unintended, Sam felt a little thrill that she was being grouped among the sisters. "The question is...why does this bother us so much?"

"It's natural, right?" Luan asked, her eyes nervously shifting from one side to the other. "Nobody's ever happy about seeing their little brother land a nice, pretty, popular girl. Right?"

Silence fell upon the room as the group digested this information. Sam discretely elbowed Luna in the side, trying to wordlessly communicate to the girl that it might be time to come clean about their intentions towards the pale haired boy.

"Ow!" Luan shouted as Sam's bare foot inadvertently slapped against her cheek. So sue her. Pantomime was already hard, and communicating an idea as complex as 'confess your undying love for your little brother. I'm sure they won't judge you for it.' would be nigh impossible without time to practice.

Surprisingly, it was ultimately Lynn who would formally break the silence.

"Look, guys." She began, haltingly, her face growing increasingly red with each word. "I've actually been putting a lot of thought into this, and I think it's time I came clean about something that...that may have motivated me to treat Carol the way I did."

Sam looked on with interest as the jersey clad girl tried to muster the courage to continue, continuing to jab Luna with her elbow as she did so.

"T-the truth is..." Lynn swallowed. "...that Lucy's in love with Lincoln."

Somehow the silence in the room grew more...silent. That was not the confession that Sam was expecting.

"...Really, Lynn?" The younger girl asked, clearly glaring at the sporty Loud in spite of her obscured eyes.

"So's Lori." Leni pipped up.

"Leni!" Lori hissed, staring daggers at her younger sister.

"Ya huh." Leni nodded. "Leni is too."

Sam blinked in surprise, then shrugged. Well, when in Rome...

"Luna too!" She called out, waving her hand in the air.

"Dude!" Luna growled, her face shooting right past red, and going straight to a color more akin to the purple she favored so much.

"Also, I'm pretty sure Lynn is too." Sam added.

"Gasp." Lucy stated sarcastically, as Lynn began sputtering in indignation.

"...Aaand if I'm being honest, I guess I kind of am too." Sam concluded, thoughtfully. She let out a shriek as what was almost certainly some kind of vice clamped itself around her shoulder. Shuddering at the ungodly amount of pain that was coursing through her body, she slowly turned to find the culprit was the hand of her very angry girlfriend. Oh, right. She'd never gotten around to telling Luna about that.

* * *

Lori sighed in exasperation as the room fell back into silence, the only sounds being Sam's whimpers of pain, as Luna slowly murdered her girlfriend's shoulder via strangulation.

"How is it that Luan of all people, would be the only one of us who isn't a degenerate?" Lori complained, angrily slapping her shoe against the podium.

"Hey!" The jokester protested. Briefly looking confused, as she tried to parse whether or not she should be offended. "For your information, I'm also in love with Lincoln!"

"This isn't the time for your jokes, Luan." Lori rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"But I wasn't—GAH!" Luan's reply was cut short as a blur of purple and blue shot past her, nearly toppling her to the ground.

Literally not the time for this, Lori thought to herself. She took a brief moment to acquire her target, then flung the shoe with expert precision, managing to not only knock Luna off of Sam in a single blow, but also effortlessly snatching the shoe out of the air at it rebounded off the younger girl.

"You two cut that out!" She warned, jabbing the shoe in their direction. Thankfully, the stunt had apparently worked, and the pair quickly returned to their seats. She hadn't need to pull that trick out in a while.

"Alright..." Lori began, trying to gather her thoughts. "How did...any of... _this..."_ She gestured at the group as a whole, "Even happen!?"

"Who can say?" Lucy shrugged nonchalantly once it became apparent that nobody else was going to offer an answer. "Love doesn't stem from a single moment. It's cultivated over time. It could have been any number of things."

Lori found herself nodding in agreement. It made sense. It wasn't like Lincoln had actively courted any of them. The change was a gradual one. She was fairly certain that, should she examine her life on a moment by moment basis, she'd be hard pressed to find a time when she wasn't in love with her little brother on some level.

"I think it has something to do with Linky's comics." Leni opined, causing Lori to flinch. That...sounded considerably less romantic. Falling in love with your little brother because he'd drawn a bunch of comics featuring your fictional alter egos in romantic situations was just...hackneyed. It was the kind of thing you'd expect to find in a crummy romantic comedy, and an especially tasteless one at that.

"I was actually just trying to hook up Luna and Lincoln at first, because the thought of her porking her little bro sounded kinda hot, and maybe I could get in on some of that action if I played my cards right." Sam interjected. "But over time, I began to see that they were genuinely good for one another. And I guess somewhere along the way, I began wanting a bit of what they shared for myself. Not just as two friends who happened to be sharing the same girl, with all the benefits that entailed, but...as three people who genuinely loved and cared for one another equally."

Lori wasn't super enthused to find out that Sam had been conducting these machinations under their collective noses, but she had to admit that for all of the younger girl's many, many, _many_ faults, her sentiments seemed genuine. And because of that, Lori found herself gladdened to see Luna's hand slowly reach out, and tightly grasp the blonde. This time affectionately, rather than violently.

"A-as for me..." Luan spoke up, voice quavering with nerves, "I-"

"Oh, oh!" Sam interrupted. "Also, we were in that vaguely incestual commercial together."

Sam looked like she was about to continue, but the next thing out of her mouth was a loud yelp of surprise as she was suddenly bombarded with debris from all directions. Lori looked at her shoe thoughtfully, briefly considering acting her age remaining above the petty squabbles of her younger sisters. On the other hand...

"Ow!"

Sam really needed to learn when to stop talking.

* * *

"Okay!" Lori called out sharply, swiftly putting an end to the fusillade. Order quickly returned to the meeting, and moments later, the only indication of the previous disturbance was the still quivering Sharp girl.

"Fine. So, apparently we're all in love with Lincoln." Lori put her hands on her head, feeling a long overdue migraine coming on. The situation was growing more complex by the minute. "So now, in addition to mending bridges with both Carol _and_ Lincoln, we've got to figure this whole thing out."

"Question?" Leni asked, raising her hand. Lori gestured for her to proceed, eager for something to distract from impending, family sundering dispute that would need to be resolved.

"What is it that we need to figure out?" Typical Leni.

"Obviously we need to figure out who's going to get Lincoln." Lynn explained irritably.

"Or more importantly..." Luan added, eyeing the other occupants of the room, "Who's _not_ going to get Lincoln."

"Um..." Luna coughed, uncomfortably. "Not to be bum everybody out even more, but isn't finding out how Lincoln feels the more important issue?"

"Not at all." Lucy replied.

"Uh uh." Leni added with an emphatic shake of her head.

" _Regardless_..." Lori cut in, trying to keep things from going too far off topic. "That's the situation, Leni." The fashionista's hand shot up again almost immediately.

"But, I still don't understand why the problem is." Leni didn't even wait to be called on this time.

"The _problem_ , is that we have seven girls, and only one Lincoln." Lori replied, slowly, for the younger girl's benefit.

"Eight." Luan added. "Carol's got a thing for him too."

"Think it's actually nine." Lynn grumbled. "How else do you explain ghost girl?" All eyes turned to Lucy.

"Sigh. I'm pretty sure Lynn's referring to _Maggie_." Lucy jabbed one finger at the ceiling vent for emphasis.

" _Just pretend I'm not here._ " Came a muffled voice from the rear of the room. Again, all eyes shifted in unison towards the voice's direction, but all they could see was Lori's bed.

"Really wish I could." Lori sighed to herself.

"Ditto." Said Lynn, nodding sympathetically. "Good luck sleeping tonight."

"But guys!" Leni interjected waiving her long arms around to draw attention back to herself. "Why don't we just _share_ Linky?"

* * *

Leni seemed confused when there was no immediate response to her suggestion. Likely because the other inhabitants of the room were dumbfounded by the audacity of it.

"Leni..." Lori said, choosing her words carefully. "We can't share Lincoln."

"But why not?"

" _Because_." Lori gritted her teeth, trying to force down the irritation that was bubbling up from within her. "A bunch of girls can't just share the same guy, Leni! It doesn't work that way!"

"But you were going to share Linky with me!"

"Ha!" Lynn crowed, pointing one accusing finger at Lori. "I knew you guys were up to something! That's playing dirty!"

"Lynn." Lucy intoned. " _You_ were going to share him with _me_." She turned to Lynn. " _Right_?"

"O-of course, Luce." Lynn stammered, apparently realizing it was unwise to anger a girl who owned an army of trained bats. "But that's different! We were just trying to level the playing field!"

"But you couldn't have known that _we_ were teaming up when _you_ decided to team up!" Lori growled, eyes narrowing. "So how can you accuse us of being unfair?"

"Nobody wanted to team up with me?" Luan asked, glumly.

"Luna and I were a team too!" Sam shouted excitedly, patting her girlfriend on the back, and inadvertently proving Luan right, much to the comedienne's consternation. "Team Sunacoln!"

"That is _not_ our team name." Luna growled, grabbing the girl's arm mid-pat, and wrenching it straight down.

"Well Salunacoln just sounds stupid."

" _This_ , Leni!" Lori interjected, gesturing emphatically to the other girls. "This is exactly why we can't just share Lincoln, like some kind of freaky group of sex cultists!"

Sam opened her mouth and Luna immediately clamped her hand over it. _No_ , her eyes said.

"Every time we're together, no matter what we're doing, the situation immediately devolves into insanity!" Lori ranted on, counting off on her fingers. "Our brother starts a comic book, and we all take it as a sign that we should fall in love with him! We try to go to a convention, and Sam _kidnaps him_! _And raises a minion army to fight us_!"

"Heh." Sam chuckled. "I never even paid those dorks."

"Don't forget ambushing Lincoln and interrogating him about Carol." Luan added.

"That too!" Lori nodded towards Luan. "And we couldn't even play a simple board game without declaring a blood feud on my best friend!"

"To be fair, Lincoln's game was actually fairly complex." Lucy cut in, her tiny chest puffing up with pride.

"The point is, everything we touch turns to crazy!" Lori was shouting now, pounding her podium with her bare fist for emphasis. Her shoulders sank, righteous indignation now replaced with weariness.

"Maybe...m-maybe Lincoln has the right idea." Lori quickly turned away, feeling the telltale stinging of tears beginning to well up in her eyes. "Maybe he's better off without us." She finished, barely able to push the words through the raw emotion that was constricting her throat.

She took a few moments to compose herself, desperately fighting down the sob that threatened to wrack her body. And then, just as she felt like she was going to lose the fight, she felt a gentle touch upon her shoulder. Lori cautiously looked up and saw Leni standing before her, a warm smile upon her little sister's face.

"But Lori..." Leni gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Wasn't all of that like...totes fun?"

Leni turned to address the room. "Like, yes...we were totes mean to Carol, and she didn't deserve that. But all the other stuff...that was just great! Right?"

"I mean...how often did we all hang out like this before we found Linky's comic books?" She asked rhetorically, gently pushing the still distraught Lori out of the way and sliding into her place behind the podium. "It feels like, every day we're finding something new and exciting to do. Like, yeah, sometimes Sam makes it weird..."

"Almost always." Lynn snarked.

" _L-literally always_." Lori sniffled, smiling in spite of herself.

"Hey!" Sam protested. "I resemble that incredibly accurate remark!"

"But it's always fun!" Leni pushed on. "And it's fun because we're always together! Us and Linky!"

She paused, contemplatively. "Well, not Luan and Lucy. They were gone for like, a really long time—"

"Not as long as Lisa." Said Luan, Lucy nodding in agreement.

"—But then they stopped being gone, and it just made everything better!"

Leni looked around the room, meeting the individual gazes of each of her sisters (and Sam). "If we stop playing together, then everybody's going to be totes sad. And _that_ would be really, really sad! But..." Leni reached out and pulled Lori into a tight embrace, "If we learn to get along. If we stay together...us and Linky, then...we get to keep doing this. Forever."

Leni released Lori from the hug, gently grabbed the older girl's chin, and forced her to look Leni in the eyes. "We'd be like, a family!"

"We're already a family, Leni." Lori giggled, wrenching her face out of Leni's grasp.

"More of a family!" Leni declared, giving Lori another one of her patented, spine-shattering Leni hugs. "Because now we'll have Sam! And Maggie! And maybe even Carol!"

As Lori attempted to squirm free of her overly affectionate little sister, she couldn't deny that the proposal had a certain appeal to it. Finally, she broke free, much to Leni's disappointment, but she placated the the younger girl by wrapping one arm around her slender waist and pulling her into a side hug.

"Well, what do you guys think?" She asked, addressing the other girls.

"I dunno Lori." Luna said frowning. "I mean, Sam's right, I was already okay with sharing with her. But...seven girls? Possibly _nine_?" That's a lot of girlfriends for one dude to manage."

"That's gonna be a _lot_ of girlfriends." Sam repeated, considerably more enthusiastic as she reappraised the Loud sisters with renewed interest.

"Dude!"

Sam flinched at the withering glare Luna sent her way.

"What?" Sam protested. "You just said you were already willing to share with me, what's a few more girls? Besides..." She licked her lips. "Don't take this the wrong way, babe, but your sisters are _hawt._ "

Sam shot Leni a lusty wink. "Hey, Leni." She purred.

With lightning speed, Leni reached into her cleavage, pulled out a small silver whistle, and blew into it. The remaining girls clutched the heads and screamed in agony as the deceptively small instrument produced an enormous sonic blast, which ricocheted around the small room.

"Sorry!" Leni called out, wincing as the sound reverberated back her way. "I'm supposed to blow my Lori whistle when people look at me like that."

"I'm _already here, Leni_!" Lori screeched amid the cacophony.

"Gah!" Lynn exclaimed as the sound finally began to die down. "Lori, why the heck would you give her that?"

" _Because of that_!" Lori jabbed one accusing finger at Leni. "Think about what it's like to be responsible for a girl who looks like Leni when you're surrounded by puberty-crazed boys and girls!"

"I'm very healthy." Leni said, not quite following the conversation, but repeating something her mom often said.

* * *

Luna let out a soft sigh, before turning her attention upon Sam, who was rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

"if, I were to agree to this..." She jabbed her girlfriend in the chest. "And that's a _big_ if! You can't sexually harass my sisters!"

Sam's face immediately fell, eagerness now replaced by crushing disappointment. "But _Luuuunaaaaa_!"

"No buts!" Luna poked her again, harder this time. "You're my girlfriend and I love you. So I choose to put up with your...shenanigans..."

"Sam-antics." Luan interjected.

"But they don't have to! So 'no' means 'no', got it!?"

Sam pouted, her lip jutted out and her chin quivering, puppy eyes turned up to eleven. However, Luna remained unmoved.

"Sam!" She prompted.

"Ugh. Fine." Sam grumbled, crossing her arms and slouching down in a huff.

"Good." Luna turned to address the rest of the room. "Well, the blondes are apparently all on board. What about the rest of you?"

"I'll take what I can get." Luan replied, shrugging. "If I turn this down, you might all forget I exist again."

"I had already assumed things would turn out this way." Said Lucy. "So I have no complaints."

"I, on the other hand, have a _lot_ of complaints!" Lynn growled, frowning. "But...I don't want to be that girl who has to fight all her other sisters for the right to date her brother..."

"Please do." Luan chuckled. "We _incest_."

Lynn waited for the groans to die down before continuing. "...so I agree. But only by filing the following sweeping declaration with Sam." She turned to the blonde. " _Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo_."

Sam scoffed. "See..." She chuckled, "Now you've just made it a challen—OW!"

"Bad Sam." Luna stated, giving the girl another rap on the head for good measure. "Then, yeah." She continued without missing a beat. "I guess I'm in too."

"Yay!" Leni exclaimed, dashing around the room and sweeping each of the other girls up into an enormous, simultaneous Leni hug. "Let's go tell Linky!"

"Yes, about that..." Came a voice from the doorway.

* * *

Leni turned towards the door. A moment later, she adjusted the giant wad of girl flesh she was currently holding off the ground so the other girls could see too.

"Hi Lisa!" She chirped, waiving at the diminutive scientist. Despite the fact that she was now devoting one entire arm to greeting her younger sister, her remaining Loud and Sharp laden arm didn't waver in the slightest.

"...quite." Lisa responded, after taking a moment to process the sight before her. "Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. However, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation—"

"Through a locked door?" Lynn managed to gasp, her airway partially blocked by the pressure being applied by Leni's hug.

"—but I regret to inform you that our brother is not here at this time. In fact, he has not been home since early this afternoon."

"WHAT?" Exclaimed seven voices in unison, only one of which was not ragged by the rapid onset of asphyxiation.

"Where the heck did he go?" Luna rasped as her vision began to darken.

"Unfortunately my tracking software is currently malfunctioning, else I would be able to give you a more certain answer..."

"I want to be upset by this, by my short life is flashing before my eyes." Lucy whispered.

"—but a glance at Lincoln's personal calendar, cross referenced with local showtimes, leads me to believe that he is most likely at the movies, seeing the new Ace savvy movie."

"Hmm. Why does that sound familiar?" Leni asked, scratching her head with her airborne sisters.

"The _date_!" Lori managed to squeak out what she quickly feared was going to be her last breath.

"Oh no!" Leni exclaimed, losing her grip on the other girls, and unceremoniously dropping them to the ground in a crumpled heap.

"Precious oxygen..." Sam murmured, greedily drinking in mouthfuls of air. Suddenly, she was wrenched back into the air. However, before panic could set in, she was swiftly placed back upon her feet. A quick glance around revealed that the other girls were similarly standing, albeit unsteadily!

"Come on everyone!" Leni shouted herding them to the doorway, nearly trampling Lisa in the process. "We've gotta tell Linky and Carol how we feel. Now!"

"Why?" Luna exclaimed, yelping in terror as Leni began shoving the group forward with increasing speed and force.

"Because Linky can't fall in love with us if he's already dating Carol!"

* * *

Sam watched as the Leni-propelled Louds quickly sped out of the room. It had taken some doing, but she managed to slip out of the way at the last possible second, leaving her and Lisa alone together.

"Aren't you afraid they'll leave without you?" The younger girl inquired.

"Nah." Sam waved dismissively. "I trust them. More importantly...I want to know why you didn't try to get in on this."

"I'm...not certain of your meaning." Lisa replied neutrally.

"We're running off to convince your brother to try dating six of his sisters." Sam considered the smaller girl before her. "Based on the way you just happened to show up in the nick of time,I have a hunch that you're more interested in the outcome of this than you'd like us to believe."

Lisa remained silent. Sam waited, knowing that the scientist was weighing her responses. Finally her patience was rewarded.

"I think...that my elder brother is already going to have trouble coming to grips with the situation as it currently stands." Said Lisa. "Moreover, whatever feelings I might have for my brother simply aren't relevant at this time."

"How do you figure?"

"I'm four." Came Lisa's flat reply. "While, intellectually speaking, I am extremely ahead of the curve, I'm self-aware enough to realize that I don't have the emotional maturity to deal with romantic entanglements at this time." She shrugged. "And while I suspect Lincoln would try his best to accommodate me, I don't want him to have to bear that burden. I anticipate that things are going to become complicated enough between all of you before the night is over."

"That's very mature of you, Lisa." Sam observed.

"Yes, well..." The younger girl adjusted her glasses, the lenses catching the light in such a way that they appeared to be completely opaque. It was...oddly sinister looking.

"There will come a day when I am ready to tell Lincoln how I feel. And when that day comes, I intend to give it my all."

She paused thoughtfully. "Moreover, I wouldn't be surprised if the twins found themselves in a similar situation."

Sam leaned down and gave the younger girl a hug. There was an awkward couple of moments where Lisa appeared to be considering how to respond, but in the end, she returned the gesture of affection. Albeit reluctantly.

"No need to worry." Sam reassured her, giggling at the scientists antics. "I'll save you all a spot at the table. I promise."

* * *

Sam allowed Lisa to exit the room before she did, then gently closed the door behind her.

"Sam!" Barked a voice from behind her, causing Sam to start in surprise. She whirled around, and was surprised to find that the voice belonged to Leni of all people.

"Sorry, Leni." She let out a short embarrassed laugh. "I had one quick thing to take care of. I'll be right there, I swear."

Leni simply stared back at her. A few heartbeats later, the older girl began to slowly pace around her, examining Sam with an emotionless, professional gaze. For the first time in her life, Sam found herself feeling strangely violated. Finally, she spoke.

"I was just thinking..." Leni began.

"About?"

"About earlier." Leni gave her one last appraising look. "...I don't mind." She said at last.

Sam blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Yup." Leni nodded. "Really."

"But!" The older girl held up one finger, cutting off any possible response from Sam. "Linky has to be there too. And _he_ gets to go first."

A giant grin erupted across Sam's face. "Deal!"


	39. Chapter 39

Lincoln stiffened, in more ways than one, as he felt the slender arms around his waist pull him closer, pressing soft, large breasts deeper into his back. Lincoln could vividly imagine the way her flesh molded around him, squeezing against him like velvety cushions.

"Turn the page, Linky." The girl murmured, her warm breath pleasantly wafting over his skin, her lips tantalizingly close to his exposed neck. He gulped, and acquiesced, relieved that none of the pleasurable sensations he was experiencing relented in the slightest.

It had been a week since the incident. Things at home were...tense, to say the least. Seeing the way the girls had treated Carol had been frustrating, but fairly par for the course, given the general insanity his family tended to engage with. At least some of it, he'd felt, was motivated by how adversarial the game had gotten, and that was one-hundred percent his fault. A game master was expected to stack the deck, at least a little, giving players challenges to overcome made the experience that much more memorable. Given how unpredictable the girls could be (Sam most of all), Lincoln had pulled out all the stops for that last leg of the adventure, determined to have contingencies in place for virtually anything they could throw at him. And he did. Perhaps...excessively so. In hindsight, the exploding robot bees should have been a sign that he'd been taking things a bit too far, but he'd wanted to _win_ so badly. And...that probably should have been the sign that he'd been approaching the problem from the wrong angle. These games weren't about winning, or losing, they were about having fun, and at some point he'd lost sight of that.

As furious as he was at the way the girls had treated Carol, Lincoln knew he was the one responsible for escalating things to that point. A stronger person might have copped to that, gotten it out in the open. They might have started a dialogue, tried to do something about the ill-feelings that had become so prevalent in the wake of that incident. Lincoln...was not that person. His feelings towards Carol had sharply clashed against his feelings for...other things, as well as disgust towards his own actions. So he'd disengaged. He'd ignored his family's attempts to reach out to them. He'd locked himself in his room, desperately wishing that things would just go back to normal. But they hadn't, and within a few days, Lincoln found himself literally running away from his problems.

Thanks to the escape slide Lisa had installed in his room, Lincoln had found it remarkably easy to flee the house without anyone being the wiser. He fled from the pervasive sense of dread that stalked his consciousness in the time since that ill-fated gaming session, and that had alleviated his troubles...for a few minutes, at least. It had occurred to him fairly quickly that while leaving the house had proven to be a simple task, remaining out and about would be considerably more difficult. Despite his small stature, Lincoln stood out in a crowd, and if he hung around his usual haunts it was only going to be a matter of time before he ran across someone who would notify his sisters as to his whereabouts, inevitably bringing the Sister Tornado Plus One down upon his infuriatingly conspicuous head. And he just wasn't ready to deal with that. Not yet. It was at that point, that he'd struck upon an idea, the last place anyone would come looking for him.

* * *

Lincoln wasn't certain what was the best way to say "Sorry my sisters were mean to you but could I please hide out at your place while I figure out my inner turmoil". It wasn't exactly the kind of thing they put on a greeting card, but he'd figured a box of chocolates was a pretty good start. Discounted, of course, he wasn't made of money, but Flip had assured him that the chocolates were as edible as they came. And that a triangular box was just as, if not more meaningful than one shaped like a heart. Lincoln hadn't quite bought that, but he had bought the chocolates, seeing as how money was most certainly an object.

He'd been nervous when he arrived at the Pingrey house, "chocolates" awkwardly held in one hand and desperation in the other. He'd been **mortified** when Mrs. Pingrey was the one who'd answered the door. An older woman to be sure, but handsome in spite of her age, possessed of the same ample bust, slender waist, and long flowing hair that her daughter was known for. It suggested pleasant things regarding Carol's future.

Mrs. Pingrey, seeing his offering, had dragged him inside the house and up to her daughter's room. The exceedingly beautiful woman had required no further explanation, and his attempts to provide one were only met with dismissive waves and a knowing smile, further compounding his embarrassment. Upon reaching their destination, Mrs. Pingrey had rapped loudly on Carol's door, announced that she had a "gentleman caller", and immediately flounced off, her elegant features twitching with barely repressed mirth.

The door had silently slid open, and Lincoln, steeling his courage, ventured in. The low lighting had made it difficult to ascertain the specifics of his surroundings, but two things had immediately stood out to him. A well used bed, and a large, vaguely human shaped bundle of blankets, resting atop it. Lincoln had tried calling out to the creature,not entirely comfortable with how easily it had been to penetrate Carol's inner sanctum without her express permission, but had received no response. Then, choosing to trust his instincts, long honed from years of dealing with sisters who had found themselves in similar states, he carefully crept up the being and silently slid the container of "chocolates" into an opening. Then, he retreated back towards the door, and watched. He didn't have to wait long.

The being quivered as the offering worked its way through the creatures protective layers. Then came the noises, those of a predator falling upon its prey and viciously tearing it apart. _Gobble, Snarf, Snap_. Then...silence.

Lincoln held his ground, this was the decisive moment. Fortunately, he would not have to wait for long. The misshapen pile before him gave one last shudder before violently twitching in his direction, the motion ejecting a small object from within its folds. With practiced ease, Lincoln snatched the object from mid-air, and exhaled in relief, satisfied by what he'd found. It was the container, once triangular and filled with something very akin to chocolate. Now merely half a square, and devoid of such encumbrances.

Lincoln tossed the parcel aside and made his way across the room. He sat down upon the bed, and gently patted the pile of blankets with his hand.

"Hey, Carol." He said, softly.

"Hey...Linky." Came its breathless reply.

* * *

Things weren't quite back to normal between him and Carol, but after that first awkward day, the pair had settled into fairly comfortable routine. Lincoln would go to school, make his way home, establish is presence around the house, and then leave unseen at the first available opportunity and head to Carol's. Conversation between them was sparse, but Lincoln took comfort in Carol's presence, and though it may have been wishful thinking, he sensed that the feeling was mutual. Most important of all, being with Carol was sufficiently distracting that his mind failed to wander to more...unsavory topics.

He just wished Mrs. Pingrey would give them some space. The woman had a tendency to hover, albeit unseen, for the most part.

"It's kind of weird that your mom just so happened to have all these wedding cake samples." Lincoln had remarked one day. Not that he was complaining. It was free cake! Carol's response had been to sink deeper into her cocoon, muttering under her breath.

As quaint as this all was, silence, however companionable, wasn't especially entertaining. So a few days into this new routine, Lincoln had started bringing comics with him. Not his own stuff, of course, real comics. Carol had previously expressed an interest in exploring the greater _Ace Savvy_ universe, and this seemed like as good a time as any. Nothing dulled emotional pain like the smell of ink and paper in your face. At least, nothing that could fit into his budget.

It seemed to go over well. Lincoln had made his usual appearance at the Pingrey's, this time accompanied by a choice selection of what he considered to be some of Ace's greatest hits. He'd explained his intentions to Carol, informed her that she was free to read whatever she liked, and settled in next to her for some good old fashioned escapism. These were not optimal reading conditions by his usual standards, but it felt unseemly to drop trow in front of a sad girl, so Lincoln endured. He'd noticed several times throughout that visit that his pile of comics had shrunk, little by little, and took that as a sign that Carol was agreeable to this modified arrangement. So pleased was he by this minor breakthrough, that he didn't even mind when he'd returned home that night, and only then noticed that he'd never gotten his missing comics back.

Lincoln returned the next day, a fresh stack of comics in hand. And initially, at least, things proceeded as expected. He was escorted to Carol's room by an beaming Mrs. Pingrey, who dallied just long enough to inform the pair that she had errands to run that night, and they'd have the house to themselves. An annoyed growl from her daughter proved sufficient motivation for the older woman to take her leave. Lincoln was, himself, relatively unphased by the exchange. They'd gotten up to stranger things while he was around.

He'd taken his usual spot, fully prepared to settle in for another night of unfettered escapism and _not_ dwelling on his problems, when he heard a shuffling off to the side. As per their unspoken agreement, Lincoln was fully prepared to quietly ignore the disturbance. But that became exceedingly difficult when a pair of slender arms wrapped around his midsection, and gently pulled him close, causing Lincoln to become acutely aware of his close proximity to the tall, shapely mass that was Carol Pingrey.

"I want to read that one." She murmured softly, her lovely face perched on his shoulder.

"S-sure." Lincoln replied. He'd started twist his body so that he could hand her the book when he was stopped by a squeeze from the older girl.

"No." She said. "You read it with me."

And so he did. Lincoln had worried that his shaking hands would make it difficult for Carol to follow the story, but she never complained.

* * *

"Lincoln?"

The pale haired boy started in surprise, pulled from his recollection by Carol's voice.

"I said to turn the page." She repeated, giving him another squeeze for emphasis. Strange how this had become his new norm, being an impromptu teddy bear for one of the prettiest girls in town. Truthfully, Lincoln had been enjoying this development quite a bit, these last few days having been exponentially more enjoyable than the preceding ones. If it were up to him, things would just stay this way. Comics and candlelight, the pleasant scents and sensations of Carol Pingrey teasing his senses. There was one problem, however...

"There, uh, no more." Lincoln replied, clearing his throat nervously. Lincoln flicked to the following page, which contained an advertisement for x-ray glasses and nothing more.

"Oh." Said Carol, sounding disappointed. Lincoln would have liked nothing more than to move on to the next issue, so they could continue their pleasant activity, but she knew, just as he did, that today's pile of comics was exhausted. There was nothing left.

The pair lay there together for a time, neither moving, neither saying a word. Lincoln desperately searched his mind for something to break the silence, but, as it turned out, staying composed in the presence of a pretty girl was a lot more difficult when you were forced to actually interact with said girl. He was desperately running down his internal list of conversational fodder for the umpteenth time when a thoroughly unpleasant sensation ran through his body, that being the complete lack of pleasant sensations he had grown accustomed to. And he knew, without turning around, that Carol was gone.

It took a significant amount of Lincoln's willpower to resist the urge to blindly flail about, desperate to reestablish contact, but somehow he managed it. Heart hammering in his chest, Lincoln slowly and deliberately put his comic aside, sat himself up, and looked behind him.

She wasn't especially far away, just a ways further down the bed, but after the closeness that had become so commonplace between them even that much distance felt palpable. Still, Lincoln forced himself to watch as Carol shimmied out of her makeshift cocoon (appreciating the way her casual shirt and shorts combo clung to her shapely body as she did so), reached down underneath her bed, and retrieved a small shoe box. She looked to him, a strained smile upon her face, and patted a spot next to her, indicating he should join her. Lincoln tried not to seem too eager as he slid closer to her.

"I think..." She began, as she fumbled with the box, trying to pull the top off without losing her grip on it, "...that I've made it pretty clear by this point that...I like you, Lincoln Loud." The managed to remove the top, and set it aside. She looked him in the eye, her face suddenly serious. "I like you...a lot."

Lincoln would have vehemently disagreed on the first point. He'd certainly hoped this was the case, he'd occasional fantasized about such a thing, but he wasn't delusional enough to seriously believe that a dope like him could attract the attention of Carol Pingrey. Suffice to say, this was an extremely...pleasant surprise, to say the least.

"I-I'm glad." He said, haltingly, his mouth dry . "I don't know why you would, but I'm glad." The room fell silent, and it took a few moments of staring into Carol's slowly reddening face for Lincoln to realize that the older girl was waiting for a more definitive answer to her feelings.

"I like you too." He said quickly, flushing with embarrassment, and he was heartened to see Carol let out a small sigh of relief, her taut body untensing ever so slightly. Still...

"Is..." He fumbled, searching for the right words. "Is it weird if I ask why?"

Carol giggled slightly, and held her box closer to her body. Lincoln found that he very much wanted to slide over, close those last remaining inches between them, but he remained resolute. Something was happening here, and he felt like they needed to finish what had been started.

"It's funny you ask that." Carol absentmindedly began to drum her fingers against the side of the box, the soft staccato seemingly syncopating with his beating heart. "I don't think I need to tell you that you're cute, and nice. That I feel this...I dunno, connection with you, that I've never really felt before."

She did, and she should. Often. By his estimation, he was going to need at least two sessions like this a day to keep himself convince himself that Lisa hadn't plugged him back into her virtual reality pod, and he wasn't just living some glorious waking dream. Thankfully, he managed to refrain from saying that, and just nodded, giving her what he hoped was a confident smirk.

"That." She pointed at him, a soft smile etching its way onto her beautiful face. "That dopey look of feigned confidence. That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. You're adorable."

Lincoln's face fell, and he immediately resolved to allocate some time out of his day to practicing how to look more confident. Carol reached out and gently brushed her hand against his cheek, and Lincoln felt a bit of the frustration that had built up begin to wane, just a little.

"There's a little more too it though." With that, Carol withdrew her hand, and began rifling through her box. "I don't know if Lori ever told you..." It took a great deal of willpower for Lincoln to refrain from flinching at the mention of his eldest sister, "But it all kind of started with this."

Apparently finding what she was looking for, Carol procured a small object from the container and slid it into his hands. Lincoln was surprised to find that it was...a comic book. And not just any comic book, one of _his_ comic books. _Aces Wild: Drawing the High Card._ His hands shook slightly as he ran his fingers over the cover, taking in the familiar scene that he himself had drawn, seemingly forever ago. Ace Savvy, tired and obviously wounded, and only on his feet thanks to the support of his...partner. The High Card.

"I came across this by happenstance." Carol continued, seemingly oblivious to Lincoln's inner turmoil. "Serendipity, I guess." She laughed melodiously. It was a nice laugh.

"I found this comic, out in the world, and I was drawn to it almost entirely by the fact that the girl on the cover looks so much like... _me_." Lincoln noticed an odd emphasis on that last word, but held his tongue, allowing Carol to say her piece.

"I got it for myself on a whim. A bit of a vanity decision, I guess, I thought it'd be a funny conversation piece I could share with people. But it seemed a shame to not know what it was actually about, so...I read it." Her smile deepened as she warmed to the topic.

"I read it. And I reread it, over and over again. Not because of the story itself..." She shot him an apologetic look, which Lincoln dismissed with a wave. It was an early story, he was still finding his feet. "...but more for what it represented."

"This girl." She leaned over and tapped the comic in his hands. "Looked so much like me. But she was strong, a-and cool. She went on fantastic adventures, fought bad guys, saved the world. It was so cool so picture myself in her shoes, doing those things. With him." Carol now indicated Lincoln's own alter ego, and he found he was having trouble swallowing.

"That little fantasy meant a lot to me. So much, that I guess I began to look for some deeper meaning in it all. And what I found...what I'd hoped, I guess is the more appropriate word, was that there had to be more to it than what I was seeing on the surface. I mean, how often do you find someone who could easily be yourself, on the cover of a random comic book, right?" Lincoln found he was growing a little uncomfortable with where this was heading, but Carol pressed on.

"I thought that all this had to mean something. I came up with a little scheme so I could meet the person responsible for this little masterpiece, thought maybe if I could meet him, if I could just ask him what it all meant, that I'd find something amazing at the end of that road." She giggled. "I even roped Lori into helping me out."

Carol took one of Lincoln's hands and held it between her own. Lincoln himself too enthralled by her story to feel embarrassed. "I met that guy. And it was...so much more than I could have hoped for."

"But..." Carol's face fell, her expression suddenly distant, pensive. She let go of Lincoln's hand, reached over and gently pulled the comic from Lincoln's hands. "I also learned that this girl on the cover was, in fact, someone very important to this guy. And that she wasn't me."

* * *

There was a dull smack as Carol pulled another comic from her box, and placed it on the bed, with perhaps, a little more force than was necessary. _Aces Wild: Her Strongest Suit_

"Neither was she."

Another comic joined the first. _Aces Wild: Know When to Hold Her_

_"_ Or her." _Smack_. "Or her." _Smack_. "Or her."

The pair sat their for a while, staring at the array of distressingly familiar comic book covers, Lincoln's heart caught halfway in his throat, uncertain what he should say. What he _could_ say.

"Is..." Carol took a deep breath to steady herself. "Is there one for Luan? I never found that one."

" _Tricks and Treats_." He let out a short, self-deprecating laugh. "We didn't make too many of that one. Nothing wrong with that issue, it just came out at a weird time, there wasn't much demand for it."

"Ah." She replied, noncommittally. And once again, silence reigned. At this point, Lincoln was seriously considering cutting his losses and bolting for the door. Being alone with his inner turmoil didn't sound so bad any more.

Then, much to Lincoln's surprise, Carol reached over, hoisted Lincoln up into the air with surprising strength, and pulled him into a mighty hug. Holding him tightly against her, almost as if sensing his thoughts, as if fearing he might flee. She wasn't wrong, though now, with his face crammed between her lovely breasts, Lincoln was finding that his options seems a lot less black and white.

"You need to understand that it's... _frustrating_..." She punctuated the last word with another squeeze, causing Lincoln's vision to go completely white for an instant. "...to find out that the guy you're into likes another girl." Her arms tensed, and Lincoln braced himself for another squeeze. "It's even more frustrating to find out that he might actually have a thing for _seven_ other girls."

Lincoln blinked in surprise, and with a little difficulty, managed to wriggle his way into a position where he could peer up at Carol. "Seven?" He asked, his voice muffled somewhat by their proximity.

"I saw that commercial you did with Sam."She said dryly. Oh, right. Lincoln turned away, ashamed. He hadn't even realized that...wow, really? Sam? What was _wrong_ with him?

"I don't blame you for being mad." He said softly. Carol gently, but firmly cupped his face in her hand and forced him to look at her. To Lincoln's surprise, she looked more concerned than anything.

"I'm not mad—" She started to say, then paused, seemingly reconsidering her statement. "I'm not _unreasonably_ mad." She corrected herself.

She absentmindedly began to tousle his hair. "But I'm not so mad that I can't feel bad for my boyfriend, when he's so very clearly beating himself up over something he has no control over."

"W-what are you talking about?" Lincoln protested, years of pent up frustration beginning to unfurl within him. "I'm attracted to my sisters! It's sick! It's wrong! It's—"

"Perfectly understandable." Carol smoothly interjected, interrupting his train of thought with a well timed kiss to his forehead. Lincoln immediately found himself too tongue tied to continue his self-deprecating tirade.

"Lincoln, you guys are closer than any siblings I've ever known. While I'm not...happy, with this, having seen how you and your sisters are together, I can understand why you might develop feelings for them that are...decidedly nonfamilial."

She sighed, wistfully. "Especially Lori. I've only shared a locker room with that girl, can't imagine what it would be like to live in the same house as her." Wait...what?

"The point is, I get where you're coming from." She nuzzled her face against his. "I get that you feel terrible. And while I'm not happy that there are other girls in the picture..." She let out a short, frustrated shudder. "... _really_ not happy, especially in light of recent events..." She swallowed audibly, as if choking down something particularly unpleasant. "I want my boyfriend to be happy. And you can't do that if you're feeling like garbage about this."

There was that word again. He hadn't remarked upon it the first time, but..."You, uh. You called me your boyfriend." He gulped. "Twice."

The older girl smirked at him. "Yeah, I did." She lifted him up to her eye level, and gave him an affectionate kiss on the cheek. "You got a problem with that?"

"N-no."

"Good." Carol leaned back on the bed, pulling him with her, and resumed snuggling with him. Lincoln allowed himself to enjoy the experience.

"I'm glad you're not mad." He began.

" _Unreasonably_ mad." She corrected him, deliberately undercutting the tone of her voice by giving him another peck on the cheek.

"But it's not like you actually have anything to worry about." He continued. "I mean, its already crazy enough that you like me that way. Imagine how insane it would be if even one of my sisters felt the same way." He chewed his lip thoughtfully. "And I _know_ Sam isn't an option."

Lincoln had expected his declaration to ease the tension between them, at least somewhat.

"Are you seriously that dense?" Carol asked, her expression disbelieving.

"...I don't follow your meaning." Lincoln replied. "So...yes?"

"Of course you are." Carol rolled her eyes. "You're lucky you're cute."

Lincoln felt like he'd lost the thread of conversation, but Carol still liked him, so that was a plus. He leaned forward, hoping to initiate a kiss of his own, but rather than Carol's dainty skin, he found his lips pressing against Carol's outstretched hand.

"We're not done here." Carol replied, gently pushing him away. "You and I clearly have a _lot_ of things to talk about." She sighed. "So...so many things." Lincoln was starting to feel a little insulted. "But we've still got a date to get to, and I've got a week's worth of bed hair I need to deal with.

Lincoln blinked in surprise. "We do?"

"Yep. Tonight's the premier of the new Ace Savvy movie, remember?"

He'd forgotten. Completely and utterly. But it seemed unwise to acknowledge that fact.

"I didn't think you were feeling up to it." He responded, neutrally.

"I wasn't. But now I think a script that barely resembles the source material, broken up by frequent bouts of gratuitous violence and underscored by a bloated special effects budget is exactly what the doctor ordered."

She shoved him toward the door. "Now scoot. If I start getting ready now, we just might make it."


	40. Chapter 40

Carol Pingrey liked to think of herself as a modern, actualized woman. But she still allowed herself a small, contented titter as she watched Lincoln gingerly climb into the passenger side of her car, and set about buckling himself in. Lincoln. Her _boyfriend_. Granted, it wasn't all sunshine and roses just yet. Lincoln, whether he knew it or not, was romantically entangled with a number of other girls, and that was going to have to be addressed sooner than later. And as much as she'd have liked to simply assert her new claim and demand that all other interested parties were to keep their hands off _her_ man...she had, unfortunately, been privy, a few too many times, to how they all functioned as a collective unit. Those bonds, some forged long before she'd entered the picture, were too precious to be severed. And while she knew that Lincoln would do the right thing and lay down the law if he had to, gently, but firmly inform his various paramours that he'd picked her, and that they needed to get over it...she also knew that doing so would emotionally devastate him. That Lincoln and these girls were simply too far gone to ever be able to find true happiness apart from each other.

Her mind began to drift back to the day when she'd first realized the reality of the situation. That fateful day at work, when she'd been thunderstruck by the revelation that her intended, Lincoln Loud, was actually—

"Carol?"

The older girl experienced a brief, but powerful sensation of disorientation as her mind reeled from the aborted flashback. She gave her head a violent shake to clear the sensation, then turned to see Lincoln looking at her with concern.

"Everything okay?" He asked

"Of course." Carol gave him what she'd hoped was a reassuring smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, n-not that I mind, being alone with you..." Carol felt her cheeks redden with pleasure, "...But you've just been sitting there for the last few minutes, staring into nothing."

Pleasure immediately transitioned into embarrassment. "Was I?" She asked, hoping that Lincoln wouldn't be able to make out her burning fact in the dim lighting.

"Yeah." He chuckled nervously. "Not that there's anything wrong with that..." An obvious lie, but she'd forgive it, given the circumstances. "...but we've got a movie to make, right?"

"O-of course!" She cleared her throat. "Just needed to check, the...mirrors. And such. After all..." She reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. "I'm transporting precious cargo."

She wanted to die. That was the dumbest, corniest possible response she could have given. And yet, it was Lincoln who turned away, equal parts pleased and embarrassed by the sentiment. She gave him one last squeeze before pulling back her hand and starting up the car. Carol couldn't believe that had worked, but a win was a win.

She pulled the car out of the driveway and started them off towards their destination. Her heart told her that what they really needed to do was go to Lincoln's house and patch things up with the other girls as soon as possible. But her head told her that she was still kind of mad at them. They'd made it a week without their precious brother, it assured her, surely they could last a few more hours. Carol felt that her heart was the more correct of the two...but her head's suggestion meant she got to go on a date with her new boyfriend. And, if they were lucky enough to find seats in a nice dark corner of the theater, preferably towards the back, it wouldn't even matter if the movie was bad. There was plenty they could do to keep themselves entertained.

Carol let out a low chuckle and pressed a little harder on the gas. Everything would be just fine.

* * *

"Tree!" Luan shrieked, desperately struggling against the gravitational forces confining her in her seat in an attempt to point at the obstacle in question.

It was a fairly pointless gesture, as her lone voice was incapable of rising above the roar of Vanzilla's engine and the terrified screaming of teenage girls that served as the soundtrack to their trip. Tires squealed and metal audibly strained as one side of the van rose up off the ground _just_ enough to allow the vintage vehicle to pass through unharmed. Then, clearly perturbed at these mortals Promethean defiance of the greater forces of the universe, gravity angrily asserted its presence once more. Vanzilla righted itself once more, the side that had previously been airborne slamming down onto the pavement with a loud crunching noise. Elsewhere, an unsuspecting Lana Loud suddenly cried out in pain and fell to the floor, her skin pallid and her breathing shallow.

"Why is Leni driving!?" Lynn shouted into Lori's ear, the athlete's hardier frame allowing her shove her face into the driver's compartment, despite the physical impossibility of doing so under the circumstances.

"Don't blame me!" Lori bellowed in reply. "She grabbed the keys before I could!" Lori turned as best she could towards her younger sister. "Leni! Pull over and let me drive!"

"There's no time, Lori!" Leni called back. "Besides, this is a one way street!"

The fashionista had failed to note that the way in question, was the exact opposite of the direction they were driving in.

* * *

Carol and Lincoln sat in companionable silence as they headed along their route, the ambiance accentuated nicely by jazz music softly emitting from the car's speakers. Traffic had been a little heavy at the onset, but it had cleared up relatively quickly, and their trip had otherwise been relatively uneventful.

"You think we should stop somewhere to get snacks?" Lincoln asked. "The theater will charge us an arm and a leg for them."

"Nah." Carol replied, after a moment of consideration. "We're in a hurry. It won't kill us to have to pay a few extra dollars at the concession stand."

"Besides." She added "There's just something about the smell of movie theater popcorn straight from the theater, right?"

"True." Lincoln nodded in agreement. "Shame it tastes like the cardboard its served in."

The couple shared a hearty laugh as they continued on their way.

* * *

"Dudes, how is it that we're staying alive?" Luna wheezed. "That truck was coming straight at us."

The situation inside Vanzilla was no less perilous, nor terrifying than it had been previously. The only difference now was that the occupants were too tired to continue screaming. The girls had seemingly reached a silent agreement that the omnipresent peril spoke for itself, rendering their cries of terror somewhat redundant.

"I hit the jump button." Leni replied cheerfully.

"I keep telling you, Leni." Lori rasped, "That's called the acceler—" The rest of Lori's sentence was drowned out by the a loud horn blaring off in the distance.

"Lori, please let me concentrate, okay? This one's going to be tricky."

And with that, the unspoken agreement was unceremoniously broken as the screaming resumed.

* * *

"Oh no!" Lincoln exclaimed shooting up in his seat in a panic.

"Everything okay, hun?" Carol asked. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the younger boy frantically patting at his pockets.

"I forgot my wallet!" Lincoln groaned, flopping back down, clearly agitated. It took every ounce of willpower Carol had to refrain from giggling at how dramatic he was being.

"It's okay, Linc." She reassured him. "It's only been a few days since my last paycheck, I've got plenty of money."

Lincoln threw up his hands in frustration. "But I'm the guy, right? I should be treating you." He let out a disappointed sigh. "I'm sorry, I just really wanted this to go well."

"Don't worry so much." Carol gave him an affectionate pat on the shoulder. "It's going to be a good night as long as we're together, right?" She slowed the car to a gentle stop as they pulled up to a red light.

"Besides." Carol took the brief reprise from her driving responsibilities to lean down and give Lincoln a peck on the cheek. "It's not like this is your only chance. We'll be going on plenty of dates."

That younger boy noticeably straightened up, a happy, yet embarrassed smile making its way onto his face.

Carol giggled softly to herself as the light changed back to green. Crisis averted.

* * *

There was a collective sigh of relief as Vanzilla gently rolled to a stop. Evidently, Leni still remembered that a red light meant stop.

"White shoe." The girl recited, confirming that theory.

"'Scuse me, ladies." Sam mumbled as she rolled down her window and thrust her head out into the cool night air. Her stomach was still doing flip flops after their latest brush with death, and it was taking everything she had to make sure that her insides stayed right where they were.

"That shouldn't have happened." Lucy whimpered in an uncharacteristic display of emotion. "I...I want to ask Lisa for some sort of explanation. For _any_ kind of explanation, but..." She trailed off, her voice cracking on the last word.

"You're afraid she'll tell you that it's physically impossible for something as big as Vanzilla to pull off a triple somersault and still land without crushing the passengers into goo?" Lynn asked. The tiny goth nodded wordlessly, and Lynn pulled her into a hug, rubbing soothing circles into the younger girl's back.

"It's okay, Luce." She cooed softly. "The theater's only a few blocks away, we're almost there."

"Y-yeah, little dude." Luna added. "D-don't fear the reaper." While the sentiment was welcomed, Luna's still chattering teeth rendered the platitude less reassuring than it might have been.

Outside, Sam let out one last retch before her stomach finally calmed down. Thankfully without anything coming out. After the night they'd had so far, vomit breath was the last thing she wanted to be dealing with.

Placing both hands on the outside of the van, Sam pushed herself up with the intention of sliding back into her seat. The inside of a Leni-driven car was dangerous enough, she had no intention of finding out what the experience was like for the world outside. Halfway through the motion, however, she froze.

Across the street was a large, black, doberman, its attention occupied with something small and presumably helpless. It shouldn't have held her attention the way it did, stray animals were hardly an uncommon sight, but there was something within her reacted to the sight of this particular dog. Something primal. And terrified. The animal tensed, slowly raising its head and turning to face her. Their eyes locked, and Sam felt her blood run cold. There was intelligence in those eyes. Hateful, terrible intelligence. And in that moment, Sam realized that she knew this dog, and it, her.

"You noodle stealing son of a bitch." She breathed, softly, her entire body beginning to quiver as repressed memories came forth unbidden.

The dogs lips drew back in an angry snarl, revealing sharp, vicious, yellowed teeth. And, as if summoned by some unseen signal, four more dogs slowly padded out of the shadows, each larger and more terrifying than the last.

"Drive...Leni." Sam rasped, desperately trying to pull herself back into her seat. "DRIVE THE CAR, LENI!"

" _ **ARF ARF ARF!** "_

* * *

Carol hummed happily to herself as she maneuvered her car through the short alleyway adjacent to the theater and into the parking lot. Not only had they made it to the theater with time to spare, but in defiance of all operative logic for the opening night of a big blockbuster movie, a single parking spot was readily available, as if specially prepared for her. The evening's dicey start not withstanding, everything seemed to be going perfectly.

Carol pulled into her parking spot and shut off the car. She felt somewhat perplexed when Lincoln leapt out of his seat, and exited the vehicle the very second the engine shut off, but her unasked question was answered in short order when her door suddenly opened.

"M'lady." Lincoln said, giving a short bow before offering his hand to her.

"What a gentleman." Carol giggled, taking his hand in hers and allowing the younger boy to help her to her feet. She locked the doors, set the car alarm, and the pair set off to enjoy their evening, hand in hand. She was momentarily disappointed when Lincoln let go of her, but found herself pleasantly surprised when the pale haired boy wrapped one shaking arm around her slender waist, and pulled her close. Carol responded in kind, though their difference in height made reciprocation somewhat difficult. It was worth it, however, as returning the gesture brought some color back into the boy's face, and his arm shook a little less.

_This_ , she thought to herself as turned into the alleyway, _is going to be a very good night._

" _ **ARF ARF ARF!** "_

Carol froze momentarily. She opened her mouth, intending to ask Lincoln if he'd heard that, but her words were swallowed up by the sounds of screeching tires and screaming metal.

A van, looming enormously in the small area, pulled into the alley and barreled straight at them. Lincoln, her boyfriend, futile though the gesture was, stepped in front of her, trying to shield her with his small body. As the vehicle roared towards them, closing the distance distressingly fast, Carol realized that she knew this particular van.

"Not again!" She screamed, pulling Lincoln into her arms and hugging him with all her might.

* * *

Lincoln yelped in surprise as Carol yanked him up off the ground and into her chest, screaming in terror all the while. He'd kind of been hoping that his noble, but less than useless gesture would have spurned the older girl into fleeing from the death machine barreling towards them. Instead, it now looked like they were both going to die.

_Still_ , he thought to himself, basking in the pleasant sensation of Carol's warm, feminine softness wrapped around his comparatively tiny frame, _there are definitely worse ways to go._

He'd wanted to go out staring death in the face, just like Ace Savvy would. But Lincoln, for all his emotional maturity, and inexplicable luck with the ladies, was still a kid at heart. And despite his best efforts to stare down the several tons of rusty metal careening towards him and his date, he flinched, turning away, squeezing his eyes shut, and hugging Carol for dear life. The world went dark, and his existence became nothing but noise terror, and the oddly comforting sound of Carol's thumping heartbeat. And then...silence.

Lincoln allowed himself to linger a few moments longer, not wanting to indignify his death any further by opening his eyes just before the moment of his impending splattering. But several more moments passed, and still, the only sensation he felt was that of Carol's soft flesh against his cheek. Steeling himself, Lincoln wrenched himself out of the quietly sobbing girl's vice-like grip (strong, but nothing compared to Leni's when she went into hug mode), and opened his eyes. There, only scant inches away from the young couple, lay a vehicle that was _exceedingly_ familiar to the young boy.

"What, the—" He began, but was swiftly interrupted as the doors opened simultaneously and seven dark shapes emerged. The shadowy figures rushed towards him, and within moments, Lincoln's world went black again, though this time, not of his own volition. This time, it was also significantly harder to breath.

* * *

With a gasp of exertion, Lincoln managed push his face above the writhing mass of shadowy flesh that had been suffocating him. He blinked in irritation, Vanzilla's still glaring headlights momentarily blinding his night adjusted eyes. Fortunately, the light also granted the boy some much needed clarity, as it revealed the identities of his shadowy assailants.

"Lori? Leni?" He asked, bewildered. "Luna? Luan? Lynn? Lucy?"

"And Sam." Added the girl in question.

" _SHHHHHHHHH!_ " The other six hissed. Lincoln felt one strong hand clamp around his mouth, and then he and Carol were unceremoniously yanked into the huddle that was now taking place in front of Vanzilla. He wanted to demand an explanation for what had just happened, but his instincts told him to heed the call for silence, so he did.

He lay there, perfectly still, the night's chill staved off by the collective body heat of his girlfriend, his six sisters, and...whatever Sam was at this point. It was so comfortable. So peaceful. So...right feeling, that all he wanted to do was drift off to sleep, surrounded by the people who meant the most to him.

That feeling of warmth and comfort was shattered as a low, bestial growl, cut through the night. Lincoln was suddenly very grateful for the hand clamping his mouth shut, as he was now very uncertain that he'd have been able to refrain from crying out in terror otherwise. He felt the bodies around him tense as the sound drew closer. Lincoln did the only thing he could do, he reached out and grabbed the closest free hand he could find. Leni's, he guessed, from the feel of the sewing callouses that adorned the otherwise immaculate flesh. He reached out with his remaining hand, and found another. Rough, and slightly damp with sweat. Lynn's for sure. Nevertheless, Lincoln held on, and gave each girl a reassuring squeeze, pleased to feel the girls relax ever so slightly. As if by some unspoken agreement, the remaining members of the huddle reached out and clasped hands with each other. The group lay there, terrified, but united in shared solidarity, and that unity gave them the strength they needed.

It was hard to say exactly how much time passed, fear had a tendency to stretch even seconds into an eternity, but at last he finally heard the sounds he'd so longed to hear. A short, disappointed bark, and the sounds of padded feet flapping against the pavement, the sound growing increasingly faint as it disappeared into the distance.

Several more moments of silence passed, the only sounds heard being the ambient noises of the city at night. Finally, group let out a collective sigh of relief, and the huddle collapsed, as every member went limp.

"Sam?" He asked as the hand keeping him silent finally withdrew. "Please take your hand out my pants."

* * *

"And that's why we were being chased by the doggies." Leni concluded, beaming happily. The group was sitting on the floor of the alley, roughly arranged into a circle. Though it seemed they'd manage to escape their brush with disaster, they'd made the decision to tarry a little longer, give the dogs ample opportunity to find new prey.

Lincoln simply sat there, frozen in place. Eyes bulging, and mouth agape.

"I, uh..." Luna coughed, nervously. "I think we might have broken him, dudes."

"It was probably the part where you guys confessed to being in love with your brother." Sam opined. The blonde girl discretely slid her hand along the floor, creeping closer and closer to the dumbstruck boy, but she was foiled as seven hands came down and slapped the appendage away in unison. She yelped in pain and cradled her red, throbbing hand against her chest, glaring at the other girls.

"You mean _my boyfriend_!" Carol growled, yanking Lincoln into her lap. The still frozen boy began to topple sideways, but Carol held him steady, fussing with him as she tried to seat him comfortably. She looked around, and took a small amount of vindictive pleasure in the fact that none of the other girls was willing to meet her gaze. Save for Lori.

"Carol..." She began, plaintively.

"You tried to run me over." Carol replied, flatly. "For real this time!"

"That was Leni!" Lori protested, flinching at the hurt look Leni sent her way. "And we weren't _trying_ , you just...kind of happened to be there." She finished, lamely. Lori sighed, dejectedly. "Just like...the other time."

Carol bit her lip and turned away, trying to hold onto her indignation. She had told herself that she was going to put this whole stupid thing behind her, for the good of her relationship with Lincoln. But now that it was staring her in the face, she was suddenly staring to find it a lot harder to support this whole thing. She didn't _want_ to share Lincoln with _anyone_! Let alone the girls who'd been so mean to her.

Carol started as she felt a gentle touch against her cheek. She turned, and was surprised to find Lori , right in her face. Her best friend. Her very sad, very remorseful looking, best friend.

"Carol..." She repeated, softly. "I'm so sorry. _We're_ all..." She gestured around the group "So, so very sorry."

The raw emotion in Lori's voice caused Carol's heart to soften ever so slightly. Unwilling to trust herself to stay composed, she nodded her head a fraction of an inch, indicating for Lori to go on.

"We were really terrible to you." Lori continued. "And you didn't deserve that. Nobody would have deserved that. But _this..._ " She flung out her arms, flailing them wildly, "This whole thing is just so _screwed up_!"

Lori paused momentarily, taking a deep, shuddering breath. "We...all of us...we love our brother." Carol flinched at the frank admission. It was one thing to deduce the fact from fairly obvious evidence, but it was quite another to hear it out loud.

"We love our brother." Lori repeated. "Too much. More than any sister should. But, that's the the fact of the matter. And while it was wrong to take it out on you the way we did, in that moment, you..." Her voice began to crack, "You were the girl who was taking him away from us."

There was a soft coughing noise from off to the side.

"And Sam." Lori added, rolling her eyes, a bit of the girl's usual spirit creeping back into her demeanor as she did so.

Carol wasn't a bad person. She genuinely felt for these girls, all of whom had bravely lain their emotions bare on the table. And yet, there was a part of her that still resisted.

"Please..." Carol squeaked in surprise as Lucy suddenly appeared in front of her, as if from thin air. She was certain that only moments before, the girl had been on the other side of the loose circle they'd arranged themselves in...

"Please..." She repeated, pleading. The raw emotion in the normally stoic girl's voice compelled Carol to listen.

"You've already won." She continued. "Lincoln won't leave you for us, no matter how much we beg. He's too good of a person for that. But even if he doesn't return our feelings, forcing Lincoln to choose between you and us will kill him. And we love him too much to put him through that kind of trauma. So please, Carol..." Lucy trailed off, averting her gaze as a sob wracked her tiny body.

"...Please don't take our brother from us." She finished, her voice a barely audible whisper.

* * *

Carol looked around the assembled girls, still clutching Lincoln possessively. She could see the fear. The naked terror in their expressions. They knew she held all the cards here.

"So...what?" She asked, neutrally. "We're going to be like, a harem or something?"

"K-kind of?" Lori responded, scratching her head nervously.

"It...uh, it sounds a lot worse when you say it out loud." Luan added, chuckling nervously. "Loud. G-get it?"

Nobody acknowledged the pun, not even by groaning. That was how serious the matter was.

"We'll be a family." Leni replied, softly, a strange look of determination settling onto the girl's features.

"You're already a family." Carol pointed out, her tone a bit more sour than she'd intended.

"No!" Leni protested. "We're a family." She gestured to herself and her siblings. "But we all love Linky. You, and Sam too." She gestured towards the younger blonde. "So if we can all agree to be nice to each other, then we can all be a family." She gestured again, this time indicating the entire group. "All of us, together. We can be the best family ever."

Carol couldn't help but crack a smile at the fashionista's logic. "And all we have to do is share the same guy, huh?"

"Ya huh." Leni nodded, her face entirely devoid of the slightest hint of irony. Apparently, in her mind, it really was just that simple. Carol looked to the still catatonic boy in her arms. And she found herself wondering if maybe, just maybe...it really could be that easy

"I'm not saying yes..." She began, and immediately felt her heart break at the devastated expressions that broke out on the other girls' faces. "Yet!" She shouted, waiving her arms around for emphasis. "I'm not saying yes _yet_!" She breathed a short sigh of relief as the mood turned hopeful again. This was hard.

"It's not going to be easy." She continued "But I think I can be...agreeable, to this arrangement of yours."

She held up one finger, forestalling any premature replies. "However. We need to hear what Lincoln thinks first."

The Louds plus one exchanged nervous glances.

"Uh..." Lynn ventured. "I'm fine with that, but...how, exactly...do we do that?" She tittered nervously. "I know how to knock guys out, not so much how to wake them up."

Carol didn't respond to the athlete, instead she looked down at her boyfriend, and began to pat him softly on the shoulder. "I think it's time to stop playing possum, Linc." She whispered, softly.

* * *

Much to the surprise of the other girls, Lincoln stirred back to life, groaning as his stiff joints cracked. He looked around, sheepishly, and absentmindedly scratched the back of his head.

"Hey, guys." He said, nervously.

"You were awake the entire time!?" Lynn shouted, her hands reflexively balling into fists.

"Y-yeah." He replied, letting out a distressed chuckle, "I guess I was."

Silence fell upon the group as the girls processed this.

"So..." Lori ventured, "You...heard...everything, then."

"Y-yeah." He repeated. He looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "I did."

Again, there was no immediate followup. Finally Carol found that she'd had enough of all this waiting.

"Lincoln!" She barked, sternly, jabbing the boy in his side. "You know that these girls are in love with you. Yes?"

"Y-yes!" He squeaked, suddenly fearful.

"And you!" She swept that same finger around the group. "All know perfectly well that Lincoln's spent the better part of the last year drawing comics of all of you in romantic situations with him. So he clearly feels the same way!"

"Carol!" Lincoln protested, his face bright red with embarrassment.

"It's obvious!" She waved her hand dismissively. "You'd have to be blind not to see the implications there!"

"And _you_!" She indicated Sam, who suddenly began to back away in terror. Carol's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "He got to second base with you. On television."

"Y-yeah." Sam laughed nervously. "B-but I don't have a comic, right?"

Carol rolled her eyes. "It's been in production for months." She poked Lincoln again. "Tell her."

" _C-Capes and Capers_!" He yelped, "It was going to be a surprise!" He looked to Sam very briefly, before turning away, suddenly bashful. "It's about Card Sharp, and Ace, a-and..." He gulped. "Night Club."

"Aww." Sam cooed, her face flushing with pleasure. She leaned over and pulled Luna into a side hug. "Babe!" She hissed in a stage whisper. "I think he _likes_ us!"

Luna let out an amused chuckle, and returned the gesture, seemingly very pleased by the notion herself.

"Now!" Carol yanked Lincoln off the ground by the scruff of his neck, and shoved him towards his sisters. "Tell them you love them!"

Lincoln stumbled forward, propelled by the unexpected shove and tumbled over, expecting to hit the ground. Instead, he fell into the waiting arms of his sisters. He looked around at their expectant faces, each one tinged with hope and fear in equal measure. But there was also something else there. Love. Pure, simple love. And as he gazed upon the love in his sisters' eyes, he felt feelings that he'd long tried to suppress, begin to make themselves known once more. It scared him. It thrilled him. He stiffened slightly as he felt a familiar, soft sensation against his back. He turned to see that Carol had joined them, wrapping her arms around him, and giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"Is...is it really okay?" He asked her, his voice quavering with barely suppressed terror.

Carol took a deep breath, and searched within herself. And at that moment, she finally felt the little ball of anger and resentment she'd been nursing for so long fade away. All that was left was serenity, and acceptance. And yes, love.

"It's okay." She whispered, giving him an encouraging smile.

Lincoln turned back to his expectant sisters, his heart hammering in his chest. "I love you guys." He said, haltingly. "I think...I think I always have. And I want us to stay like this. All of us. Forever."

No more words needed to be said. The Loud collective, plus two, pulled the boy close. And the nine of them simply sat there on the floor of that empty alleyway. Enured to the cold of the night by the love that they shared.

Sometimes, it really was just that simple.

**Ending A**

* * *

"So, uh..." Lincoln coughed nervously, his mind still reeling from the implications of this new relationship. _Relationships_ , he mentally corrected himself. "What now?"

"Smooches, obviously." Sam replied, thrusting herself into the heart of the group, licking her lips in anticipation. "Pucker up, lover boy."

Lincoln blanched, and opened his mouth to respond. He wouldn't get the chance, however. Suddenly a dark shadow emerged from beneath Vanzilla. It reached out, grasped hold of the boy with long, spindly fingers, and yanked the boy down into it's lair.

"What..." Carol began, dumbfounded, "The _heck_ was that!?"

"Oh, right." Lori tittered. "I guess we kind of forgot to tell you. There's actually this one other...girl?" Carol could hear the lilt of the unasked question in the other girl's voice, and she found that mildly unsettling. "We're not totally sure what her whole deal is."

The girls sat there, patiently, listening to the sound of soft moans, and lips pressing against flesh. There was some mild concern when Vanzilla began to rattle, but it was only moments later that Lincoln was ejected back into the group. Dazed, his face and arms covered in marks of black lipstick, but otherwise unharmed.

"I've got next!" Lynn shouted, leaping to her feet, but she was stopped in her tracks as an enormous weight pressed down upon her. The sporty Loud turned to see a dainty, well manicured hand wrapped around her shoulder in a death grip.

"No." Leni replied, simply.

**Ending A+**

* * *

Later, Lincoln lay deathly still amid his crowd of extremely pleased looking paramours.

"That was fun." Lori purred, leaning down and giving the boy a gentle kiss on the lips. "But I think we need to let the poor guy rest a little." Lincoln responded with a wordless cry, reaching one trembling hand up towards the sky, before collapsing in on himself, limp and unmoving.

"Well..." Carol chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Lincoln and I _were_ going to see a movie. Granted, we're..." She looked at her watch and winced. "Twenty minutes late, at this point, but it might be fun if we all went." She looked around the group. "Together?"

"Kind of like...a date?" Sam ventured, barely able to contain her excitement.

"Yeah." Carol giggled. "Our first date."

A low wheeze drew the attention of the girls to the dried out remains of what had once been Lincoln.

"That sounds fun." Lincoln rasped, his voice dusty and dry. "But if we're going to do that, we should get going. I've actually got an early day tomorrow."

"Oh?" Carol asked. The dehydrated boy seemed to be oblivious to the interest, which which the newly formed group was now regarding him.

"Yeah." Lincoln nodded as he stumbled to his feet. Surprisingly, nobody was lending him a hand just yet. "I'm meeting Becky tomorrow."

" _Oh_?" Eight voices asked in unison. Carol found herself smiling at the strange sense of camaraderie she was feeling. This was actually kind of nice.

"Uh huh." Lincoln finally managed to find his feet, though his legs still wavered with weakness. "She wanted me to help her set up this super romantic picnic she's been planning. She's been trying to get some dope to notice her for like, forever. But somehow, this guy just can't pick up on the super obvious hints she's been dropping him. So she's gonna finally come out and tell him directly. Crazy, huh?"

Lincoln looked around, likely expecting to be met with amusement. It was probably surprising when, instead, he was met with annoyance.

"What?" He asked, genuinely confused.

There was a collective sigh of disappointment among the assembled girls.

" _What_?" Lincoln asked again, clearly annoyed by the reaction.

Then...

**_SMACK_ **

"Ouch!"

"Linky..." Leni tsked, even as she pulled the bewildered boy in for an apologetic hug. "Sometimes you can be really, _really_ dumb."

**True Ending A++** **, Era's End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have wrapped things up like, two segments ago. But I had ideas I couldn't quite let go of, that I also couldn't quite figure out how to roll into the main flow of the chapter. To that end, I've broken it up into three endings, and you guys can just pick whichever one you feel makes the best stopping point. For the record, each ending includes the previous one, and A++ is what I consider to be the canon ending.


	41. Chapter 41

Lincoln Loud was pacing. He'd been told on numerous occasions that there were healthier, more effective ways to deal with nerves. But he was a grown man, and here, in the privacy of his home office, he was entitled to indulge himself a little. Even if it didn't actually accomplish anything, moving around _felt_ like something. Energy was being expended, gears were turning. Sitting around, while nervous, just made him that much more aware that time was passing, often agonizingly slow. Speaking of which...

Lincoln glanced at digital display on his desk. Good, the linear progression of time was still a thing. He sighed, and ran one hand through hair in irritation. Lincoln had been prematurely white since the day he was born, but now, in his 40's, his hair had lost the alabaster sheen of his youth. It was dull, and grey, attributes he jokingly claimed to strongly identify with these days. The girls were always quick to admonish him for doing so. Sam and Lynn were always especially quick to reassure him that he was still "sexy", and would often offer to demonstrate that right then and there. It was...problematic, when they both happened to be in the same room at the time. God help any bystanders who happened to be around. God help the children, in particular.

Lincoln busied himself with examining the video phone. He tested the connection, the monitor, and the sound quality. After all, there was no point in putting himself through this torment if the equipment wasn't even working. Video calls becoming a standard business practice were the sort of thing that would have delighted his childhood self, eyes wide with wonder at how far technology had progressed, and how far it could go. Adult Lincoln was considerably more lukewarm on the subject. For one thing, it just added another layer of formality to the proceedings. Previously, one could conceivably coast through a business call while disheveled and comfortable, perhaps propped up by a steaming cup of coffee in extreme circumstances. That was supposed to be one of the prime benefits of having a home office. Now there was the added spectacle factor, one needed to be dressed and groomed for the occasion.

Thankfully, his sisters were always willing to lend their expertise when circumstances allowed. Leni and Lola were always especially eager to lend a hand. He suspected this was partially because pair viewed the exercise as an elaborate game of dress up, not too dissimilar to the way they'd played in their youth. Still, they had careers, social lives to manage, children that still needed to be reined in, even those on the cusp of adulthood. But they always made time for him, and Lincoln, without fail, always found himself profoundly humbled that such amazing women continued to make him one of their top priorities. The feeling was mutual, of course, and he would gladly drop everything for them if the situation was reversed, but that never stopped him from feeling so blessed for the women in his life.

Lincoln grunted in satisfaction as the aging monitor hummed to life. Lisa had been pestering him to upgrade for years, but Lincoln had always held onto that tiny, childish hope, that a new innovation in communications was just around the corner. Commercialized telepathy, laser messaging, teleporting carrier pigeons. Literally anything that wasn't just a less convenient spin on technology that had been readily available through the smart devices of his childhood. A stab had been made at introducing Virtual Reality conferencing into the market, but when all was said and done, it was an even less convenient, and significantly more expensive variation of of video calls. Naturally, the fad had quickly faded, only still being used by the excessively rich or stupid.

_"Greetings, elder brother. How goes it?"_

Lincoln smiled ruefully and pressed two fingers against his right temple, opening up his own line of communication.

_"Still waiting."_ He thought back. _"Much as I appreciate the concern, would you mind staying off the brain phone for the time being? I'll let you know when its safe to talk again."_

_"Of course. I should be departing shortly anyway. Luna has requested that I refrain from teleporting directly to her events, so I will be resorting to more mundane transportation."_

There was a moment of palpable hesitation.

_"You will be...joining us, this time?"_ It wasn't quite phrased as a question but it, still came across that way.

_"I will."_ He replied, nodding in affirmation even though he knew she couldn't see him. _"Preparing for this pitch has been trying on all of us, but regardless as to how things shake out in this meeting, I'm going to be there. And I'm going to make it up to you guys, I promise."_

She chuckled. _"I assure you, none of us hold any ill feelings towards you. But...I have no doubt you will try regardless. And I look forward to it."_

There was an embarrassed cough. _"It seems Darcy has been trying to get my attention. I should take my leave. I will...see you later, then."_

_"Count on_ _it._ " He smiled to himself. _"Love you, Lisa."_

_"I l-love you too. Lincoln."_

Lincoln shook his head in amusement as he felt the connection cut off. Girl invents direct brain to brain communication, only fails to completely revolutionize the field of telecommunications because the technology would destroy any semblance of competition in the industry. And she still couldn't say those words without blushing like a school girl.

Lincoln was abruptly pulled from his thoughts as his video phone began beeping. _Incoming Call_ , read the monitor.

He dived for his seat, gave himself a quick once over, hoping he was still presentable, then took one last deep breath to steady himself.

_Show time_ , he thought to himself as he accepted the call.

* * *

Lincoln was used to being intimidated by large groups of people. The Loud family had grown exponentially over the decades, and characteristic among its women, even those who were not Louds by birth, were pride in one's abilities, and an ardent refusal to back down from a challenge. That was the reason why, whenever a large portion of the family could assemble for a gathering of some sort, precautions needed to me made. Riot gear, stasis pods, a one-way teleporter to Lisa's Martian detention center, and a meticulously curated seating chart were all essential to ensuring that things went smoothly. It said something about the situation, and the women in his life, when Lynn's suggestion of installing an on-site octagon for the purpose of settling disputes, actually _reduced_ the injuries to Louds ratio on an annual basis.

This...was somehow more frightening than any of those times, even including that incident when Lucy had gotten her hands on that cursed chainsaw (metaphorically speaking, Ronnie had been the one unfortunate to actually lay her hands upon the occult artifact.)

Lincoln found himself staring at a large group of men and women of a variety of ages, though most skewed towards the older end of the spectrum. All were immaculately dressed in business attire, and all looked extremely intimidating. One in particular caught Lincoln's eye, a hawkish looking man situated towards the center of the group, perhaps a few years Lincoln's senior from the look of things.

"Mr. Loud" He cordially, but coldly greeted Lincoln, not one to mince words.

"M-Mr. Streamovtiz." Lincoln replied, momentarily losing his composure for the briefest of instants. He hoped it might go unnoticed, but from the way the other man's eyebrow tilted upward, he suspected this wasn't the case.

"...Yes, well..." Streamovtiz cleared his throat before gesturing to someone off camera. An aide, presumably, swiftly stepped into frame and placed a small folio on the table. "I should hope that you realize the gravity of my decision to hold this meeting with you myself, Mr. Loud. Normally I would delegate such duties to one of my underlings. However..." There was an odd glint in his eye, one that wasn't especially reassuring. "I have since taken a personal interest in this matter."

"I take no small amount of pride in the fact that Streamflix is an extraordinary popular multimedia platform with an incredible reach, in terms of viewership." Lincoln nodded in acknowledgement. The man was actually underselling things a bit. With the death of broadcast television, streaming media had taken its place as the centerpiece of entertainment, and Streamflix was so prolific that it effectively held a monopoly on the market. He remembered Sid being inordinately proud of her Streamflix brand shoes, which ensured that she could watch her shows even on the go. He also remembered the resulting hospital visit, when she'd been so engrossed in whatever she was watching that she'd forgotten to look both ways before crossing the street. Thankfully, the girl was nothing, of not resilient, and she was back on her feet in short order, no worse for where.

Rumor had it that Streamflix was working on a method of streaming entertainment directly into your brain. Normally he'd find such a notion quaint, but laughable, but it bothered him how nervous Lisa would get when the topic was brought up, usually finding a reason to excuse herself shortly after. To put it lightly, the man's arrogance was well earned.

"The board." Streamovtiz gestured to his cohorts. "Have reviewed your proposal, and we believe a consensus has been reached. There only remains one matter left to discuss." He now reached for the folio before him, and began to flick through it. "That, being, the rather interesting...procedural history of your property. Perhaps you would care to enlighten us as to why an independently published comic book has such a robust legal background."

Lincoln swallowed audibly. He had been hoping to avoid getting to deep into this topic. "I believe my attorney has already spoken to your legal team at length."

"She has." Streamovtiz nodded in acknowledgement. "I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Pingrey-Loud myself. A lovely woman, but..." His lips drew back in a thin smirk. "You'll forgive me if I require a bit more detail on the matter."

Lincoln began lightly drumming his fingers under his desk, hoping the sound wouldn't be picked up by the microphone. This wasn't unsalvageable, he just needed to explain his case in a concise, professional matter.

"Well, I'd gotten my start in comics at an early age. My friend, and future business partner, and I submitted out first issue for a contest held by our favorite publisher—"

"—That would be Marvelous Detective Comics" Streamovtiz smoothly interjected, clearly attempting to demonstrate that he was already familiar with the situation, to at least some degree.

"The very same." Lincoln nodded. "We won the contest, and the characters we'd created for that issue were so popular that we decided to keep on making our own comics. We'd felt that there was a lot more that could be done with the characters, and there was clearly a fan base who wanted to see that happen."

"While we were kids, things were fairly simple. We mostly published our work online, though requests for printed issues started becoming more common as time went on. But the product was, made by amateurs. Money we made in the fan space was almost incidental, most of it going right back into our production costs. It was a hobby, basically."

He cleared his throat. "The problems started in college. After years of playing around with this stuff, we decided we wanted to get serious. We wanted to make this our livelihoods. But complications arose when..." Lincoln trailed off, trying to find a diplomatic way to contextualize the situation.

"When you realized that you didn't own your own creations."Streamovtiz chuckled. "You don't need to sugar coat it, Loud, this stuff is public record."

"Heh." Lincoln scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. "You need to understand that it was a difficult time for us. We'd a good chunk of our lives developing this comic, putting our hearts and souls into it. It..." He took a deep breath. "It was a product that was very important to us."

"We were aware that our comic, at the time, incorporated elements from MDC's _Ace Savvy_ franchise. We loved Ace, it was a very clear source of inspiration for our own work. We had thought that, since our comic largely ran on our own original material, that we could just relaunch the product without those elements, and everything would be fine."

"And then you were served with your first cease and desist notice." Streamovtiz said, flicking through the folio as he did so. He clucked his tongue in satisfaction, and, with a short flourish, produced a copy of the document in question.

"Yeah..." Lincoln grimaced. Even all these years later, it was still frustrating to remember how much that hurt. How betrayed he'd felt.

"MDC had required our parents to sign some legal documents before they could publish that first issue of ours, way back when. They'd assured us that it was all standard, boilerplate stuff. Frankly, we were just a couple of dumb, excited kids at the time, we couldn't care less. Turns out, we'd signed away the rights to The Full House Gang, the characters we'd created. It hadn't been an issue previously, MDC never used those characters beyond the one issue, and our little fan-made comic probably wasn't worth going after. But, once our product seemed to have legs, seemed to have the potential to turn an actual profit..."

"The hounds came, braying for blood." The older man cackled, seeming to be very amused by the situation.

"They did. The better part of the next decade of my life was spent embroiled in legal battles." Lincoln reached into his desk and pulled out a small bottle of water. He held it up to the monitor, in askance, and upon receiving a nod of affirmation from Streamovtiz, took a short drink to freshen his parched throat.

"It was a difficult time for us. We'd consulted several attorneys for advice, even ended up retaining counsel to represent us. They'd all agreed that we'd had a decent case on our hands. MDC's ownership of the characters wasn't as iron clad as they were pretending it was. The problem was that they had the money and resources to drown us in procedural muck. The court sided with us, more often than not, but that didn't mean much when MDC could just churn out another motion for us to respond to. Our legal fees were piling up fast, and there was only so much leeway that our counsel could give us when it came time to pay the bills. I don't think I need to tell you that court costs aren't cheap."

"They are not." Streamovtiz replied flippantly, with the air of a man who'd employed those exact same tactics in the past. Then, a change came over the man, his demeanor softened somewhat, his expression growing more thoughtful. "So then, why put up with it?" He asked. "You were undoubtedly offered settlements. Which, though a pittance relative to the value of your intellectual property, were likely to be a substantial sum, given the circumstances."

Lincoln reached a little ways past the phone, and pulled back a framed picture, briefly running his fingers over the protective glass, before turning it around so it could be seen by Streamovtiz and his group. It was a promotional image for his comic, one of the first he'd done as a professional artist. High Card, Eleven of Hearts, Night Club, Joker, Strong Suit, Eight of Spades, Queen of Diamonds, Royal Flush, Card Counter, Duce...and the Card Sharp. Characters had come and gone over the course of his comics development, but these had always been his principle characters. The ones most special to him.

"I couldn't just let it go." He said, his voice growing thick with emotion. "These...characters, they've been with me my entire life. They mean everything to me. The thought of someone taking them from me, just so they could rot in a vault for all eternity...or worse, turning them into a corporate tool, promotional material for the very corporation who'd stolen them from me, I just couldn't let that happen."

"I see." Streamovtiz replied, neutrally, stroking his chin contemplatively. "Well, in hindsight, it seems your gamble paid off, so to speak. The matter was ultimately dropped, both sides bearing the burden of their own legal costs." His eyes glinted with curiosity. "May I ask how that came about?"

"A veritable deus ex machina." Lincoln chuckled, sparing one last fond glance at the picture before returning it to its rightful place. "Bill Buck, creator of my favorite super hero, the corner stone of the very company that was trying to crush me. He ended up saving me."

"I'd met Mr. Buck shortly after winning that contest. As a fan, it was a pretty big moment for me, but it turned out to be to be an even bigger deal down the line. Even though he had retired from creating comics while this was all going on, word of this case eventually made its way to him. MDC had been trying to keep the thing under wraps, but years of constant litigation between a major comic book publisher and a couple of nobodies are going to attract attention, and eventually people started to take notice. I was shocked to find out that Mr. Buck still remembered us after all those years. Our characters especially, apparently they'd really struck a chord with him. He pulled some strings, got legitimate settlement discussions rolling with impartial arbitrators, and eventually we were able to put the matter to rest."

"Just like that?"

"There were...caveats. Concessions that needed to be made. MDC had invested a lot of time and money into this case. The expenditures were meaningless to them, but the case had made its way into the public eye, and MDC needed to save face." Lincoln grimaced, remembering how harsh the final negotiations had been. "While we were paying our own costs, which still ended up being a tremendous burden on our families and ourselves, MDC required a flat, sizeable payment as a 'show of good faith', us publicly acknowledging that we were at fault, so to speak. They also secured a percentage of any profits we made off the property for the first few years of production, and..." He let out a soft sigh. "...they took the name."

"For what it's worth, I don't believe they were able to make much use of it."

"No." Lincoln smiled ruefully. "Their own _Aces Wild_ title was pretty much dead in the water from the start. Fans of our comic read it for the characters, and since we managed to hold onto them, it was basically just another _Ace Savvy_ title. And since we had to remove Ace from the lineup anyway, the name would have needed to be changed anyway." He shrugged. "Taking our name was just a power play. One last twist of the knife. And...it worked, for a while. But you can't live in the past forever, right? We stuck it out, paid our dues, and in the end our perseverance paid dividends."

"And yet you could have lost it all." The older man observed. "All for want of a nail." Streamovtiz reclined back in his chair, motioning to another one of his aides, who fetched him a bottle of water for himself. The corporate man drank lightly, seemingly pondering Lincoln's words.

"Why do you think he did it?" He asked at last, a bit of his previous candor now lost.

"Mr. Buck?"

"Indeed." The older man straightened up, looking Lincoln straight in the eye. "You survived this ordeal by pure serendipity. This man barely knew you, owed you nothing, and still he stuck his neck out for you. Put his own reputation on the line." There was that glint again. "Why do you suppose he did it?"

"I...actually asked him about that." Lincoln said, unwittingly letting out a short, embarrassed laugh. "It seemed so unreal to me that the man who instilled a life long love of superheroes in me, something that would ultimately shape my life, would turn out to be my own personal superhero. He said..." Lincoln's voice faltered slightly, remembering the conversation.

"Yes?" The businessman leaned forward expectantly.

"...He said that the corporate machine is anathematic to the artistic process." Lincoln held up his hands defensively. "His words, I swear." Streamovtiz chuckled, and motioned for Lincoln to continue.

"He told me that, for a creator, the price of success is that your creations, the things you hold most dear, are eventually going to end up in the hands of other people. People who don't share that same love for them. They will twist, and purport your creations to their own ends. And that, while there is a joy in seeing something you played a part in creating bring happiness to other people..." Lincoln gestured to himself. "Kids, just like we were. There comes a point where that thing you made...just, ceases to exist. And once it does, it never comes back." He cleared his throat. "He said that he saw something in us, in our work, that he wanted to protect. And I will always be grateful to him for that."

"Is your 'Commissioner Spade', character an homage, perhaps, to your benefactor?"

"A-among other things." Lincoln said, reddening slightly. He'd hoped there would be no need to elaborate on the history of a certain pale haired police commissioner, who was extremely...ahem, _involved_ with the exploits of the city's greatest super heroines.

"Interesting." Mr. Streamovtiz neatly folded his hands in front of him and stared off into the distance, an odd look in his eye. The silence stretched out far longer than Lincoln was comfortable with. At last, however, the man spoke.

"I believe we're done here." He gestured vaguely, and in unison, almost as if rehearsed, the assembled board members rose from their seats, gathered their things, and began to shuffle out of the room. "Mr. Loud, if you'll indulge me a for moments longer..."

"Of course." Lincoln nodded, not feeling like he had much of a choice. Soon, the room was completely vacant, save for Mr. Streamovtiz and a pair of his aides. At the behest of some unspoken signal, one of the black suited men went to stand directly outside the room, while the other closed the door securely behind him. It was not until privacy was ensured, that Mr. Streamovtiz spoke again.

"Here's what's going to happen, Loud." The business mogul took another sip from his beverage. "I'm going to be meeting with my investors later today. I'm going to tell them at length, that this..." He waved the folio at the camera. "Is worth our time. There's going to be push back. They will insist that we take some...creative liberties with the material. Homogenize it until it becomes safe and easy to market. But by the end of the day you are going to be producing your show, and you're going to be doing it your way."

Lincoln didn't know what to say. "Just like that?" He asked, with no small amount of trepidation.

"Indeed." Streamovtiz nodded, a smug smile making its way onto his face. "In truth, I had already made the decision. This..." He gestured around the now empty meeting room. "Was all just theater. And satisfying a bit of my own curiosity."

"T-thank you, Mr—"

"No thanks are necessary." The older man cut him off "I can recognize a worthwhile investment when I see it. If you really want to pay me back, give me a worthwhile product I can sell."

"I will." Lincoln promised.

The other man looked as if he was going to stand up, signaling the true end of the meeting, but stopped himself at the last moment. "Actually...there's one more thing you can do for me."

"Anything." Lincoln said, though he immediately regretted how eager he sounded. Fortunately, the businessman didn't acknowledge the faux pas.

"I'd like a sample of your art for my own personal collection. Naturally, you will sign it, and..." With this, the corners of the man's mouth tilted up ever so slightly. "...you will address it to 'Walter'."

"W-Walter, sir?"

"Indeed." The man's face softened, and a genuine smile settled onto his normally taciturn features. "The Card Sharp was always my favorite."

* * *

The meeting now over, Lincoln double, then triple checked the video phone, so as to be absolutely certain the equipment was fully shut down. Then, his energy expended, Lincoln collapsed into his desk chair, and let out a long sigh of relief. It had been an arduous, uphill battle, but he'd done it. _The_ _Full Deck_ had well and truly made it.

Lincoln gentle spun his chair one-hundred and eighty degrees. This office was where he came to create new things, but it was also where he came to remember the many wonderful things that had already come to pass. To that end, he and his loved ones had put together the Memories Wall. The name was a bit of a misnomer, as some of the more sardonic girls were quick to point out when the opportunity arose, the "wall" was actually comprised of the entire back half of the office. And, with things proceeding the way they had, it was likely that he was going to have to install another wall to keep things going. No small feat, the existing monstrosity already gave that end of the office a distinctly non-euclidean air, but it would be worth it.

There was an entire wall devoted to nothing but prom photos, the oldest at the top gradually proceeding towards the most recent at the bottom. The early ones were the most...frantic, of the bunch. The relationship he and the girls had agreed upon had been fresh at the time, and they hadn't quite worked out all the logistical complications. Taking Lori, Carol, _and_ Becky to the same prom had been...difficult, to say the least, each girl not especially happy that his attention needed to be split three ways. But they'd worked it out in the end, and that night...the end of that night, in particular, ended up being something truly special.

Thankfully, they'd managed to learn from their mistakes, and subsequent years went considerably more smoothly. Sam and Luna's prom had some hiccups, mostly due Sam's very loud, very...overt, and enthusiastic appreciation for both her dates, but they'd made it work, and a lot of what he'd learned that night would ultimately help him prepare for Lynn and Maggie's prom. His own year was, perhaps, the most troublesome. They'd decided, after some deliberation, that going with any of his current girlfriends (years later the term still made him blush, just a little, jeeze) would make things unnecessarily complicated. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on who you asked), it turned out there were several girls from his own year who were more than happy to fill in. He considered himself very lucky and Ronnie and Sid's prom had take place on a different date, and at an entirely different school...

That was the point where things would start looking a little less...wholesome to onlookers, and it was no coincidence that subsequent photos found themselves much closer to the ground. Lucy's prom was fine, just a big brother taking care of his sweet, shy little sister...and her friend. But slow dancing with the twins at their prom had raised more than a few eyebrows. And by the time he had to endure the embarrassment of taking Lilly to her prom, a man on the verge of thirty dancing with a girl nearly half his age...well, Lincoln was very much prom'd out. Still, he didn't regret any of it, not a single moment.

Lincoln's eyes turned to other treasured moments immortalized by his little display. Lori and Carol (begrudgingly) sharing their LPGA trophy, him being unfortunate enough to have to hold the thing as each tried to grab more than the other. Luna and Sam on stage at their first sold out concert. Luan on the set of her talk show, just after the taping of the first episode. Lynn's first title fight (and subsequent victory), Lucy's first book signing...just an endless deluge of memories. All those little steps that he and the many special women in his life had taken together.

"Dad?" A soft voice pulled Lincoln from his reminiscing just as his eyes had landed on a magazine cover, commemorating the day Samzilla had saved the world from an rampaging robot ("World's Biggest Rock Star Gets Bigger", the tagline read. He spun his chair towards the door, and there she was.

She was a beautiful young thing. Slender in build, but not without the womanly curves that were so characteristic of the Loud women. Her long hair, prematurely white just like her old man's, was still bright and vibrant as the first snow of winter, save for a pair of bangs that framed her face. One streaked teal, and one purple.

"Um..." She fidgeted, slightly, causing Lincoln to wince. The girl really took after her father in some of the worst ways. "You all ready to go? Moms said I should pick you up. You know..." She laughed nervously. "Make sure you make it on time."

"I'll be right there, Suna." He promised, and with that, the girl excused herself, very narrowly avoiding dashing her face against the door frame.

Lincoln shook his head fondly as he watched her leave. He'd had a pretty wild life, an amazing life, all things considered. He'd shared countless, fantastic adventures with an incredibly group of beautiful, irreplaceable women, all of whom loved him far more than he deserved. And through them, he'd been blessed with a great, many, wonderful children, who he loved with all his heart.

But...there was something that Sam had once said to him. And even though he would never admit to it, he knew, deep down inside, that it was absolutely true.

The white haired babies really were the cutest.

End.


End file.
